Volume 3, Number 1 7 January 1989 +---------------------------------------------------------------+ | | | NN NN AAAA MM MM VV VV EEEEEEE TTTTTTTT | | NNN NN AA AA MMM MMM VV VV EE TT | | NN N NN AA AA MM M M MM VV VV EE TT | | NN N NN AA AA MM M MM VV VV EE TT | | NN N NN AAAAAAAA MM MM VV VV EEEEE TT | | NN N NN AA AA MM MM VV VV EE TT | | NN NNN AA AA MM MM V V EE TT | | NN NN AA AA MM MM VVV EEEEEEE TT | | | | The International Newsletter for Vietnam Veterans | +---------------------------------------------------------------+ Editor in Chief: Todd Looney Assistant Editor: G. Joseph Peck NAM VET is a special )| electronic newsletter dedicated to _+|__|_ * VIETNAM |--- --| VETERANS * around the ------------------------=========================== world and \_______________________________________________) provided as a ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ service to participants in the International Vietnam Veterans Echo Con- ference (IVVEC) available on many FidoNet (tm) bulletin boards throughout the United States, Europe, Australia, and Canada. _ Not all of the articles appearing in here | are written by participants in the IVVEC, but NAM VET | is very much an electronic newsletter by, -----/_\----- of, and for Vietnam veterans, their -O==============< : >==============O- friends, wives, and lovers. ( ) (...) ( ) If you are a veteran or anyone else wishing to express yourself concerning our Nation's Vietnam or other related experience, you are invited to submit material for publication to the Vietnam Veterans Valhalla (1:143/27), VETLink #1 (1:321/203), or to any BBS carrying IVVEC whose sysop can forward your work from there. NAM VET is published | monthly by Vietnam Veterans Valhalla. The views expressed | are not necessarily those of the NAM VET its staff or any of |____====________ its volunteers. The newsletter is ||__________}____)==================|) made up of =============---------------------===_____ articles and items /| | | | |\\from other newsletters \________|__________|_________|_________|/ and a variety of \\(O)___(O)___(O)___(O)___(O)___(O)// other sources We are not responsible for the content of this information nor are any of the above-mentioned parties. ____________ ======= _________________/|_____... | | " === |_______________| |-----::: |._ - " ) |_|___| / / |___| Duplication and/or distribution is /_/ permitted for noncommercial purposes only For other use, please contact Todd Looney at (408) 947-7668 Volume 3, Number 1 7 January 1989 Table of Contents 1. EDITORIALS ............................................... 1 The Peace of a New Year .................................. 1 A New Year ............................................... 1 2. VETERAN SERVICES ......................................... 3 Agent Orange Payments Due This Year! ..................... 3 Interview a Vet Contest .................................. 5 Life Insurance ........................................... 7 It's Still Here .. And How You Can Help .................. 8 3. MEMORIES ................................................. 13 The Night Before Christmas, RVN Style .................... 13 Vietnam era service, A personal view ..................... 14 Silent Night, Holy Night ................................. 23 The Silent Victims ....................................... 24 Safe ..................................................... 25 A War of Feelings ........................................ 26 A War of Memories ........................................ 27 A War of Open Wounds ..................................... 28 4. GENERAL ARTICLES ......................................... 29 Who can I trust? ......................................... 29 Supporting Vietnam Veterans??? ........................... 31 A War That Needs Response ................................ 32 Women At War ............................................. 34 5. VETNet Nodelist (007) ..................................... 36 NamNews 3-01 Page 1 7 Jan 1989 ================================================================= EDITORIALS ================================================================= The Peace of a New Year By Todd Looney Vietnam Veterans' Valhalla FidoNet 1:143/27 AlterNet 7:406/27 Well, it seems that even though the rest of the world may not be at peace with itself, I, like so many other Vietnam veterans around this country, can finally breath a sigh of relief. Getting through the year end holiday season can often be a trying experience..old memories and thoughts that drift back in uninvited. I guess I'm not alone in this either by the looks of this months NAM VET. This seems to be an issue of memories as we were overwhelmed with articles submitted for that section. But it's time to look ahead again. Although last year was a pretty good year as far