THE RHETORIC OF ACTION by Charles Deemer In his biography of Samuel Johnson, James Boswell tells of a long night in the tavern when the good doctor and his intellectual drinking buddies argued through the night about whether a horse gets to its feet in the morning front feet first or hind feet first. The debate was as spirited as the libations, and the late night and early morning hours were filled with sophisticated arguments and references to knee anatomy and centers of gravity. When someone pointed out that the sun was about to rise and suggested a trip to the nearby barn to settle the question by observing a horse, the gasps and protests were immediate: no 18th century intellectual and gentleman would set foot inside a barn! If a question couldn't be settled by reason alone, it was not worth asking. They all went home to bed with the issue unresolved. In this article, I am going to lead you into the barn. Rather than relying on any theory of screenwriting, we are going to go where the action is, into the language of scripts themselves, in order to look for an answer to this question: is there an identifiable pattern of rhetoric common to action scenes in successful screenplays? In other words, what language choices do successful screenwriters make in their descriptions of action? Virtually all contemporary theories of screenwriting point out the economy of language in any effective script. How is this economy played out in scenes of action, where the temptation to over-write is great, particularly to beginning writers? Can beginning writers learn any general principles of rhetoric that they can apply to their future action/adventure scripts? Occasionally questions like these can cause debate as heated as the tavern discussions in the Boswell/Johnson era. Recently on the Internet, for example, a literary agency offered a "format tipsheet" that contained this advice: "...with violent action merely state: 'John raises his fist, strikes Carl and they begin fighting.' Choreography for any type of physical action is done by the director." This advice brought an angry response from a produced screenwriter: "Wonder if Shane Black would've sold for $4 mil if that's how he wrote the action? This is bad advice, gang. If you envision a two minute fight to the death, you'd better take two pages to compellingly describe it." Who is right? Rather than argue theory to settle the question, I suggest we go into the barn and look closely at relevant scripts for clues - and answers. In particular, I'm going to analyze five representative action scenes from classic movies of the genre: 1. "Raiders of the Lost Ark" (1979), the early scene that ends with the famous shot of Indy being chased by a huge boulder; 2. "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom" (1984), the comic action scene in the restaurant when Indy is trying to get an antidote to the poison he has taken, while at the same time the vamp Willie tries to retrieve her diamond; 3. "Die Hard" (1987), the showdown between McClane and Karl; 4. "Jurassic Park" (1992), raptors stalking the kids in an industrial kitchen; 5. "True Lies" (1994), the confrontation between Harry and thugs in the men's room. Along the way, we also might ask whether "the rhetoric of action" has changed over the past two decades of our examples. _____________________________________________________________________ EXAMPLE ONE RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK by Lawrence Kasdan Rev. 3rd Draft - August, 1979 9 THE RETREAT - INTERCUTTING INDY AND SATIPO The santuary has begun to rumble and shake in response to the mysterious mechanism. Just as Indy goes out the door, a rock shakes loose from the wall and rolls onto the tiled floor. Immediately, a noisy torrent of poison darts fills the room. IN THE FOYER, Satipo swings across the pit. He makes it just as the whip comes undone from the beam, leaving Indy without an escape. Satipo, extremely nervous, regards the whip a moment, then turns back to face Indy, who has run up to the far side of the pit. SATIPO No time to argue. Throw me the idol, I throw you the whip. Indy hesitates, eyeing the rumbling walls. SATIPO You have no choice! Hurry! Indy concurs with that assessment. He tosses the idol across the pit to Satipo. Satipo stuffs it in the front pocket of his jacket, gives Indy a look, then drops the whip on the floor and runs. SATIPO Adios, amigo! Indy grmaces. He had a feeling this might happen. He looks around. AT THE VINED LANDING, Satipo flies through like a chubby ballet dancer and takes the steps five at a time. IN THE FOYER, Indy runs in full stride to the edge of the pit and broad jumps into space. He doesn't make it. His body hits the far side of the pit and he begins to slide out of view. Only wild clawing with his fingers at the edge of the pit stops his descent. With just the tips of his fingers over the edge, he begins pulling himself up. AT THE CHAMBER OF LIGHT, Satipo has slowed down. He begins to edge carefully around the light shaft. AT THE VINED LANDING, Indy sails through sideways and rolls to a stop at the bottom of the steps. His whip is grasped in his hand. As he raises himself, he hears from above the giant spikes of the Chamber of Light CLANG! and an abrupt, sickening rendition of SATIPO'S LAST SCREAM. Indy runs up the steps. The rumbling sound grows louder. AT THE CHAMBER OF LIGHT, Indy slides to a stop. The spikes have retracted, taking Satipo's body to one side. Indy edges into the chamber with his back to the shaft of light. Soon he is face to face with the dead Satipo; spikes protrude from several vital spots in the Peruvian's body. Indy removes the idol from Satipo's pocket and moves quickly out the other side. INDY Adios. 