Varmints

A tragi-comedy of the Old West in two acts

By Charles Deemer

 

First performed at the Firehouse Theatre in Portland, Oregon, on April 28, 1989. Directed by Gary O'Brien.

 

THE CAST (4M, 2W):

Patrick McGuinness, a detective, an Irishman

Ruby, proprietor of the Canyon City Room & Board, who wears a patch over one eye

Lester, her black cook

Stump, a miner, who has a wooden leg

Cincinnatus Hiner Miller, lawyer, miner, Indian fighter and poet, who wears buckskin

Miss Lee (Rose), a woman of mystery

 

TIME AND PLACE:

Canyon City in Eastern Oregon, near the end of the gold rush in 1865

 

THE SET:

Interior of Canyon City Room & Board. Check-in desk upstage, with entrance into kitchen and access to basement. Tables for dining downstage. Left, a main entrance and exit. Also a neutral area. Entrance to rooms, right, with staircase leading to upper levels: upstairs is a hallway, a door, Miss Lee's Room.


 

ACT ONE

 

 

1/ a summer evening

 

(AT RISE: LIGHTS UP on MCGUINNESS, who addresses the audience.)

 

MCGUINNESS: So I'm standing on a corner in the windy city of Chicago, puffing on my pipe and looking every bit of the Pinkerton operative that I am, when I'm struck my lightning. There's no other way to put it. I'm electrified to my toes by the flashing clarity of sudden insight. I dare say, Sir Isaac Newton himself couldn't've been more overwhelmed, being beaned by an apple and having the secrets of the Universe open suddenly before him.

How can I describe the consequences of such sudden insight? My life changed in an instant. Immediately I knew what I must do. So I tapped the ashes of my pipe against the heel of a boot, and returned straightaway to the office, where I resigned. They couldn't believe it: Patrick McGuinness resign! But why? What would I do? "I'm leaving Chicago for business ventures elsewhere," I told them. And then I hurried away to make my plans.

With sudden insight before me, there was no choice but to follow the clues of justice to their conclusion, even though it meant going to the godawful wilds of the new state of Oregon. I shuddered to think what strange beasts and lizards would be waiting for me, so far from the trappings of civilization. But the chameleon I was after would be under one of those same Oregon rocks, I was sure of it — somewhere in that godforsaken territory was my former colleague, Thomas O'Reilly himself, and his beautiful bride Rose, each congratulating the other for pulling off the crime of the century. I could hardly wait to see their expressions when I walked up and, with a tip of my hat, ordered the first round. It would be worth a celebration to be sure, for after solving this crime I would have the reputation to start my own agency. I'd never have to work for another man again.

So I bought my ticket and headed west, in search of gold and lizards. Little did I know how vast that godforsaken Oregon wilderness is and how many cold and sleepless nights I would spend before finding the lizards I was after — or at least finding the prettiest one. I must admit that by this time I was wondering if that flash of lightning hadn't been discharged by the Devil himself, so weary was I in my journey and so hungry for a bowl of Mary Killarney's stew and a mug of stout. Then I walked into Canyon City Room & Board, looking only for a bed and whatever "vittles" — to use a new word I'd learned in the west — whatever vittles would stay put on the table . . . I walked in and soon found myself struck by lightning again . . .

 

(LIGHTS OFF McGuinness and UP FULL on the interior of Canyon City Room & Board. MILLER is at a table, working on a poem. He recites aloud.)

 

MILLER: "Here lifts the land of clouds!

Fierce mountain forms,

Made white with everlasting snow,

look down

Through mists of many canyons,

mighty storms

That stretch from Autumn's purple,

drench and drown

The yellow hem of Spring."

 

(LISTER has entered with Miller's coffee.)

 

MILLER: What do you think, Lester, my boy?

LESTER: You tell me, Hiner. If this coffee isn't strong enough for you, you can always go to Susie's down the street.

MILLER: Abandon Canyon City's center of culture! Never! I was wondering what you thought of my new poem:

"Tall cedars frown

Dark-brow'd, through banner'd

clouds that stretch and stream

Above the sea from snowy mountain crown.

The heavens roll, and all things drift or seem

To drift about and drive like some majestic dream."

Well?

LESTER: It'll never play at the dance hall.

MILLER: What dance hall recognizes genius? With this poem — number forty-three, my boy — I'm only seven shy of my first book. Mark my word, Lester, I'll be taking the manuscript to Portland before fall.

LESTER: So how's the coffee?

MILLER: Better.

LESTER: There's always Susie's.

MILLER: You know I'm ruthlessly loyal to my friends. As I expect they'll be to me, when my book appears.

LESTER: You name it yet?

MILLER: Don't name the baby before it's born, my boy.

LESTER: You want anything else before I go back to my dishes?

MILLER: I was hoping to meet Miss Lee for coffee.

LESTER: I haven't seen her yet this morning.

MILLER: She spends most of the day in her room, painting, does she not?

LESTER: Ruby would know better than me.

 

(RUBY has entered from the kitchen and hears this.)

 

RUBY: I'd know what better?

MILLER: I was wondering when Miss Lee would be down.

RUBY: Miller, I knew it wasn't my food or coffee that had you hanging around here lately. You should be out trying to make a living like the rest of the men.

MILLER: The rest of the men don't have my gift.

RUBY: They don't have something you got, I'll grant you that.

 

(Lester has started away and will exit.)

 

MILLER: Lester! Thanks for strengthening the coffee. It's now quite adequate.

RUBY: You ain't in San Francisco, Hiner. Around here, you take what you get.

MILLER: A man takes his sensibilities with him, wherever he may go.

RUBY: How's your book coming?

MILLER: I finished number forty-three only a moment ago:

"I stood where thunderbolts were wont

To smite they Titan-fashioned front,

And heard dark mountains rock and roll;

I saw the lightning's gleaming rod

Reach forth and write on Heaven's scroll

The awful autograph of God!"

 

(As Miller recites the poem, McGuinness enters, carrying a bag. He looks travel weary. He stands just inside the doorway, leaving the door open behind him.)

 

RUBY: Help you?

MCGUINNESS: Do you have a spare room?

RUBY: Dollar a night without meals, dollar and a half with.

MCGUINNESS: With.

RUBY: Just sign in.

 

(Ruby has a pistol in her belt and quickly draws it now, shooting at something on the floor near the door.)

 

RUBY: And close the door behind you, before the lizards get the run of the place.

 

(He does so, then cautiously approaches the front desk to sign in.)

 

RUBY: We stop serving breakfast at eight. Dinner is noon til one-thirty, and supper five to seven.

MCGUINNESS: That's fine. I'd like to pay a week in advance.

RUBY: Let's see, that'd come to ...

MCGUINNESS: Ten-fifty.

RUBY: Right.

 

(McGuinness pays her.)

 

RUBY: We got beef stew for dinner.

MCGUINNESS: I've been dreaming of a good stew for weeks.

RUBY: Your room's up the stairs and all the way down the hall.

MCGUINNESS: Thank you.

 

(He starts to leave, right.)

 

(As McGuinness approaches the stairway, MISS LEE comes down and enters: he nods as she passes. He starts up the stairs and near the top will eavesdrop for a bit, hearing Miller's poem below.)

 

(Miss Lee takes the table farthest from Miller's table.)

 

RUBY: Tea or coffee, Miss Lee?

MISS LEA: Tea. My stomach's unsettled this morning.

RUBY: Not from supper last night, I hope.

MISS LEE: I think not.

RUBY: Be a few minutes.

 

(She leaves to make the tea.)

 

(A beat, as Miller decides on his plan of action. He recites from a poem:)

 

MILLER: "I am sitting alone in the moonlight,

In the moonlight soft and clear,

And a thousand thoughts steal o'er me,

While penciling, sitting here."

 

(The LIGHTS FADE as a spot comes up on McGuinness on the stairs.)

 

MCGUINNESS: So I'm listening in to the most godawful poem I've heard in all my days, but grinning all the same, for the young lady downstairs is Rose O'Reilly herself, Chicago's most famous painter and the bride of the biggest lizard this side of hell. She doesn't know me but I surely know her from all the pictures in the Chicago papers when Thomas took her hand in marriage. At last, my journey into this godforsaken Oregon wilderness was nearing its end ...

 

(LIGHTS OFF McGuinness and back UP FULL in the boarding house.)

 

MILLER: "By unnamed rivers of the Oregon north,

That roll dark-heaved into the turbulent hills,

I have made my home. The wild heart thrills

With memories fierce, and a world storms forth."

 

(A beat. Miller moves to Miss Lee's table, standing by it.)

 

MILLER: Allow me to introduce myself. Cincinnatus Hiner Miller — lawyer, Indian fighter, poet and man of culture. And you are ... ?

 

(No reply.)

 

MILLER: Miss Lee, I've heard you called. I understand that you paint. You're an artist. I'd consider it an honor to see your work, Miss Lee.

 

(No reply.)

 

MILLER: As a poet myself, I well understand the shyness of the sensitive soul. I used to be shy as well. Then it occurred to me, if I don't face the cruel world head-on and let it know that genius has appeared on its philistine shores, then who will play my trumpet for me? No one. No one! Oh, I assure you, it wasn't easy to toot my own horn at first. Humility is my very breath. But it had to be done. Genius is a gift and my choice was to reject it — or to embrace it. I chose the latter.

 

(No reply.)

 

MILLER (reciting): "I move among the frowning firs;

Black bats wheel by in rippled whirs!"

 

(He sits down at the table.)

 

MILLER: It's from my first book. What do you think?

MISS LEE: Mister ... ?

MILLER: Cincinnatus Hiner Miller — most folks call me Hiner.

MISS LEE: Mr. Miller, I do not recall inviting you to join me.

MILLER: I'm guilty of inviting myself, madam.

MISS LEE: If you don't mind, I prefer to be alone.

MILLER: I like spunk in a woman. Especially in an artist.

MISS LEE: I'm not an artist.

MILLER: I've heard that you paint.

MISS LEE: I dabble. It's — recreation.

MILLER: How many years I resisted admitting my own genius! Thinking I was a mere dabbler, a poet for recreation! I resisted the images that flashed before me, I denied their brilliance. Perhaps you do the same. May I see your paintings?

MISS LEE: I'm waiting for my tea.

MILLER: After your tea, of course.

MISS LEE: Mr. Miller —

MILLER: Hiner.

MISS LEE: Mr. Miller, I'm accustomed to drinking my tea in solitude.

MILLER: Solitude! I have my first pipe in solitude each morning myself. As a poet, I certainly understand solitude. Shall I meet you in your room after tea?

MISS LEE: No.

MILLER: Madam, if I may be permitted to share an instinctive thought — I think you are resisting your own genius.

 

(Ruby returns with the tea.)

 

RUBY: If he's bothering you, ma'am, just give a holler.

MILLER: I was just returning to my table. Thank you, Miss Lee, for the charming company.

 

(He goes back to his table.)

 

RUBY: Hiner don't usually hang around here in the morning. He usually hangs around his office, waiting for somebody who needs a lawyer. He bother you?

MISS LEE: It's all right. I just needed to stretch before getting back to work. I'll take my tea upstairs.

 

(She gets up to leave.)

 

RUBY: You want a refill brought up to your room, just holler.

 

(As Miss Lee passes, Miller stands up, bowing as she leaves. She exits upstairs.)

 

RUBY: Don't disturb the guests, Hiner.

MILLER: If you saw in her soul what I see ...

RUBY: I'm not talking about her soul, I'm talking about you leaving her alone.

MILLER: I am a perfect gentleman, as you well know.

RUBY: Just act like one.

MILLER: I cannot do otherwise.

RUBY: You don't fool me, Hiner. You got smitten by that lady, and I'm telling you to leave her be — at least in my place. She came here with a gentleman, and I'm sure she's not available for the likes of you.

MILLER: The gentleman left town, is what I hear.

RUBY: He still might be her husband.

MILLER: Don't vulgarize my attraction, Ruby. It's her artistic soul that interests me. She's painting art up there.

RUBY: Maybe she is, maybe she ain't.

 

(McGuinness enters from upstairs.)

 

RUBY: Everything all right?

MCGUINNESS: Beyond my wildest dreams.

RUBY: If you need anything, holler ...

MCGUINNESS: A cup of coffee, perhaps?

RUBY: Coming right up.

 

(She exits.)

 

MILLER: You look like a weary traveler — perhaps you'd like to join me.

MCGUINNESS: Thank you.

 

(He sits down at Miller's table.)