as the Valhalla and Nam Vet go. The IVVEC is well on it's way to becoming established as a VETNet thanks to the hard work of Woody Carmack and his gaggle of do-gooders up in Canada. Jerry Hindle deserves a round of applause for all the dedication he demonstrated during the past twelve months as he distributed the NAM VET Newsletter to all corners of the globe. Joe Peck...with all he has to be worrying about back east has managed to stay on top of things and complete most of what he set out to accomplish - more than I can say for sure. Joan Renne has taken Friends BBS in Omaha and made a household word out of it. That lady has more energy than all of us put together. Bob Richards (with Kathleen Kelly always at his heels) has been working diligently putting together a cost effective electronic distribution network for the IVVEC and NAM VET Newsletters, we hope to have that phase of development behind us very shortly. Our heartfelt thanks to all of you for all the hard work you have done throughout the year! Let's all work together to make 1989 the best year any of us have ever witnessed. We make a good team, and I for one am a better man for having known you all! Until next month....... ----------------------------------------------------------------- A New Year... Editorial by G. Joseph Peck from Pittsfield, MA VETLink #1 FidoNet 321/203 Alternet 7:46/203 "Maybe tomorrow... maybe tomorrow someone will call in response to one of the many job applications I've filled out... maybe tomorrow the mailman will bring a response to my VA claim for Unemployability... maybe tomorrow will show the way that I can NamNews 3-01 Page 2 7 Jan 1989 apply all that I've learned to help my brother and sister veterans in whatever they're trying to do... maybe tomorrow..." Chad continued his pacing. Back and forth; back and forth; back and forth in a well-worn path through his living room. Upstairs his family slept peacefully and comfortably. They didn't know that the bank was in the process of foreclosing the mortgage on their home. Outside, sub-zero winds whipped against the new roof and siding he'd just replaced. "I just can't understand it," he told himself. "40 years old... a doctorate in life experiences... the last few years spent in sacrifice and struggle so's that I'd have the formal education that SOCIETY wants to see - and NOW I can't even find a job! Prospective employers find one excuse after another to hire somebody else rather than me... what's the problem???" How he wished he could go back into the military! "Too old!" they said when he'd tried to re-enlist. "Besides, you're disabled... you'd have to waive your disability... Vietnam veterans have equal opportunity in the employment arena - just keep trying..." Homeless... about to happen to him and his family... Incarcerated... a very real possibility if something positive didn't happen soon... Hospitalized... good for him - but not for his family. I know this veteran very well. I'll keep you posted on what happens to him and his family... I think we can help him and his family through the many services we are now making available through NAM VET and the International Vietnam Veterans Echo. 1989... the eleventh hour for many of our country's veterans. 1989... a time when children are saying to themselves: "When I grow up, I wanna be... and when I die, I know there's gonna be a flag near me an' I'm gonna hear the Star Spangled Banner playin' off in the distance..." 1989... a time to reach for the best that is in each of us and to share it with our nation's young... 'til next month... Show a brother/sister veteran that YOU care!!! Ci'ao for Ni'ao -Joe- NamNews 3-01 Page 3 7 Jan 1989 ================================================================= VETERAN SERVICES ================================================================= AGENT ORANGE PAYMENTS DUE THIS YEAR New York (AP) Input by: VETLink #1 FidoNet 321/203 Alternet 7:46/203 The victims of Agent Orange finally will get their compensatory payments in 1989, more than a decade after Vietnam veterans first sued the defoliant's makers and 16 years after the U.S. pullout from Indochina. The first payments are expected to go out in March or April. More than 64,000 applications have been mailed to veterans or their families, and 2,000 to 3,000 additional veterans applied before the Jan. 1 deadline for cash benefits that will average about $5,700. The money for veteran's payments comes from a $170 million fund, part of the settlement of a class-action lawsuit brought in 1978. The total settlement was $180 million, but the fund has grown to $240 million with interest. Payments will be made to individuals, to families and to social service agencies that help Vietnam veterans, said Kenneth Feinberg, the court-appointed special master who helped settle the