Used with permission.
How to Write a Really Good Logline
by Wendy Moon
A logline line is the most critical thing you'll write to get in the game --
it can dead end a
great script, and it can get the worst script in the world read. You have
two to three
sentences--about 25-35 words total, to convince someone to request the
script--make them
count.
"I JUST *CAN'T* DO IT IN SO FEW WORDS."
I've heard it over and over: "But my script just can't be boiled down to a
couple sentences-
-it isn't fair to the script!" But it can and will be done. Any coverage
you get will do
exactly that. You think you're not doing justice to your script if you have
to truncate what
it's about--but the true justice your script deserves is to be read and
bought. Writing long,
drawn out intricate loglines is truly unfair because it makes it less likely
that the script will
be read at all.
You've heard over and over, "If you can't say it in three sentences, you
don't know what
your script is about." Trust me--they're right and you're wrong. You have
to, absolutely
must, learn to get to the heart of what your script is about--your career
may very well
depend on your ability to state what your script is about in a fascinating
way. That's what a
pitch is and a logline is a written pitch. If you're going to have a career,
it's a task you will
eventually have to master, so start practicing now.
PASSION IS THE NAME OF THE GAME:
Get *passionate* about the idea before you write it. This is not a time to
be objective. Your
goal is to elicit emotion in the reader -- to whip up a hunger in the reader
-- to make them
want to read it before anyone else does. Let your love for the idea
show--you're not a critic
writing a review, you're a salesman who has to make his monthly quota.
In fact, write the logline before you write the script when you're really
really excited about
the concept then save it until you're getting ready to market the script.
Sure, it might be
modified at the end, but sometimes we understand the whole picture better
when we
haven't painstakingly painted in all the details. It can be like an aerial
view of the forest. (It
can also help you keep the script on track as you're writing it). But if
your script is done,
give it a quick re-read. At the moment when you're most excited about how
great it is, then
write the logline. As you continue to read it, write another one every time
you're filled with
enthusiasm. Don't try to re-work the one you just wrote. Write a new one.
Afterwards, pick
the best one and work it over but good. Your passion HAS to come through in
the logline.
IMAGINE WHAT PEOPLE WILL SAY AT THE WATER COOLER:
Most writers makes their loglines too complicated. Combat that by imagining
what people
would say after they saw the film. How would they describe your movie? What
are the
details that will stand out for them? "These fifteen-mile wide spaceships
wipe out New
York, Washington D.C. and L.A.. They're going to destroy the whole world
unless the
President can coordinate a battle plan from the Area 51 secret military
base. He has to rely
on a drunken cropduster and a computer nerd to save the world from
extinction." Then
refine that.
READ THE BACK OF NOVELS, READ ADS:
Please *don't* study the TV listing versions. In my opinion, they usually
stink. For
example, this is how the movie DELIVERANCE was described, "Four Atlanta
businessmen
on a canoe trip are humbled by nature and mountain men." Sounds like
something on the
Discovery Channel! The TV listing versions are models of brevity, but that's
all. Tape and
then study the Academy Awards summaries of the Best Picture nominees--they are
excellent.
But meanwhile, find paperback novels that are "like" your script and read
the snippet on the
backs of them. How do they portray the story? Learn from them how they
entice you to
read the book. Study the words in ads on tv and magazines. Study Billboards.
That's where
you're going to find evocative phrasing, concise ways to bring your point
across. Look at
the query letter as a letter ad: how would the marketing gurus sum up what
your script is
about? OK, now you're getting close.
CONCISE WRITING IS PARAMOUNT:
(and Universal, Dreamworks, and--ok, bad joke)
As tempting as it is to cram every bit of information you possibly can into
two sentences,
it's not effective. Here's an example:
Example
First try at SCHINDLER'S LIST, drama: Oskar Schindler is a social-climbing, avaricious
businessman
and playboy who doesn't seem to care for anyone but himself. But when he
witnesses
atrocities as the Nazis drive the Jews out of a ghetto, he becomes an
unusual humanitarian
against his own better judgment. Devoted to ingratiating himself with the
Nazi brass in
order to get war supply contracts, he still feels that he must protect the
Jews by hiring only
them for his factory so they can work and not be deported to the camps where
they will
certainly die. This script is adapted from the true life story of Oskar
Schindler who
managed to employ around 1,100 Jews and thus saved them from being gassed at the
Auschwitz concentration camp. This story will make everyone realize that
good exists even
in those we don't think know about compassion at all.
144 words!! Now, it tells the story but it weakens it by telling us far too
much. It's
repetitive and the sentences are unwieldy to put it kindly. Avoid a bad
William Faulkner
style. This example, written by Harald Mayr from the Internet Movie
Database, is much
better.
Revised SCHINDLER'S LIST, drama: "Oskar Schindler is a vain, glorious [grammatical
error in
original] and greedy German businessman who becomes unlikely humanitarian
amid the
barbaric Nazi reign when he feels compelled to turn his factory into a
refuge for Jews.