 

MILLER: Cincinnatus Hiner Miller — lawyer, Indian fighter, poet and man of culture.

MCGUINNESS: Pleased to meet you. They call me Paddy.

MILLER: And what brings you to Canyon City, Paddy? Need I ask? The lure of gold! Am I right? The challenge and temptation of instant wealth. Gold, gold! Yes, I can see the obsession in your eyes. Somewhere out there is a vein of gold as rich as an Irishman's blood — and who but an Irishman has the luck to find it? Am I right?

MCGUINNESS: A very close guess, you're making.

MILLER: Gold, gold!

MCGUINNESS: And are you prospecting for gold as well?

MILLER: I settle the legal difficulties that greed for gold engenders — at least until my first book of poems appears. Then I expect to live off my art. And where are you from, Paddy?

MCGUINNESS: Chicago.

MILLER: The windy city!

MCGUINNESS: The windy city, it is.

MILLER: Never been there. I expect to include Chicago on my first tour, however. How do they like poetry there?

MCGUINNESS: In the pubs, fine.

MILLER: I'm not settling for pubs, Paddy. Give me the auditoriums! The concert halls!

 

(Lester enters with the coffee.)

 

LESTER: You put anything in your coffee?

MCGUINNESS: A touch of Irish, but seldom this early.

MILLER: Another gold-seeker, Lester. Paddy, this is the best cook in Canyon City, though he sometimes makes the coffee weak.

MCGUINNESS: Pleased to meet you.

LESTER: Don't let Hiner pull your ear. He's always taking artistic license.

MILLER: I didn't know you were familiar with the term, my boy.

LESTER: I'm not your boy, Hiner.

 

(He exits.)

 

MILLER: Lester is an enigma. He's wiser than you'd expect a cook to be — not to mention wiser than you'd expect a Negro to be.

MCGUINNESS: I'm surprised to find a Negro in the west. I thought the country would be full of Indians.

MILLER: They've been laying low since I negotiated a treaty.

MCGUINNESS: You had trouble before?

MILLER: It was very bad for a while. It seems the gold strike was on land the Paiutes, in their quaint primitive way, regarded as sacred. Miners were digging up ancestral bones right along with the nuggets. Fortunately, I know the simple needs of the Paiutes and managed to pacify them. Not even the United States Army has been able to get them to sign a treaty, Paddy, but yours truly managed it straightaway. You'll never guess how.

MCGUINNESS: I can't imagine.

MILLER: With a few cases of whiskey.

MCGUINNESS: That's all it took?

MILLER: A trade secret, Paddy. In Canyon City, I'm regarded as a political negotiator of remarkable skill — but there's nothing to it. It's no more than a matter of knowing the enemy's weakness. When I gave them whiskey, they scurried off like lizards.

MCGUINNESS: But what happens when the whiskey's gone?

MILLER: I explained to them that the white man was after Oro Oregono, not a bunch of bones. And the Oro Oregono is almost gone. They’ll have the desert back to themselves soon enough.

MCGUINNESS: Oro ... ?

MILLER: Oro Oregono — it's Spanish for "Oregon gold." It also happens to be the title of the epic poem I'm planning for my second book. It'll be the "Iliad" of its day, Paddy! You know the “Iliad,” of course.

MCGUINNESS: It rings a bell.

MILLER: It's Greek, written by the blind poet Homer. A masterpiece in its day. About the Trojan War — nation against nation. But out here, Paddy, in the west, it's man against gold, man against his own lust for wealth. This is a theme that outlives nations. Except for the beautiful Helen, would we even remember Troy today? We remember the face that launched a thousand ships but little else. The Trojan horse. Homer, for all his talent, picked too small a theme. Nations die, Paddy, but gold is eternal. And why? Because man's nature is greed. Greed! So that's why, right here in Canyon City, in these dry and barren hills unseen by most of the world, the greatest eternal struggle known to man is happening right before our eyes. Man's lust for gold! Paddy, I'm not ashamed to admit that this work, my second book, will be superior to anything an American has ever written before. Oro Oregono! I already have it whole in my mind.

MCGUINNESS: I never expected to find a poet in the Oregon wilderness.

 

(The entrance door swings open and a knife comes flying in, crashing on the floor. McGuinness dives under the table. Behind the knife enters STUMP.)

 

STUMP: Goddamn varmints, stay outside where you belong!

 

(He'll fetch his knife and sheath it on his wooden leg, which he drags heavily alongside him.)

 

MILLER: The lizards don't bite, Stump.

STUMP: They still give me the creeps.

 

(McGuinness gets to his feet.)

 

MCGUINNESS: They give me the creeps as well.

MILLER: Don't let them bother you, Paddy, or you'll be bothered eternally.

MCGUINNESS: It's been nice talking to you, Hiner.

MILLER: Anytime, lad. Always good to chat with a man from the big city.

MCGUINNESS: I'm sure I'll see you later.

 

(McGuinness starts to exit upstairs.)

 

MILLER: Paddy!

MCGUINNESS: Yes?

MILLER: "I sing of the West and I sing of the greed that makes a man act outlandish.

And all for the lure of Oregon gold — that's Oro Oregono in Spanish!"

It's the opening couplet of my epic!

 

(McGuinness just looks at him. CROSS FADE TO: )

 

 

2/ a moment later

 

(McGuinness knocks on the door to Miss Lee's room. In the room, Miss Lee is painting on a canvas which we cannot see. The room is filled with canvases.)

 

MISS LEE: Who is it?

MCGUINNESS: Your new neighbor!

MISS LEE: I'm busy.

MCGUINNESS: I just need a minute of your time.

 

(Miss Lee opens the door.)

 

MCGUINNESS: When I passed you earlier, I was thinking, Haven't we met before?

MISS LEE: I don't believe so.

MCGUINNESS: In Chicago.

MISS LEE: You're from — Chicago?

MCGUINNESS: Born and bred. May I come in?

MISS LEE: Yes, of course.

 

(McGuinness enters.)

 

MISS LEE: Please excuse the mess.

MCGUINNESS: Quite a painter, I see.

MISS LEE: It's a hobby. You say you're from Chicago?

MCGUINNESS: For a fact.

MISS LEE: I didn't get your name.

MCGUINNESS: Because I didn't give it.

MISS LEE: I'm — Shirley Lee.

MCGUINNESS: Are you now? Then you must not be the one I'm thinking of because her name is Rose. If you'll excuse me ...

MISS LEE: Wait — you haven't told me your name.

MCGUINNESS: People call me Paddy.

MISS LEE: I have been called Rose. It's a nickname.

MCGUINNESS: But you don't think we've met before?

MISS LEE: I'm sure not.

MCGUINNESS: Then if you'll excuse me ...

MISS LEE: But I am from Chicago.

MCGUINNESS: Another Rose from Chicago. Surely this is quite a coincidence, meeting in this godforsaken Oregon wilderness.

MISS LEE: What's your last name, Paddy?

MCGUINNESS: McGuinness. Named after the stout I drink like mother's milk itself.

MISS LEE: I've met no Paddy McGuinness, but ...

MCGUINNESS: What is it?

MISS LEE: (with sudden urgency) You have to help me, Paddy. I'm in terrible trouble.

MCGUINNESS: But did we meet in Chicago or not?

MISS LEE: No, we didn't — but I know who you are. You work for Pinkerton's.

MCGUINNESS: Formerly, yes. To be honest, it wasn't paying me in the manner in which I'd like to become accustomed — so I came west to seek my fortune.

MISS LEE: You don't have to lie to me, Paddy. You're here to find Thomas O'Reilly, and I'll be more than happy to tell you where he is.

MCGUINNESS: O'Reilly is here? I thought he transferred to the New York office.

MISS LEE: Don't play games with me, Paddy.

MCGUINNESS: And where do you know Thomas O'Reilly from?

MISS LEE: I married him in Chicago. I take it you were at the wedding.

MCGUINNESS: I did hear about Thomas' wedding but I'm sorry to say I was on duty at the time and couldn't attend, not even the marriage of a colleague. The boys tell me the champagne was flowing like Niagara Falls.

MISS LEE: Can we dump the charade? I need your help.

MCGUINNESS: I'd be honored to help a lady of such charm — if I can, of course.

MISS LEE: I think my husband is a criminal.

MCGUINNESS: Thomas O'Reilly a criminal! May I never drink another stout if it's true.

MISS LEE: It is true. I can't prove it — but I feel it. Something is wrong.

MCGUINNESS: And where is Thomas now?

MISS LEE: In the gold fields.

MCGUINNESS: One thing confuses me. You introduced yourself as Miss Lee.

MISS LEE: It wouldn't be safe to use my real name.

MCGUINNESS: I suppose everyone has heard of Rose Mulligan, Chicago's famous painter. But Rose O'Reilly?

MISS LEE: Paddy, Thomas deserted me in Portland. I followed him here.

MCGUINNESS: Deserted a lovely lady like yourself and so soon after the honeymoon! This is not the Thomas I remember, who put away stout with the best of us, and was a gentleman besides.

MISS LEE: He only married me because my father knows this country like the back of his hand. When Thomas found out what he wanted to know, he left me. He assumed I wouldn't have the courage to follow him.

MCGUINNESS: And tell me more about your father.

MISS LEE: Father's been following the gold strikes ever since California in forty-nine.

MCGUINNESS: I cannot imagine it, spending a lifetime in this wilderness, so far from the trappings of civilization.

MISS LEE: It was father who discovered the richest vein in Canyon City, which started the rush here. He sent me a map to it for my wedding present.

MCGUINNESS: A strange gift.

MISS LEE: He invited Thomas to join him while the gold was still there to be taken. In six months, father wrote, Thomas would have enough to buy us a home in Chicago and to start his own agency. I hadn't seen father in years and insisted on coming west as well. Thomas didn't approve but I wouldn't take no for an answer.

MCGUINNESS: A lady of spunk, you are.

MISS LEE: When he abandoned me in Portland, I feared the worst. I think he plans to steal father's claim.

MCGUINNESS: To rob his own father-in-law! May stout turn sour if it's true.

MISS LEE: I need help, Paddy. I can't go into the fields looking for Thomas myself.

MCGUINNESS: You'd have me go into the gold fields in search of your husband?

MISS LEE: Would you?

MCGUINNESS: And me a man who shivers at the mere thought of a lizard crossing my path.

MISS LEE: Thomas is after father's claim, I'm sure of it. Father's life may be in danger.

MCGUINNESS: To be sure, gold makes men behave strangely.

MISS LEE: Will you help me?

MCGUINNESS: I have to think about it.

MISS LEE: Why are you really here? And don't give me any of that nonsense about seeking your fortune.

MCGUINNESS: What a spunky tongue you have. Poor Thomas O'Reilly, to have inspired your ire.

MISS LEE: What are you doing in Canyon City, Paddy?

MCGUINNESS: Let’s just say I smelled a rat as far away as Chicago.

MISS LEE: What kind of rat?

MCGUINNESS: I'm not sure. I'm here to find out.

MISS LEE: Perhaps our problems are related.

MCGUINNESS: It's too soon to say.

MISS LEE: But you'll help me?

MCGUINNESS: I'd prefer to help you without actually going into the fields. I have to think about it. I arrived a weary traveler, long overdue for a bath and a full night's rest. As it happens, I get my best ideas in bed.

 

(STUMP is at the door and knocks.)

 

STUMP: It's me!

MISS LEE: Just a minute! We'll have to talk later ...

MCGUINNESS: And who might that be?

MISS LEE: Stump — he's an old prospector who likes to tell me mining stories, to help me get into the mood to paint. I'm painting his portrait, part of a series on the mining camp. It's all that keeps me going ...

 

(She lets Stump in.)

 

STUMP: I'm sure getting tired of — (He sees McGuinness.) What the hell you doing here?

MCGUINNESS: I was admiring the lady's work. Thanks for showing me, madam.

 

(He exits down the hallway. Stump enters the room, Miss Lee quickly closing the door behind him. He'll take off his wooden leg and empty gold dust out of it into a bucket. Then he’ll quickly put the leg back on.)

 

MISS LEE: We've got to talk. That was a Pinkerton detective, Paddy McGuinness — he was asking about Thomas.

STUMP: What?

MISS LEE: He said he could smell a rat as far away as Chicago.

STUMP: I told you your husband wasn't too smart.

MISS LEE: I told him Thomas abandoned me in Portland.

STUMP: Are you crazy?