suit. -FRUSTRATION AND RELIEF- "My feelings are ones of frustration and relief," said Feinberg. "Frustration because it took so long and relief because those who are entitled to the money will finally get it." The court has estimated that about 30,000 veterans and 18,000 survivor families will be eligible for the special benefits. Early projections showed eligible veterans would receive an average total of about $5,700; the most anyone can expect to receive is $12,800." "Even though it may not be enough money, what it does is begin the healing process," said Frank McCarthy, a veteran who was active in the litigation. "These children, these families who have lost loved ones, these totally disabled veterans are the bottom line and we have to help them now." The federal lawsuit was brought in 1978 by veterans who claimed exposure to the chemical defoliant -- sprayed over Southeast Asia during the 1960s by the U.S. military in an attempt to deprive Communist troops of crops and cover -- caused cancer, birth defects in their children and other illnesses. The herbicide contains the highly toxic chemical dioxin. In 1984, hours before the trial was to start, the seven manufacturers of the chemical agreed to pay $180 million but denied liability for any injuries. The money has been tied up since in legal challenges. The U.S. Supreme Court cleared the last obstacle in June, and soon after, U.S. District Judge Jack B. Weinstein announced plans for dispersal of the money. Weinstein, who presided over the case and continues to oversee the distribution, split the settlement fund. The first component sets aside $170 million for the Agent NamNews 3-01 Page 4 7 Jan 1989 Orange Veteran Payment Program, which will provide cash benefits to veterans considered totally disabled under Social Security guidelines and to the families of veterans whose deaths were linked to Agent Orange. An additional $52 million was earmarked for the Agent Orange Class Assistance Program, which will distribute grants to social service agencies that serve Vietnam veterans and their families. Of the remaining money, $5 million was distributed to Australian and New Zealand military personnel who were exposed to Agent Orange in Vietnam, and $13 million went for attorneys' fees and other expenses. The Jan 1, deadline does not affect veterans who later become aware of an Agent Orange-connected illness or succumb to such a disease. Those claims can be filed until Dec. 31, 1994. Aetna Life Insurance Co. was appointed to process the claims and set up a separate unit in Hartford, Conn., to administer the payment program, according to Bill Cotter, a consultant for the company. He said Aetna already has received back 10,000 filled- out applications of the 64,000 sent out. A toll-free telephone number drew more than 60,000 calls, he said. "We have had so many different types of calls -- the very angry veterans who are quite abusive on the phones, the very courteous who are pleased with the information and the veterans who have broken down and sobbed," he said. The assistance program is headed by Dennis Rhoades, a Vietnam veteran who was director of the American Legion's National Economic Commission. Rhoades said he is reviewing about 140 proposals from agencies seeking grants from the $52 million fund. He expects to authorize the first grants in three to six months. NamNews 3-01 Page 5 7 Jan 1989 The Interview a Vet Contest: What You Can Do By Lou Ann Merkle CCCO, Veterans for Peace, Inc., Vietnam Veterans Against the War, Black Veterans for Social Justice, and the Veterans Education Project have announced the 1988-1989 Interview a Vet Contest. Last year's contest brought hundreds of young people and Vietnam veterans together for one of the most important conversations of their lives. Here's what Kevin Strauss, a $100 award winner, said about his reasons for participating: "I didn't like the idea of being 'drafted' into the military to fight a war that I would think was wrong. The most recent example was the Vietnam War. But I didn't know what really happened in Vietnam. School history class hadn't caught up with it yet, and few people I knew would say more than `It was a mistake.' So I called the only Vietnam veteran I knew of, Dale Reich." Dale talked with Keith about the personal price of war: "One of our companies get caught in an ambush and was chewed up. That meant thirteen more coffins going home, thirteen more fathers and mothers getting visits from people in olive drab sedans, thirteen more funerals, thirteen more obits, because that's what war is. It's not cheering, it's not sitting in a movie theater." Many veterans and non-veterans understand how serious it is to put on a U.S. uniform and carry a loaded weapon. They cringe when they see young people who have been lured into the "services" because they didn't think there was anything better. There's no way to describe how these activists feel when they read about GIs drowning in basic training or dying in barracks in Lebanon. They wonder how so many can be sent into such dangerous situations without knowing what's going on or why anybody would want to kill them. It's impossible to overstate how important it is for young people to learn about the realities of war. The Contest is a way to make the job easier. But it cannot get off the ground without the help of many people. WHAT YOU CAN DO If you are speaking with students in classrooms, you are in the best position to get young people involved. You could work with teachers to introduce the contest and invite students to participate. You could help students find veterans to speak with. The Contest Booklet's Veterans' Directory lists vets from across the country who have signed up to be interviewed. You could order quantities of the Contest Booklet and give them to interested students. You could order quantities of the Contest Poster and have them put up in schools, libraries, and other public places. You could list yourself as a local contact on the poster, booklet, and ads. You could print copies of the flier and pass them out. NamNews 3-01 Page 6 7 Jan 1989 To make participation easier, we are offering the Contest materials for free. Unfortunately, printing and mailing the materials is not free. So please use restraint when ordering and if you order more than ten Booklets please send 50 cents per copy. You could also save by making your own copies of the fliers. TO ORDER COPIES OF THE CONTEST BOOKLET, POSTER, and FLIER, CONTACT: Akim Jah, CCCO, 2208 South Street, Philadelphia, PA 19146 (215) 545-4626 or: Deborah Rodgers, CCCO-WESTERN REGION PO Box 42249 San Francisco, CA 94142 (415) 552-6433 ------------- Source: CCCO News Notes, Fall 88 Vol. 40, No.3 (Received Jan 3 '89) CCCO/ An Agency for Military and Draft Counseling NamNews 3-01 Page 7 7 Jan 1989 Life Insurance The VA has established a toll-free number to assist veterans and their dependents with questions about government life insurance. Most insurance holders and beneficiaries can obtain immediate information on policy changes, dividends and other matters by dialing (800) 422-8079 from 8:30am to 5:30 p.m. EDT. Callers whose records may not be readily available will receive a return call or written response. VA officials also recommend policyholders who continue to pay premiums that they need not submit applications for dividends. Dividends are automatically paid to current policy holders, usually on the policy's anniversary date. Excerpt from The American Legion magazine, December 1988. NamNews 3-01 Page 8 7 Jan 1989 Post Traumatic Stress: A presentation by Dr. Jim Canfield - Pittsfield, MA >Vietnam Veteran< What recently named disorder is commonly referred to by the four first letters of its four-word name? I'll give you a some clues: It affects 100 times more Americans, and has killed ten times more Americans than AIDS. I'm going to tell you about a disorder which over 2-1/2 million Americans are at risk of acquiring in your lifetime; especially at risk are approximately one million individuals who, in surviving their physical involvement in a life-threatening situation which cost over 55,000 American lives, are as much as risk of killing themselves as they were of being killed at the time of their original exposure. I'm going to tell you about a terrible sort of social disease, a disease I know both as a victim and healer, an affliction with more than a 10% fatality rate. Once known as "Post-Vietnam Syndrome", it is properly termed Post Traumatic Stress Disorder ... or P.T.S.D. My goal is to describe to you a set of behavioral character- istics which you might tuck away in some recess not too far back in your mind, right next to the place you remember how you might run across and recognize such an individual, and where you store the memory of how I convinced you of the destructiveness of this disorder as well as its remarkable responsiveness to the right treatment. There are, almost as though "cloned", between 300000 and 500000 young Americans who, over the past ten years, have displayed some or all of the following oddly linked behavioral characteristics: * Depression, suicide, drug dependence * Isolation, friendlessness, asexuality, nomadism * Rage, battering, authority intolerance, negativism * Emotional, psychic numbing * Survival guilt, self-destructive or action junkie behavior * Anxiety states, paranoia, phobias * Sleep disorders, insomnia, "sundown syndrome" * Situational intrusive thoughts, obsessions * Compulsive humanitarianism, altruism, over-idealistic self- actualization 95% are men presently aged 32 to 48 years old with symptoms dating back 5 to 