EARS

Charles Deemer

 

            The morning after their fiftieth wedding anniversary, Buck went downstairs at seven in the morning to fix his wife, Emily, breakfast in bed. It would be eight at the earliest, and more likely closer to nine, by the time she was awake and ready for it, but he was uncertain enough of his skills in the kitchen to want as much time as he would need for the project. Nothing would surprise his wife of half a century more than to be treated to the fruits of his labor in the kitchen, especially since he’d never surprised her in this way before. Not once in fifty years.

            Buck had been planning the surprise for weeks and already had selected his menu. Downstairs he went to the bookcase and took out the Danish Cooking volume from their set of Time/Life International Cookbooks. They’d subscribed to the series thirty years ago. When a new volume arrived in the mail every month, Emily would surprise him with exotic foreign dishes for days at a time. One of his favorites was Danish Bacon and Egg Cake but Buck couldn’t remember the last time Emily had fixed it for him. Today he would make it for her, for both of them.

            The recipe looked simple enough. He found the mixing bowls in the cupboard below the counter and selected the smallest one. Next he fetched six eggs from the refrigerator and broke the first one into the bowl. A good deal of shell went in with the egg, so he fetched a spoon to pick the pieces out. This was not as easy as he expected because every time he positioned the spoon, the small fragments of shell scooted away. It took him several minutes to remove all the pieces of shell, and then the same thing happened with the second egg. Buck decided to crack all the eggs and remove all the shell pieces at once.

            This done, he decided he needed a cup of coffee. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d made the morning coffee. Emily, in fact, had spoiled him through their long marriage; in truth, he hardly ever set foot inside the kitchen except to fetch a cola or beer from the refrigerator.

            He couldn’t find a filter for the coffee maker anywhere, so he settled on instant, using a small jar left over from their last trip in the RV. He put on a pot of water to boil and began beating the eggs with the spoon. He kept beating until the water boiled, then stopped to make his coffee. It was a terrible cup of coffee but it was better than nothing. He thought of spiking it with whiskey but didn’t want Emily to smell liquor on his breath so he made do.

            Buck looked at the recipe again. He needed to mix together some flour and milk and pour it into the beaten eggs. Where was the flour? He couldn’t find a sack of flour in any of the kitchen cupboards. He was about to take a quick trip to the convenience market when he noticed the three tin boxes lined along the counter. He opened one. Bingo!

            The flour wouldn’t dissolve into the milk. No matter how vigorously he beat it with his spoon, small clumps with the texture of chewing gum floated through the liquid. Frustrated to the edge of anger, Emil poured everything down the drain and started over again, this time adding the flour only a little at a time. This worked better, but he still had to use the spoon to remove small clumps from the milk. Finally he poured everything into the mixing bowl of eggs and stirred the whole shebang together. He was glad he’d given himself a lot of time because the project was taking much longer than he’d figured.

            Buck went back to the recipe book. From the refrigerator he fetched green onions and bacon. He put four strips of bacon into a frying pan and turned the burner on high. While the bacon cooked, he chopped the green onions and scooped them into the egg mixture.

            The kitchen began to fill with the appetizing aroma of bacon. Buck saw that the strips in the frying pan were sizzling vigorously, although he couldn’t hear them because he’d left his hearing aide on the bedside table. He usually started the day without his ears, finally putting them on after Emily was up and he got curious about what she kept blabbering about.

            His hands were greasy from the bacon. He held them under hot water, then dried them on the dish towel. He set the dish towel on the counter next to the stove and checked the bacon again. He turned down the burner a tad.

            Emily would be so surprised! But it wouldn’t be much of a surprise if she got wakened by the odor of bacon. He went to the bedroom to check on her.

            She was soundly asleep. He’d always liked watching Emily sleep. He tiptoed to the table on his side of the bed, fetched the hearing aide, and put it on. He wanted to be able to hear Emily squeal with delight when he walked into the bedroom with Danish Bacon and Egg Cake. What a surprise it would be!

Back in the doorway, Buck lingered, watching his wife, until a new smell alerted him. He feared he was burning the bacon.

            He entered the kitchen to discover that the dish towel had caught on fire, apparently having been left too close to the burner. Worse, a flame was shooting up high enough to scorch the overhang of the cupboard. He was close to setting the house on fire!

            Buck grabbed the cup of coffee off the counter and threw the brown liquid at the flames. They just spit back at him. Somewhere they kept a small fire extinguisher for just this kind of emergency. By the time Buck found it under the sink, the overhang of the cupboard was charred black and close to igniting into flame.

            Buck fiddled with the extinguisher, trying to figure out how it worked. He yanked at anything that moved until he pulled the lever that sent a vigorous spray of foam out of the cylinder. Foam covered the counter top and filled his bowl of eggs before Buck got his wits together enough to aim the spray at the fire. By the time the foam was gone, the fire was out.

            The kitchen, of course, was a mess. Breakfast was ruined.

            At the other end of the house, Buck heard a toilet flush. Emily was up.

            As a peace token, he made her a cup of instant coffee. He brought it into the bedroom and found Emily sitting up in bed, reading.

            “Emily, you’ll never guess what happened,” Buck began. He told her everything, from the days of planning to the steps he took following the recipe, how the kitchen had filled with such delicious odors that he feared his surprise would be ruined, and how he had come to check on her, finding her so beautiful as she slept, so peaceful and youthful looking, that he couldn’t take his eyes off her, so that he lost all track of time, and this is when the accident happened, and he got so flustered when he saw the kitchen on fire that he took much longer than he should have to get the situation under control, and as a result there was not only a mess out there but some damage as well, he’d likely have to hire someone to do repairs, but at least the worst didn’t happen, the house didn’t burn down, yes, it certainly could have been a greater catastrophe than it was.

            The confession exhausted him. He stood in the doorway, letting Emily’s coffee get cold, wanting nothing more than to crawl back into bed beside her, his wife of half a century, and close his eyes and fall into forgetful sleep.

            For the first time Emily looked up from her book and saw him in the doorway.

            “Buck?”

            She set down the book. She picked up her hearing aid from the bedside table and put it on. She hadn’t heard a word he’d said.

            “Are you all right?” Emily said. “You must be famished. Let me fix you a nice anniversary breakfast.”

 

 

Charles Deemer

cdeemer@yahoo.com