Bleak House, No. VII.: Electronic Edition.

Dickens, Charles, 1812-1870.


Funding from the E. S. P. Das Educational Foundation supported the electronic publication of this title.


Illustrated by  Browne, H. K. (Hablot Knight), 1815-1882.
Text transcribed by Apex Data Services, Inc.
Images scanned by Maura McKee
Text encoded by  Apex Data Services, Inc., Matthew Kern and Jill Kuhn Sexton

First edition, 2002
ca. 300K
Academic Affairs Library, UNC-CH
University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill,

© This work is the property of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. It may be used freely by individuals for research, teaching and personal use as long as this statement of availability is included in the text.


Source Description

Title (from title page): Bleak House
Author: Charles Dickens
Extent: 76 p., ill.
London
Bradbury & Evans
1852
Call number RBC Dickens 21 c. 2 (Rare Book Collection, University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill)

Encoding Description

The electronic edition is a part of the UNC-CH digitization project, Documenting the American South.

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Revision History



No. VII.

SEPTEMBER.

Price 1s.

BLEAK
HOUSE

BY

CHARLES DICKENS.

WITH ILLUSTRATIONS BY H. K. BROWNE.

LONDON:

BRADBURY & EVANS, BOUVERIE STREET.


AGENTS: J. MENZIES, EDINBURGH; MURRAY AND SON, GLASGOW; J. M'GLASHAN, DUBLIN.
The Author of this Work notifies that it is his intention to reserve the
right of translating it.

BARON LIEBIG'S OPINION OF “PALE ALE.” —

           The prominence given to the name of Baron Liebig in placards and advertisements will have created the impression that he coveted a celebrity inconsistent with the dignity of his station in the scientific world. Having learned that he had attained such undesirable notoriety, Baron Liebig has requested the publication of the following letter, with the view of informing the public of the motives which dictated his communication to Mr. Allsopp:—

           “The question of adulteration by strychnine, which has been taken up seriously in England, seemed to me of great importance, and I thought to do some good by aiding to demonstrate the error. If I wished to associate with any individual brewery my remarks on the alleged adulteration of bitter beer with strychnine, it would have been natural to have mentioned another brewery in which alone, and not in Mr. Allsopp's, I was engaged in investigating the Burton mode of brewing; and it was also in that other brewery the Bavarian brewers acquired all the instruction they obtained at Burton. The admiration I expressed of this beverage in my letter to Mr. Allsope is advertised in such a manner as to lead to the inference that my praise was exclusively confined to Mr. Allsopp's beer: this was not the case; my remarks referred to that class of beer.

           “JUSTUS LIEBIG.

           “Giessen, July 24, 1852.”




page ii

          


Mr. Guppy's entertainment.



page iii

          


The Smallweed Family.



page 193

CHAPTER XX.
A NEW LODGER.

           THE long vacation saunters on towards term-time, like an idle river very leisurely strolling down a flat country to the sea. Mr. Guppy saunters along with it congenially. He has blunted the blade of his penknife, and broken the point off, by sticking that instrument into his desk in every direction. Not that he bears the desk any ill will, but he must do something, and it must be something of an unexciting nature, which will lay neither his physical nor his intellectual energies under too heavy contribution. He finds that nothing agrees with him so well, as to make little gyrations on one leg of his stool, and stab his desk, and gape.

           Kenge and Carboy are out of town, and the articled clerk has taken out a shooting license and gone down to his father's, and Mr. Guppy's two fellow stipendiaries are away on leave. Mr. Guppy, and Mr. Richard Carstone, divide the dignity of the office. But Mr. Carstone is for the time being established in Kenge's room, whereat Mr. Guppy chafes. So exceedingly, that he with biting sarcasm informs his mother, in the confidential moments when he sups with her off a lobster and lettuce, in the Old Street Road, that he is afraid the office is hardly good enough for swells, and that if he had known there was a swell coming, he would have got it painted.

           Mr. Guppy suspects everybody who enters on the occupation of a stool in Kenge and Carboy's office, of entertaining, as a matter of course, sinister designs upon him. He is clear that every such person wants to depose him. If he be ever asked how, why, when, or wherefore, he shuts up one eye and shakes his head. On the strength of these profound views, he in the most ingenious manner takes infinite pains to counterplot, when there is no plot; and plays the deepest games of chess without any adversary.

           It is a source of much gratification to Mr. Guppy, therefore, to find the new comer constantly poring over the papers in Jarndyce and Jarndyce; for he well knows that nothing but confusion and failure can come of that. His satisfaction communicates itself to a third saunterer through the long vacation in Kenge and Carboy's office; to wit, Young Smallweed.

           Whether Young Smallweed (metaphorically called Small and eke Chick Weed, as it were jocularly to express a fledgling,) was ever a boy, is much doubted in Lincoln's Inn. He is now something under fifteen, and an old limb of the law. He is facetiously understood to entertain a passion for a lady at a cigar shop, in the neighbourhood of Chancery Lane, and for her sake to have broken off a contract with another lady, to whom he had been engaged some years. He is a town-made article, of small stature and weazen features; but may be perceived from a considerable distance by means of his very tall hat. To become a Guppy is the object of his ambition. He dresses at that gentleman (by whom he is patronized), talks at him, walks at him, founds himself entirely on him. He is honored with Mr. Guppy's particular confidence, and occasionally advises him, from the deep wells of his experience, on difficult points in private life.



page 194

           Mr. Guppy has been lolling out of window all the morning, after trying all the stools in succession and finding none of them easy, and after several times putting his head into the iron safe with a notion of cooling it. Mr. Smallweed has been twice dispatched for effervescent drinks, and has twice mixed them in the two official tumblers and stirred them up with the ruler. Mr. Guppy propounds, for Mr. Smallweed's consideration, the paradox that the more you drink the thirstier you are; and reclines his head upon the window-sill in a state of hopeless languor.

           While thus looking out into the shade of Old Square, Lincoln's Inn, surveying the intolerable bricks and mortar, Mr. Guppy becomes conscious of a manly whisker emerging from the cloistered walk below, and turning itself up in the direction of his face. At the same time, a low whistle is wafted through the Inn, and a suppressed voice cries, “Hip! Gup-py!”

           “Why, you don't mean it?” says Mr. Guppy, aroused. “Small! Here's Jobling!” Small's head looks out of window too, and nods to Jobling.

           “Where have you sprung up from?” enquires Mr. Guppy.

           “From the market-gardens down by Deptford. I can't stand it any longer. I must enlist. I say! I wish you'd lend me half-a-crown. Upon my soul I'm hungry.”

           Jobling looks hungry, and also has the appearance of having run to seed in the market-gardens down by Deptford.

           “I say! Just throw out half-a-crown, if you have got one to spare. I want to get some dinner.”

           “Will you come and dine with me?” says Mr. Guppy, throwing out the coin, which Mr. Jobling catches neatly.

           “How long should I have to hold out?” says Jobling.

           “Not half an hour. I am only waiting here, till the enemy goes,” returns Mr. Guppy, butting inward with his head.

           “What enemy?”

           “A new one. Going to be articled. Will you wait?”

           “Can you give a fellow anything to read in the meantime?” says Mr. Jobling.

           Smallweed suggests the Law List. But Mr. Jobling declares, with much earnestness, that he “can't stand it.”

           “You shall have the paper,” says Mr. Guppy. “He shall bring it down. But you had better not be seen about here. Sit on our staircase and read. It's a quiet place.”

           Jobling nods intelligence and acquiescence. The sagacious Smallweed supplies him with the newspaper, and occasionally drops his eye upon him from the landing as a precaution against his becoming disgusted with waiting, and making an untimely departure. At last the enemy retreats, and then Smallweed fetches Mr. Jobling up.

           “Well, and how are you?” says Mr. Guppy, shaking hands with him.

           “So, so. How are you?”

           Mr. Guppy replying that he is not much to boast of, Mr. Jobling ventures on the question, “How is she?” This Mr. Guppy resents as a liberty; retorting, “Jobling, there are chords in the human mind—” Jobling begs pardon.



page 195

           “Any subject but that!” says Mr. Guppy, with a gloomy enjoyment of his injury. “For there are chords, Jobling—”

           Mr. Jobling begs pardon again.

           During this short colloquy, the active Smallweed, who is of the dinner party, has written in legal characters on a slip of paper, “Return immediately.” This notification to all whom it may concern, he inserts in the letter-box; and then putting on the tall hat, at the angle of inclination at which Mr. Guppy wears his, informs his patron that they may now make themselves scarce.

           Accordingly they betake themselves to a neighbouring dining-house, of the class known among its frequenters by the denomination Slap-Bang, where the waitress, a bouncing young female of forty, is supposed to have made some impression on the susceptible Smallweed; of whom it may be remarked that he is a weird changeling, to whom years are nothing. He stands precociously possessed of centuries of owlish wisdom. If he every lay in a cradle, it seems as if he must have lain there in a tail-coat. He has an old, old eye, has Smallweed; and he drinks, and smokes, in a monkeyish way; and his neck is stiff in his collar; and he is never to be taken in; and he knows all about it, whatever it is. In short, in his bringing up, he has been so nursed by Law and Equity that he has become a kind of fossil Imp, to account for whose terrestrial existence it is reported at the public offices that his father was John Doe, and his mother the only female member of the Roe family; also that his first long-clothes were made from a blue bag.

           Into the Dining House, unaffected by the seductive show in the window, of artificially whitened cauliflowers and poultry, verdant baskets of peas, coolly blooming cucumbers, and joints ready for the spit, Mr. Smallweed leads the way. They know him there, and defer to him. He has his favorite box, he bespeaks all the papers, he is down upon bald patriarchs, who keep them more than ten minutes afterwards. It is of no use trying him with anything less than a full-sized “bread,” or proposing to him any joint in cut, unless it is in the very best cut. In the matter of gravy he is adamant.

           Conscious of his elfin power, and submitting to his dread experience, Mr. Guppy consults him in the choice of that day's banquet; turning an appealing look toward him as the waitress repeats the catalogue of viands, and saying “What do you take, Chick?” Chick, out of the profundity of his artfulness, preferring “veal and ham and French beans—And don't you forget the stuffing, Polly,” (with an unearthly cock of his venerable eye); Mr. Guppy and Mr. Jobling give the like order. Three pint pots of half-and-half are superadded. Quickly the waitress returns, bearing what is apparently a model of the tower of Babel, but what is really a pile of plates and flat tin dish-covers. Mr. Smallweed, approving of what is set before him, conveys intelligent benignity into his ancient eye, and winks upon her. Then, amid a constant coming in, and going out, and running about, and a clatter of crockery, and a rumbling up and down of the machine which brings the nice cuts from the kitchen, and a shrill crying for more nice cuts down the speaking-pipe, and a shrill reckoning of the cost of nice cuts that have been disposed of, and a general flush and steam of hot joints, cut and uncut, and a considerably heated atmosphere in which the soiled knives and table-cloths seem to break out



page 196 spontaneously into eruptions of grease and blotches of beer, the lega triumvirate appease their appetites.

           Mr. Jobling is buttoned up closer than mere adornment might require. His hat presents at the rims a peculiar appearance of a glistening nature, as if it had been a favorite snail-promenade. The same phenomenon is visible on some parts of his coat, and particularly at the seams. He has the faded appearance of a gentleman in embarrassed circumstances; even his light whiskers droop with something of a shabby air.

