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Re: Santa Claus: The Reality



The Santa Claus conundrum is explainable with simple Einsteinian physics,
but it is neccesary to work with real variables with no assumptions for the
sake of calculations.  Most children received many time the average of 2
pounds LEGO set as described in the Original Thomas Berry Theorem  it may
even be safe to say that the actual total is exponentially many times the
original estimate of 321,300 tons-creating an incredibly amount of
mass--possibly millions of tons.

Now, consider that Santa's bag, as portrayed in books and on televsion, is
two squares of fabric sewn together and measuring roughly 6ft x 3 ft.  It is
therefore necessary to concentrate the aforementioned "millions of tons"
into an area of about 2592 square inches--creating an incredible dense
object capable of creating its own gravitation field.

Since it has previously been established that Santa is moving at 3000 times
the speed of sound, he creates enough friction to produce an
outward-exerting pressure wave that prevents him from being crushed.  A mass
of millions of tons of mass per square inch, however, has tendency to
collapse in upon itself creating a highly localized region of null
space-time similar to that at the center of a black hole.  Therefore, the
concepts of speed and weight are also null  since Santa is simultaneously
delivering all of his presents at exactly the moment--at least to those of
us outside of his space-time construct--to evey house in the world.

The science to explain how Santa achieves what he does is not known, but
current theories say that it is a ultra-advanced application of string
physics leading to assertions that Santa is a representative of a
super-advanced, but benevolent, representative of an alien species that gets
it jollies from watching us try to explain how he does it.

My wishes for a happy holidays to all members of the list.
Noah Phelps

----- Original Message -----
From: "Scott Cline" <Scott.Cline@CI.SEATTLE.WA.US>
To: <ARCHIVES@LISTSERV.MUOHIO.EDU>
Sent: Friday, December 21, 2001 2:04 PM
Subject: Re: Santa Claus: The Reality


> The answer to this problem is obvious for those of us who grew up with the
orginial Star Trek.
>
> First, these uncataloged flying reindeer are obviously capable of warp
speed, although I expect that impulse speed would suffice.
>
> Second, you will surely remember the episode in which aliens put a
substance in Kirk's latte that made him move at a speed so fast it made him
invisible to the rest of the crew.  By my calculations, from observing the
movement (or lack of movement) by Spock and McCoy while Kirk was visible to
the audience, the captain was moving at at least 650 miles per second.
>
> Third, the payload issue is non-factor because anti-gravitation devices
are employed.
>
> Finally, the heat shields devised by the elves (they do bear some
resemblance to Vulcans) certainly can withstand the 14.3 quintillion joules
of energy.
>
> I would delve a little deeper in to the physics involved, but come on,
somethings in life are just so elementary.
>
> Scott Cline
> Seattle Municipal Archives
> 600 Fourth Avenue, Room 104
> Seattle, WA 98104
> 206.684.8353
>
> >>> Thomas Berry <tberry@HCEA.NET> 12/21/01 11:31AM >>>
>
> From:   Thomas Berry <tberry@HCEA.NET>
> Sent:   Friday, December 21, 2001 11:31 AM
> To:     <ARCHIVES@LISTSERV.MUOHIO.EDU>
> Subject:        Santa Claus: The Reality
> Priority:       Normal
>
> 1.  No known species of reindeer can fly.  BUT there are 300,000
> species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of
> these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying
> reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.
>
>  2.  There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world.
> BUT since Santa doesn't appear to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish
> and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total -
>   378 million according to Population Reference Bureau.  At an
> average census rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8
> million homes.  For the sake of our ensuing calculations, we will
> assume that there is at least one good child in each.
>
>  3.  Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the
> different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he
> travels east to west (which seems logical).  This works out to 822.6
> visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household
> with good children, Santa has 1.2 milliseconds to park, hop out of
> the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the
> remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever
> snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the
> sleigh and  move on to the next house.  Assuming that each of these
> 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of
> course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations
> we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles
> per household, a total trip of 71.6 million miles,  not counting
> stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31  hours.
> This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at appx 650 miles per
> second, 3,000 times the speed of sound.  For purposes of comparison,
> the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves
> at a mere 27.4 miles per second - a conventional  reindeer can run 15
> miles per hour, unless being chased by a pack of wolves.
>
>  4.  The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element.
> Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego
> set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting
> Santa, who is invariably described as overweight.  On land,
> conventional reindeer can pull no more  than 300 pounds.  Even
> granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES
> the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine.  We
> need 214,200 reindeer.  This increases the payload - not even
> counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for
> comparison-- this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth
> (the boat, not the person).
>
>  5.  353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous
> air resistance - thus heating the chain in almost the same fashion as
> spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere.  As a result of this
> friction, the lead pair of reindeer will absorb around 14.3
> QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second.  Each.  In short, they
> will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer
> behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The
> entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 milliseconds.
> Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500
> times greater than gravity.  A 250-pound Santa (which seems
> ludicrously slim)  would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by
> 4,315,015 pounds of force.
>
>  In conclusion - If Santa ever did deliver presents on Christmas Eve,
> he's dead now.
>
>  You point out a number of interesting facts in your letter (below),
> contending that one Santa just couldn't do it all, but you fail too
> see the obvious conclusion -- FRANCHISING!  This also explains
> why "Santa"
>  is often known as "Santa Claus".  Let me explain:
>
>  1.  As you note, Santa would need to make 822.6 visits per second,
> or  2,961,360 per hour.  However, if we assume that there are
> 740,340  worldwide Santas (the exact number is known only to the
> Salvation Army), then each Santa has to make 1 visit only every 15
> minutes.
>
>  2.  Roughly speaking, this is
>      5 minutes for travel (footnote below)
>      1 minute for sorting out that house's gifts
>      1 minute for chimney diving / lock picking
>      3 minutes for gift arranging
>      2 minutes for cookie eating
>      1 minute for exiting premises and returning to sleigh
>      2 minutes "slack" time for unforseen events (most commonly,
>        large dogs)
>     --
>     15 minutes
>
>  3.  "Santa" is, of course, a very sought after title, and the
> geographic franchises to be the local "Santa" are subject to yearly
> adjustments due to population shifts.  The changes in the legal
> paragraphs governing geographic territories in the "Santa"  agreement
> are called "Santa Clauses", a term which eventually has
>      been commonly applied to "Santas" themselves.
>
> Best wishes,
>
> Thomas Berry, Archivist
> Historical Construction Equipment Association
> 16623 Liberty Hi Road
> Bowling Green, Ohio 43402
> Phone 419-352-5616
> Fax 419-352-6086
> tberry@hcea.net
> http://www.hcea.net
>
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> A posting from the Archives & Archivists LISTSERV List!
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> To subscribe or unsubscribe, send e-mail to listserv@listserv.muohio.edu
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> Problems?  Send e-mail to Robert F Schmidt <rschmidt@lib.muohio.edu>
>

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Problems?  Send e-mail to Robert F Schmidt <rschmidt@lib.muohio.edu>