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Re: HUMOR: Child Readiness Test



It is amazing to me that OUR parents suddenly seem brilliant when WE become
parents.  The older my 12-year-old daughter gets the dumber I get. And of
course, she won't realize how smart I am until she has children.  It is the
way of life!!

I loved this bit of humor--it truly made my day!!

At 10:30 AM 08/04/2000 -0400, you wrote:
>The following was passed on to me by my childless younger brother.
>
>
>
>HOW TO KNOW WHETHER OR NOT YOU ARE READY TO HAVE CHILDREN:
>
>MESS TEST
> Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Place a fish stick behind the
>couch and leave it there all summer.
>
>TOY TEST
>Obtain a 55 gallon box of Legos (or you may substitute roofing tacks).  Have
>a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to
>the bathroom or kitchen. No screaming allowed, as this would wake a child at
>night.
>
>GROCERY STORE TEST
>Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as
>you shop. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.
>
>
>DRESSING TEST
>Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making
>sure that all the arms stay inside.
>
>FEEDING TEST
>Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the
>ceiling with a cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of
>soggy cereal into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane.
>Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.
>
>NIGHT TEST
>Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8-12 pounds of sand.
>Soak it thoroughly in water. At 3:00p.m. begin to waltz and hum  with  the
>bag until 9:00p.m. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00p.m.  Get
>up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard.  Make up
>about a dozen more songs and sing these too until 4:00a.m. Set alarm for
>5:00a.m. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.
>
>
> INGENUITY TEST
>Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and pot of paint, turn it into
>an alligator. Now take a toilet paper tube and turn it into an attractive
>Christmas candle. Use only scotch tape and a piece of foil.  Last, take a
>milk carton, a ping-pong ball, and an empty box of Cocoa Puffs. Make an
>exact replica of the Eiffel Tower.
>
>AUTOMOBILE TEST
>Forget the BMW and buy a station wagon. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and
>put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a dime. Stick it into
>the cassette player. Take a family size package of chocolate chip cookies.
>Mash them into the back seat. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.
>There, perfect!
>
>PHYSICAL TEST (Women)
>Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes.
>Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10 of the beans.
>
>PHYSICAL TEST (Men)
>Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Tell the clerk
>to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head
>office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to  the
>store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.
>
>FINAL ASSIGNMENT
>Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on how they can
>improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training and child's
>table manners. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children
>to run wild. Enjoy this time since you will never have all the answers
>again.
>
>
>
>
>Peter A. Kurilecz CRM, CA
>Manager, Records Management
>Woodside Summit Group, Inc
>Richmond, Virginia
>Tel: 804-744-1247 extension 23
>Fax: 804-744-4947
>mailto:peter.kurilecz@woodsidesummitgroup.com
>
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>
Susan Stephenson
Folklore Archivist
Blue Ridge Institute
Ferrum College
Ferrum, VA 24088
(540) 365-4602

A posting from the Archives & Archivists LISTSERV List!

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      In body of message:  SUB ARCHIVES firstname lastname
                    *or*:  UNSUB ARCHIVES
To post a message, send e-mail to archives@listserv.muohio.edu

Or to do *anything* (and enjoy doing it!), use the web interface at
     http://listserv.muohio.edu/archives/archives.html

Problems?  Send e-mail to Robert F Schmidt <rschmidt@lib.muohio.edu>