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FW: : Medical tales
- Subject: FW: : Medical tales
- From: "Maples, Phil" <phil.maples@VIAHEALTH.ORG>
- Date: Fri, 29 Mar 2002 12:31:12 -0500
- Comments: To: "Aarons, Marty" <marty.aarons@viahealth.org>, "Cousineau, Rosie" <rosie.cousineau@viahealth.org>, "DeCook, Janine" <janine.decook@viahealth.org>, "Mims, Pat" <pat.mims@viahealth.org>, "Shannon, Carol" <carol.shannon@viahealth.org>, "Thompson, Barb" <barb.thompson@viahealth.org>, "Todd-Smith, Bernie" <bernie.todd-smith@viahealth.org>, "Tucker, Easter" <easter.tucker@viahealth.org>, "Zimmermann, Deb" <deb.zimmermann@viahealth.org>, "Anne Filiaci (Home)" <filibart@aol.com>, Becker RW <BeckerRW@aol.com>, Beth Guche <bguche@rochester.rr.com>, Betsy Bobbitt <betsybbb@cox.net>, Carole Samson <gramasam@rochester.rr.com>, Cassandra Vogt <cvogt@rochester.rr.com>, Cathryne Welch <cwelch@foundationnysnurses.org>, CB <cb2846@aol.com>, "Charlotte Landhuis (RGHA)" <landhuis@localnet.com>, Christine DiVeronica <cridar@aol.com>, "Colonel (@)" <P_Maples@msn.com>, Dave Kluge <dnkluge@aol.com>, Dave Rogers <drogers1@rochester.rr.com>, Dave Willis <dwillis@rochester.rr.com>, David Palmquist <dpalmqui@MAIL.NYSED.GOV>, Debra Quesnel <qpub@mindspring.com>, Doug Chisholm <Chisd@cedarville.edu>, Ellen More <emore@utmb.edu>, Elsie Glendenning <elsieglen@aol.com>, "Fr. David" <DJHARNISH@aol.com>, Gloria Bartowski <gbartows@MAIL.NYSED.GOV>, Gwen Williams <gwilliamsrghed@hotmail.com>, "Ippolito, Katherine" <Katherine_Ippolito@URMC.Rochester.edu>, Jay Harding <jhardin2@rochester.rr.com>, Jean Czerkas <JFCZERKAS@hotmail.msn.com>, Jim Maxwell <mjmaxwell3@juno.com>, Jim Kendig <jkendig@psu.edu>, Joe Kammer <jkammer1@rochester.rr.com>, Jpavri@aol.com, Katherine MacDowell <Kbmacd@aol.com>, "Kathleen Britton (2)" <ecb@frontiernet.net>, Kevin Kane <kevin.kane@excellus.com>, Kevin Wilson <kevinwilson78@hotmail.com>, "Kristin G. Ostheimer (Yale New Haven)" <ostheik@ynhh.com>, "Linda Crannell (PHL)" <phlady@austin.rr.com>, Liz Anderson <landers9@rochester.rr.com>, "Mary McCrank (SBAH)" <mmccrank@susanbanthonyhouse.org>, Mary Monefeldt <mmonefel@rochester.rr.com>, "Patricia Bomba, MD" <Patricia.Bomba@excellus.com>, PC <7165218303@airmessage.net>, "R. J. Stafford" <ddetmer89@aol.com>, Rick Ugino <rugino@rochester.rr.com>, Ruth Blackmore <prbl@earthlink.net>, S Douglas <standouglas@juno.com>, shoop <shoop@cheshire.net>, "Susan Maples (3)" <smap0715@brockport.edu>, Teri D'Agostino <teri_dagostino@URMC.Rochester.edu>
- Reply-to: "Maples, Phil" <phil.maples@VIAHEALTH.ORG>
- Sender: Archives & Archivists <ARCHIVES@LISTSERV.MUOHIO.EDU>
Doctors have stories
too
A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife is
going to have her baby
in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed
out to the cab, lifted the
lady's dress, and began to take off her
underwear. Suddenly, I
noticed that there are several cabs
and I was in the wrong
one.
************************************
At the beginning of my shift,
I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths,"
I
instructed. "Yes, they used to be," the patient
said sadly.
**************************************
One day I had to be the bearer
of bad news when I told a wife that her
husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five
minutes later,
I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he
had died of
a "massive internal
fart."
*************************************
I was
performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity
test.I
placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began,
"Cover
your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20
line perfectly.
"Now your left."
Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was
silence.
He couldn't even read the large E on the top
line. I turned and
discovered that he had done exactly what I
had asked. He was standing
there with both his eyes
covered. I was laughing too hard to finish
the
exam.
****************************************
During a patient's two week
follow-up appointment with his
cardiologist, he informed his doctor
that he was having trouble with
one of his medications. "Which one?", asked the doctor. "The
patch.
The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours
and now I'm
running out of places to put it!"
The
doctor had him quickly undress and discovered what he hoped
he
wouldn't see; the man had over fifty patches on his body.
Now the
instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new
one. And you always wondered why instructions
always seemed to state
the
obvious!
*****************************************
While acquainting myself with
a new elderly patient, I asked, "How
long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she
answered,
"Why, not for about twenty years, when my husband
was
alive."
*****************************************
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So how's your
breakfast this
morning?" "It's very good, except for the
Kentucky
Jelly.
I can't seem to get used to the
taste," the patient replied. I then
asked to see the
jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled
"KY
Jelly."
*****************************************
And of course, the best is
saved for last A lady walked into a
pharmacy and spoke to the pharmacist. She asked, "Do you
have
Viagra?"
"Yes," he answered. She
asked, "Does it work?" "Yes," he
answered.
"Can you get it over the counter?" she
asked. "I can if I take two,"
he
answered.
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