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An open letter to my employer



Good morning!

I had a lengthy and constructive conversation with our former managing
director last Friday evening. In it, he informed me that he had been privy
for at least a year to my numerous "venting" postings on this list. He was
very angry and hurt over what I had written, but expressed himself very
professionally and eloquently, keeping our conversation much clearer than it
could have been. I received his words with gratitude, understanding that,
regardless of the validity of my grievances or the events that led to them,
I was in the wrong to express those grievances as I did.

He also took time to help me work through my internal processes that drove
me to do such things as spill our dirty laundry on the List. This is
something he was under no obligation to do, other than the obligation of one
man reaching out to another as a friend. While our differences over
operation of the Archives and other matters will likely never be resolved, I
say in the words of Jellaludin Rumi: "Thank you, my friend. Your words are
freedom to me." Where he could have taken far worse action, he cared enough
to help me identify and correct a considerable blind spot in my attitude and
my performance, something no one else had done, and for that I am grateful.

What follows is the text of an open letter I have sent to my fellow
employees and to the officers, directors and museum volunteers, which I
promised him I would share with you.

"I have received a long-overdue and much-deserved reprimand for my bad habit
of using the Archives and Archivists listserv as a channel for venting my
often-considerable frustrations over my job. In doing this, I very often
made very unfortunate and, intolerably, untrue, half-true or exaggerated
statements about the HCEA, its staff, its directors and its volunteers.

"I very obviously was in the wrong to do this. I have never to hurt of
defame any individuals, parties or the HCEA. But I have too often allowed my
temper to get the best of me, with the consequence that the deep respect and
esteem in which I hold these people and this Association were often lost in
a torrent of bile.

"I have been very frustrated for a long time. My desire to bring excellence
to my work for the HCEA has been constantly overwhelmed by the increasing
workload within the Archives and continuing diversions to other business
outside the Archives. A self-inflicted pressure to perform always struggled
vainly and painfully against the sheer impossibility of the work I demanded
myself to do. Through a series of events that need not be recounted here, I
was also led to feel that neither my standards for performance, my vision
for the Archives, my experience, nor my frustrations were of consequence to
anyone within the HCEA, that my own volunteerism has been inadequate and
that even my employment was detrimental to the HCEA. I do not offer these as
excuses, but as a statement of the unfortunate frame of mind I allowed
myself to fall into.

"I allowed my frustrations to turn to resentment, anger and bitterness,
until on numerous occasions it drove me to say and write things that, in my
right mind, would be unthinkable to me. Rather than seek out people who
would hear me out one-on-one, I began broadcasting my woes to the on-line
world of fellow archivists. I did this because I felt I had no other way of
venting to others who would sympathize with me or understand my plight, and
as a not-always-unwritten plea for help from others in coping with my
problems. You who read my postings read what should not have been written,
yet nonetheless many of you offered sympathy, encouragement and advice,
which was always received with gratitude. But any help that I was given was
undone by the damage done to others and to the image of my employer.

"Although in my anger I was blind to it, the profound irony of how crassly
this conduct violated my desire to conduct myself with the utmost
professionalism is no longer lost on me.

"I write this letter in the most profound spirit of apology that I can
offer. I ask your forgiveness, both from you whom I have wronged and from
those who have seen what I have written.  Knowing the sordid details of what
I have done, you may feel that you have no reason or desire to trust either
me or my sincerity. I understand this, but nonetheless I ask you, please, to
forgive what has been a very great sin, and to take at face value my
assertion that this does not reflect who and what I am as a man. I also ask
you to believe me when I state unequivocally that the employees, directors,
officers and volunteers of this organization are the finest people I have
the honor of knowing, and that they are clearly much better people than I.

"While I cannot undo the damage I have done to individuals, to the image and
reputation of the HCEA or to myself, I ask you, please, to allow me the
grace to make amends however I can and to allow me a fresh start. I ask your
mercy and your prayers in helping me do this.

"Respectfully submitted,

Thomas Berry"

Best wishes,

Thomas Berry, Archivist
Historical Construction Equipment Association
16623 Liberty Hi Road
Bowling Green, Ohio 43402
Phone 419-352-5616
Fax 419-352-6086
tberry@hcea.net
http://www.hcea.net

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