MISS LEE: I had to tell him something. I told him my father was in the fields with a rich claim and Thomas was out to get it for himself.

STUMP: Did he buy it?

MISS LEE: I'm not sure. I think so. He couldn't possibly have a clue about us.

STUMP: He's here, so he must've suspected Thomas.

MISS LEE: We have to get him into the fields so you can take care of him.

STUMP: You think you can get him out there?

MISS LEE: He's the city type — but yes, I think I can probably sweet-talk him into it.

STUMP: The sooner, the better.

MISS LEE: I'll try to get him out there tomorrow.

 

(Lester knocks on the door.)

 

STUMP: Just let me know.

 

(Miss Lee opens the door. Lester has a tray of tea.)

 

LESTER: Ruby asked me to bring this up for you.

MISS LEE: That's very nice of her.

STUMP: Well, I hope that ol' mining story inspires you ...

MISS LEE: I'm sure it will. Please visit anytime.

 

(Stump leaves, and Lester enters. Miss Lee closes the door.)

 

LESTER: Well, I've been thinking about your offer.

MISS LEE: And ... ?

LESTER: I can't think of a prettier lady to skip town with.

MISS LEE: Understand one thing: after we — take care of business — after we arrive in San Francisco, then that's the end of your employment.

LESTER: Look, once I get paid, I don't care where you go or what you do. Only I want twice the money.

MISS LEE: That's outrageous!

LESTER: You want protection traveling through this country, then you got it. You think you can manage alone, be my guest.

MISS LEE: I'm only asking for a valet since I'll be taking so much — luggage.

LESTER: Valet, right. Indians don't worry you at all.

MISS LEE: Between here and Portland, of course they do.

LESTER: If Hiner hadn't made that treaty, you'd be on your own. As it is, once they sober up, we may all be in trouble. I'm ready to get out of here myself, and twice what you offered is just about right for a grubstake.

MISS LEE: I won't pay it.

LESTER: Then you're on your own, lady.

MISS LEE: I can't afford that much.

LESTER: Course you can. You're a famous Chicago artist, right?

MISS LEE: Who told you that?

LESTER: Word gets around. I got no idea what you plan to paint but if you're as famous as your reputation, and all these here canvasses are getting pictures, then I'm thinking you must have one big show lined up. Probably scenes of the mining camp, am I right? I hear those eastern bigshots just eat up scenes from the West. I figure you'll probably get rich on this show. Famous artist like yourself wouldn't be wasting her time in a hell-hole like Canyon City for nothing. You want me to go on?

MISS LEE: You made your point.

LESTER: Good.

MISS LEE: I'll only pay it because I have no choice. I can't handle all these canvasses myself.

LESTER: You can always try somebody else.

MISS LEE: If the word's out about me, I'm sure anyone else would be as greedy as you are.

LESTER: Hey, you'll be getting your money's worth.

MISS LEE: I'm going to make sure that I do.

LESTER: So when are you going to start painting? I thought you were in a hurry.

MISS LEE: Preparing the canvasses is the hardest part.

LESTER: Harder than painting a picture? Looks to me like you just splatter gold paint on the canvas.

MISS LEE: Are you an art critic, too?

LESTER: My, aren't we touchy?

MISS LEE: I don't appreciate being taken advantage of.

LESTER: You're the one who tried to screw me, lady. We both know you got a big fancy show lined up.

MISS LEE: If you don't mind, I'd like to get back to work.

LESTER: Touchy and pushy, too.

MISS LEE: Good day, Lester.

LESTER: Hey, don't treat me like I'm not grateful or anything. Cooking for Ruby, I'd be here forever trying to save up a grubstake. Now, thanks to you, I can almost smell that ol' breeze coming off the San Francisco Bay. I was a fool to leave, to tell you the truth. That's what I get for thinking I could strike it rich. When I get back to San-fran, I'm going back to the stage where I belong.

MISS LEE: (sarcastic) How did I miss it? You're an actor!

LESTER: A Shakespearean actor, as a matter of fact. You ought to see me do Othello.

MISS LEE: Don't make me laugh.

LESTER: You be careful with the sarcasm, lady. Remember that you need me more than I need you.

MISS LEE: Do I?

LESTER: Course you do. All those Paiutes out there; all these canvasses to move. Hey, don't look so upset. You got nothing to cry over. You're a famous artist, you got a big show lined up. You're probably the richest bitch west of the Mississippi. See you at dinner.

(He smiles and exits. Miss Lee closes the door behind him and leans against it, thinking. BLACKOUT.)

 

 

3/ two hours later

 

(SPOT UP on McGuinness.)

 

MCGUINNESS: So I wake up from my fretful nap with no more enlightenment than when I first hit the pillow. But I also wake up with an appetite fit for an Irish cop and descend the stairs with my stomach full of nostalgia for Mary Killarney's stew ...

 

(UP FULL as he enters the boarding house. Miller sits at a table.)

 

MILLER: Join me for dinner, Paddy?

MCGUINNESS: Don't mind if I do.

MILLER: Hope you're not starving. Lester had trouble with the stove and the stew's late.

MCGUINNESS: A lament to my ears, for I'm hungry indeed.

MILLER: I have some deer jerky.

MCGUINNESS: You saved my life.

 

(Miller gives McGuinness a small stick of jerky.)

 

MILLER: I wonder if I could run an idea past you, as one man of culture to another.

MCGUINNESS: Culture, I'm weak on.

MILLER: I value the opinion of a man from Chicago nonetheless. I've been thinking of ways to liven up the dull life we live here. Unless you like dancing girls and fights, not to mention an occasional duel in the streets, there's no entertainment to be had. Recently we can't even amuse ourselves fighting the Paiutes. Certainly there's no culture. I've been thinking of ways to liven the place up and've hit upon an idea. Shakespeare! I'd produce the Bard right here in Canyon City!

MCGUINNESS: An ambitious plan, indeed. Where would you find the actors?

MILLER: I'd do excerpts. The soliloquies, which I could do myself. "To be or not to be...?" What do you think?

MCGUINNESS: Shakespeare would be culture, for a fact.

MILLER: Of course, if I could find someone else to perform as well — have you ever been on stage, Paddy?

MCGUINNESS: Never in my life.

MILLER: You have a natural thespian presence. Perhaps you'd be willing to join me in a scene or two.

MCGUINNESS: I'm busy on other matters — but the idea's a good one, I can see that. Your enthusiasm is a wonder to behold.

MILLER: Thank you. I'm glad you recognize genius.

 

(Lester enters.)

 

LESTER: We'll be ready pretty soon now.

MILLER: Lester, my boy, I've just shared a brilliant idea with Paddy here — I'm going to perform Shakespeare in Canyon City!

LESTER: I didn't know you were an actor.

MILLER: Poetic genius knows no artistic limitations.

LESTER: What play are you going to do?

MILLER: Scenes, my boy. Famous passages. "To be or not to be, that is the question!"

LESTER: "Whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer

The stings and arrows of outrageous fortune,

Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,

And by opposing end them."

 

(A stunned silence. Then: )

 

MILLER: My word, where did you learn that?

LESTER: I read as good as you, Hiner. You're serious about doing Shakespeare?

MILLER: I am.

LESTER: Where're you going to do it?

MILLER: Anywhere. Perhaps right here. I'd bring Ruby a good deal of business.

LESTER: Unless you're talking through your hat, how about letting me do something from Othello?

MILLER: You never cease to amaze me. I didn't know you could read.

LESTER: Read, shit. I can act, Hiner. I've been on stage in San Francisco.

MILLER: I sit dumbfounded.

LESTER: If you're not just breaking wind, you've got yourself an Othello — boy.

 

(He exits.)

 

MILLER: Extraordinary. Where on earth did he learn Shakespeare?

 

(Stump enters.)

 

STUMP: Howdy, Hiner.

MILLER: Afternoon, Stump. Good diggings today?

STUMP: Them days are gone and you know it.

MILLER: You remember my friend, Paddy ... ?

STUMP: Nice to see you again.

MCGUINNESS: The pleasure's mine.

STUMP: Where you hail from?

MCGUINNESS: Chicago.

STUMP: Long way from home. The stew ain't ready?

MILLER: The stove broke down again.

STUMP: I'll eat at Susie's.

 

(He exits.)

 

MILLER: He has Canyon City's richest claim. About the only one still bringing in a day's wages.

MCGUINNESS: Where's Susie's?

MILLER: Just down the road.

MCGUINNESS: Decent food?

MILLER: Not bad.

MCGUINNESS: Then I think I'll try Susie's myself before I faint from hunger.

MILLER: I think I'll wait for the stew.

MCGUINNESS: Be seeing you then.

 

(He exits.)

 

(Miller begins working on a poem.)

 

MILLER: "The day is dark and cloudy too

And the mist is eddying round

My toes they ache, you bet they do

As I hear the chill wind sound."

 

(Miss Lee enters.)

 

MISS LEE: Mister Miller ...

MILLER: Hiner.

MISS LEE: May I join you?

MILLER: The pleasure is mine.

MILL LEE: (sitting) Thank you. We're the only ones having dinner?

MILLER: The stove broke down again. Didn't you smell the smoke?

MISS LEE: I thought something was wrong.

MILLER: Exhaust pipe fell off again. But Lester's got it back on and the stew's brewing.

MISS LEE: You must forgive my earlier rudeness, Hiner.

MILLER: I knew you'd come to your senses. One artistic temperament should recognize another.

MISS LEE: Yes, I do feel I can trust you.

MILLER: We speak the same language — the language of the soul.

MISS LEE: I need help, Hiner. How desperately I need help.

MILLER: I'd be glad to offer my opinion of your paintings.

MISS LEE: Personal help. I find myself in a dreadful dilemma.

MILLER: What dilemma is that?

MISS LEE: I'm ashamed to say.

MILLER: Don't forget I drove the savages out of Canyon City. Other problems shrink in comparison. What's bothering you?

MISS LEE: My problem is Lester.

MILLER: Lester? Our Lester?

MISS LEE: Yes.

MILLER: He's made an uncouth advance? I'm shocked.

MISS LEE: Not exactly.

MILLER: Then what is it?

MISS LEE: You must promise to tell no one.

MILLER: A poet's word is his honor, madam.

MISS LEE: It concerns my reasons for being here.

MILLER: I thought you came to Canyon City to paint.

MISS LEE: Painting is only a hobby.

MILLER: Ah, I once thought of myself as a hobbyist as well! How we resist the genius that stares at us from the mirror each morning.

MISS LEE: I came here because ... well, there's this organization in Chicago ... they arrange marriages. Through them I began a correspondence with a Mr. Lester Brown. He sounded so intelligent in his letters. He's widely read, articulate, kind, his letters always quoted Shakespeare, he seemed so thoughtful and caring ...

MILLER: Madam, are you telling me you came to Canyon City to marry Lester?

MISS LEE: But of course I can't! It's shocking he never told me. Even though his name was Brown, I never dreamed he wasn't white.

MILLER: Obviously you can't and won't marry him.

MISS LEE: He says he loves me and if I don't marry him he'll write my family in Chicago that I came west to marry a Negro. The scandal would kill mother, I know it would.

MILLER: Lester threatened that?

MISS LEE: Hiner, what can I do?

MILLER: I'll confront him immediately.

MISS LEE: No! You don't know his temper. He'd know I told you and would do something even worse than writing my family.

MILLER: I don't fear Lester, madam.

MISS LEE: I was hoping there'd be some way you could occupy him while I escaped to Portland. He keeps an eye on me day and night. He frightens me.

MILLER: You want to go to Portland?

MISS LEE: There's no reason for me to stay here.

MILLER: Then I can take care of Lester for you. When do you want to leave?

MISS LEE: Next week — I do want to finish my paintings on the mining camp.

MILLER: The mining camp is the world in miniature — it's your duty as an artist to finish the paintings. I myself am about to begin an epic poem on the same theme. Oro Oregono! One of your paintings may serve to illustrate the book when it appears.

MISS LEE: Oh dear ...

MILLER: Madam?

MISS LEE: I'll need to get my paintings to Portland.

MILLER: There's no problem there.

MISS LEE: They're too heavy for me to manage alone.

MILLER: Of course, I'll help. They can be loaded atop the stage.

MISS LEE: I was wondering if I might rent my own wagon.

MILLER: Instead of the stage?

MISS LEE: The trip here was so unpleasant. I know how to drive a team — if you think it's safe, of course.

MILLER: Well, yes, you could rent one. If you wait until after the Shakespeare performance, I could accompany you.