           His appetite is so vigorous, that it suggests spare living for some little time back. He makes such a speedy end of his plate of veal and ham, bringing it to a close while his companions are yet midway in theirs, that Mr. Guppy proposes another. “Thank you, Guppy,” says Mr. Jobling, “I really don't know but what I will take another.”

           Another being brought, he falls to with great good will.

           Mr. Guppy takes silent notice of him at intervals, until he is half way through this second plate and stops to take an enjoying pull at his pint pot of half-and-half (also renewed), and stretches out his legs and rubs his hands. Beholding him in which glow of contentment, Mr. Guppy says:

           “You are a man again, Tony!”

           “Well, not quite, yet,” says Mr. Jobling. “Say, just born.”

           “Will you take any other vegetables? Grass? Peas? Summer cabbage?”

           “Thank you, Guppy,” says Mr. Jobling. “I really don't know but what I will take summer cabbage.”

           Order given; with the sarcastic addition (from Mr. Smallweed) of “Without slugs, Polly!” And cabbage produced.

           “I am growing up, Guppy,” says Mr. Jobling, plying his knife and fork with a relishing steadiness.

           “Glad to hear it.”

           “In fact, I have just turned into my teens,” says Mr. Jobling.

           He says no more until he has performed his task, which he achieves as Messrs. Guppy and Smallweed finish theirs; thus getting over the ground in excellent style, and beating those two gentlemen easily by a veal and ham and a cabbage.

           “Now, Small,” says Mr. Guppy, “what would you recommend about pastry?”

           “Marrow puddings,” says Mr. Smallweed instantly.

           “Aye, aye!” cries Mr. Jobling, with an arch look. “You're there, are you? Thank you, Guppy, I don't know but what I will take a marrow pudding.”

           Three marrow puddings being produced, Mr. Jobling adds, in a pleasant humour, that he is coming of age fast. To these succeed, by command of Mr. Smallweed, “three Cheshires;” and to those, “three small rums.” This apex of the entertainment happily reached, Mr. Jobling puts up his legs on the carpeted seat (having his own side of the box to himself), leans against the wall, and says, “I am grown up, now, Guppy. I have arrived at maturity.”

           “What do you think, now,” says Mr. Guppy, “about—you don't mind Smallweed?”

           “Not the least in the world. I have the pleasure of drinking his good health.”



page 197

           “Sir, to you!” says Mr. Smallweed.

           “I was saying, what do you think now,” pursues Mr. Guppy, “of enlisting?

           “Why, what I may think after dinner,” returns Mr. Jobling, “is one thing, my dear Guppy, and what I may think before dinner is another thing. Still, even after dinner, I ask myself the question, What am I to do? How am I to live? Ill so manger, you know,” says Mr. Jobling, pronouncing that word as if he meant a necessary fixture in an English stable. “Ill so manger. That's the French saying, and mangering is as necessary to me as it is to a Frenchman. Or more so.”

           Mr. Swallweed is decidedly of opinion “much more so.”

           “If any man had told me,” pursues Jobling, “even so lately as when you and I had the frisk down in Lincolnshire, Guppy, and drove over to see that house at Castle Wold—”

           Mr. Smallweed corrects him—Chesney Wold.

           “Chesney Wold. (I thank my honorable friend for that cheer.) If any man had told me, then, that I should be as hard up at the present time as I literally find myself, I should have—well, I should have pitched into him,” says Mr. Jobling, taking a little rum-and-water with an air of desperate resignation; “I should have let fly at his head.”

           “Still, Tony, you were on the wrong side of the post then,” remonstrates Mr. Guppy. “You were talking about nothing else in the gig.”

           “Guppy,” says Mr. Jobling, “I will not deny it. I was on the wrong side of the post. But I trusted to things coming round.”

           That very popular trust in flat things coming round! Not in their being beaten round, or worked round, but in their “coming” round! As though a lunatic should trust in the world's “coming” triangular!

           “I had confident expectations that things would come round and be all square,” says Mr. Jobling, with some vagueness of expression, and perhaps of meaning, too. “But I was disappointed. They never did. And when it came to creditors making rows at the office, and to people that the office dealt with making complaints about dirty trifles of borrowed money, why there was an end of that connexion. And of any new professional connexion, too; for it I was to give a reference to-morrow, it would be mentioned, and would sew me up. Then, what's a fellow to do? I have been keeping out of the way, and living cheap, down about the market-gardens; but what's the use of living cheap when you have got no money? You might as well live dear.”

           “Better,” Mr. Swallweed thinks.

           “Certainly. It's the fashionable way; and fashion and whiskers have been my weaknesses, and I don't care who knows it,” says Mr. Jobling. “They are great weaknesses—Damme, sir, they are great. Well!” proceeds Mr. Jobling, after a defiant visit to his rum-and-water, “what can a fellow do, I ask you, but enlist?”

           Mr. Guppy comes more fully into the conversation, to state what, in his opinion, a fellow can do. His manner is the gravely impressive manner of a man who has not committed himself in life, otherwise than as he has become the victim of a tender sorrow of the heart.

           “Jobling,” says Mr. Guppy, “myself and our mutual friend Smallweed —”



page 198

           (Mr. Smallweed modestly observes “Gentlemen both!” and drinks.)

           “Have had a little conversation on this matter more than once, since you —”

           “Say, got the sack!” cries Mr. Jobling, bitterly. “Say it, Guppy. You mean it.”

           “N-o-o! Left the Inn,” Mr. Smallweed delicately suggests.

           “Since you left the Inn, Jobling,” says Mr. Guppy; “and I have mentioned, to our mutual friend Smallweed, a plan I have lately thought of proposing. You know Snagsby the stationer?”

           “I know there is such a stationer,” returns Mr. Jobling. “He was not ours, and I am not acquainted with him.”

           “He is ours, Jobling, and I am acquainted with him,” Mr. Guppy retorts. “Well, sir! I have lately become better acquainted with him, through some accidental circumstances that have made me a visitor of his in private life. Those circumstances it is not necessary to offer in argument. They may—or they may not—have some reference to a subject, which may—or may not—have cast its shadow on my existence.”

           As it is Mr. Guppy's perplexing way, with boastful misery to tempt his particular friends into this subject, and the moment they touch it, to turn on them with that trenchant severity about the chords in the human mind; both Mr. Jobling and Mr. Smallweed decline the pitfall, by remaining silent.

           “Such things may be,” repeats Mr. Guppy, “or they may not be. They are no part of the case. It is enough to mention, that both Mr. and Mrs. Snagsby are very willing to oblige me; and that Snagsby has, in busy times, a good deal of copying work to give out. He has all Tulkinghorn's, and an excellent business besides. I believe, if our mutual friend Smallweed were put into the box, he could prove this?”

           Mr. Smallweed nods, and appears greedy to be sworn.

           “Now, gentlemen of the jury,” says Mr. Guppy, “—I mean, now Jobling—you may say this is a poor prospect of a living. Granted. But it's better than nothing, and better than enlistment. You want time. There must be time for these late affairs to blow over. You might live through it on much worse terms than by writing for Snagsby.”

           Mr. Jobling is about to interrupt, when the sagacious Smallweed checks him with a dry cough, and the words, “Hem! Shakspeare!”

           “There are two branches to this subject, Jobling,” says Mr. Guppy. “That is the first. I come to the second. You know Krook, the Chancellor, across the lane. Come, Jobling,” says Mr. Guppy, in his encouraging cross-examination-tone, “I think you know Krook, the Chancellor, across the lane?”

           “I know him by sight,” says Mr. Jobling.

           “You know him by sight. Very well. And you know little Flite?”

           “Everybody knows her,” says Mr. Jobling.

           “Everybody knows her. Very well. Now it has been one of my duties of late, to pay Flite a certain weekly allowance, deducting from it the amount of her weekly rent: which I have paid (in consequence of instructions I have received) to Krook himself, regularly, in her presence. This has brought me into communication with Krook, and into a knowledge of his house and his habits. I know he has a room to let. You may live there, at a very low charge, under any name you like; as quietly



page 199 as if you were a hundred miles off. He'll ask no questions; and would accept you as a tenant, at a word from me—before the clock strikes, if you chose. And I'll tell you another thing, Jobling,” says Mr. Guppy, who has suddenly lowered his voice, and become familiar again, “he's an extraordinary old chap—always rummaging among a litter of papers, and grubbing away at teaching himself to read and write; without getting on a bit, as it seems to me. He is a most extraordinary old chap, sir. I don't know but what it might be worth a fellow's while to look him up a bit.”

           “You don't mean —?” Mr. Jobling begins.

           “I mean,” returns Mr. Guppy, shrugging his shoulders with becoming modesty, “that I can't make him out. I appeal to our mutual friend Smallweed, whether he has or has not heard me remark, that I can't make him out.”

           Mr. Smallweed bears the concise testimony, “A few!”

           “I have seen something of the profession, and something of life, Tony,” says Mr. Guppy, “and it's seldom I can't make a man out, more or less. But such an old card as this; so deep, so sly, and secret (though I don't believe he is ever sober); I never came across. Now, he must be precious old, you know, and he has not a soul about him, and he is reported to be immensely rich; and whether he is a smuggler, or a receiver, or an unlicensed pawnbroker, or a money-lender—all of which I have thought likely at different times — it might pay you to knock up a sort of knowledge of him. I don't see why you shouldn't go in for it, when everything else suits.”

           Mr. Jobling, Mr. Guppy, and Mr. Smallweed, all lean their elbows on the table, and their chins upon their hands, and look at the ceiling. After a time, they all drink, slowly lean back, put their hands in their pockets, and look at one another.

           “If I had the energy I once possessed, Tony!” says Mr. Guppy, with a sigh. “But there are chords in the human mind —”

           Expressing the remainder of the desolate sentiment in rum and water, Mr. Guppy concludes by resigning the adventure to Tony Jobling, and informing him that, during the vacation and while things are slack, his purse, “as far as three or four or even five pound goes,” will be at his disposal. “For never shall it be said,” Mr. Guppy adds with emphasis, “that William Guppy turned his back upon his friend!”

           The latter part of the proposal is so directly to the purpose, that Mr. Jobling says with emotion, “Guppy, my trump, your fist!” Mr. Guppy presents it, saying, “Jobling, my boy, there it is!” Mr. Jobling returns. “Guppy, we have been pals now for some years!” Mr. Guppy replies, “Jobling, we have.” They then shake hands, and Mr. Jobling adds in a feeling manner, “Thank you, Guppy, I don't know but what I will take another glass, for old acquaintance sake.”

           “Krook's last lodger died there,” observes Mr. Guppy, in an incidental way.

           “Did he though!” says Mr. Jobling.

           “There was a verdict. Accidental death. You don't mind that?”

           “No,” says Mr. Jobling, “I don't mind it; but he might as well have died somewhere else. It's devilish odd that he need go and die at my place!” Mr. Jobling quite resents this liberty; several times returning



page 200 to it with such remarks as, “There are places enough to die in, I should think!” or, “He wouldn't have liked my dying at his place, I dare say!”

           However, the compact being virtually made, Mr. Guppy proposes to dispatch the trusty Smallweed to ascertain if Mr. Krook is at home, as in that case they may complete the negotiation without delay. Mr. Jobling approving, Smallweed puts himself under the tall hat and conveys it out of the dining-rooms in the Guppy manner. He soon returns with the intelligence that Mr. Krook is at home, and that he has seen him through the shop-door, sitting in his back premises, sleeping, “like one o'clock.”