15 years. Most have been divorced at least once. The likelihood is that he is above average intelligence, that he enlisted and was not drafted into military service, that he saw combat, that he lost one or more close friends in Vietnam, that he received an honorable discharge and was awarded military decorations. He may likely have been a medic or corpsman, to have been involved in military intelligence operation or graves registry activity. He may well have served more than one tour and likely assumed battlefield leadership responsibilities. You are now prepared to recognize people with PTSD. You may be getting the sinking feeling that you know someone with this disorder. Here are some situations or some presenting behaviors of people who may well represent this disease: * While conducting a job interview, you are impressed with a candidate's qualifications, but notice that he has never held a job more than a year, and has always quit because he NamNews 3-01 Page 9 7 Jan 1989 wouldn't "play the game", that he was tired of "being used", or that he just couldn't hack "a creep of a boss."; * When that quiet guy next door you've lived next to for years but never really gotten to know is divorced by his wife and you find that he'd been abusing her for years; * When a guy you know can't weight more than 150 pounds is coming home drunk every weekend with his face smashed in from picking fights in bars with guys twice his weight and half his age; * When an ex-Army nurse your wife knew from school commits suicide the night before she was to fly back for her first nursing school class reunion, fifteen years after graduation; * When a quiet guy with a limp at work is awarded a plaque from the Red Cross for having donated more blood in 5 years than anyone at the plant had given over the previous 10 years; * When you spot in the obituaries the name of an old friend from high school you knew had gone into the service after graduating in '67. He died somewhere out in Wyoming in some little town you never heard of -- and his ex-wife and kid hadn't seen him for more than 5 years, you're later told. A critical period in accomplishing young adult maturation - the achievement of ego identity - typically occurs in the late-teens to mid-twenties. It consists of the recognition of one's autonomous self, and often is accompanied by finding sexual fulfillment, choosing a career and acknowledging certain individual features separating one from one's parents and acceptable to one's peers. This period has been described by Erik Ericson as a time of psychosocial self-commitment - and if inhibited or prohibited may result in identity diffusion, an inability to evolve a style of effective self-assertion and a blunted ability to trust one's intimate or idealized revelations. Productive adult societal integration is impaired. The achievement of positive young adult ego identity appears to be facilitated by a certain period of parental and societal "letting go", a moratorium period early in young adulthood when, prior to that time when financial self-sufficiency, marital or career commitment is expected, one is permitted more mobility, autonomy, privacy and freedom of verbal and lifestyle expression than before. What results, should this period of metamorphic benign neglect be replaced instead by a traumatic life experience or involvement in life-threatening risk taking, exposure to inhuman acts or atrocities, the death of close friends? What if, instead of a period of self-paced adult-world exploration one is forced to adhere to a code of behavior not in accordance with one's previously formed religious or political principles, and accept injury and/or physical deprivation sustained in carrying out orders to achieve ends to which one is not morally committed? How does one accept the reality of picking bits of human flesh off one's flack jacket, sole visible remains of what, moments before, had been one's best friend and confidante, that worse of nights out on patrol? How, in surviving such experiences, does one rationalize one's NamNews 3-01 Page 10 7 Jan 1989 altered self-image, one's world-image? How likely is such an individual to respond upon reentry to the once adolescent world of his family, the educational, societal and commercial world of his birth, when he gratefully emerges annealed from combat experiences and returns to a homeland now grown hostile, guilty and blameful towards this native son who felt he'd responded to his country's highest calling? Picture over a million such young men, bursting at the seams with grief, anger, guilt and pride acquired in a war zone in which he also learned all too well to contain expressing them for his own and his buddies' protection. Imagine plucking them, one at a time, from the battlefields and transporting them in a day