10 THE INCLINED PASSAGE Indy shoots out of a cut-off hallway and turns toward the exit. The rumbling is very loud and now we see why: right behind Indy a huge boulder comes roaring around a corner of the passage, perfectly form-fitted to the passageway. It obliterates everything before it, sending the stalactites shooting ahead like missiles. Indy dashes for the light of the exit. His hat flies off his head. Almost immediately it is crushed by the boulder. Indy dives out the end of the passage as the boulder slams to a perfect fit at the entrance, sealing the Temple. _____________________________________________________________________ ANALYSIS When I compare the passage above to the writing of my students, something immediately jumps off the page: where are all the adjectives? Students, who early in their writing careers commonly are addicted to over-blown descriptions ("the handsome broad-shouldered dark-haired gent walked across the thick red carpet under the swinging expensive chandelier to the long white-tableclothed table of the incredibly delicious buffet"), tend to over-write, which is a sin especially visible in such an economic form as screenwriting. Note that Kasdan's writing has a mere scattering of adjectives. The other rhetorical characteristic of our first example is the preponderence of simple sentences. I looked for four kinds of sentence structures: complex (using subordinate clauses), modified (using significant modifying devices), compound (using compound subjects, verbs or sentences) and simple (subject, verb, minimum of modifying elements). Kasdan favors simple sentence structure: "Indy dashes for the light of the exit. His hat flies off his head. Almost immediately it is crushed by the boulder," although all the alternative structures above also are used. The lack of adjectives in writing action scenes will be an important but qualified "rule" in our examples, as we'll see below. First, however, our next example clearly puts the burden of action writing where it grammatically belongs - with the verbs. ______________________________________________________________________ EXAMPLE TWO INDIANA JONES AND THE TEMPLE OF DOOM by Willard Huyck & Gloria Katz Authorized Publicity Shooting Script, 1984 (from 5.) Indiana scrambles on his hands and knees after the rolling vial. People keep kicking it - he almost has it when Willie runs into him, trips and lands on her back. INDIANA Look out, damn it, I need that antidote! WILLIE Who cares? Where's that diamond? Gunfire explodes and they both scramble in different directions. Indy dives through the fleeing nightclub patrons and slides behind a water-spewing fountain. Water kicks up as Indy is shot at by Lao and his henchmen. Indy sees the vial of antidote kicked again and it spins across the marble floor - feeling the poison, Indy shakes his head groggily and splashes water on his face. Meanwhile, Willie is chasing her diamond, shoving through the panicked crowd. She spots the diamond! Another elegantly dressed woman is bending to pick it up - WILLIE (acidly polite) Excuse me, but I believe that's my diamond! Willie smiles and suddenly kicks the woman in the butt! Willie reaches to get the diamond but not before the other woman tackles her. Behind the fountain, Indiana makes a break - he runs and dives on top of a serving cart. The wheeled cart hurtles toward an unsuspecting gunman, crashes into him from behind and sends him flying head first into a row of ice buckets. Nearby, Willie slugs the other lady in the jaw and grabs for the elusive diamond just as the ice buckets shower ice across the floor - which camouflages the diamond! WILLIE Aw nuts! Searching desperately for the jewel, Willie sees the vial of antidote spinning across the floor - as it slides by, she grabs it. INDIANA (O.S.) Hey, doll! Don't move! She sees Indy speeding by atop the serving cart. Lao and his gunmen rush out to block the way. Indy rolls off the cart and slides behind a potted palm as Lao's men open fire again. INDIANA (shouting to Willie) Hey, don't go away! I need that! Willie smiles meanly as she slips the vial down the front of her dress, thumbs her nose at Indiana and walks way. _____________________________________________________________________ ANALYSIS Although Huyck and Katz use adjectives more often than Kasdan does, they rely on verbs to convey the flow of action. I call these "power verbs" - vivid verbs evoking images of action: "Indiana scrambles...", "Indy dives...and slides...", "cart hurtles...", "ice bucket showers..." This is a technique will shall see repeated often in the examples below. The writers here also prefer compound to simple sentence structures, a choice that better conveys the wider focus of the action, with many things going on at once: "The wheeled cart hurtles toward an unsuspecting gunman, crashes into him from behind and sends him flying head first into a row of ice buckets." Another example: "Indy sees the vial of antidote kicked again and it spins across the marble floor - feeling the poison, Indy shakes his head groggily and splashes water on his face." There is a small picture and a big picture at work in the writing strategy here: small, at the level of words and decisions on how best to embellish the action, whether with adjectival or verbal elements; and larger, how to structure and order the