           “Then I'll pay,” says Mr. Guppy, “and we'll go and see him. Small, what will it be?”

           Mr. Smallweed, compelling the attendance of the waitress with one hitch of his eyelash, instantly replies as follows: “Four veals and hams is three, and four potatoes is three and four, and one summer cabbage is three and six, and three marrows is four and six, and six breads is five, and three Cheshires is five and three, and four pints of half-and-half is six and three, and four small rums is eight and three, and three Pollys is eight and six. Eight and six in half a sovereign, Polly, and eighteenpence out!”

           Not at all excited by these stupendous calculations, Smallweed dismisses his friends with a cool nod, and remains behind to take a little admiring notice of Polly, as opportunity may serve, and to read the daily papers: which are so very large in proportion to himself, shorn of his hat, that when he holds up The Times to run his eye over the columns, he seems to have retired for the night, and to have disappeared under the bedclothes.

           Mr. Guppy and Mr. Jobling repair to the rag and bottle shop, where they find Krook still sleeping like one o'clock; that is to say, breathing stertorously with his chin upon his breast, and quite insensible to any external sounds, or even to gentle shaking. On the table beside him, among the usual lumber, stand an empty gin bottle and a glass. The unwholesome air is so stained with this liquor, that even the green eyes of the cat upon her shelf, as they open and shut and glimmer on the visitors, look drunk.

           “Hold up here!” says Mr. Guppy, giving the relaxed figure of the old man another shake. “Mr. Krook! Halloa, sir!”

           But it would seem as easy to wake a bundle of old clothes, with a spirituous heat smouldering in it. “Did you ever see such a stupor as he falls into, between drink and sleep?” says Mr. Guppy.

           “If this is his regular sleep,” returns Jobling, rather alarmed, “it'll last a long time one of these days, I am thinking.”

           “It's always more like a fit than a nap,” says Mr. Guppy, shaking him again. “Halloa, your lordship! Why he might be robbed, fifty times over! Open your eyes!”

           After much ado, he opens them, but without appearing to see his visitors, or any other objects. Though he crosses one leg on another, and folds his hands, and several times closes and opens his parched lips, he seems to all intents and purposes as insensible as before.

           “He is alive, at any rate,” says Mr. Guppy. “How are you, my Lord Chancellor. I have brought a friend of mine, sir, on a little matter of business.”



page 201

           The old man still sits, often smacking his dry lips, without the least consciousness. After some minutes, he makes an attempt to rise. They help him up, and he staggers against the wall, and stares at them.

           “How do you do, Mr. Krook?” says Mr. Guppy, in some discomfiture. “How do you do, sir? You are looking charming, Mr. Krook. I hope you are pretty well?”

           The old man, in aiming a purposeless blow at Mr. Guppy, or at nothing, feebly swings himself round, and comes with his face against the wall. So he remains for a minute or two, heaped up against it; and then staggers down the shop to the front door. The air, the movement in the court, the lapse of time, or the combination of these things, recovers him. He comes back pretty steadily, adjusting his fur-cap on his head, and looking keenly at them.

           “Your servant, gentlemen; I've been dozing. Hi! I am hard to wake, odd times.”

           “Rather so, indeed, sir,” responds Mr. Guppy.

           “What? You've been a-trying to do it, have you?” says the suspicious Krook.

           “Only a little,” Mr. Guppy explains.

           The old man's eye resting on the empty bottle, he takes it up, examines it, and slowly tilts it upside down.

           “I say!” he cries, like the Hobgoblin in the story. “Somebody's been making free here!”

           “I assure you we found it so,” says Mr. Guppy. “Would you allow me to get it filled for you?”

           “Yes, certainly I would!” cries Krook, in high glee. “Certainly I would! Don't mention it! Get it filled next door—Sol's Arms—the Lord Chancellor's fourteenpenny. Bless you, they know me!

           He so presses the empty bottle upon Mr. Guppy, that that gentleman, with a nod to his friend, accepts the trust, and hurries out and hurries in again with the bottle filled. The old man receives it in his arms like a beloved grandchild, and pats it tenderly.

           “But, I say!” he whispers, with his eyes screwed up, after tasting it, “this ain't the Lord Chancellor's fourteenpenny. This is eighteenpenny!”

           “I thought you might like that better,” says Mr. Guppy.

           “You're a nobleman, sir,” returns Krook, with another taste—and his hot breath seems to come towards them like a flame. “You're a baron of the land.”

           Taking advantage of this auspicious moment, Mr. Guppy presents his friend under the impromptu name of Mr. Weevle, and states the object of their visit. Krook, with his bottle under his arm (he never gets beyond a certain point of either drunkenness or sobriety), takes time to survey his proposed lodger, and seems to approve of him. “You'd like to see the room, young man?” he says. “Ah! It's a good room! Been whitewashed. Been cleaned down with soft soap and soda. Hi! It's worth twice the rent; letting alone my company when you want it, and such a cat to keep the mice away.”

           Commending the room after this manner, the old man takes them upstairs, where indeed they do find it cleaner than it used to be, and also containing some old articles of furniture which he has dug up from his inexhaustible stores. The terms are easily concluded—for the Lord



page 202 Chancellor cannot be hard on Mr. Guppy, associated as he is with Kenge and Carboy, Jarndyce and Jarndyce, and other famous claims on his professional consideration—and it is agreed that Mr. Weevle shall take possession on the morrow. Mr. Weevle and Mr. Guppy then repair to Cook's Court, Cursitor Street, where the personal introduction of the former to Mr. Snagsby is effected, and (more important) the vote and interest of Mrs. Snagsby are secured. They then report progress to the eminent Smallweed, waiting at the office in his tall hat for that purpose, and separate; Mr. Guppy explaining that he would terminate his little entertainment by standing treat at the play, but that there are chords in the human mind which would render it a hollow mockery.

           On the morrow, in the dusk of evening, Mr. Weevle modestly appears at Krook's, by no means incommoded with luggage, and establishes himself in his new lodging; where the two eyes in the shutters stare at him in his sleep, as if they were full of wonder. On the following day Mr. Weevle, who is a handy good-for-nothing kind of young fellow, borrows a needle and thread of Miss Flite, and a hammer of his landlord, and goes to work devising apologies for window-curtains, and knocking up apologies for shelves, and hanging up his two teacups, milkpot, and crockery sundries on a pennyworth of little hooks, like a shipwrecked sailor making the best of it.

           But what Mr. Weevle prizes most, of all his few possessions (next after his light whiskers, for which he has an attachment that only whiskers can awaken in the breast of man), is a choice collection of copper-plate impressions from that truly national work, The Divinities of Albion, or Galaxy Gallery of British Beauty, representing ladies of title and fashion in every variety of smirk that art, combined with capital, is capable of producing. With these magnificent portraits, unworthily confined in a band-box during his seclusion among the market-gardens, he decorates his apartment; and as the Galaxy Gallery of British Beauty wears every variety of fancy-dress, plays every variety of musical instrument, fondles every variety of dog, ogles every variety of prospect, and is backed up by every variety of flower-pot and balustrade, the result is very imposing.

           But, fashion is Mr. Weevle's, as it was Tony Jobling's weakness. To borrow yesterday's paper from the Sol's Arms of an evening, and read about the brilliant and distinguished meteors that are shooting across the fashionable sky in every direction, is unspeakable consolation to him. To know what member of what brilliant and distinguished circle accomplished the brilliant and distinguished feat of joining it yesterday, or contemplates the no less brilliant and distinguished feat of leaving it to-morrow, gives him a thrill of joy. To be informed what the Galaxy Gallery of British Beauty is about, and means to be about, and what Galaxy marriages are on the tapis, and what Galaxy rumours are in circulation, is to become acquainted with the most glorious destinies of mankind. Mr. Weevle reverts from this intelligence, to the Galaxy portraits implicated; and seems to know the originals, and to be known of them.

           For the rest he is a quiet lodger, full of handy shifts and devices as before mentioned, able to cook and clean for himself as well as to carpenter, and developing social inclinations after the shades of evening have fallen on the court. At those times, when he is not visited by Mr. Guppy, or by a small light in his likeness quenched in a dark hat,



page 203 he comes out of his dull room—where he has inherited the deal wilderness of desk bespattered with a rain of ink—and talks to Krook, or is “very free,” as they call it in the court, commendingly, with any one disposed for conversation. Wherefore, Mrs. Piper, who leads the court, is impelled to offer two remarks to Mrs. Perkins: Firstly, that if her Johnny was to have whiskers, she could wish 'em to be identically like that young man's; and secondly, Mark my words, Mrs. Perkins, ma'am, and don't you be surprised Lord bless you, if that young man comes in at last for old Krook's money!

CHAPTER XXI.
THE SMALLWEED FAMILY.

           IN a rather ill-favored and ill-savored neighbourhood, though one of its rising grounds bears the name of Mount Pleasant, the Elfin Smallweed, christened Bartholomew, and known on the domestic hearth as Bart, passes that limited portion of his time on which the office and its contingencies have no claim. He dwells in a little narrow street, always solitary, shady, and sad, closely bricked in on all sides like a tomb, but where there yet lingers the stump of an old forest tree, whose flavor is about as fresh and natural as the Smallweed smack of youth.

           There has been only one child in the Smallweed family for several generations. Little old men and women there have been, but no child, until Mr. Smallweed's grandmother, now living, became weak in her intellect, and fell (for the first time) into a childish state. With such infantine graces as a total want of observation, memory, understanding and interest, and an eternal disposition to fall asleep over the fire and into it, Mr. Smallweed's grandmother has undoubtedly brightened the family.

           Mr. Smallweed's grandfather is likewise of the party. He is in a helpless condition as to his lower, and nearly so as to his upper, limbs; but his mind is unimpaired. It holds, as well as it ever held, the first four rules of arithmetic, and a certain small collection of the hardest facts. In respect of ideality, reverence, wonder, and other such phrenological attributes, it is no worse off than it used to be. Everything that Mr. Smallweed's grandfather ever put away in his mind was a grub at first, and is a grub at last. In all his life he has never bred a single butterfly.

           The father of this pleasant grandfather, of the neighbourhood of Mount Pleasant, was a horny-skinned, two-legged, money-getting species of spider, who spun webs to catch unwary flies, and retired into holes until they were entrapped. The name of this old pagan's God was Compound Interest. He lived for it, married it, died of it. Meeting with a heavy loss in an honest little enterprise in which all the loss was intended to have been on the other side, he broke something—something necessary to his existence; therefore it couldn't have been his heart—and made an end of his career. As his character was not good, and he had been bred at a Charity School, in a complete course, according to question and answer, of those ancient people the Amorites and Hittites, he was frequently quoted as an example of the failure of education.



page 204

           His spirit shone through his son, to whom he had always preached of “going out” early in life, and whom he made a clerk in a sharp scrivener's office at twelve years old. There, the young gentleman improved his mind, which was of a lean and anxious character; and, developing the family gifts, gradually elevated himself into the discounting profession. Going out early in life and marrying late, as his father had done before him, he too begat a lean and anxious-minded son; who, in his turn, going out early in life and marrying late, became the father of Bartholomew and Judith Smallweed, twins. During the whole time consumed in the slow growth of this family tree, the house of Smallweed, always early to go out and late to marry, has strengthened itself in its practical character, has discarded all amusements, discountenanced all story-books, fairy tales, fictions, and fables, and banished all levities whatsoever. Hence the gratifying fact, that it has had no child born to it, and that the complete little men and women whom it has produced, have been observed to bear a likeness to old monkeys with something depressing on their minds.