MISS LEE: The Shakespeare performance?

MILLER: I'm bringing culture to Canyon City.

MISS LEE: How nice.

MILLER: If you rented a wagon, it would save me a stage ride as well. I have business in Portland. My new book needs a publisher.

MISS LEE: But I need to get out of town without Lester knowing. And to get my paintings out as well. I fear Lester wants to steal them — it'd be something else to blackmail me with. I might even have to sneak out of town at night.

 

(She seems very upset now.)

 

MILLER: (soothing) Don't worry about a thing, madam. I'll take care of everything.

MISS LEE: What a relief. Perhaps I can sleep now — suddenly I'm so tired ... I think I'll skip dinner.

MILLER: You do look tired, madam. I suggest a nap.

MISS LEE: Yes. And thank you again.

 

(She exits.)

 

(Miller goes back to working on a poem.)

 

MILLER: "O how I wish I was again at home

In the valley of the old Willamette

And never again I'd wish to roam

I'll seal the assertion with 'Damn it!'"

 

(Lester enters.)

 

LESTER: Everybody go to Susie's?

MILLER: Variety is good for the stomach, my boy.

LESTER: What's it take for you to stop calling me your boy, Hiner?

MILLER: My apologies for a bad habit. Sit down a minute. I'm curious about how you happen to be a student of Shakespeare.

LESTER: You think you've got the only brain in town?

MILLER: I'm just not used to finding a cook who —

LESTER: Listen, Hiner, look at yourself in the mirror one time. We come from the same backwater stock, boy.

MILLER: There's a major difference.

LESTER: You're a white man, Hiner. That's the difference.

MILLER: We remain brothers under the skin. The difference I was —

LESTER: We're not fighting the Civil War for what's under the skin.

MILLER: Lester, I was very impressed with your reading of Hamlet. It just seems strange that a man of your talent would end up in Canyon City.

LESTER: You're here yourself, Hiner.

MILLER: Because where there's gold, there's greed — and a lawyer thrives on greed.

LESTER: You're not thriving much that I can see.

MILLER: We both arrived too late to thrive — you're stuck in the kitchen, I'm stuck in my office. We should've hit the fields six months ago.

 

(A beat.)

 

MILLER: May I ask you a personal question?

LESTER: Depends.

MILLER: Have you ever been married?

LESTER: Not my predilection.

MILLER: "Predilection" — my word!

LESTER: Look, Hiner, I may be an African savage to some folks but my father happened to be an educated man and he passed it on to his son. So cut the surprise crap. You ever want to challenge me to a spelling bee, boy, you're on.

MILLER: Lester, I think you're just the man to help me with the Shakespeare show.

LESTER: I told you I want to do Othello.

MILLER: I haven't decided exactly what scenes I'll do but I'm glad you're interested.

LESTER: You just let me know. You want some stew?

MILLER: My mind is racing ahead of my stomach at the moment. I have a good deal of planning to do.

 

(Ruby enters.)

 

RUBY: Where the hell's my dinner crowd?

MILLER: They went to Susie's. I'm sure you'll have them back for supper.

RUBY: You ain't having dinner?

MILLER: Too much on my mind. Ruby, I'm bringing Shakespeare to Canyon City!

 

(He exits.)

 

RUBY: You sure you got that pipe on good? I can't afford to lose my supper crowd as well.

LESTER: It's fixed.

RUBY: I hope so.

LESTER: Now all we need is customers.

RUBY: We'll serve the stew for supper.

 

(McGuinness enters.)

 

MCGUINNESS: Madam, I just had dinner at Susie's and promise never to make that mistake again.

RUBY: You live and learn around here.

 

(She starts away, stops and sees that Lester isn't following her.)

 

RUBY: You taking the day off?

LESTER: Don't I wish.

MCGUINNESS: I wonder if I might borrow him for a moment.

RUBY: You need something done in your room?

MCGUINNESS: It's a private matter, madam. It won't take a minute.

RUBY: That screen door needs fixing.

LESTER: I know.

RUBY: Five minutes.

 

(She exits.)

 

LESTER: What's on your mind?

MCGUINNESS: Miss Lee.

LESTER: What's that got to do with me?

MCGUINNESS: I suspect that you know more about what's going on in Canyon City than anyone. If you want the facts behind the facade, ask the working man.

LESTER: So what are you asking me?

MCGUINNESS: Is Miss Lee married? Has a man ever come around to see her?

LESTER: If I know, why should I tell you?

MCGUINNESS: Because we're brothers under the skin.

LESTER: You don't know a thing about me.

MCGUINNESS: "No Irish Need Apply." I know the pains of prejudice, too. You'd be as odd a sight out in the gold fields as I'd be with my accent. We both have to keep up our guard. Am I right?

LESTER: Guard up, hell, it's keeping my life that worries me. I came up here because I heard Oregon had outlawed slavery and entered the Union a free state. Nobody told me they outlawed residency for free Negroes at the same time. I just want to get a grubstake and out of here before anybody starts enforcing the law.

MCGUINNESS: If you help me, Lester, I can make it worth your while.

LESTER: Why are you so interested in Miss Lee?

MCGUINNESS: Because I happen to know that your Miss Lee is in reality the most famous painter in Chicago and the wife of a rat named Thomas O'Reilly.

LESTER: Who's he?

MCGUINNESS: He's a former colleague of mine at Pinkerton's Detective Agency.

LESTER: You're a detective?

MCGUINNESS: Freelance at the moment.

LESTER: So are you interested in Miss Lee or her husband?

MCGUINNESS: Her husband. According to the lady, he ditched her in Portland in order to come here and steal her father's gold claim.

LESTER: There's not a claim worth a hill of beans out there except for Stump's.

MCGUINNESS: He was terribly nervous when I sat with him at Susie's. Could he be her father?

LESTER: Crazier things have happened around here.

MCGUINNESS: Or perhaps she's lying, covering up for her husband. Perhaps Thomas O'Reilly has committed the crime of the century.

LESTER: What crime is that?

MCGUINNESS: A certain gold heist in Chicago remains unsolved. A train was carrying gold ore from the west to New York. Only when the train got to New York, seven sacks of ore were missing. As it happens, the train had only one stop, to switch engines in Chicago. Whatever happened, must have happened in Chicago. So I'm thinking that maybe Thomas O'Reilly, who left town right after the train passed through, managed to get those missing sacks of ore onto his own train coming west.

LESTER: I don't see what that's got to do with Canyon City.

MGUINNESS: What do you do with stolen gold ore? If you want to make legitimate claim to it, I mean. You do this: you put it back in the gold fields from which it came and then bring it out as if you're mining it.

LESTER: That's what you think Miss Lee and her husband are doing?

MCGUINNESS: I do. I worked with him. He was very ambitious — and very smart. And, of course, he left just after the ore passed through Chicago.

LESTER: Man, you've sure got a complicated way of thinking.

MCGUINNESS: Back to Rose — your Miss Lee. Has she had visitors?

LESTER: As far as I know, she doesn't do anything but sit in her room and paint.

MCGUINNESS: And only Stump is still bringing gold out of the fields?

LESTER: He's the only one still making a living on it.

MCGUINNESS: He's old enough to be her father.

LESTER: Miss Lee doesn't seem like the criminal type to me.

MCGUINNESS: You'd be surprised who turns out to be dishonest, Lester. There's no way to foresee it.

LESTER: I never have been able to figure out white folks, I'll grant you that.

MCGUINNESS: Will you keep your eyes and ears open?

LESTER: Sure, if I find out anything about a father or a husband, I'll let you know. I'd better get back to work.

 

(He exits. McGuinness heads for the stairway and meets Miss Lee coming in.)

 

MCGUINNESS: Miss Lee — do you have a moment?

MISS LEE: I was just coming to look for you. Have you thought about what I said?

MCGUINNESS: I have. Shall we sit down?

 

(They sit.)

 

MCGUINNESS: I've decided to help you.

MISS LEE: Thank God.

MCGUINNESS: As much as I detest the thought of entering that godforsaken desert with its lizards and strange creatures, it's the only way to find the rock that Thomas O'Reilly is hiding under. It will be a difficult search.

MISS LEE: I can give you a copy of the map to father's claim.

MCGUINNESS: That would make the chase easier, to be sure.

MISS LEE: But the map is — hidden. I couldn't give it to you before tomorrow.

MCGUINNESS: The sooner the better, so tomorrow it is.

 

(Ruby enters. She draws her pistol and shoots at a lizard on the floor. McGuinness, in response, again dives under the table.)

 

RUBY: It's all right, that's one lizard that won't be inviting his friends in. Anybody need coffee?

 

(McGuinness will crawl out and get to his feet to leave.)

 

MISS LEE: Nothing for me, thanks.

MCGUINNESS: I still have Susie's indigestion, not to mention being frightened out of my wits.

RUBY: Sorry about that, Paddy. It's the way we keep house around here.

MCGUINNESS: So I'm beginning to understand. It's been nice talking to you, Miss Lee.

 

(He exits upstairs.)

 

(Ruby sits down across the table from Miss Lee.)

 

RUBY: He’s not snooping, is he?

MISS LEE: Just a lonely stranger, looking for company.

RUBY: You look a little upset.

MISS LEE: Do I? I guess I'm tired. I've been painting such long hours.

RUBY: You're sure I can't help with some of the painting myself?

MISS LEE: It's too complicated a process. I'll be fine, really.

RUBY: Well, it won't be long now.

 

(LIGHTS FADE, SPOT UP on McGuinness upstairs.)

 

MCGUINNESS: So I am face to face with a considerable dilemma — is she telling me the truth or not? If she can produce a map to her father's claim, then surely this is a clue worth pursuing. Yet it may be a ploy to lure me into those godforsaken gold fields. Kill a man out there and his family surely will miss the funeral. I'd hate to be known as the misguided soul who went west for his fortune and was never heard from again. More than ever, the burden of sudden insight was heavy on my heart and I almost wished that apple of knowledge had not beaned me so squarely on a distant windy day in Chicago when I thought I was doing nothing more than puffing on my pipe.

 

(LIGHTS OFF McGuinness and BACK UP in the boardinghouse.)

 

RUBY: Have you decided where you're going?

MISS LEE: No.

RUBY: I'm going to open my own place in San Francisco.

MISS LEE: That sounds nice.

RUBY: It'll be the fanciest saloon in the city. Maybe you'd want to join me.

MISS LEE: No, I couldn't do that ...

RUBY: You probably have other plans.

MISS LEE: Well, several possibilities — I haven't really made up my mind yet.

RUBY: Probably have some man waiting for you ...

MISS LEE: Certainly not that.

RUBY: Then maybe you'd reconsider.

MISS LEE: I don't have a head for business.

RUBY: I do. You wouldn't have to do a thing but sit around looking pretty.

MISS LEE: I don't think I understand.

RUBY: I've been noticing you don't seem to have much use for men. It's more than killing your husband in cold blood. You've been rejecting Hiner's advances. I noticed that, too.

MISS LEE: What are you trying to say?

RUBY: I been watching you closely.

MISS LEE: And ... ?

RUBY: Well, I don't know how to explain it exactly. I'm not so good with words. But, well, I have a present for you.

MISS LEE: A present?

RUBY: I was gonna save it til we got out of town but, hell, I'm all unsettled to tell you the truth. I don't know if you'll appreciate it or not.

MISS LEE: That's very sweet of you. Where is it?

RUBY: I got it behind the counter. I'll fetch it. Might as well get it over with.

 

(She gets a box from behind the counter and returns, setting it in front of Miss Lee.)

 

RUBY: I'm not used to giving presents to somebody so refined, is the thing. But I liked you right off. I really did.

MISS LEE: Why, thank you, Ruby, that's a very sweet thing to say.

RUBY: And the way you got Stump to murder your husband, I admire a woman who can wrap a man around her finger like that. Men are so goddamn stupid. So I'm thinking, this is a very special kind of woman. Not to mention being beautiful to boot. And she ain't no sucker for a sweet-talking gent like Hiner, maybe that's what I like about you best of all. So I wanted to do something sweet for you but I don't know you that well, of course, and never have gotten a present for a lady of class, which you definitely are — so, anyway, it's just something that came from the heart, you might say, and something that I wouldn't be without myself — so maybe you can appreciate it, too.

MISS LEE: May I open it?

RUBY: Might as well.

 

(Miss Lee takes the top off the box and looks inside — but she's not sure what she's found and brings it out, holding it up. It's a dildo made from an elk horn.)

