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FW: The Sun Never Sets, continued...[for Friday Funnies]



Dear List:

OK, we might be running this into the ground, but this latest version is a
whole lot more amusing across the board (across the pond?)...

Kevin (just call me Union, Jack!) Bunker
Student Assistant
CA State Archives


> ----------
> From:         WEM[SMTP:wem@onetel.net.uk]
> Sent:         Wednesday, November 15, 2000 3:26 PM
> To:   xdt22
> Subject:      Re: US Elections
>
> To all of you Colonials out there .. yet another incarnation...
>
> ATB
> Caroline Carter
> White Ensign Models
>
> NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE
> To the citizens of the United States of America, In the light of your
> failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we
> hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective
> today.
>
> Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial dutiesover
> all states, commonwealths and other territories.  Except Utah, which she
> does not fancy.  Your new prime minister (The Rt. Hon. Tony Blair, MP for
> the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world
> outside your borders) will appoint a Minister for America without the need
> for further elections.  Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.
>
> A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of
> you
> noticed.
>
> To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
> rules
> are introduced with immediate effect:
>
> 1.  You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then
> look up "aluminium".  Check the pronunciation guide.  You will be amazed
> at
> just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.  Generally, you should
> raise
> your vocabulary to acceptable levels.  Look up "vocabulary".  Using the
> same
> twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you
> know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up
> "interspersed".
>
> 2.  There is no such thing as "US English".  We will let Microsoft know on
> your behalf.
>
> 3.  You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It
> really isn't that hard.
>
> 4.  Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the
> good guys.
>
> 5.  You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The
> Queen",
> but only after fully carrying out task 1.  We would not want you to get
> confused and give up half way through.
>
> 6.  You should stop playing American "football".  There is only one kind
> of
> football.  What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good
> game.
> The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders
> may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football.  You will no
> longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football.
> Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls.  It is a
> difficult
> game.  Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby
> (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping
> for
> a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like
> nancies).  We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side
> by
> 2005.
>
> 7.  You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if
> they give you any merde.  The 98.85% of you who were not aware that there
> is
> a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky.  The Russians
> have never been the bad guys.  "Merde" is French for "shit".
>
> 8.  July 4th is no longer a public holiday.  November 8th will be a new
> national holiday, but only in England.  It will be called "Indecisive
> Day".
>
> 9.  All American cars are hereby banned.  They are crap and it is for your
> own good.  When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.
>
> 10.  Please tell us who killed JFK.  It's been driving us crazy.
>
> Thank you for your cooperation.
>
>

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