           At the present time, in the dark little parlor certain feet below the level of the street—a grim, hard, uncouth parlor, only ornamented with the coarsest of baize table-covers, and the hardest of sheet-iron tea-trays, and offering in its decorative character no bad allegorical representation of Grandfather Smallweed's mind—seated in two black horsehair porter's chairs, one on each side of the fire-place, the supernnuated Mr. and Mrs. Smallweed wile away the rosy hours. On the stove are a couple of trivets for the pots and kettles which it is Grandfather Smallweed's usual occupation to watch, and projecting from the chimney-piece between them is a sort of brass gallows for roasting, which he also superintends when it is in action. Under the venerable Mr. Smallweed's seat, and guarded by his spindle legs, is a drawer in his chair, reported to contain property to a fabulous amount. Beside him is a spare cushion, with which he is always provided, in order that he may have something to throw at the venerable partner of his respected age whenever she makes an allusion to money—a subject on which he is particularly sensitive.

           “And where's Bart?” Grandfather Smallweed enquires of Judy, Bart's twin-sister.

           “He an't come in yet,” says Judy.

           “It's his tea time, isn't it?”

           “No.”

           “How much do you mean to say it wants then?”

           “Ten minutes.”

           “Hey?”

           “Ten minutes.”—(Loud on the part of Judy.)

           “Ho!” says Grandfather Smallweed. “Ten minutes.”

           Grandmother Smallweed, who has been mumbling and shaking her head at the trivets, hearing figures mentioned, connects them with money, and screeches, like a horrible old parrot without any plumage, “Ten ten-pound notes!”

           Grandfather Smallweed immediately throws the cushion at her.

           “Drat you, be quiet!” says the good old man.

           The effect of this act of jaculation is twofold. It not only doubles up Mrs. Smallweed's head against the side of her porter's chair, and causes her to present, when extricated by her grand-daughter, a highly unbecoming



page 205 state of cap, but the necessary exertion recoils on Mr. Smallweed himself, whom it throws back into his porter's chair, like a broken puppet. The excellent old gentleman being, at these times, a mere clothes-bag with a black skull-cap on the top of it, does not present a very animated appearance until he has undergone the two operations at the hands of his grand-daughter, of being shaken up like a great bottle, and poked and punched like a great bolster. Some indication of a neck being developed in him by these means, he and the sharer of his life's evening again sit fronting one another in their two porter's chairs, like a couple of sentinels long forgotten on their post by the Black Serjeant, Death.

           Judy the twin is worthy company for these associates. She is so indubitably sister to Mr. Smallweed the younger, that the two kneaded into one would hardly make a young person of average proportions; while she so happily exemplifies the before-mentioned family likeness to the monkey tribe, that, attired in a spangled robe and cap, she might walk about the table-land on the top of a barrel-organ without exciting much remark as an unusual specimen. Under existing circumstances, however, she is dressed in a plain, spare gown of brown stuff.

           Judy never owned a doll, never heard of Cinderella, never played at any game. She once or twice fell into children's company when she was about ten years old, but the children couldn't get on with Judy, and Judy couldn't get on with them. She seemed like an animal of another species, and there was instinctive repugnance on both sides. It is very doubtful whether Judy knows how to laugh. She has so rarely seen the thing done, that the probabilities are strong the other way. Of anything like a youthful laugh, she certainly can have no conception. If she were to try one, she would find her teeth in her way; modelling that action of her face, as she has unconsciously modelled all its other expressions, on her pattern of sordid age. Such is Judy.

           And her twin brother couldn't wind up a top for his life. He knows no more of Jack the Giant Killer, or of Sinbad the Sailor, than he knows of the people in the stars. He could as soon play at leap-frog, or at cricket, as change into a cricket or a frog himself. But, he is so much the better off than his sister, that on his narrow world of fact an opening has dawned, into such broader regions as lie within the ken of Mr. Guppy. Hence, his admiration and his emulation of that shining enchanter.

           Judy, with a gong-like clash and clatter, sets one of the sheet-iron tea-trays on the table, and arranges cups and saucers. The bread she puts on in an iron basket; and the butter (and not much of it) in a small pewter plate. Grandfather Smallweed looks hard after the tea as it is served out, and asks Judy where the girl is?

           “Charley, do you mean?” says Judy.

           “Hey?” from Grandfather Smallweed.

           “Charley, do you mean?”

           This touches a spring in Grandmother Smallweed who, chuckling, as usual, at the trivets, cries—“Over the water! Charley over the water, Charley over the water, over the water to Charley, Charley over the water, over the water to Charley!” and becomes quite energetic about it. Grandfather looks at the cushion, but has not sufficiently recovered his late exertion.

           “Ha!” he says, when there is silence—“if that's her name. She cats a deal. It would be better to allow her for her keep.”



page 206

           Judy, with her brother's wink, shakes her head, and purses up her mouth into No, without saying it.

           “No?” returns the old man. “Why not?”

           “She'd want sixpence a-day, and we can do it for less,” says Judy.

           “Sure?”

           Judy answers with a nod of deepest meaning, and calls, as she scrapes the butter on the loaf with every precaution against waste, and cuts it nto slices, “You Charley, where are you?” Timidly obedient to the summons, a little girl in a rough apron and a large bonnet, with her hands covered with soap and water, and a scrubbing brush in one of them, appears, and curtseys.

           “What work are you about now?” says Judy, making an ancient snap at her, like a very sharp old beldame.

           “I'm a cleaning the upstairs back room, miss,” replies Charley.

           “Mind you do it thoroughly, and don't loiter. Shirking won't do for me. Make haste! Go along!” cries Judy, with a stamp upon the ground. “You girls are more trouble than you're worth, by half.”

           On this severe matron, as she returns to her task of scraping the butter and cutting the bread, falls the shadow of her brother, looking in at the window. For whom, knife and loaf in hand, she opens the street door.

           “Ay, ay, Bart!” says Grandfather Smallweed. “Here you are, hey?”

           “Here I am,” says Bart.

           “Been along with your friend again, Bart?”

           Small nods.

           “Dining at his expense, Bart?”

           Small nods again.

           “That's right. Live at his expense as much as you can, and take warning by his foolish example. That's the use of such a friend. The only use you can put him to,” says the venerable sage.

           His grandson, without receiving this good counsel as dutifully as he might, honors it with all such acceptance as may lie in a slight wink and a nod, and takes a chair at the tea-table. The four old faces then hover over tea-cups, like a company of ghastly cherubim; Mrs. Smallweed perpetually twitching her head and chattering at the trivets, and Mr. Smallweed requiring to be repeatedly shaken up like a large black draught.

           “Yes, yes,” says the good old gentleman, reverting to his lesson of wisdom. “That's such advice as your father would have given you, Bart. You never saw your father. More's the pity. He was my true son.” Whether it is intended to be conveyed that he was particularly pleasant to look at, on that account, does not appear.

           “He was my true son,” repeats the old gentleman, folding his bread and butter on his knee; “a good accountant, and died fifteen years ago.”

           Mrs. Smallweed, following her usual instinct, breaks out with “Fifteen hundred pound. Fifteen hundred pound in a black box, fifteen hundred pound locked up, fifteen hundred pound put away and hid!” Her worthy husband, setting aside his bread and butter, immediately discharges the cushion at her, crushes her against the side of her chair, and falls back in his own, overpowered. His appearance, after visiting Mrs. Smallweed with one of these admonitions, is particularly impressive and not wholly prepossessing: firstly, because the exertion generally twists his black skull-cap over one eye and gives him an air of goblin rakishness; secondly,



page 207 because he mutters violent imprecations against Mrs. Smallweed; and thirdly, because the contrast between those powerful expressions and his powerless figure is suggestive of a baleful old malignant, who would be very wicked if he could. All this, however, is so common in the Smallweed family circle, that it produces no impression. The old gentleman is merely shaken, and has his internal feathers beaten up; the cushion is restored to its usual place beside him; and the old lady, perhaps with her cap adjusted, and perhaps not, is planted in her chair again, ready to be bowled down like a ninepin.

           Some time elapses, in the present instance, before the old gentleman is sufficiently cool to resume his discourse; and even then he mixes it up with several edifying expletives addressed to the unconscious partner of his bosom, who holds communication with nothing on earth but the trivets. As thus:

           “If your father, Bart, had lived longer, he might have been worth a deal of money—you brimstone chatterer!—but just as he was beginning to build up the house that he had been making the foundations for, through many a year—you jade of a magpie, jackdaw, and poll-parrot, what do you mean!—he took ill and died of a low fever, always being a sparing and a spare man, full of business care—I should like to throw a cat at you instead of a cushion, and I will too if you make such a confounded fool of yourself!—and your mother, who was a prudent woman as dry as a chip, just dwindled away like touchwood after you and Judy were born.—You are an old pig. You are a brimstone pig. You're a head of swine!”

           Judy, not interested in what she has often heard, begins to collect in a basin various tributary streams of tea, from the bottoms of cups and saucers and from the bottom of the teapot, for the little charwoman's evening meal. In like manner she gets together, in the iron bread-basket, as many outside fragments and worn-down heels of loaves as the rigid economy of the house has left in existence.

           “But, your father and me were partners, Bart,” says the old gentleman; “and when I am gone, you and Judy will have all there is. It's rare for you both, that you went out early in life—Judy to the flower business, and you to the law. You won't want to spend it. You'll get your living without it, and put more to it. When I am gone, Judy will go back to the flower business, and you'll still stick to the law.”

           One might infer, from Judy's appearance, that her business rather lay with the thorns than the flowers; but, she has, in her time, been apprenticed to the art and mystery of artificial flower-making. A close observer might perhaps detect both in her eye and her brother's, when their venerable grandsire anticipates his being gone, some little impatience to know when he may be going, and some resentful opinion that it is time he went.

           “Now, if everybody has done,” says Judy, completing her preparations, “I'll have that girl in to her tea. She would never leave off, if she took it by herself in the kitchen.”

           Charley is accordingly introduced, and, under a heavy fire of eyes, sits down to her basin and a Druidical ruin of bread and butter. In the active superintendence of this young person, Judy Smallweed appears to attain a perfectly geological age, and to date from the remotest periods. Her systematic manner of flying at her and pouncing on her, with or



page 208 without pretence, whether or no, is wonderful; evincing an accomplishment in the art of girl-driving, seldom reached by the oldest practitioners.

           “Now, don't stare about you all the afternoon,” cries Judy, shaking her head and stamping her foot as she happens to catch the glance which has been previously sounding the basin of tea, “but take your victuals and get back to your work.”

           “Yes, miss,” says Charley.

           “Don't say yes,” returns Miss Smallweed, “for I know what you girls are. Do it without saying it, and then I may begin to believe you.”

           Charley swallows a great gulp of tea in token of submission, and so disperses the Druidical ruins that Miss Smallweed charges her not to gormandize, which “in you girls,” she observes, is disgusting. Charley might find some more difficulty in meeting her views on the general subject of girls, but for a knock at the door.

           “See who it is, and don't chew when you open it!” cries Judy.

           The object of her attentions withdrawing for the purpose, Miss Smallweed takes that opportunity of jumbling the remainder of the bread and butter together, and launching two or three dirty tea-cups into the ebbtide of the basin of tea; as a hint that she considers the eating and drinking terminated.