 

RUBY: I shot that damn elk myself, and made one out of each horn. I got the other, of course. We got matches.

 

(Miss Lee drops the dildo back into the box in horror and rises.)

 

RUBY: Don't you know what it is?

MISS LEE: I most certainly do know what it is.

 

(She's hurrying to go up the stairs.)

 

RUBY: (after her) I had a Paiute chief say some magic over it. It's got mighty powerful medicine, if you know what I mean.

 

(Miss Lee doesn't reply, hurrying to get away.)

 

RUBY: It's a damn sight better than a man!

 

(Miss Lee is gone.)

 

RUBY: Goddamn it, anyway.

 

(She sees a lizard, draws her pistol and fires at the floor several times.)

 

RUBY: Goddamn varmints!

 

(BLACKOUT. End of Act One.)

 


 

ACT TWO

 

 

1/ two days later

 

(AT RISE: Miller and Lester are rehearsing a scene from Shakespeare, each with a script in hand.)

 

MILLER: (as Othello) "Ay, let her rot and perish

Tis a thing I would cherish

My heart is turned to stone

As hard as any bone

Yet it hurts my hand

Do you understand?"

LESTER: Hiner —

MILLER: "O the world hath no one sweeter

Even if she is a cheater

She might — "

LESTER: Hiner!

MILLER: Yes?

LESTER: What the hell is that?

MILLER: "Othello", of course.

LESTER: It's not Shakespeare's "Othello."

MILLER: It most certainly is.

LESTER: The Bard didn't write doggerel.

MILLER: Doggerel!? This is the Bard adapted by yours truly for the mentality of the mining camp. You don't think miners would understand Elizabethan English, do you? You have to adapt the Bard to suit the occasion at hand.

LESTER: I thought I was going to play Othello.

MILLER: Don't be jealous, my boy, you can learn much by working with a more experienced thespian like yours truly.

"She might lie by an emperor's side

And give him orders or skin his hide."

 

(A pause.)

 

MILLER: Your line, my boy.

LESTER: Hey boy, yourself. I played Othello on the stage in San Francisco, Hiner.

MILLER: It's still your line.

LESTER: So I want to play Othello.

MILLER: This is not San Francisco! We are in a mining camp, we are playing to a very unusual and unique audience. I have experience with this audience and you do not. Your line.

LESTER: What're you going to do, wear dark makeup?

MILLER: If you're such an experienced thespian, you shouldn't have to ask such an elementary question. I'm still waiting.

LESTER: This is sick. I used to think any part's better than none. Now I'm not so sure.

MILLER: (re-cueing) "She might lie by an emperor's side

And give him orders or skin his hide"

LESTER: Jesus ... (finally, without enthusiasm) "Othello, this is not your way."

MILLER: "Iago, it is today."

LESTER: "O beware, my lord, of jealousy:

It is much, much worse than leprosy.

It's a green-eyed monster that mocks

Everything within the ticks of clocks."

Jesus, Hiner!

MILLER: Continue, you're doing very well.

LESTER: "The cuckold may live in bliss

When the husband doesn't see the kiss."

MILLER: “Hark, Iago, I must see before I doubt

And with sober eyes devoid of stout.

I need very clear proof

Before going through the roof."

LESTER: "This I am most glad to hear,

Especially since you've drunk no beer.

For now I can warn you as a friend:

Never to Cassio your wife lend,

Permit no moment of the two alone,

Or Cassio would take her as his own."

This is babbling doggerel, Hiner.

MILLER: The miners will love it. Trust me, my boy.

LESTER: I'm not your boy.

MILLER: I'm sorry — but I repeat: we cannot present the Bard in Elizabethan glory to an audience whose common tongue is in the gutter. We must make it easy for them. So I offer rhyme and music!

LESTER: We'll be laughed off the stage.

MILLER: This translation worked in the mountains of California. I'm sure it will work in the desert of Oregon as well.

 

(Ruby enters from the kitchen.)

 

RUBY: Lester, you plan to fix supper today?

LESTER: Right away.

RUBY: I wouldn't want to interrupt your new career.

LESTER: I've got no career with this material ...

 

(He starts off toward the kitchen.)

 

MILLER: Put it to memory, my boy!

 

(Lester is gone.)

 

MILLER: I'm sorry to have kept him for so long.

RUBY: It's a free country, he can cook or he can quit.

MILLER: Not exactly a free country — not for a Negro.

RUBY: If he can avoid getting lynched, he's as free as any of us.

MILLER: Which worries me.

RUBY: What do you mean?

MILLER: He'd be free to quit, for example.

RUBY: He won't quit til he gets a grubstake to move on.

MILLER: Unless he had reason.

RUBY: What reason is that?

MILLER: Ruby, I need your help. Lester is not the man he appears to be.

RUBY: Looks like any other down-and-out miner to me — except for the color of his skin. He arrived too late for the best diggings, same as you did. When he gets his grubstake, he'll be off to Alaska, trying his luck again.

MILLER: He's here for a wife, not a fortune.

RUBY: What're you talking about?

MILLER: He's hoping to marry Miss Lee.

RUBY: Who told you that?

MILLER: Miss Lee herself. They were matched by a social service. She's a mail order bride, you might say. Only he neglected to tell her that he was a Negro. The poor woman is beside herself. It's a wonder she's getting any painting done at all.

RUBY: Miss Lee told you she came here to marry Lester?

MILLER: That's right. Which is why I cast him in the play, to keep him occupied. She wants to sneak away to Portland without him following her. Only I can't keep him in rehearsal day and night, Ruby — which is why I'm asking you to keep an eye on him as well.

RUBY: Miss Lee plans to sneak away to Portland?

MILLER: The very day of our performance. I hope to meet her there later.

RUBY: What've you, taken a liking to her, Hiner?

MILLER: I sense that we possess kindred artistic souls.

RUBY: Answer me this: why did she come out to a hell-hole like Canyon City to get married?

MILLER: She came because the groom invited her. Surely he thought he'd strike it rich. Greed is not negated by love; the groom is as greedy as any man.

RUBY: Lester's not gonna like it if he finds out you're helping her escape.

MILLER: But he won't find out. Surely you won't ... ?

RUBY: Not me, Hiner. Your secret's good as gold with me.

MILLER: I wouldn't have told you if I didn't know that.

RUBY: I'll watch him like a hawk, Hiner. Miss Lee won't get no trouble from Lester.

MILLER: Very good. Well, then, if you'll excuse me, I have lines to memorize myself.

RUBY: You're doing this shindig on Saturday?

MILLER: Indeed. Which gives me only two days to put a considerable amount of poetry to memory. To which end, I beg my departure.

 

(He leaves, running into Stump as he enters.)

 

STUMP: Hiner.

MILLER: No time to chat, my friend.

 

(Miller is gone.)

 

RUBY: You're out of the fields early today.

STUMP: Those Indians are sending smoke signals something fierce. They're beginning to worry me.

RUBY: You expect trouble?

STUMP: I think we should get out of here sooner rather than later.

RUBY: When you got in mind?

STUMP: On the stage to Portland — a week from Saturday.

RUBY: But you're still bringing gold out.

STUMP: I want to make sure I get my skin out of here.

RUBY: She's still got a lot of paintings to do.

STUMP: We'll take what we can.

 

(He heads for the stairway.)

 

RUBY: Where're you going?

STUMP: Empty my goddamn leg — you think it's easy dragging all this weight around?

 

(He drags his leg to the staircase. Before reaching it, he quickly turns, drawing his knife, but does not throw it: the lizard has scurried away.)

 

STUMP: Goddamn varmints ...

 

(He starts up the stairway to CROSSFADE: )

 

 

2/ a moment later

 

(Miss Lee is painting as Stump knocks on her door.)

 

STUMP: It's me!

 

(Miss Lee lets him in.)

 

STUMP: My leg's killing me ...

MISS LEE: Sit down and relax.

 

(He'll sit on the bed, his back to the audience: Miss Lee will remove his wooden leg and dump its contents into a bucket, which she puts back under the bed.)

 

STUMP: I've been thinking. What's our goddamn hurry? My leg's always killing me — I'm gonna start carrying out less at one time.

MISS LEE: Don't avoid the subject.

STUMP: You nervous or something?

MISS LEE: I want to know if it's taken care of.

STUMP: Of course, it's taken care of.

MISS LEE: You're sure?

STUMP: You want the gory details?

MISS LEE: No. I just want to make sure you got it done.

STUMP: That Irishman's coyote-meat by now. Was easier than your husband.

MISS LEE: As long as it's done.

STUMP: I been thinking: we're gonna need excuses when the time comes to leave. Might as well start planting the seeds now. I'm gonna tell Ruby I'm opening a cigar store in Portland.

MISS LEE: A cigar store?

STUMP: I need a reason for leaving, don't I?

MISS LEE: I suppose so.

STUMP: What'll she think, seeing me all packed up and waiting for the stage without any explanation? This way, she has it set in her mind what I'm doing. You need an excuse, too.

MISS LEE: I hadn't thought of that — but perhaps I do.

STUMP: How're you coming with the paintings?

MISS LEE: Slowly but surely.

STUMP: How come you ain't painted no scenes yet?

MISS LEE: I told you before, it's easier to prime all the canvases first.

STUMP: But nothing's ready to take.

MISS LEE: They'll be ready.

STUMP: Well, we got nothing but time.

MISS LEE: I'm working as fast as I can.

STUMP: Thing is, this leg is killing me. I'm not gonna bring out so much at a time. Take us a little longer to haul it all out but —

MISS LEE: We've got nothing but time.

 

(He's putting his leg back on.)

 

MISS LEE: Will you be bringing in another load today?

STUMP: I'm sure sore — but yeah, I got time for one more.

MISS LEE: Where did you — leave him?

STUMP: You sure you don't want the gory details?

 

(Ruby has come up with a tray of tea and knocks on the door.)

 

RUBY: Anybody home? I brought you tea ...

MISS LEE: Just a minute!

 

(Stump gets up from the bed. Ruby enters and Stump moves to leave.)

 

RUBY: Why if I'd known you were here, Stump, I'd've brought an extra cup.

STUMP: Just leaving.

 

(He does. Miss Lee closes the door behind him.)

 

RUBY: Anything the matter?

MISS LEE: Of course not.

RUBY: He was up here so long I got nervous.

MISS LEE: He was just making small talk. I think he gets lonely.

RUBY: Well, we got something serious to talk about. Stump wants to get out of here a week from Saturday. He saw smoke signals and is worried about the Paiutes. Wants to take the stage to Portland.

MISS LEE: That complicates everything.

RUBY: You got that right. Can we be ready this weekend?

MISS LEE: That would really be rushing it. You're sure he wants to leave that soon?

RUBY: Guess them Paiutes changed his mind. Last thing we need is more trouble with them.

MISS LEE: I'm not sure what our next move should be.

RUBY: Would you have time to paint some dummies before he leaves? You know, some mining scenes without the gold primer on the canvas?

MISS LEE: I'm barely keeping up preparing the real canvases.

RUBY: At least if he left with dummies, we'd still have the gold.

MISS LEE: Doesn't he expect you to go with him?

RUBY: Not necessarily. I could think of a reason for staying.

MISS LEE: It might make him suspicious, especially if he's worried about Indians.

RUBY: Well, he's planning to go to Portland next week is all I know. I could leave with him and the dummies and wait for you in Portland.

MISS LEE: That might work.

RUBY: That'd give you time to finish up the real ones.

MISS LEE: Actually that's quite a good idea.

RUBY: Course, I'll have to trust you to show up.

MISS LEE: Of course I'll show up. I owe everything to you.

RUBY: Do you?

MISS LEE: When Stump came to you to double-cross me, you could've gone along with him. I wouldn't have anything without you.

RUBY: Between you and Stump, it was an easy choice.

MISS LEE: Then you should trust me.

RUBY: Goddamn it, I do. Maybe I just like you too much.

MISS LEE: I like you, too, Ruby — as a friend. I'm sorry if I'm not ...

RUBY: Well, I been rejected before.

 

(A beat.)

 

RUBY: What if I take my share of the real paintings, and Stump takes the dummies? That'd leave you behind with your share.

MISS LEE: That's more painting than I have time to do.

RUBY: Then I have to trust you with the real ones.

MISS LEE: Of course, you have to trust me. And I trust you as well.

RUBY: Trust me for what?

MISS LEE: For being my partner in this.

RUBY: I'd better think of a reason to stay behind. Stump can leave with the dummies alone.

