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FW: : Medical tales



 Doctors have stories too


 A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife is going to have her baby
 in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the
 lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear.  Suddenly, I
 noticed that there are several cabs and I was in the wrong one.
 ************************************
 
 At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
 slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.  "Big breaths," I
 instructed.  "Yes, they used to be," the patient said sadly.
 **************************************
 
 One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her
 husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.  Not more than five
 minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he
 had died of a "massive internal fart."
 *************************************
 I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity
 test.I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover
 your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly.
 "Now your left."
 Again, a flawless read.  "Now both," I requested.  There was silence.

 He couldn't even read the large E on the top line.  I turned and
 discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked.  He was standing
 there with both his eyes covered.  I was laughing too hard to finish
 the exam.
 ****************************************
 
 During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his
 cardiologist, he informed his doctor that he was having trouble with
 one of his medications.  "Which one?", asked the doctor.  "The patch.

 The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm
 running out of places to put it!"
 The doctor had him quickly undress and discovered what he hoped he
 wouldn't see; the man had over fifty patches on his body.  Now the
 instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new
 one.  And you always wondered why instructions always seemed to state
 the obvious!
 *****************************************
 
 While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How
 long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she
 answered, "Why, not for about twenty years, when my husband was
 alive."
 *****************************************
 
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So how's your
 breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky
 Jelly.
 I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied.  I then
 asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled
 "KY Jelly."
 *****************************************
 
 And of course, the best is saved for last A lady walked into a
 pharmacy and spoke to the pharmacist.  She asked, "Do you have
 Viagra?"
 "Yes," he answered.  She asked, "Does it work?" "Yes," he answered.
 "Can you get it over the counter?" she asked.  "I can if I take two,"
 he answered.



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