           “Now! Who is it, and what's wanted?” says the snappish Judy.

           It is one “Mr. George,” it appears. Without other announcement or ceremony, Mr. George walks in.

           “Whew!” says Mr. George. “You are hot here. Always a fire, eh? Well! Perhaps you do right to get used to one.” Mr. George makes the latter remark to himself, as he nods to Grandfather Smallweed.

           “Ho! It's you!” cries the old gentleman. “How de do? How de do?”

           “Middling,” replies Mr. George, taking a chair. “Your granddaughter I have had the honor of seeing before; my service to you, miss.”

           “This is my grandson,” says Grandfather Smallweed. “You ha'n't seen him before. He is in the law, and not much at home.”

           “My service to him, too! He is like his sister. He is very like his sister. He is devilish like his sister,” says Mr. George, laying a great and not altogether complimentary stress on his last adjective.

           “And how does the world use you, Mr. George?” Grandfather Smallweed enquires, slowly rubbing his legs.

           “Pretty much as usual. Like a football.”

           He is a swarthy browned man of fifty; well made, and good-looking; with crisp dark hair, bright eyes, and a broad chest. His sinewy and powerful hands, as sunburnt as his face, have evidently been used to a pretty rough life. What is curious about him is, that he sits forward on his chair as if he were, from long habit, allowing space for some dress or accoutrements that he has altogether laid aside. His step too is measured and heavy, and would go well with a weighty clash and jingle of spurs. He is close-shaved now, but his mouth is set as if his upper lip had been for years familiar with a great moustache; and his manner of occasionally laying the open palm of his broad brown hand upon it, is to the same effect. Altogether, one might guess Mr. George to have been a trooper once upon a time.

           A special contrast Mr. George makes to the Smallweed family.



page 209 Trooper was never yet billeted upon a household more unlike him. It is a broadsword to an oyster-knife. His developed figure, and their stunted forms; his large manner, filling any amount of room; and their little narrow pinched ways; his sounding voice, and their sharp spare tones; are in the strongest and the strangest opposition. As he sits in the middle of the grim parlor, leaning a little forward, with his hands upon his thighs and his elbows squared, he looks as though, if he remained there long, he would absorb into himself the whole family and the whole four-roomed house, extra little back-kitchen and all.

           “Do you rub your legs to rub life into 'em?” he asks of Grandfather Smallweed, after looking round the room.

           “Why, it's partly a habit, Mr. George, and—yes—it partly helps the circulation,” he replies.

           “The cir-cu-la-tion!” repeats Mr. George, folding his arms upon his chest, and seeming to become two sizes larger. “Not much of that, I should think.”

           “Truly, I'm old, Mr. George,” says Grandfather Smallweed. “But I can carry my years. I'm older than her,” nodding at his wife, “and see what she is!—You're a brimstone chatterer!” with a sudden revival of his late hostility.

           “Unlucky old soul!” says Mr. George, turning his head in that direction. “Don't scold the old lady. Look at her here, with her poor cap half off her head, and her poor chair all in a muddle. Hold up, ma'am. That's better. There we are! Think of your mother, Mr. Smallweed,” says Mr. George, coming back to his seat from assisting her, “if your wife an't enough.”

           “I suppose you were an excellent son, Mr. George,” the old man hints, with a leer.

           The color of Mr. George's face rather deepens, as he replies: “Why no. I wasn't.”

           “I am astonished at it.”

           “So am I. I ought to have been a good son, and I think I meant to have been one. But I wasn't. I was a thundering bad son, that's the long and the short of it, and never was a credit to anybody.”

           “Surprising!” cries the old man.

           “However,” Mr. George resumes, “the less said about it, the better now. Come! You know the agreement. Always a pipe out of the two months' interest! (Bosh! It's all correct. You needn't be afraid to order the pipe. Here's the new bill, and here's the two months' interest-money, and a devil-and-all of a scrape it is to get it together in my business).”

           Mr. George sits, with his arms folded, consuming the family and the parlor, while Grandfather Smallweed is assisted by Judy to two black leathern cases out of a locked bureau; in one of which he secures the document he has just received, and from the other takes another similar document which he hands to Mr. George, who twists it up for a pipe-light. As the old man inspects, through his glasses, every up-stroke and down-stroke of both documents, before he releases them from their leathern prison; and as he counts the money three times over, and requires Judy to say every word she utters at least twice, and is as tremulously slow of speech and action as it is possible to be; this



page 210 business is a long time in progress. When it is quite concluded, and not before, he disengages his ravenous eyes and fingers from it, and answers Mr. George's last remark by saying, “Afraid to order the pipe? We are not so mercenary as that, sir. Judy, see directly to the pipe and the glass of cold brandy and water for Mr. George.”

           The sportive twins, who have been looking straight before them all this time, except when they have been engrossed by the black leathern cases, retire together, generally disdainful of the visitor, but leaving him to the old man, as two young cubs might leave a traveller to the parental bear.

           “And there you sit, I suppose, all the day long, eh?” says Mr. George, with folded arms.

           “Just so, just so,” the old man nods.

           “And don't you occupy yourself at all?”

           “I watch the fire—and the boiling and the roasting—”

           “When there is any,” says Mr. George, with great expression.

           “Just so. When there is any.”

           “Don't you read, or get read to?”

           The old man shakes his head with sharp sly triumph. “No, no. We have never been readers in our family. It don't pay. Stuff. Idleness. Folly. No, no!”

           “There's not much to choose between your two states,” says the visitor, in a key too low for the old man's dull hearing, as he looks from him to the old woman and back again. “I say!” in a louder voice.

           “I hear you.”

           “You'll sell me up at last I suppose, when I am a day in arrear.”

           “My dear friend!” cries Grandfather Smallweed, stretching out both hands to embrace him. “Never! Never, my dear friend! But my friend in the city that I got to lend you the money—he might!”

           “O! you can't answer for him?” says Mr. George; finishing the enquiry, in his lower key, with the words “you lying old rascal!”

           “My dear friend, he is not to be depended on. I wouldn't trust him. He will have his bond, my dear friend.”

           “Devil doubt him,” says Mr. George. Charley appearing with a tray, on which are the pipe, a small paper of tobacco, and the brandy and water, he asks her, “How do you come here! you haven't got the family face.”

           “I goes out to work, sir,” returns Charley.

           The trooper (if trooper he be or have been) takes her bonnet off, with a light touch for so strong a hand, and pats her on the head. “You give the house almost a wholesome look. It wants a bit of youth as much as it wants fresh air.” Then he dismisses her, lights his pipe, and drinks to Mr. Smallweed's friend in the city—the one solitary flight of that esteemed old gentleman's imagination.

           “So you think he might be hard upon me, eh?”

           “I think he might—I am afraid he would. I have known him do it,” says Grandfather Smallweed, incautiously, “twenty times.”

           Incautiously, because his stricken better-half, who has been dozing over the fire for some time, is instantly aroused and jabbers “Twenty thousand pounds, twenty twenty-pound notes in a money box, twenty guineas, twenty million twenty per cent, twenty—” and is then cut short by the flying cushion, which the visitor, to whom this singular experiment appears



page 211 to be a novelty, snatches from her face as it crushes her in the usual manner.

           “You're a brimstone idiot. You're a scorpion—a brimstone scorpion! You're a sweltering toad. You're a chattering clattering broomstick witch, that ought to be burnt!” gasps the old man, prostrate in his chair. “My dear friend, will you shake me up a little?”

           Mr. George, who has been looking first at one of them and then at the other, as if he were demented, takes his venerable acquaintance by the throat on receiving this request, and dragging him upright in his chair as easily as if he were a doll, appears in two minds whether or no to shake all future power of cushioning out of him, and shake him into his grave. Resisting the temptation, but agitating him violently enough to make his head roll like a harlequin's, he puts him smartly down in his chair again, and adjusts his skull cap with such a rub, that the old man winks with both eyes for a minute afterwards.

           “O Lord!” gasps Mr. Smallweed. “That'll do. Thank you, my dear friend, that'll do. O dear me, I'm out of breath. O Lord!” And Mr. Smallweed says it, not without evident apprehensions of his dear friend, who still stands over him looming larger than ever.

           The alarming presence, however, gradually subsides into its chair, and falls to smoking in long puffs; consoling itself with the philosophical reflection, “The name of your friend in the city begins with a D, comrade, and you're about right respecting the bond.”

           “Did you speak, Mr. George?” enquires the old man.

           The trooper shakes his head; and leaning forward with his right elbow on his right knee and his pipe supported in that hand, while his other hand, resting on his left leg, squares his left elbow in a martial manner, continues to smoke. Meanwhile he looks at Mr. Smallweed with grave attention, and now and then fans the cloud of smoke away, in order that he may see him the more clearly.

           “I take it,” he says, making just as much and as little change in his position as will enable him to reach the glass to his lips, with a round, full action, “that I am the only man alive (or dead either), that gets the value of a pipe out of you?

           “Well!” returns the old man, “it's true that I don't see company, Mr. George, and that I don't treat. I can't afford to it. But as you, in your pleasant way, made your pipe a condition—”

           “Why, it's not for the value of it; that's no great thing. It was a fancy to get it out of you. To have something in for my money.”

           “Ha! You're prudent, prudent, sir!” cries Grandfather Smallweed, rubbing his legs.

           “Very. I always was.” Puff. “It's a sure sign of my prudence, that I ever found the way here.” Puff. “Also, that I am what I am.” Puff. “I am well known to be prudent,” says Mr. George, composedly smoking. “I rose in life, that way.”

           “Don't be down-hearted, sir. You may rise yet.”

           Mr. George laughs and drinks.

           “Ha'n't you no relations now,” asks Grandfather Smallweed, with a twinkle in his eyes, “who would pay off this little principal, or who would lend you a good name or two that I could persuade my friend in the city to make you a further advance upon? Two good names would



page 212 be sufficient for my friend in the city. Ha'n't you no such relations, Mr. George?”

           Mr. George, still composedly smoking, replies, “If I had, I shouldn't trouble them. I have been trouble enough to my belongings in my day. It may be a very good sort of penitence in a vagabond, who has wasted the best time of his life, to go back then to decent people that he never was a credit to, and live upon them; but it's not my sort. The best kind of amends then, for having gone away, is to keep away, in my opinion.”

           “But, natural affection, Mr. George,” hints Grandfather Smallweed.

           “For two good names, hey?” says Mr. George, shaking his head, and still composedly smoking. “No. That's not my sort, either.”

           Grandfather Smallweed has been gradually sliding down in his chair since his last adjustment, and is now a bundle of clothes, with a voice in it calling for Judy. That Houri appearing, shakes him up in the usual manner, and is charged by the old gentleman to remain near him. For he seems chary of putting his visitor to the trouble of repeating his late attentions.

           “Ha!” he observes, when he is in trim again. “If you could have traced out the Captain, Mr. George, it would have been the making of you. If, when you first came here, in consequence of our advertisements in the newspapers—when I say ‘our,’ I'm alluding to the advertisements of my friend in the city, and one or two others who embark their capital in the same way, and are so friendly towards me as sometimes to give me a lift with my little pittance—if, at that time, you could have helped us, Mr. George, it would have been the making of you.”

           “I was willing enough to be ‘made,’ as you call it,” says Mr. George, smoking not quite so placidly as before, for since the entrance of Judy he has been in some measure disturbed by a fascination, not of the admiring kind, which obliges him to look at her as she stands by her grandfather's chair; “but, on the whole, I am glad I wasn't now.”

