In the exercise below, I am presenting all of
the "forest person" script pages I've written. I am going to rewrite
them and let you look over my shoulder as I do. My comments
will tell you what I am changing and why.
Passages I am changing will be hyperlinked to the changes. You can get a visual sense of how much rewriting I'm doing, too, by scrolling down and seeing the blue links. (As earlier, I'm using the character names Carlo and Andres throughout, one from each of our original two scripts.)
Note: the rewriting exercise below is relatively minor, compared to the major changes in story and character that can happen when a script is in development with a producer. To give you an indication of how this works, I've included two complete screenplays of mine:
Comparing these two screenplays will show you how much can change, even after a script is optioned. These changes are made because the producer wants them made, not because the writer wants them made. Once the producer options the script, he owns it (until the option expires) and if the writer doesn't want to make the changes, the producer will hire another writer to make them. Thus writers can be fired from their own projects -- and frequently are. Being a screenwriter in Hollywood can be a little like playing musical chairs -- you get fired from your own script and get rehired to rewrite someone else's script because s/he, too, has been fired. Such is the strange life of the screenwriter.
From Act One:
FADE IN:
EXT. WHITE HOUSE - DAY
A picture postcard view on a bright sunny morning. (1)
INT. WHITE HOUSE - DINING ROOM - DAY
The PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, 50s, and FIRST LADY, 40s,
sit at opposite ends of a long table. (2)
PRESIDENT
That's all I can tell you. [ADD] (3)
The First Lady stares at him. She looks like someone ready to
explode.
[ADD]
PRESIDENT
Gwen, you've lived in this town long
enough to know how vicious rumors can
be.
FIRST LADY
I don't believe they're rumors. I think
it's the truth.
PRESIDENT
In many ways you're still the naive girl
from Nebraska, aren't you? (4)
Suddenly, with a single sweep of her arm, the First Lady knocks her
dish (5) and coffee cup to the floor. She quickly stands, temper
flush (6) on her cheeks.
FIRST LADY
Don't patronize me!
She strides quickly out of the room. The President gets up from the
table. (7)
PRESIDENT
Gwen, you're being irrational. You're
just proving my point.
But she's gone - just as THOMAS, 40s, a servant, enters the room. (8)
THOMAS
Mr. President?
PRESIDENT
The First lady had an accident. We'll have to
get this cleaned up.
THOMAS
Yes, sir.
[ADD] (9)
EXT. WHITE HOUSE - STREET/DRIVEWAY - DAY
Two men stand by a car parked across the street from the driveway
into the White House. (10) One is CARLO, 40s, handsome and fit. His
partner is ANDRES, 50s, overweight, who chomps on an unlit cigar in
his mouth.
CARLO
Here she comes.
Across the street, the First Lady comes out and bends into the
back seat of a limo [ADD]. (11) She still looks like she's in a huff.
Carlo and Andres hurry into their car, a clunker. (12) Carlo starts the
engine.
The limo pulls out and heads down the street. Carlo and Andres
move into traffic behind it. (13)
INT. CAR - DAY
Andres has taken a pistol out of the glove compartment and is
loading it.
ANDRES
This better be the day. I'm sick
of this shit.
CARLO
I have a feeling it will be.
[ADD] (14)
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EXT. WASHINGTON D.C. - STREETS - DAY
The car continues to follow the limo through city streets.
EXT. HOSPITAL - ENTRANCE - DAY
The limo is parked in front of a hospital.
INT. HOSPITAL - DAY ROOM - DAY
The First Lady is visiting patients. Her aides move her
along, (15) aware that she is on a tight schedule.
EXT. HOSPITAL - STREET - DAY
The two men stand by their car, watching the limo across
the street. (16)
[ADD]
CARL0
Amazing how much charity work she does,
isn't it?
ANDRES
What's so amazing about it?
CARLO
She doesn't have to do this.
ANDRES
Course she does. Makes the President look
good.
CARLO
Every day, three or four places like this?
It's a full time job.
ANDRES
What the hell else she supposed to do? Spend
the day at the beauty parlor?
CARLO
Here they come. (17)
EXT. HOSPITAL - ENTRANCE - DAY
The First Lady and her party get back into the limo.
The limo pulls away from the hospital and back into traffic.
The car moves in behind the limo again.
EXT. GAS STATION - DAY
The limo is getting gas.
Carlo and Andres are parked down the way and watching.
The First Lady gets out of the limo and heads for the
restroom, which is in the back of the building.
Carlo seizes the moment.
CARLO
Now!
They get into their car. (18)
EXT. GAS STATION - RESTROOM - DAY
The car pulls behind the gas station, near the restroom.
Looking around carefully, Andres gets out and moves slowly
toward the door to the women's room. He has his pistol at
the ready.
Carlo, meanwhile, is slowly backing the car toward the
door to the restroom. (19)
Andres takes a position beside the door and waits.
Carlo has the car in position and parks. He and Andres exchange
a tense glance.
Just then a FEMALE CUSTOMER comes around the building to the
restroom. She sees Andres and then the gun - and she SCREAMS.
In the car, Carlo grimaces and gestures to Andres, "do something!"
The restroom door opens, and the First Lady comes out. Andres
grabs her.
The female customer turns and starts running for the corner of
the building.
[ADD]
Carlo jumps out of the car and races to help Andres.
Together, Carlo and Andres drag and shove the First Lady into
the back seat of the car. Andres gets in with her as Carlo
slips back behind wheel.
An AIDE comes around the building, gun drawn, and Andres stops
him with one shot.
Carlo races out of the parking lot.
The GAS STATION ATTENDANT races forward, firing a pistol at the
departing car. (20)
INT. CAR - DAY
Carlo is speeding through traffic. His eyes dart up to the rearview
mirror and back at traffic.
In the back seat, Andres has the First Lady in quiet terror, the
pistol pointed at her head.
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SCREENWRIGHT: the craft of screenwriting8/97