MISS LEE: As long as it doesn't make him suspicious.

RUBY: That way I don't have to wait for you in Portland — or come back here and find you're already gone.

MISS LEE: Ruby, I don't understand this sudden suspicion. I thought we were partners in this. You came to me about Stump. I've trusted your honesty all along.

RUBY: Well, I guess all this change of plans is making me nervous.

MISS LEE: I think your idea about the dummies is quite brilliant. But I'd better get started on them. I certainly don't want you to lose sleep over me.

RUBY: I lose lots of sleep because of you.

 

(She starts to leave. Miss Lee watches her carefully.)

 

RUBY: (turning at doorway) I know I'm not much to look at and probably don't have proper manners for a city lady like yourself, but I swear I care for you one hell of a lot.

MISS LEE: Then trust me.

RUBY: I got no choice. You know why? Cause love's a goddamn disease. I wish you'd never come to town.

MISS LEE: When we're out of this, you'll be glad I did.

RUBY: We'll see about that, won't we?

 

(Ruby is in the doorway; Miss Lee in the room: they regard one another as LIGHTS FADE TO BLACKOUT.)

 

 

3/ two days later

 

(AT RISE: A SPOT on McGuinness. He wears a bloody head bandage and his clothes are a mess. He's obviously been through hell.)

 

MCGUINNESS: And so I took the map and headed out into the godforsaken Oregon wilderness. And if lizards and other varmints weren't frightening enough, the Indians were getting ready to go on the warpath — or so I imagined, from all the smoke signals on the horizon, smoke as thick as fumes over a Chicago factory. What does it mean, I wondered, and the more I worried about the smoke signals, the more reckless I got in letting down my guard. When I finally found the ore crusher out in the desert, looking dilapidated and deserted, and right where Rose's map said it would be, I entered with more fear of the Indians than of the lizard I'd come to find. You can see the price I paid for being so reckless: Thomas surprised me from behind and put a two-by-four on my head with all the free swing of a Chicago butcher at the meat rack. Surely he was proud of that swing, as I fell down an embankment with the blood of my skull flowing behind. Surely he thought I was a goner, and well I might have been, had a couple of stray miners not wandered into my burial ground and thereby interrupted my journey on the bleeding river to the end. They even were kind enough to put me astride a mule and to lead me back to this semblance of civilization called Canyon City, where I was going to surprise sweet Rose like the Ghost of Christmas Past itself.

 

(LIGHTS UP FULL on McGuinness and Lester. Lester, in dress rehearsal for the play, is in white face and wearing a rather inept attempt at suggesting Elizabethan costume.)

 

LESTER: You just sit down and take it easy ...

 

(He'll help McGuinness to a chair.)

 

MCGUINNESS: You look as white as a ghost ... am I alive?

LESTER: You're gonna be okay ...

MCGUINNESS: Did I frighten you, lad?

LESTER: What the hell happened to you?

MCGUINNESS: You look so pale ...

LESTER: This? It's Hiner's theatrical makeup. We're doing our scene later on.

MCGUINNESS: Are you a clown?

LESTER: I'm supposed to be Iago. Between you and me, Paddy, the Bard will be fertilizing his grave as soon as I start speaking. Now what trouble did you get into out there?

MCGUINNESS: Is Miss Lee still here?

LESTER: I think she's upstairs painting.

MCGUINNESS: You have to help me, Lester. Her husband did this to me. He's out in the fields with a shipment of heisted gold. At least I think the gold must be out there. He used a two-by-four like a butcher his blade, leaving me for buzzard meat. A couple of wandering miners ruined his plan.

LESTER: Is he still out there?

MCGUINNESS: Unless he's here.

LESTER: I sure haven't seen any strangers around here.

 

(Miller enters. He wears the same inept Elizabethan costume and is in black face.)

 

MILLER: "I sing of the west and I sing of the greed that makes a man act outlandish." I see you've learned the first lesson of the mines, Paddy.

LESTER: He had a two-by-four put to his skull. He's lucky he's still alive.

MILLER: It was for greed, am I right? You stumbled across someone else's claim and this is your reward. Greed is the very blood of our lives.

LESTER: He says Miss Lee's husband did this.

MILLER: Her husband?

MCGUINNESS: Thomas O'Reilly is his name. I knew him in Chicago.

MILLER: She has a husband — here?

MCGUINNESS: They're in cahoots together in the crime of the century. I mention it because I'm going to need all the help I can get. Especially here in the wilderness, where I have no more sense of being accepted than in the House of Lords. Will you help me, gentlemen?

MILLER: (to Lester) Did you know she had a husband?

LESTER: It's news to me.

MILLER: (to McGuinness) And you're sure?

MCGUINNESS: I followed them from Chicago, of course I'm sure.

MILLER: Miss Lee is married? But —

MCGUINNESS: Her name is Rose Mulligan and now O'Reilly.

MILLER: (to Lester) I thought you were hoping to marry her.

LESTER: What're you talking about?

MILLER: You met her through a social club. You corresponded and then you proposed, and she came west to marry you.

LESTER: What've you been drinking, Hiner? I'm not about to get married, especially not to no white woman and double especially to no white woman here in Oregon. Last thing I need is to be guest of honor at a necktie party.

MILLER: This is all very strange.

MCGUINNESS: Not so strange, if you knew the mind of Thomas O'Reilly. His plan is ingenious if I say so myself.

LESTER: What plan?

MCGUINNESS: It's a complicated story. Suffice it to say that there was a gold heist in Chicago, and the gold and Thomas O'Reilly disappeared together. I think he's bringing the gold out of the fields as if he's mining it himself.

MILLER: How are they going to bring gold into town without anyone knowing about it?

MCGUINNESS: A piece of the puzzle that troubles me as well.

MILLER: I never read about any gold heist in Chicago.

MCGUINNESS: And where is the newspaper you could read it in? In the east, the heist is called the crime of the century. All the civilized world is talking about it.

LESTER: There's greed for you, Hiner.

MCGUINNESS: Greed, it is.

MILLER: I believe I know Miss Lee well enough to say that criminal activity is nothing she would have a part of.

LESTER: Nobody knows Miss Lee. All she does is sit up in her room and paint.

MILLER: One artist can recognize another. Their souls speak in harmony.

MCGUINNESS: If you know her so well, perhaps you could find out what she's really up to in her room.

MILLER: She paints.

MCGUINNESS: I have a feeling there's more to it than that.

MILLER: If her soul were less than pure, I would see it immediately.

MCGUINNESS: I was hoping you would help me. But if you can't get by that pretty face of hers ...

LESTER: He's got you pegged right, Hiner.

MILLER: I'll talk to her, if that will convince you. I'll ask her if she's married. She wouldn't lie to me.

MCGUINNESS: If you talk to her in her room, I could listen at the door.

MILLER: Spy on us?

MCGUINNESS: To weigh the evidence for myself.

MILLER: That would not be fair to Miss Lee.

MCGUINNESS: I hope you're not worried that you're wrong about her.

MILLER: I'm not wrong at all. If it takes a small deceit to prove her purity to you, then yes, I'll do it.

MCGUINNESS: Give me time to get to my room.

MILLER: You soon will owe me an apology, Paddy.

MCGUINNESS: If an apology is due, then surely you'll be getting it.

 

(He leaves and goes upstairs.)

 

LESTER: What if he's right?

MILLER: He can't be.

LESTER: Does this change of plan mean I can wash my face?

MILLER: Certainly not. This won't take a minute, and then we can rehearse as planned.

 

(Miller starts for the stairway.)

 

LESTER: I think we both look like fools.

MILLER: It's called theatricality. The miners will love it.

LESTER: (after him) You going to put on a dress and be Desdemona, too?

 

(Miller exits upstairs. Lester heads for the kitchen. CROSSFADE to upstairs.)

 

 

4/ a moment later

 

(Miss Lee is painting. Miller knocks on the door.)

 

MILLER: Madam, it is I!

MISS LEE: Just a minute.

 

(She opens the door — and is startled by his appearance.)

 

MISS LEE: Aaa!

 

(Miller comes in and closes the door. McGuinness comes out and positions himself outside the door to listen.)

 

MILLER: It's just theatrical makeup, madam. I am about to rehearse as Othello.

MISS LEE: Really? Then have you come up with a plan?

 

(Miller, knowing that McGuinness is listening, makes a gesture for her to stop this direction of talk.)

 

MISS LEE: Hiner, did you think of something or not?

MILLER: (changing the subject) What magnificent paintings!

 

(He will hold up a canvas: this is the first time we've seen one, and it's nothing but a gold-primed canvas.)

 

MILLER: I knew you had genius! It captures the very soul of the mining camp. Gold, gold!

 

(He looks at the many other canvases in the room, all of them the same.)

 

MILLER: And this one ... the same. And ... the same. But of course! Scenes from a mining camp, each one reduced to its essence, to its bare essentials ... each one reduced to gold! "I sing of the west and I sing of the greed that makes a man act outlandish ..." Yes, yes, these paintings will illustrate my epic poem beautifully. You paint nothing but gold! Only a genius could have conceived of such simplicity.

MISS LEE: Hiner, quit beating around the bush. Do you have a plan to help me or not?

MILLER: (clears his throat) Madam, I've been talking with Paddy McGuinness, and he —

MISS LEE: McGuinness? When?

MILLER: Just a moment ago, and —

MISS LEE: A moment ago? Here?

MILLER: Yes, ma'am. He had a terrible accident and, well, madam, he has a rather bizarre explanation of what transpired.

MISS LEE: (a step ahead of him) He's upset you, hasn't he? With talk of my poor husband, Thomas. They were very good friends back in Chicago.

MILLER: You admit having a husband?

MISS LEE: He died last winter. I fear it was a widow's vulnerability that made me such an easy target for that horrid Mr. Brown.

MILLER: You were married to Thomas O'Reilly?

MISS LEE: Why, yes. Very happily so. My life has become such a tragedy since his untimely departure.

MILLER: Your art will be made stronger for it.

MISS LEE: I do hope so.

MILLER: If your husband is deceased, then Paddy must be wrong about who beaned him with a two-by-four.

MISS LEE: Of course, he's wrong, and ... oh no, I pray it isn't true!

MILLER: What isn't true, madam?

MISS LEE: But that would be just like William!

MILLER: William, madam?

MISS LEE: Thomas' twin brother. You see, for an anniversary present, just before Thomas took ill, my father gave us a map to a gold mine out here. Thomas planned a leave of absence so we might come out and take advantage of it. Then the illness struck and, well, to make a long story brief, somewhere along the way, the map disappeared. I never thought too much about it because frankly my father is a wee bit senile and one is never sure whether he knows what he's talking about. I didn't even look for it until just before I came west to — well, to get married.

 

(She begins to cry.)

 

MILLER: Please, madam, use this.

 

(He offers her a handkerchief.)

 

MISS LEE: You're too kind.

MILLER: I'm honored to grace it with your tears. Please go on.

MISS LEE: There's not much more to tell. The map was missing, or at least I couldn't find it. Perhaps Thomas had a secret hiding place for it. But if you're implying that there's someone in town who looks like Thomas, well, it does make one wonder, doesn't it?

MILLER: You think your brother-in-law found the map?

MISS LEE: It's a definite possibility, I should think. Oh, Mr. Miller —

MILLER: Please call me Joaquin.

MISS LEE: Joaquin.

MILLER: It's my new pen name. After the heroic Mexican, Joaquin Murietta. You're the first to have permission to use it.

MISS LEE: I'm so honored. Joaquin: I just want to get out of here. Soon.

MILLER: I can understand why, madam. All of this surely interferes with your calling.

MISS LEE: It most certainly does.

MILLER: Madam, you are a lady of great integrity!

MISS LEE: Why, thank you.

 

(McGuinness enters the room, his gun drawn. Lester will come up the stairs below and listen at the door. And Ruby will soon come up behind him, gun drawn on Lester, to listen in as well.)

 

MCGUINNESS: Integrity, indeed! Rose, I must hand it to you, you are a wife to do Thomas proud, almost as brilliant in your conniving as he.

MILLER: Madam, let me handle this. Put away that pistol, Paddy!

MCGUINNESS: There's no twin, Hiner.

MILLER: The lady says there is.

MCGUINNESS: She and Thomas are in this scheme together.

MILLER: You're pushing your luck, Paddy.

MCGUINNESS: Stay out of this, Hiner. Why don't you go practice your lines somewhere?

MILLER: I will not abandon the lady.