           “Why, Mr. George? In the name of—of Brimstone, why?” says Grandfather Smallweed, with a plain appearance of exasperation. (Brimstone apparently suggested by his eye lighting on Mrs. Smallweed in her slumber).

           “For two reasons, comrade.”

           “And what two reasons, Mr. George? In the name of the—”

           “Of our friend in the city?” suggests Mr. George, composedly drinking.

           “Ay, if you like. What two reasons?”

           “In the first place,” returns Mr. George; but still looking at Judy, as if, she being so old and so like her grandfather, it is indifferent which of the two he addresses; “you gentlemen took me in. You advertised that Mr. Hawdon (Captain Hawdon, if you hold to the saying, Once a captain always a captain) was to hear of something to his advantage.”

           “Well?” returns the old man, shrilly and sharply.

           “Well!” says Mr. George, smoking on. “It wouldn't have been much to his advantage to have been clapped into prison by the whole bill and judgment trade of London.”

           “How do you know that? Some of his rich relations might have paid his debts, or compounded for 'em. Besides, he had taken us in. He owed us immense sums, all round. I would sooner have strangled him



page 213 than had no return. It I sit here thinking of him,” snarls the old man, holding up his impotent ten fingers, “I want to strangle him now.” And in a sudden access of fury, he throws the cushion at the unoffending Mrs. Smallweed, but it passes harmlessly on one side of her chair.

           “I don't need to be told,” returns the trooper, taking his pipe from his lips for a moment, and carrying his eyes back from following the progress of the cushion, to the pipe-bowl which is burning low, “that he carried on heavily and went to ruin. I have been at his right hand many a day, when he was charging upon ruin full-gallop. I was with him, when he was sick and well, rich and poor. I laid this hand upon him, after he had run through everything and broken down everything beneath him—when he held a pistol to his head.”

           “I wish he had let it off!” says the benevolent old man, “and blown his head into as many pieces as he owed pounds!”

           “That would have been a smash indeed,” returns the trooper coolly; “any way, he had been young, hopeful, and handsome in the days gone by; and I am glad I never found him, when he was neither, to lead to a result so much to his advantage. That's reason number one.”

           “I hope number two's as good?” snarls the old man.

           “Why, no. It's more of a selfish reason. If I had found him, I must have gone to the other world to look. He was there.

           “How do you know he was there?”

           “He wasn't here.”

           “How do you know he wasn't here?”

           “Don't lose your temper as well as your money,” says Mr. George, calmly knocking the ashes out of his pipe. “He was drowned long before. I am convinced of it. He went over a ship's side. Whether intentionally or accidentally, I don't know. Perhaps your friend in the city does.—Do you know what that tune is, Mr. Smallweed?” he adds, after breaking off to whistle one, accompanied on the table with the empty pipe.

           “Tune!” replies the old man. “No. We never have tunes here.”

           “That's the Dead March in Saul. They bury soldiers to it; so it's the natural end of the subject. Now, if your pretty grand-daughter—excuse me, miss—will condescend to take care of this pipe for two months, we shall save the cost of one, next time. Good evening, Mr. Smallweed!”

           “My dear friend!” The old man gives him both his hands.

           “So you think your friend in the city will be hard upon me, if I fail in a payment?” says the trooper, looking down upon him like a giant.

           “My dear friend, I am afraid he will,” returns the old man looking up at him like a pigmy.

           Mr. George laughs; and with a glance at Mr. Smallweed, and a parting salutation to the scornful Judy, strides out of the parlor, clashing imaginary sabres and other metallic appurtenances as he goes.

           “You're a damned rogue,” says the old gentleman, making a hideous grimace at the door as he shuts it. “But I'll lime you, you dog, I'll lime you!”

           After this amiable remark, his spirit soars into those enchanting regions of reflection which its education and pursuits have opened to it; and again he and Mrs. Smallweed wile away the rosy hours, two unrelieved sentinels forgotten as aforesaid by the Black Serjeant.



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           While the twain are faithful to their post, Mr. George strides through the streets with a massive kind of swagger and a grave-enough face. It is eight o'clock now, and the day is fast drawing in. He stops hard by Waterloo Bridge, and reads a playbill; decides to go to Astley's Theatre. Being there, is much delighted with the horses and the feats of strength; looks at the weapons with a critical eye; disapproves of the combats, as giving evidences of unskilful swordsmanship; but is touched home by the sentiments. In the last scene, when the Emperor of Tartary gets up into a cart and condescends to bless the united lovers, by hovering over them with the Union-Jack, his eye-lashes are moistened with emotion.

           The theatre over, Mr. George comes across the water again, and makes his way to that curious region lying about the Haymarket and Leicester Square, which is a centre of attraction to indifferent foreign hotels and indifferent foreigners, racket-courts, fighting-men, swordsmen, footguards, old china, gaming houses, exhibitions, and a large medley of shabbiness and shrinking out of sight. Penetrating to the heart of this region, he arrives, by a court and a long whitewashed passage, at a great brick building, composed of bare walls, floor, roof-rafters, and skylights; on the front of which, if it can be said to have any front, is painted GEORGE'S SHOOTING GALLERY, &C.

           Into George's Shooting Gallery, &c., he goes; and in it there are gaslights (partly turned off now), and two whitened targets for rifle-shooting, and archery accommodation, and fencing appliances, and all necessaries for the British art of boxing. None of these sports or exercises are being pursued in George's Shooting Gallery to-night; which is so devoid of company, that a little grotesque man, with a large head, has it all to himself, and lies asleep upon the floor.

           The little man is dressed something like a gunsmith, in a green baize apron and cap; and his face and hands are dirty with gunpowder, and begrimed with the loading of guns. As he lies in the light, before a glaring white target, the black upon him shines again. Not far off, is the strong, rough, primitive table, with a vice upon it, at which he has been working. He is a little man with a face all crushed together, who appears, from a certain blue and speckled appearance that one of his cheeks presents, to have been blown up, in the way of business, at some odd time or times.

           “Phil!” says the trooper, in a quiet voice.

           “All right!” cries Phil, scrambling to his feet.

           “Anything been doing?”

           “Flat as ever so much swipes,” says Phil. “Five dozen rifle and a dozen pistol. As to aim!” Phil gives a howl at the recollection.

           “Shut up shop, Phil!”

           As Phil moves about to execute this order, it appears that he is lame, though able to move very quickly. On the speckled side of his face he has no eyebrow, and on the other side he has a bushy black one, which want of uniformity gives him a very singular and rather sinister appearance. Everything seems to have happened to his hands that could possibly take place, consistently with the retention of all the fingers; for they are notched, and seamed, and crumpled all over. He appears to be very strong, and lifts heavy benches about as if he had no idea what weight



page 215 was. He has a curious way of limping round the gallery with his shoulder against the wall, and tacking off at objects he wants to lay hold of, instead of going straight to them, which has left a smear all round the four walls, conventionally called “Phil's mark.”

           This custodian of George's Gallery in George's absence concludes his proceedings, when he has locked the great doors, and turned out all the lights but one, which he leaves to glimmer, by dragging out from a wooden cabin in a corner two mattresses and bedding. These being drawn to opposite ends of the gallery, the trooper makes his own bed, and Phil makes his.

           “Phil!” says the master, walking towards him without his coat and waistcoat, and looking more soldierly than ever in his braces. “You were found in a doorway, weren't you.”

           “Gutter,” says Phil. “Watchman tumbled over me.”

           “Then, vagabondizing came natural to you, from the beginning.”

           “As nat'ral as possible,” says Phil.

           “Good night!”

           “Good night, guv'ner.”

           Phil cannot even go straight to bed, but finds if necessary to shoulder round two sides of the gallery, and then tack off at his mattress. The trooper, after taking a turn or two in the rifle-distance, and looking up at the moon now shining through the skylights, strides to his own mattress by a shorter route, and goes to bed too.

CHAPTER XXII.
MR. BUCKET.

           ALLEGORY looks pretty cool in Lincoln's Inn Fields, though the evening is hot; for, both Mr. Tulkinghorn's windows are wide open, and the room is lofty, gusty, and gloomy. These may not be desirable characteristics when November comes with fog and sleet, or January with ice and snow; but they have their merits in the sultry long vacation weather. They enable Allegory, though it has cheeks like peaches, and knees like bunches of blossoms, and rosy swellings for calves to its legs and muscles to its arms, to look tolerably cool to-night.

           Plenty of dust comes in at Mr. Tulkinghorn's windows, and plenty more has generated among his furniture and papers. It lies thick everywhere. When a breeze from the country that has lost its way, takes fright, and makes a blind hurry to rush out again, it flings as much dust in the eyes of Allegory as the law—or Mr. Tulkinghorn, one of its trustiest representatives—may scatter, on occasion, in the eyes of the laity.

           In his lowering magazine of dust, the universal article into which his papers and himself, and all his clients, and all things of earth, animate and inanimate, are resolving, Mr. Tulkinghorn sits at one of the open windows, enjoying a bottle of old port. Though a hard-grained man, close, dry, and silent, he can enjoy old wine with the best. He has a priceless binn of port in some artful cellar under the Fields, which is



page 216 one of his many secrets. When he dines alone in chambers, as he has dined to-day, and has his bit of fish and his steak or chicken brought in from the coffee-house, he descends with a candle to the echoing regions below the deserted mansion, and, heralded by a remote reverberation of thundering doors, comes gravely back, encircled by an earthy atmosphere, and carrying a bottle from which he pours a radiant nectar, two score and ten years old, that blushes in the glass to find itself so famous, and fills the whole room with the fragrance of southern grapes.

           Mr. Tulkinghorn, sitting in the twilight by the open window, enjoys his wine. As if it whispered to him of its fifty years' of silence and seclusion, it shuts him up the closer. More impenetrable than ever, he sits, and drinks, and mellows as it were in secresy; pondering, at that twilight hour, on all the mysteries he knows, associated with darkening woods in the country, and vast blank shut-up houses in town; and perhaps sparing a thought or two for himself, and his family history, and his money, and his will—all a mystery to everyone—and that one bachelor friend of his, a man of the same mould and a lawyer too, who lived the same kind of life until he was seventy-five years old, and then, suddenly conceiving (as it is supposed) an impression that it was too monotonous, gave his gold watch to his hair-dresser one summer evening, and walked leisurely home to the Temple, and hanged himself.

           But, Mr. Tulkinghorn is not alone to-night, to ponder at his usual length. Seated at the same table, though with his chair modestly and uncomfortably drawn a little away from it, sits a bald, mild, shining man, who coughs respectfully behind his hand when the lawyer bids him fill his glass.

           “Now, Snagsby,” says Mr. Tulkinghorn, “to go over this odd story again.”

           “If you please, sir.”

           “You told me when you were so good as to step round here, last night —”

           “For which I must ask you to excuse me if it was a liberty, sir; but I remembered that you had taken a sort of an interest in that person, and I thought it possible that you might—just—wish—to —”

           Mr. Tulkinghorn is not the man to help him to any conclusion, or to admit anything as to any possibility concerning himself. So Mr. Snagsby trails off into saying, with an awkward cough, “I must ask you to excuse the liberty, sir, I am sure.”

           “Not at all,” says Mr. Tulkinghorn. “You told me, Snagsby, that you put on your hat and came round without mentioning your intention to your wife. That was prudent I think, because it's not a matter of such importance that it requires to be mentioned.”