sentences, what balance to use between simple, compound and more complex sentences. How you make these decisions will determine your action-writing style. (For example, note the free use of exclamation points here, which I find over-bearing.) But as we shall see, there are some general decisions made in common by successful writers of our examples. Beginning writers need to know what they are and how they work. _____________________________________________________________________ EXAMPLE THREE DIE HARD by Jeb Stuart Revisions by Steven E. DeSouza Revision #6, November 17, 1987 326 THE MACHINE FLOOR McClane and Karl move towards each other, each sizing the other up, each looking over the terrain. MCCLANE Better this way, isn't it? I mean, any faggot can shoot a gun. This time Karl doesn't take the bait. Then, when he does charge, it's unexpected. The two men fight brutally, Karl bringing years of martial training to the moment, McClane bringing nothing but the street. 327 NEW ANGLE MCCLANE You should've heard your brother scream when I broke his fucking neck... Karl steps in quickly with a deadly move. McClane twists free, slams an elbow into Karl's kidney. Karl backs off, circles McClane with new respect. CUT TO: ... 337 MACHINE FLOOR Karl drives McClane back with a sweeping head kick. Another one. McClane is staggering. He gets in one hard punch and then Karl charges at him. McClane falls backwards, drives his legs upwards, propelling Karl into the air: 338 LOW ANGLE Karl goes into a loop of chain hanging over a turbine, becomes entangled. 339 MCCLANE jumps to his feet, yanks the other end of the chain. 340 KARL is JERKED upwards by the neck. He TWITCHES like a captured fish - starts to turn blue. 341 MCCLANE Twists the chain end around a pipe as Karl STILLS. McClane snatches up his Baretta from the floor, runs out. _____________________________________________________________________ ANALYSIS The first thing to note is that this screenplay uses a presently out-of-fashion format that was popular in the 1980s, in which sluglines are used to focus action visually, making decisions properly determined by the director (as reflected in the master-scene approach in fasion today). Format aside, the writing here uses "power verbs" and a balance between simple and compound sentence structures - almost to the near exclusion of more complex forms. But something new is added: a judacious use of adverbs and fragments. Adverbial constructions - "fight brutally", "steps in quickly" - have been previously conspicuous by their rarity, probably because the right choice of a "power verb" does not require additional amplification. As an exercise you might try and replace the adverbs above with more powerful verbs. Stuart/DeSouza use fragments in a way we haven't seen before but which many contemporary writers favor: "Karl drives McClane back with a sweeping head kick. Another one." A similar "fragmented" effect is obtained by dropping an expected word: "He TWITCHES like a captured fish - starts to turn blue." Here the dash replaces "and", and sometimes a comma is used: "Karl goes into a loop of chain hanging over a turbine, becomes entangled." With the grammatical flow interrupted, the sentence has a staccato rhythm that duplicates the action of the fight. In our next example, the use of "power verbs" reaches new emphasis, a trend that is pushed even farther in our final excerpt. But our final example adds two new elements to our action-writing tool box as well. _____________________________________________________________________ EXAMPLE FOUR JURASSIC PARK by Michael Crichton Re-write by Maria Scotch Marmo 3/14/92 INT. KITCHEN, VISITOR'S CENTER - CONTINUING ACTION The kids hurtle through this huge, industrial kitchen. The kitchen is a maze of turns, from the hot lamp pickup area to the rows of stainless steel burners to the chopping blocks to the potwashing area. The kids dart and duck from one area to the next, taking shortcuts under tables, crawling behind counters, scattering pots and pans behind. Relentlessly, with a casual speed, the raptor stalks them. It avoids their obstacles with a casual grace and when it cannot fit through their shortcuts, it just continues around. Timmy pulls open the large silvered door of the freezer. Lex starts to hurry inside. Timmy grabs her. TIMMY We'll freeze to death in there. LEX He's going to eat us! Timmy reaches into the freezer and grabs a pile of steaks. He tosses one toward the raptor. The raptor gobbles it in one bite. Timmy shoves Lex out of the way and begins to toss the steaks on the floor. One after the other, he tosses them, in a row, closer and closer to the open freezer. The raptor mechanically gobbles the steaks, following their path. He continues right into the freezer to grab the last of Tim's bait. Tim leaps and slams the heavy freezer door shut. Lex comes running and throws her small weight alongside of Timmy's. TIMMY PUSH! They heave and the lock catches on the door. From inside, there is a strangled CRY and the door is slammed repeatedly. The metal panels of the door buckle but they do not break. The door hinges bend and curve but they do not give. The kids collapse in relief on the kitchen floor. In just a moment, Timmy is back on his feet. LEX What is it, Timmy? TIMMY I just remembered something. Raptors are born in large litters. There's probably more coming. We gotta hide. He grabs her hand and they run out of the back entrance of the kitchen. There's a stairway and they race up. _____________________________________________________________________ ANALYSIS In "Jurassic Park", the power verbs drive the narrative: "kids hurtle...", "kids dart and duck...", "raptor stalks...", "raptor gobbles...", "Tim leaps and slams...", "door hinges bend and curve...", "kids collapse...". Indeed, this sequence of power verbs does well to summarize the movement of the scene. There is an equal use of simple and compound sentence structures here and very little use of more complex structures. There are few adjectives and adverbs. The lack of grammatical complexity here makes the scene a quick and easy read, and yet the scene is very graphic, driven by the writers' choices and dependence on evocative verbs. _____________________________________________________________________ EXAMPLE FIVE TRUE LIES by James Cameron Revised draft, January 3, 1994 82 INT. RESTROOM - NIGHT Harry can't answer because Mahmoud just entered the room behind him. Harry is at one of the urinals, apparently taking a leak. Mahmoud goes to the mirror. Starts combing his hair. He doesn't much notice the pack of Camels sitting on the counter nearby. Harry is whistling. Shaking himself. HARRY'S POV - In the video glasses Harry sees himself and Mahmoud. Yusif comes into the restroom, seemingly ignoring both Harry and Mahmoud, as if heading for the stalls. As he passes behind Harry he reaches into his coat - Harry spins lightning fast. He knocks away the SILENCED PISTOL aimed at the back of his head with a sweeping block, capturing Yusif's arm in an arm-lock. The shot goes wide, shattering a urinal. Harrly slams his palm into Yusif's face like a piledriver, and spins him against the steel stalls. The silenced pistol goes skittering across the floor. Mahmoud whips a pistol out of his waistband. Still holding the bear-like Yusif, Harry draws his Glock so fast we can barely see him move. BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! Three .45 slugs go through Mahmoud's chest, shattering the mirror behind him. He flops on his butt, slumping against the wall. Yusif, who is easily Harry's size, bellows and grabs his gun arm. They smash against the walls, struggling for the gun. Yusif, locked to Harry, hurls him against the stalls. They hit a locked door, which pops open, banging inward. Yusif drives Harry to the floor. Harry's head is between the shoes of an OLD GUY sitting on the can, who looks down uncomprehendingly at him. Yusif slams Harry's gun hand repeatedly against the doorframe of the stall. He twists Harry's wrist brutally. He even pounds against Harry's hand with his knee. The old guy winces. That's got to hurt. Harry cries out in pain and the gun drops. Yusif reaches for it, but Harry kicks it under the stalls. He punches Yusif in the face, driving him back. They grapple, spinning. Harry drives Yusif's head into the counter. Then he elbows him in the throat and they crash together on the filthy floor. Harry grabs Yusif's hair and pounds his face repeatedly against the rim of a urinal. In case you haven't noticed, this is a messy, nasty fight. Survival is like that. Yusif sags into submission. Harry pulls a nylon zip-strip out of his pocket and uses it like hand-cuffs, securing Yusif's wrists. _____________________________________________________________________ ANALYSIS But power verbs carry even more weight in our final example, suggesting a writing trend over the years to cleaner, more verb-driven action screenwriting. Cameron also uses, more than the writers of our other examples, modifying elements and fragmented constructions. The verbs are easy to spot: "Harry spins...", "Harry slams...", "pistol goes skittering...", "They smash...", "Yusif drives...", "He twists...", "old guy winces...", "They grapple...", "Yusif sags..." Again, the sequence of power verbs reads like an outline of the action, evocative and visual. Verbs, after all, are action words by nature, and good action writers learn how to choose them effectively and creatively. Cameron, more often than others, puffs up verbs with modifying phrases, usually verbal in construction: "shot goes wide, shattering a urinal", "go through Mahmoud's chest, shattering the mirror behind him", "flops on his butt, slumping against the wall", "punches Yusif in the face, driving him back." This not only enhances the visual impact of the scene but presents a less steady rhythm of language than, say, the example in "Jurassic Park." But there the action was focused on stalking and danger, a quieter, more evenly paced tension than the flat-out fight depicted here. Cameron also uses fragments to change rhythm: "Harry is whistling. Shaking himself" Or: "BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!" He also personalizes his narrative with editorial asides: "That's got to hurt"; "In case you haven't noticed, this is a messy, nasty fight." _____________________________________________________________________ CONCLUSION The literary agency's tip sheet is wrong: although it is true that directors, not writers, choreograph action in a film, nonetheless the writer must describe action with economy and imagery, bringing the scene to life on the page. For this goal, verbs are the heavy-hitters and simple sentence patterns, rhythmicly broken up with compound or modifying elements, build the foundation of the narrative structure. As the examples above show, within these guidelines a variety of personal writing styles is possible. You must find yours. But always remember that you are writing for the SCREEN: S implify! C reate R eadable E fficient E vocative N arration