MCGUINNESS: There's no twin.

MISS LEE: (to Miller) He and William must be in this together.

MCGUINNESS: Then who tried to kill me in the gold fields?

MILLER: I am an artist of the theater, Paddy. Your melodramatic exaggeration does not convince me. You are, in a word — acting!

MCGUINNESS: Get the hell out of here before I lose my patience.

MILLER: We both play to our audience. I put on black face, you put on a bloody bandage.

MCGUINNESS: Where is he, Rose?

MISS LEE: Where is who?

MCGUINNESS: You know who I mean. Thomas.

MISS LEE: You were at the funeral! A fine friend of the family you turned out to be!

MCGUINNESS: You won't get away with this, Rose. You might as well make it easy on yourself. I have more against Thomas than you.

MISS LEE: You should have nothing at all against me, Paddy.

MCGUINNESS: Where is he?

MILLER: Don't let him frighten you, madam.

MCGUINNESS: What're you going to do, Joaquin Hiner —

MILLER: You don't have permission to call me Joaquin.

MCGUINNESS: — take the gun away from me? Then come on, let's get on with it, if I have to shoot you in the leg I'd rather be done with it.

MILLER: You're threatening an attorney of law, in case you've forgotten.

MCGUINNESS: You'll bleed like a dog catcher if you come one step closer.

MISS LEE: Listen to him, Joaquin.

MILLER: He doesn't scare me, madam!

MISS LEE: Paddy, if it's only Thomas you're after, perhaps I can be of help.

MCGUINNESS: I'm sure you can.

MISS LEE: As long as it's worth my while.

MCGUINNESS: And what would make it worth your while?

MISS LEE: Joaquin, please go. I need to talk to Paddy alone.

MILLER: I'm a little confused about —

MCGUINNESS: Get out of here, Hiner! Now!

MILLER: (to Miss Lee) Is your husband dead or not?

 

(He regards Miss Lee, who just looks at him.)

 

MILLER: I'm stunned.

MISS LEE: Please go — Joaquin, I'll explain later.

MILLER: Very well, then. I'll leave you two alone, but I shan't be far, Paddy, and if you lift a hand to harm her —

MCGUINNESS: Just go, Hiner.

 

(Lester and Ruby move up the hallway before Miller turns and exits, going down the stairs and out the main exit. When he passes, they take their places at the door again, eavesdropping, Ruby still with the gun drawn on Lester.)

 

MCGUINNESS: Well, Rose, now it's just the two of us.

MISS LEE: If I help you get Thomas, naturally I want something in return.

MCGUINNESS: And what would that be? The paintings, am I right? Because this gold paint is worth a fortune. Thomas hauled the ore into the fields and crushed it, and you mixed it in the paint. You're a very clever lady, Rose, but I need the paintings as evidence.

MISS LEE: Let me leave with four of the paintings. That will still leave you with plenty to collect the reward with. I presume that's what you're after.

MCGUINNESS: The reward will be nice, to be sure. But matching wits with you and Thomas has its pleasures as well. If I solve this case, everyone in the crime business will know about Paddy McGuinness. There's just one problem. Why should I trust you?

MISS LEE: Because I knew I was going to double-cross Thomas from the moment I married him. Why else would I marry a common detective?

MCGUINNESS: I was curious what you saw in him, being famous and all.

MISS LEE: Let's just say that the plan for the gold heist was part of the proposal.

MCGUINNESS: So how were you going to double-cross him?

MISS LEE: I had a plan for when we got out of Canyon City — which is now obsolete, obviously. I can double-cross him and help you at the same time. You can get the reward and the glory, and I can escape with a modest income.

MCGUINNESS: Somehow this sounds too good to be true.

MISS LEE: Don't forget that I have to trust you as well. You could double-cross me and turn me in.

MCGUINNESS: Then if we have a deal, it's built on mutual trust.

MISS LEE: That's right.

MCGUINNESS: So where is he?

MISS LEE: In the fields, as far as I know.

MCGUINNESS: Why don't I believe you?

MISS LEE: I was to meet him here later this afternoon, during the performance of the play, when the town would be deserted. He must be arranging for the horses.

MCGUINNESS: You were making your getaway this afternoon?

MISS LEE: Yes.

MCGUINNESS: Where were you going to meet him?

MISS LEE: Why, right here — just before the play began. He wanted people to see us first, so they wouldn't be missing us until later. They'd think we were somewhere in the crowd, watching the play.

MCGUINNESS: Then we'll find out if you're telling the truth soon enough.

MISS LEE: Of course I'm telling you the truth!

MCGUINNESS: We'll surely see, won't we?

MISS LEE: Will you let me go after you have Thomas?

MCGUINNESS: It depends.

MISS LEE: On what?

MCGUINNESS: I can't predict the future.

MISS LEE: You don't trust me.

MCGUINNESS: I'm reserving judgment. Make yourself comfortable, Rose. Paint if you like. We have a lizard to catch.

 

(LIGHTS FADE in room and COME UP in main area as Ruby hustles Lester downstairs.)

 

RUBY: That double-crossing scumbag! Well, she's not getting away with this. You're gonna help me double-cross her back, Lester.

LESTER: If it's all the same to you —

RUBY: It ain't. You do what I tell you to do.

LESTER: You don't need me to double-cross her.

RUBY: I need someone to do the heavy lifting, and that's you.

LESTER: There's lots of strong bodies around here — and white ones to boot.

RUBY: You'll travel to Portland as my valet.

LESTER: Your slave.

RUBY: Whatever you want to call yourself.

LESTER: I don't want anything to do with any of this.

RUBY: All I have to do is yell "rape" and your ass is grass, boy.

LESTER: (giving in) So what's the plan?

RUBY: First, we've got to get the paintings out of her room.

LESTER: How do we do that?

RUBY: I'm not sure. Maybe when they're down here before the play, you can move them to the upstairs storage room.

LESTER: What happens when Paddy discovers they're gone?

RUBY: I'll say I saw somebody take them. Hiner maybe. No, he's too stupid. Her husband. He'd be perfect.

LESTER: If I'm moving them before the play, Hiner will be wondering where I am.

RUBY: I'll tell him I had an emergency. You're fixing the stove. After the play, when they discover the paintings are missing, I'll say you didn't fix it after all, you disappeared yourself.

LESTER: How much is my life worth then?

MISS LEE: I'll say I saw you take off with a wagon, heading west. Actually the paintings will be locked up in the storage room, and you'll be hiding out in the fields. We'll get back together later.

LESTER: I just got one more question. What if you double-cross me?

RUBY: I need you. I can't move all those paintings myself.

LESTER: You're a pretty tough bird, Ruby, I think you could handle it.

RUBY: And being alone on the trail to Portland, with the Paiutes sending smoke signals out there? No thanks.

LESTER: The Paiutes are acting up again?

RUBY: That's what I hear.

LESTER: Just what we need.

RUBY: We'll be long gone before the Paiutes do anything. In the meantime, pretend you're getting ready for the play.

LESTER: Damn, you white folks sure have a thing about double-crosses. Wearing this makeup, I almost feel like double-crossing someone myself.

RUBY: You be careful, boy.

LESTER: Hey, that's just a figure of speech, Ruby. Just a figure of speech, okay?

 

(LIGHTS FADE to BLACKOUT.)

 

 

5/ an hour later

 

(LIGHTS UP in Miss Lee's room. She is painting, the canvas invisible to the audience. McGuinness watches her carefully.)

 

MISS LEE: So what do you think?

MCGUINNESS: I don't know anything about art.

MISS LEE: But you recognize the nude female body, don't you?

 

(He doesn't reply.)

 

MISS LEE: Do you think she's beautiful?

MCGUINNESS: I don't know why you're painting a naked lady.

MISS LEE: For your enjoyment.

MCGUINNESS: I don't know what you're getting at.

MISS LEE: Then I'll try to explain.

 

(She slowly disrobes down to her slip during the speech below.)

 

MISS LEE: It doesn't bother me that you know nothing about art, by the way. You're honest to admit it. Thomas was exactly the opposite. He was a buffoon, as a matter of fact. Apparently he'd been studying art history in the encyclopedia in order to impress me. I even painted purposely awful once, just to hear his praise. I really can't tell you why he chose me, what the origin of his infatuation was. Who can figure out the male mind? Can you tell me something about the male mind, Paddy?

MCGUINNESS: What are you doing there?

MISS LEE: (ignoring this, continuing) Whatever the reason, Thomas became infatuated with me, hopelessly so. He'd come to my openings and make an utter fool of himself. Then he came up with his plan. I was astounded the first time he told me. I could have gone and told the police right then. But I didn't, Paddy. Do you want to know why? ... I said, do you want to know why?

MCGUINNESS: You're making me very nervous, Rose.

MISS LEE: Because I'm not as successful as everyone thinks. Financially speaking, I mean. Just because your photograph appears in the newspaper, just because many people recognize your name, just because you're noted for being "a great artist" — do you realize that I sometimes water-color Christmas cards in order to make ends meet? I said, did you know that?

MCGUINNESS: No, I didn't.

MISS LEE: Touch my breasts.

MCGUINNESS: I'll do no such thing. Get dressed.

MISS LEE: Let's double-cross Thomas together. What kind of a reward will you get, compared to all the gold we can share? And some things money can't buy, Paddy. I like you much better than Thomas. There's an earthy honesty about you. I find it very exciting. I'll bet you would make love to me outdoors, on the ground in a rainstorm, surrounded by Indians sending up their smoke signals, the howl of coyotes —

MCGUINNESS: Stop this nonsense!

MISS LEE: Make love to me, Paddy.

 

(During the above, Miller has entered the room behind McGuinness. He carries a huge law book, which he crashes over McGuinness' head. McGuinness falls to the floor. Miller quickly covers his eyes so as not to see Miss Lee in her slip.)

 

MISS LEE: Joaquin, I was so afraid he heard you come in.

MILLER: Dress yourself, madam. I'll wait for you downstairs.

MISS LEE: How can I repay you, Joaquin?

MILLER: We'll worry about that later. Don't waste time, he'll be back on his feet soon.

MISS LEE: I'll be right down.

 

(Miller leaves, stumbling about with his eyes still covered. In the room, Miss Lee will take McGuinness' gun and head downstairs, LIGHTS FADING behind her. LIGHTS UP in the main area as Miller comes downstairs. Lester is still in white face and costume, going over his lines. Ruby is behind the desk, guarding Lester, as Miller enters the area.)

 

MILLER: (quick composure) Well — how are the lines coming?

LESTER: Don't worry about me.

MILLER: I confess to a case of mild jitters. Miss Lee is on her way down — I thought maybe a mid-day stroll would calm me down.

RUBY: You've sure gotten interested in her.

MILLER: We're kindred souls.

RUBY: You just watch yourself. A woman like that has broken many a heart.

MILLER: I can watch out for myself.

 

(Stump enters. He is a little drunk.)

 

STUMP: When's this damn play start? Hiner, you look silly as a goat. You, too, Lester.

MILLER: You're quite early, Stump.

STUMP: Any more whiskey and I'd miss the play entirely.

RUBY: You want some coffee?

STUMP: I think I need it.

RUBY: Go in the kitchen and help yourself.

LESTER: I'll get it.

RUBY: He can get it himself.

STUMP: What the hell happened to the service around here?

 

(He exits to the kitchen.)

 

MILLER: Well. Perhaps I'll get some fresh air.

 

(Ruby draws her gun on Miller.)

 

RUBY: Sorry, nobody's going nowhere.

MILLER: (uncertain) I beg your pardon?

 

(Miss Lee enters, her pistol drawn: she and Ruby draw a bead on one another simultaneously, a stalemate.)

 

MISS LEE: You can put away the gun — we're in this together.

RUBY: Then you put yours away first.

 

(Stump enters: he'll distract Ruby and Miss Lee, giving time for Lester to draw a small pistol he has hidden on his person, which he'll point at Miss Lee, then Ruby, back and forth, unsure who his number one enemy is.)

 

STUMP: What the hell?

LESTER: Everybody relax!

 

(This distraction gives Stump time to draw a small weapon as well. A circle forms: Lester has his gun on Ruby, who has her gun on Miss Lee, who has her gun on Stump, who has his gun on Lester.)

 

STUMP: Now what the hell's going on around here? Get that damn gun off me. I thought we were in this together.

MISS LEE: Sorry, Stump.

STUMP: You double-crossing me?

MISS LEE: You should talk.