           “Well, sir,” returns Mr. Snagsby, “you see my little woman is—not to put too fine a point upon it—inquisitive. She's inquisitive. Poor little thing, she's liable to spasms, and it's good for her to have her mind employed. In consequence of which, she employs it—I should say upon every individual thing she can lay hold of, whether it concerns her or not—especially not. My little woman has a very active mind, sir.”

           Mr. Snagsby drinks, and murmurs with an admiring cough behind his hand. “Dear me, very fine wine indeed!”



page 217

           “Therefore you kept your visit to yourself, last night?” says Mr. Tulkinghorn. “And to-night, too?”

           “Yes, sir, and to-night, too. My little woman is at present in—not to put too fine a point upon it—in a pious state, or in what she considers such, and attends the Evening Exertions (which is the name they go by) of a reverend party of the name of Chadband. He has a great deal of eloquence at his command, undoubtedly, but I am not quite favourable to his style myself. That's neither here nor there. My little woman being engaged in that way, made it easier for me to step round in a quiet manner.”

           Mr. Tulkinghorn assents. “Fill your glass, Snagsby.”

           “Thank you, sir, I am sure,” returns the stationer, with his cough of deference. “This is wonderfully fine wine, sir!”

           “It is a rare wine now,” says Mr. Tulkinghorn. “It is fifty years old.”

           “Is it indeed, sir? But I am not surprised to hear it, I am sure. It might be—any age almost.” After rendering this general tribute to the port, Mr. Snagsby in his modesty coughs an apology behind his hand for drinking anything so precious.

           “Will you run over, once again, what the boy said?” asks Mr. Tulkinghorn, putting his hands into the pockets of his rusty smallclothes and leaning quietly back in his chair.

           “With pleasure, sir.”

           Then, with fidelity, though with some prolixity, the law-stationer repeats Joe's statement made to the assembled guests at his house. On coming to the end of his narrative, he gives a great start, and breaks off with—“Dear me, sir, I wasn't aware there was any other gentleman present!”

           Mr. Snagsby is dismayed to see, standing with an attentive face between himself and the lawyer, at a little distance from the table, a person with a hat and stick in his hand who was not there when he himself came in, and has not since entered by the door or by either of the windows. There is a press in the room, but its hinges have not creaked, nor has a step audible upon the floor. Yet this third person stands there, with his attentive face, and his hat and stick in his hands, and his hands behind him, a composed and quiet listener. He is a stoutly-built, steady-looking, sharp-eyed man in black, of about the middle age. Except that he looks at Mr. Snagsby as if he were going to take his portrait, there is nothing remarkable about him at first sight but his ghostly manner of appearing.

           “Don't mind this gentleman,” says Mr. Tulkinghorn, in his quiet way. “This is only Mr. Bucket.”

           “O indeed, sir?” returns the stationer, expressing by a cough that he is quite in the dark as to who Mr. Bucket may be.

           “I wanted him to hear this story,” says the lawyer, “because I have half a mind (for a reason) to know more of it, and he is very intelligent in such things. What do you say to this, Bucket?”

           “It's very plain, sir. Since our people have moved this boy on, and he's not to be found on his old lay, if Mr. Snagsby don't object to go down with me to Tom-all-Alone's and point him out, we can have him here in less than a couple of hours' time. I can do it without Mr. Snagsby, of course; but this is the shortest way.



page 218

           “Mr. Bucket is a detective officer, Snagsby,” says the lawyer in explanation.

           “Is he indeed, sir?” says Mr. Snagsby, with a strong tendency in his clump of hair to stand on end.

           “And if you have no real objection to accompany Mr. Bucket to the place in question,” pursues the lawyer, “I shall feel obliged to you if you will do so.”

           In a moment's hesitation on the part of Mr. Snagsby, Bucket dips down to the bottom of his mind.

           “Don't you be afraid of hurting the boy,” he says. “You won't do that. It's all right as far as the boy's concerned. We shall only bring him here to ask him a question or so I want to put to him, and he'll be paid for his trouble, and sent away again. It'll be a good job for him. I promise you, as a man, that you shall see the boy sent away all right. Don't you be afraid of hurting him; you an't going to do that.”

           “Very well, Mr. Tulkinghorn!” cries Mr. Snagsby cheerfully, and re-assured, “since that's the case —.”

           “Yes! and lookee here, Mr. Snagsby,” resumes Bucket, taking him aside by the arm, tapping him familiarly on the breast, and speaking in a confidential tone. “You're a man of the world, you know, and a man of business, and a man of sense. That's what you are.”

           “I am sure I am much obliged to you for your good opinion,” returns the stationer, with his cough of modesty, “but —”

           “That's what you are, you know,” says Bucket. “Now, it an't necessary to say to a man like you, engaged in your business, which is a business of trust and requires a person to be wide awake and have his senses about him, and his head screwed on tight (I had an uncle in your business once)—it an't necessary to say to a man like you, that it's the best and wisest way to keep little matters like this quiet. Don't you see? Quiet!”

           “Certainly, certainly,” returns the stationer.

           “I don't mind telling you,” says Bucket, with an engaging appearance of frankness, “that, as far as I can understand it, there seems to be a doubt whether this dead person wasn't entitled to a little property, and whether this female hasn't been up to some games respecting that property, don't you see!”

           “O!” says Mr. Snagsby, but not appearing to see quite distinctly.

           “Now, what you want,” pursues Bucket, again tapping Mr. Snagsby on the breast in a comfortable soothing manner, “is, that every person should have their rights according to justice. That's what you want.”

           “To be sure,” returns Mr. Snagsby with a nod.

           “On account of which, and at the same time to oblige a—do you call it, in your business, customer or client? I forget how my uncle used to call it.”

           “Why, I generally say customer myself,” replies Mr. Snagsby.

           “You're right!” returns Mr. Bucket, shaking hands with him quite affectionately,—“on account of which, and at the same time to oblige a real good customer, you mean to go down with me, in confidence, to Tom-all-Alone's, and to keep the whole thing quiet ever afterwards and never mention it to any one. That's about your intentions, if I understand you?”

           “You are right, sir. You are right,” says Mr. Snagsby.



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           “Then here's your hat,” returns his new friend, quite as intimate with it as if he had made it; “and if you're ready, I am.”

           They leave Mr. Tulkinghorn, without a ruffle on the surface of his unfathomable depths, drinking his old wine, and go down into the streets.

           “You don't happen to know a very good sort of person of the name of Gridley, do you?” says Bucket, in friendly converse as they descend the stairs.

           “No,” says Mr. Snagsby, considering, “I don't know anybody of that name. Why?”

           “Nothing particular,” says Bucket; “only, having allowed his temper to get a little the better of him, and having been threatening some respectable people, he is keeping out of the way of a warrant I have got against him—which it's a pity that a man of sense should do.”

           As they walk along, Mr. Snagsby observes, as a novelty, that, however quick their pace may be, his companion still seems in some undefinable manner to lurk and lounge; also, that whenever he is going to turn to the right or left, he pretends to have a fixed purpose in his mind of going straight ahead, and wheels off, sharply, at the very last moment. Now and then, when they pass a police constable on his beat, Mr. Snagsby notices that both the constable and his guide fall into a deep abstraction as they come towards each other, and appear entirely to overlook each other, and to gaze into space. In a few instances, Mr. Bucket, coming behind some under-sized young man with a shining hat on, and his sleek hair twisted into one flat curl on each side of his head, almost without glancing at him touches him with his stick; upon which the young man, looking round, instantly evaporates. For the most part Mr. Bucket notices things in general, with a face as unchanging as the great mourning ring on his little finger, or the brooch, composed of not much diamond and a good deal of setting, which he wears in his shirt.

           When they come at last to Tom-all-Alone's, Mr. Bucket stops for a moment at the corner, and takes a lighted bull's-eye from the constable on duty there, who then accompanies him with his own particular bull's-eye at his waist. Between his two conductors, Mr. Snagsby passes along the middle of a villanous street, undrained, unventilated, deep in black mud and corrupt water—though the roads are dry elsewhere—and reeking with such smells and sights that he, who has lived in London all his life, can scarce believe his senses. Branching from this street and its heaps of ruins, are other streets and courts so infamous that Mr. Snagsby sickens in body and mind, and feels as if he were going, every moment deeper down, into the infernal gulf.

           “Draw off a bit here, Mr. Snagsby,” says Bucket, as a kind of shabby palanquin is borne towards them, surrounded by a noisy crowd. “Here's the fever coming up the street!”

           As the unseen wretch goes by, the crowd, leaving that object of attraction, hovers round the three visitors, like a dream of horrible faces, and fades away up alleys and into ruins, and behind walls; and with occasional cries and shrill whistles of warning, thenceforth flits about them until they leave the place.

           “Are those the fever-houses, Darby?” Mr. Bucket coolly asks, as he turns his bull's-eye on a line of stinking ruins.

           Darby replies that “all them are,” and further that in all, for months



page 220 and months, the people “have been down by dozens,” and have been carried out, dead and dying “like sheep with the rot.” Bucket observing to Mr. Snagsby as they go on again, that he looks a little poorly, Mr. Snagsby answers that he feels as if he couldn't breathe the dreadful air.

           There is inquiry made, at various houses, for a boy named Jo. As few people are known in Tom-all-Alone's by any Christian sign, there is much reference to Mr. Snagsby whether he means Carrots, or the Colonel, or Gallows, or Young Chisel, or Terrier Tip, or Lanky, or the Brick. Mr. Snagsby describes over and over again. There are conflicting opinions respecting the original of his picture. Some think it must be Carrots; some say the Brick. The Colonel is produced, but is not at all near the thing. Whenever Mr. Snagsby and his conductors are stationary, the crowd flows round, and from its squalid depths obsequious advice heaves up to Mr. Bucket. Whenever they move, and the angry bull's-eyes glare, it fades away, and flits about them up the alleys, and in the ruins, and behind the walls, as before.

           At last there is a lair found out where Toughy, or the Tough Subject, lays him down at night; and it is thought that the Tough Subject may be Jo. Comparison of notes between Mr. Snagsby and the proprietress of the house—a drunken face tied up in a black bundle, and flaring out of a heap of rags on the floor of a dog-hutch which is her private apartment—leads to the establishment of this conclusion. Toughy has gone to the Doctor's to get a bottle of stuff for a sick woman, but will be here anon.

           “And who have we got here to-night?” says Mr. Bucket, opening another door and glaring in with his bull's-eye. “Two drunken men, eh? And two women? The men are sound enough,” turning back each sleeper's arm from his face to look at him. “Are these your good men, my dears?”

           “Yes, sir,” returns one of the women. “They are our husbands.”

           “Brickmakers, eh”

           “Yes, sir.”

           “What are you doing here? You don't belong to London.”

           “No, sir. We belong to Hertfordshire.”

           “Whereabouts in Hertfordshire?”

           “Saint Albans.”

           “Come up on the tramp?”

           “We walked up yesterday. There's no work down with us at present, but we have done no good by coming here, and shall do none I expect.”

           “That's not the way to do much good,” says Mr. Bucket, turning his head in the direction of the unconscious figures on the ground.

           “It an't, indeed,” replies the woman with a sigh. “Jenny and me knows it full well.”

           The room, though two or three feet higher than the door, is so low that the head of the tallest of the visitors would touch the blackened ceiling if he stood upright. It is offensive to every sense; even the gross candle burns pale and sickly in the polluted air. There are a couple of benches, and a higher bench by way of table. The men lie asleep where they stumbled down, but the women sit by the candle. Lying in the arms of the woman who has spoken, is a very young child.