Based on the true story of Oskar Schindler who managed to save about 1100
Jews from
being gassed at the Auschwitz concentration camp. A testament for the good
in all of us."
This summary type logline line cuts out a lot of details but it still comes
in at 66 words
(it's only fair to point out that Mayr wasn't pitching this--it was intended
for a different
purpose entirely). It should be shorter, leaner, and pack a bit more punch
if it was intended
for a prodco or agency query.
Ernest Hemingway is the style you really need --so, here it is:
Final SCHINDLER'S LIST, drama: A playboy manufacturer rescues 1,100 Jews from certain
death. Appalled by atrocities in Nazi Germany, he hoodwinks the Nazi brass
and converts
his factory into a refuge for Jews. Based on Oskar Schindler's true story.
Now it's 37 words. Much tighter, implies more proaction on his part.
SET A FAST PACE:
Set the pace they can expect in the script. They will assume the script is
as good as the
logline--if it zings along and intrigues them, they will be interested in
the script. If it's
confusing and meanders, then they will assume your script will, too. Unfair?
Maybe. But
it's life. That's what you do when you choose a book or video to rent. Why
would they be
any different?
DON'T TAKE A RUNNING START:
"It's about a ______ who __________." It's lousy to read for us. Leap in
like a writer I
know did: "Before he was 21 he had killed 75 people." Wow! Who would stop
reading at
that point? The specific numbers grab our attention. Use alliteration,
assonance, whatever
you can to make those few words sing.
MAKE EVERY WORD DO DOUBLE DUTY:
Make each word reveal character and plot. "A playboy manufacturer" tells us
what the
businessman does more specifically and that it's an unlikely person to turn
humanitarian. It
also tells us that there will be girls/sex in some way--always interesting
to H'wood. Greedy
is alright, but greedy isn't all that uncommon. "Hoodwinking" tells us that
he's proactive,
clever, shows a sense of how the action will go. "Appalled by atrocities"
implies that the
script shows his conscious-raising experience and the atrocities that caused
it. "Nazi brass"
clues us into the specific antagonists--using just Nazis is too general a
villain.
LESS IS MORE:
Don't inundate the reader with useless information--it's an index card, not
a thesis. So, we
don't need to know at this point that it's a refuge because he hires them,
that he's
vainglorious, greedy and so forth. If you look back at the first logline and
then third, you'll
find that the third actually tells us more of what we need to know than the
first.
USE PRESENT TENSE:
Avoid the past tense like a bill-collector and the progressive tense like
you avoid
telemarketers. "The progressive tense is using the "ing" form of verbs." as
opposed to
"Progressive tense uses "ing" verb endings." Present tense, just like in
your script, is more
exciting, immediate and it will sound fresher.
Check for weak verbs, wordiness. Don't use adverbs or adjectives unless
absolutely
necessary and then use only one per noun or verb and make them vivid ones.
Craft the
sentences, don't swipe them with a broad brush. Re-write until you can't get
the sentence
any leaner, any shorter, more vivid.
WHEN YOU HAVE A CHARACTER-DRIVEN SCRIPT:
You've got to find a way to describe what *really* happens because what
literally
transpires doesn't usually sound very dramatic. *How* the events affect and
*who* it
affects is the story you're trying to tell. That's why there can be so many
Oscar nominated
movies about a "young, married woman who learns valuable life lessons as she
dies from a
fatal disease." Character-driven scripts are the hardest to write loglines
for yet they make
the best, most complex movies. But the query letter reader doesn't know what
you've done
with the events. It's your job to tell them.
What sets YOUR script apart from all other scripts that have a similar
basis? What is
unique about your characters and how they react to the events? No one's
going to waste
their time guessing that's what you're really driving at if you merely
relate the plot. State
what makes your characters fascinating upfront -- even if (and I say this
guardedly) you
have to say it bluntly and badly.
ACTION -BASED SCRIPTS:
Here, you have to emphasize the set pieces that are unique to your script as
well as the plot
and the characters. The action genre depends heavily on the all too-typical
gun battle-
explosions-fist fights-chases and the plots revolve heavily around the same
narrow range of
good vs. evil. It's even more important to tell the prospective reader why
your script is
different, fresh, what you do that is unique. A friend of mine has a teaser
for her script that
fascinated me: "What he knows could kill us. Telling us could kill him."
That's not the
logline as we need to know a bit more, but it makes us what to read the logline.
DON'T BE AFRAID--BE ENTHUSED:
Work as hard on your loglines as you did on your script. Don't give them a
chance to write
back "not interested because it sounds like .... " By then it's too late to
say,"But it's really
about...." It's up to you -- no one is going to second-guess your logline,
no one is going to
give you the benefit of the doubt, no one is going to ask for something they
aren't
interested in reading. Don't get afraid -- get enthused. If all you're
getting back is "no
thanks" then re-evaluate your logline --chances are, you're not doing
justice to your script.
MODULE 11:
SCREENWRIGHT: the craft of screenwriting
8/97