STUMP: So that's it? If I didn't have to keep Lester covered, I'd blow you to smithereens.

MISS LEE: Sorry, but I've already got you covered, Stump.

STUMP: Well, if I go, Lester goes — not that it matters none.

LESTER: Hey, it sure does matter! If I go, Ruby goes.

RUBY: And if I go, she goes.

MISS LEE: If I go, Stump goes.

 

(A beat: Miller has been watching this with a certain fascination.)

 

MILLER: Perhaps I can help.

RUBY: Shut up, Hiner. Lester, take your gun off me.

LESTER: I don't trust you.

MILLER: As you may recall from my work with the Paiutes, I am a negotiator of considerable skill.

STUMP: If you're so good, how come they've been sending smoke signals out there?

MILLER: Smoke signals don't mean there's danger. They're merely practicing their oral tradition.

LESTER: Hiner, if you think you can reach a compromise here, I'm all for it.

STUMP: Shut up.

MISS LEE: Lester, why don't you go upstairs and get the paintings?

LESTER: Because if I move I'm a dead man.

MISS LEE: Stump? If you let him go, I'll take my gun off you and you can get out of here.

RUBY: You let Stump go and you're buzzard meat. Nobody's going nowhere.

MILLER: Am I to understand Paddy was right? There's been a gold heist?

 

(Everyone ignores him.)

 

LESTER: Look, we're all in this together, whether we like it or not. Why not share the wealth four ways?

MISS LEE: When McGuinness comes to, there won't be any wealth to share.

STUMP: What are you talking about? That Irishman is buzzard meat.

MISS LEE: He's right upstairs, Stump.

MILLER: And there's gold upstairs as well? I thought this was all some kind of joke. Well, then — all of you just relax. I'll go upstairs and see if McGuinness has come to.

RUBY: Don't you go anywhere, Hiner.

MILLER: Who's going to stop me? Who would dare to turn his gun on me and lose one's position of power in the stalemate?

 

(Miller starts for the stairs.)

 

MISS LEE: Someone stop him!

LESTER: I've got a better idea — Stump, how about I walk out of here and you put your gun on Ruby instead? Be one less compromise to make in the end.

STUMP: I'm not letting you get away with the paintings.

MISS LEE: Unless we stop him, Hiner will, goddamn it!

STUMP: Hiner!

MILLER: (at the foot of the stairs) Yes?

STUMP: What're you going to do up there?

MILLER: I'm not sure. Depends if Paddy has come to or not, I suppose. I wouldn't mind sharing with a man from the city like himself.

MISS LEE: I'll stop him, Ruby, okay? But when I put my gun on Hiner, you have to move yours to Stump or he'll shoot me for sure.

STUMP: Damn right, I will.

RUBY: But then you'll be free to go as you please.

MISS LEE: Trust me, goddamn it!

RUBY: I already made that mistake.

MILLER: Well, it appears that you all have a good deal more to discuss before reaching an agreement. So if you'll excuse me ...

 

(Just as Miller heads up the stairs, McGuinness staggers in from the main entrance with an arrow in his shoulder.)

 

MCGUINNESS: If only the apple of insight had missed my head in Chicago ...

RUBY: What the hell happened to you?

MCGUINNESS: As near as I can surmise from such a short and unpleasant gander, after crawling down the drain pipe to make my getaway, I do believe the Indians are starting to burn down the town ...

MILLER: Impossible — I made peace with the Paiutes!

MCGUINNESS: Where's Thomas, Rose?

RUBY: She got Stump to kill him for her.

STUMP: I was willing to split with you, Ruby.

RUBY: I made the mistake of listening to my heart.

STUMP: What the hell's that mean?

RUBY: I double-crossed you and she double-crossed me right back. She was going to leave town with Hiner.

LESTER: She was supposed to be leaving town with me.

MISS LEE: I would have, if you hadn't been so greedy about your price.

RUBY: But Hiner didn't even know what he was getting in on.

LESTER: Don't think I did. I thought she was an artist.

MISS LEE: I am an artist!

MILLER: If that is true, madam, then I fail to see how you can —

RUBY: Goddamn it, there's Paiutes out there! Are we gonna defend ourselves or stand around squabbling over who double-crossed who?

MCGUINNESS: She has a point.

RUBY: I say we lower weapons at three. Agreed?

 

(All nod or mumble agreement.)

 

RUBY: One, two, three.

 

(All lower their guns.)

 

STUMP: I'm getting the hell out of here!

 

(He exits.)

 

MISS LEE: Joaquin, maybe you can talk to their chief.

MILLER: There must have been a change in command. New chiefs don't always respect the treaties of their predecessors.

 

(Stump staggers back in with an arrow in his stomach. He falls to the floor, dead.)

 

RUBY: We'd better get ready to fight!

MISS LEE: Lester, get the paintings!

LESTER: Your gold ain't worth Hiner's doggerel now, lady.

RUBY: Take positions at the windows ...

MCGUINNESS: You can't be serious? The few of us can't stand them off. There's too many of them out there.

RUBY: You got a better idea?

MILLER: I do, as a matter of fact.

 

(Miller starts away.)

 

RUBY: Where the hell you going?

MILLER: I'm going down to the cellar where I can think in solitude.

RUBY: Fine goddamn peacemaker you are.

MILLER: Give me time, I'll think of something.

 

(He exits. The others prepare to defend the boarding house. They face the audience, as if placing themselves at windows at the front of the building, waiting. The sounds of TRADITIONAL INDIAN DRUMMING AND CHANTING are faintly heard.)

 

RUBY: Half the town must be on fire.

MCGUINNESS: Why are they so angry?

RUBY: They're savages.

LESTER: I think they're pissed because the bones of their ancestors got dug up.

MCGUINNESS: I wonder if you might reason with them?

LESTER: Me?

MCGUINNESS: Being of dark skin — maybe they'll listen to you. As I recall from the journal of Lewis and Clark, the Indians were quite taken by a man with black skin.

LESTER: You're serious?

MCGUINNESS: A Negro valet, I believe he was. The Indians were utterly taken with him. They adored him. If you'd remove the makeup, they might think of you as a dark brother.

 

(He tosses Lester a cloth napkin from one of the tables. Lester will wipe off his makeup.)

 

MCGUINNESS: Perhaps it's a long shot — but on the other hand, I'd say our chances are so slim that anything's worth a try.

LESTER: I hope you know what you're talking about.

MCGUINNESS: Historical fact, in the journal of Lewis and Clark. I don't think the times have changed all that much since then. Do you think it's worth a try?

LESTER: Like you say, our options are limited.

MCGUINNESS: You're a good man, Lester.

 

(Lester grabs another white napkin and starts toward the door, waving it as a peace offering.)

 

RUBY: Lester?

LESTER: Yeah?

RUBY: If you make it, don't forget about us.

 

(Lester laughs, shakes his head and exits.)

 

RUBY: He's sure waving that napkin to beat hell ...

MCGUINNESS: I think he's going to make it. One of the braves is riding toward him. Look, he's smiling!

RUBY: My God, I believe he is at that ... a grin as bright as gold on his face ...

MCGUINNESS: I think the Indian's going to talk to him ... oops ...

 

(They look out in horror. Lester staggers back in, an arrow in his stomach.)

 

LESTER: Paddy, you can take your Lewis and Clark and shove it ...

 

(He falls dead.)

 

RUBY: Looks like we got no choice but to go down fighting.

MCGUINNESS: Perhaps Hiner's right, and the cellar is safer.

RUBY: Not if they burn down the building, it ain't.

MCGUINNESS: That's a decision each must make for himself. Ladies, if you'll excuse me, I wish our circumstances of parting were different ... and dear Rose, do you really think you'd have gotten away with it?

RUBY: (answering first) If she'd trusted me, and if them Paiutes was behaving ...

MCGUINNESS: I do admire your genius, Rose. An inspired plan, painting the gold dust on canvas.

RUBY: Her stupid husband was going to bring it out like he mined it, drawing attention to himself.

 

(Miss Lee, who's been in shock and helpless, now loses it.)

 

MISS LEE: Somebody has to get the paintings ...

 

(She heads for the stairs.)

 

RUBY: Where the hell you going?

 

(No reply.)

 

RUBY: (after her) I'd get ready to defend yourself if I was you.

 

(Miss Lee is gone, upstairs.)

 

RUBY: (after her) The top floors will be the first to go!

MCGUINNESS: You coming with me to the cellar?

RUBY: I'm fighting it out til the end.

MCGUINNESS: There's more Indians out there than varmints in the desert.

RUBY: Indians and varmints don't scare me, neither one.

MCGUINNESS: When I saw smoke signals, I started shaking in my boots. I wish somebody here had done the same. Gold is blinding, isn't it?

RUBY: You gonna give me a hand?

MCGUINNESS: The way I'm shaking, I couldn't hit the side of a barn. Good luck to you.

 

(No reply. McGuinness turns and heads for the cellar.)

 

MCGUINNESS: (on his way) What I'd give for a pint of stout about now ...

 

(He exits.)

 

(Ruby is alone. She waits, gun ready, for the final attack. The sound of DRUMMING rises.)

 

(LIGHTS FADE TO BLACKOUT. A SPOT comes up on McGuinness. The LIGHTING IS RED and suggests surrounding fire, a vision of hell.)

 

MCGUINNESS: Never have I seen such a massacre. Never have I smelled such a stench of burning flesh.

 

(ANOTHER SPOT on Miller, in WHITE LIGHT, a vision of heaven.)

 

MILLER: (reciting from "Oro Oregono") “I sing of the West and I sing of the greed that makes a man act outlandish

And all for the lure of Oregon gold — that's Oro Oregono in Spanish."

MCGUINNESS: For what seemed like days I waited in the charred rubble of the cellar, wondering what my fate would be. Never has the luck of the Irish been more wondrous than on the day I crawled out into the sunshine, realizing I was still alive, with no Indians to be found.

MILLER: "Into the deserts and mountains they come, like hornets swarming to honey.

They sacrifice home and family and friends, and all for the greed for money.

They dig for days and weeks and months til blisters turn to stone.

As hard as ore their hands become, and muscles 'round their bones.

A nugget here! A nugget there! Nature lures them well,

And so they dig and dig again, how long we cannot tell."

MCGUINNESS: And who had survived as well but Hiner, whom I found weeping uncontrollably under a fallen building, babbling no language I could understand. It was all I could do to keep him from running into the desert like a madman. He babbled nonstop right up to the blessed arrival of our rescuers, who looked like white angels as they rode through the charred remains of Canyon City, looking for survivors and finding only two.

I returned to Chicago and back to work for Pinkerton. Never would I have given thought to the nightmare of the Oregon wilderness again had I not found a piece in the Tribune about Hiner himself, complete with photograph, Hiner who was in London and calling himself Joaquin Miller now, decked out in buckskin like Buffalo Bill and plugging a book of poems called "Oro Oregono." In London they were calling him the Lord Byron of the West. Far across the sea, he'd become an American hero.

MILLER: "They found his bones in a deep long hole across the desert sand.

His hand clutched 'round a sterile stone, a pick ax in his hand.

But here's the telling mark, my friend — though the stench was strong and vile,

This miner felt no grief or pain — his lips were in a smile!"

MCGUINNESS: Well, he was famous enough now, I suppose, but the Hiner I remember is still the whimpering fool in the charred remains of Canyon City, and when the U.S. Army finally rose up to chase the Indians and get sweet revenge with massacres of their own, there was no Hiner heeding the call of the bugle, he was safe across the sea in buckskin.

And as for me, I was safe as well, enjoying a glass of Guinness in Chicago, and being very careful now where I smoked my pipe on a windy afternoon — for there is no temptation more treacherous than the lure of sudden insight, when knowledge comes clear in whole cloth. When such clarity happens, my friend, run from it! Run from knowledge and insight!

MILLER: "And in the desert sand beside the grave wherein he sprawled,

In careful printed hand, this very message had been scrawled:

'Yes, a sinner rotted here, whose greedy smile has vanished,

Who lusted after Oregon gold!' — that's Oro Oregono in Spanish."

MCGUINNESS: Run from the truth! — or you may find yourself drawn into a godforsaken Oregon wilderness, where anything at all can happen ...

 

(The LIGHTS INTENSIFY, FIERY RED, the RED washing over Miller now as well: DRUMMING RISES, we hear the sounds of plaintive CHANTING AND DRUMMING, the Native American Blues, as both men are washed in RED LIGHT. Hold: and BLACKOUT. The play is over.)