           “Why, what age do you call that little creature?” says Bucket. “It looks as if it was born yesterday.” He is not at all rough about it; and



page 221 as he turns his light gently on the infant, Mr. Snagsby is strangely reminded of another infant, encircled with light, that he has seen in pictures.

           “He is not three weeks old yet, sir,” says the woman.

           “Is he your child?”

           “Mine.”

           The other woman, who was bending over it when they came in, stoops down again, and kisses it as it lies asleep.

           “You seem as fond of it as if you were the mother yourself,” says Mr. Bucket.

           “I was the mother of one like it, master, and it died.”

           “Ah Jenny, Jenny!” says the other woman to her; “better so. Much better to think of dead than alive, Jenny! Much better!”

           “Why, you an't such an unnatural woman, I hope,” returns Bucket, sternly, “as to wish your own child dead?”

           “God knows you are right, master,” she returns. “I am not. I'd stand between it and death, with my own life if I could, as true as any pretty lady.”

           “Then don't talk in that wrong manner,” says Mr. Bucket, mollified again. “Why do you do it?”

           “It's brought into my head, master,” returns the woman, her eyes filling with tears, “when I look down at the child lying so. If it was never to wake no more, you'd think me mad, I should take on so. I know that very well. I was with Jenny when she lost hers—warn't I, Jenny?—and I know how she grieved. But look round you, at this place. Look at them;” glancing at the sleepers on the ground. “Look at the boy you're waiting for, who's gone out to do me a good turn. Think of the children that your business lays with often and often, and that you see grow up!”

           “Well, well,” says Mr. Bucket, “you train him respectable, and he'll be a comfort to you, and look after you in your old age, you know.”

           “I mean to try hard,” she answers, wiping her eyes. “But I have been a thinking, being over-tired to-night, and not well with the ague, of all the many things that'll come in his way. My master will be against it, and he'll be beat, and see me beat, and made to fear his home, and perhaps to stray wild. If I work for him ever so much, and ever so hard, there's no one to help me; and if he should be turned bad, 'spite of all I could do, and the time should come when I should sit by him in his sleep, made hard and changed, an't it likely I should think of him as he lies in my lap now, and wish he had died as Jenny's child died!”

           “There, there!” says Jenny. “Liz, you're tired and ill. Let me take him.”

           In doing so, she displaces the mother's dress, but quickly readjusts it over the wounded and bruised bosom where the baby has been lying.

           “It's my dead child,” says Jenny, walking up and down as she nurses, “that makes me love this child so dear, and it's my dead child that makes her love it so dear too, as even to think of its being taken away from her now. While she thinks that, I think what fortune would I give to have my darling back. But we mean the same thing, if we knew how to say it, us two mothers does in our poor hearts!”

           As Mr. Snagsby blows his nose, and coughs his cough or sympathy, a step is heard without. Mr. Bucket throws his light into the doorway,



page 222 and says to Mr. Snagsby, “Now, what do you say to Toughy? Will he do?”

           “That's Jo!” says Mr. Snagsby.

           Jo stands amazed in the disc of light, like a ragged figure in a magic Ianthorn, trembling to think that he has offended against the law in not having moved on far enough. Mr. Snagsby, however, giving him the consolatory assurance, “It's only a job you will be paid for, Jo,” he recovers; and, on being taken outside by Mr. Bucket for a little private confabulation, tells his tale satisfactorily, though out of breath.

           “I have squared it with the lad,” says Mr. Bucket, returning, “and it's all right. Now, Mr. Snagsby, we're ready for you.”

           First, Jo has to complete his errand of good-nature by handing over the physic he has been to get, which he delivers with the laconic verbal direction that “it's to be all took d'rectly.” Secondly, Mr. Snagsby has to lay upon the table half-a-crown, his usual panacea for an immense variety of afflictions. Thirdly, Mr. Bucket has to take Jo by the arm a little above the elbow and walk him on before him: without which observance, neither the Tough Subject nor any other subject could be professionally conducted to Lincoln's Inn Fields. These arrangements completed, they give the women good night, and come out once more into black and foul Tom-all-Alone's.

           By the noisome ways through which they descended into that pit, they gradually emerge from it; the crowd flitting, and whistling, and skulking about them, until they come to the verge, where restoration of the bull's-eyes is made to Darby. Here, the crowd, like a concourse of imprisoned demons, turns back, yelling, and is seen no more. Through the clearer and fresher streets, never so clear and fresh to Mr. Snagsby's mind as now, they walk and ride, until they come to Mr. Tulkinghorn's gate.

           As they ascend the dim stairs (Mr. Tulkinghorn's chambers being on the first floor), Mr. Bucket mentions that he has the key of the outer door in his pocket, and that there is no need to ring. For a man so expert in most things of that kind, Bucket takes time to open the door, and makes some noise too. It may be that he sounds a note of preparation.

           Howbeit, they come at last into the hall, where a lamp is burning, and so into Mr. Tulkinghorn's usual room—the room where he drank his old wine to-night. He is not there, but his two old-fashioned candlesticks are; and the room is tolerably light.

           Mr. Bucket, still having his professional hold of Jo, and appearing to Mr. Snagsby to possess an unlimited number of eyes, makes a little way into this room, when Jo starts, and stops.

           “What's the matter?” says Bucket in a whisper.

           “There she is!” cries Jo.

           “Who?”

           “The lady!”

           A female figure, closely veiled, stands in the middle of the room, where the light falls upon it. It is quite still, and silent. The front of the figure is towards them, but it takes no notice of their entrance, and remains like a statue.

           “Now, tell me,” says Bucket aloud, “how you know that to be the lady.”



page 223

           “I know the wale,” replies Jo, staring, “and the bonnet, and the gownd.”

           “Be quite sure of what you say, Tough,” returns Bucket, narrowly observant of him. “Look again.”

           “I am a looking as hard as ever I can look,” says Jo, with starting eyes, “and that there's the wale, the bonnet, and the gownd.”

           “What about those rings you told me of?” asks Bucket.

           “A sparkling all over here,” says Jo, rubbing the fingers of his left hand on the knuckles of his right, without taking his eyes from the figure.

           The figure removes the right hand glove, and shews the hand.

           “Now, what do you say to that?” asks Bucket.

           Jo shakes his head. “Not rings a bit like them. Not a hand like that.”

           “What are you talking of?” says Bucket; evidently pleased though, and well pleased too.

           “Hand was a deal whiter, a deal delicater and a deal smaller,” returns Jo.

           “Why, you'll tell me I'm my own mother, next,” says Mr. Bucket. “Do you recollect the lady's voice?”

           “I think I does,” says Jo.

           The figure speaks. “Was it at all like this. I will speak as long as you like if you are not sure. Was it this voice, or at all like this voice?”

           Jo looks aghast at Mr. Bucket. “Not a bit!”

           “Then, what,” retorts that worthy, pointing to the figure, “did you say it was the lady for?”

           “Cos,” says Jo, with a perplexed stare, but without being at all shaken in his certainty, “Cos that there's the wale, the bonnet, and the gownd. It is her and it an't her. It an't her hand, nor yet her rings, nor yet her woice. But that there's the wale, the bonnet, and the gownd, and they're wore the same way wot she wore 'em, and it's her heigth wot she wos, and she giv me a sov'ring and hooked it.”

           “Well!” says Mr. Bucket, slightly, “we haven't got much good out of you. But, however, here's five shillings for you. Take care how you spend it, and don't get yourself into trouble.” Bucket stealthily tells the coins from one hand into the other like counters—which is a way he has, his principal use of them being in these games of skill—and then puts them, in a little pile, into the boy's hand, and takes him out to the door; leaving Mr. Snagsby, not by any means comfortable under these mysterious circumstances, alone with the veiled figure. But, on Mr. Tulkinghorn's coming into the room, the veil is raised, and a sufficiently good-looking Frenchwoman is revealed, though her expression is something of the intensest.

           “Thank you, Mademoiselle Hortense,” says Mr. Tulkinghorn, with his usual equanimity. “I will give you no further trouble about this little wager.”

           “You will do me the kindness to remember, sir, that I am not at present placed?” says Mademoiselle.

           “Certainly, certainly!”

           “And to confer upon me the favour of your distinguished recommendation?”

           “By all means, Mademoiselle Hortense.”



page 224

           “A word from Mr. Tulkinghorn is so powerful.”—“It shall not be wanting, Mademoiselle.”—“Receive the assurance of my devoted gratitude, dear sir.”—“Good night.” Mademoiselle goes out with an air of native gentility; and Mr. Bucket, to whom it is, on an emergency, as natural to be groom of the ceremonies as it is to be anything else, shows her down stairs, not without gallantry.

           “Well, Bucket?” quoth Mr. Tulkinghorn on his return.

           “It's all squared, you see, as I squared it myself, sir. There an't a doubt that it was the other one with this one's dress on. The boy was exact respecting colors and everything. Mr. Snagsby, I promised you as a man that he should be sent away all right. Don't say it wasn't done!”

           “You have kept your word, sir,” returns the stationer; “and if I can be of no further use, Mr. Tulkinghorn, I think, as my little woman will be getting anxious—”

           “Thank you, Snagsby, no further use,” says Mr. Tulkinghorn. “I am quite indebted to you for the trouble you have taken already.”

           “Not at all, sir. I wish you good night.”

           “You see, Mr. Snagsby,” says Mr. Bucket, accompanying him to the door, and shaking hands with him over and over again, “what I like in you, is, that you're a man it's of no use pumping; that's what you are. When you know you have done a right thing, you put it away, and it's done with and gone, and there's an end of it. That's what you do.”

           “That is certainly what I endeavour to do, sir,” returns Mr. Snagsby.

           “No, you don't do yourself justice. It an't what you endeavour to do,” says Mr. Bucket, shaking hands with him and blessing him in the tenderest manner, “it's what you do. That's what I estimate in a man in your way of business.”

           Mr. Snagsby makes a suitable response; and goes homeward so confused by the events of the evening, that he is doubtful of his being awake and out—doubtful of the reality of the streets through which he goes—doubtful of the reality of the moon that shines above him. He is presently reassured on these subjects, by the unchallengeable reality of Mrs. Snagsby, sitting up with her head in a perfect beehive of curl-papers and nightcap: who has dispatched Guster to the police station with official intelligence of her husband's being made away with, and who, within the last two hours, has passed through every stage of swooning with the greatest decorum. But, as the little woman feelingly says, many thanks she gets for it!



page 27

HEAL AND SONS ILLUSTRATED
CATALOGUE OF BEDSTEADS,

           Sent free by post.

           It contains Designs and Prices of upwards of One
Hundred Different Bedsteads,
In Iron, Brass, Japanned Wood, Polished Birch,
Mahogany, Rosewood, &Walnut Tree Woods;

           Also their
PRICED LIST OF BEDDING.
Their New Warerooms enable them to keep one of each design fixed for inspection.

           They have also, in addition to their usual stock, a great variety of the best designs of
PARISIAN BEDSTEADS,
BOTH IN WOOD AND IRON, WHICH THEY HAVE JUST IMPORTED.

           HEAL & SON,
BEDSTEAD AND BEDDING MANUFACTURERS,
196, (opposite the Chapel), Tottenham Court Road.

           BRADBURY AND EVANS, PRINTERS, WHITEFRIARS.