or two back to their home towns, where Vietnam was a noxious news item treated by turning off TV sets. Imagine a nation apologetically tucking each of these forgotten warriors back into the folds of its society, admonishing the veteran for any prideful outbursts, patronizingly foregoing any parades, discounting its veterans benefits, and refusing to recognize the need to anticipate reentry maladjustments. A nation which extensively debriefed and quarantined its first moon explorers ignored millions of its sons and daughters returning from much longer explorations of a far more dangerous and hostile foreign soil. Worse, imagine a society which claimed the veteran both criminal and victim in a twenty-year-long national guilt trip down the road of self-deception. Is it any wonder this 1% of Americans who served in Vietnam almost went out of their way to avoid each other? Like telling a couple millions of ostriches to treat their headaches by burying them in the sand, it came to pass that the sand helped some, neither helped nor harmed others, and was the worst possible way to deal with those with the worst headaches. During World War II, 25% of combat zone casualties evacuated were for psychiatric reasons. (At one point in the war, more men were being discharged for psychiatric reasons than were being drafted.) More dishonorable discharges were issued during WWII than any war since. With more selective military induction and more aggressive psychiatric management in the field, only 6% of Korean casualties were for psychiatric reasons. Then, using a method specifically designed to minimize psychiatric breakdown in combat in Vietnam, soldiers left basic training and were assigned and transported individually into their units in-country, never for more than 12 or 13 month tours -- an endurable term if survived -- and resulting in only about 1-1/2% of all casualties evacuated in Vietnam being for psychiatric reasons. Yet, by 1985, 40% of the one million men who served in combat, and nearly 10% of the one and a half million Vietnam veterans not assigned to combat units were demonstrating PTSD symptoms within 15 years of discharge. More tragically, the number of disordered veterans who have taken their own lives after returning to their native soil by most accounts now exceeds the number who died in actual combat! Where does the dying stop? Wherein lies the cure? Post traumatic stress disorder can best be described as a NamNews 3-01 Page 11 7 Jan 1989 behavioral response pattern seen in normal individuals surviving traumatically abnormal inhuman experiences. It appears to be a characteristic response developing over a significant period of time in individual survivors who underwent severe moral conflict in young adulthood -- situations in which survival was at the price of painful compromise between idealistic and pragmatic rules, never subsequently reconciled. Denied the sanction of eventual resolution -- or spontaneous or induced psychologic catharsis -- and given an ongoing burden of anger, guilt and grief -- the expressively all-too-well contained and self-disciplined former "good soldier" fabricates a progressively unmanageable ponderous framework of ego props, resulting in a dysfunctional, ego-burdened lifestyle presenting quite like a personality disorder in young adults with normal childhoods -- a psychiatric impossibility. It is typically dismissed, misdiagnosed and/or mistreated by classical psychotherapists however. The treatment of PTSD is first, foremost, and finally dependant on its proper diagnosis and management to permit the disordered veteran to see himself through the only eyes that can see his inherent normalcy -- those of his fellow veterans. Only through the common perspective of shared experience does the insight evolve that one may forgive oneself. Only through overt grief, venting of long-repressed fears, anger, and self-blame, statements confiding love and pride among trusted fellow veterans does the emotionally disabled veteran regain self-respect and recover as an adult the ability to productively sense and communicate his deepest feelings. Because of the critical requirement for the perception of commonality in precipitating free and confidential disclosure, the most enlightened of nonveteran therapists one-on-one is less likely to be successful than participation in the most awkward of veteran group sessions. It can be anticipated that the period of intense once or twice weekly group sessions required to fully explore the basis and expression of the veterans' disorder adequate to achieve enough insight to base subsequent recovery will be at least equal to the duration of the veterans' traumatic military experience. If the veteran has a family it will have inevitably been adversely disordered in turn with maladaptive entrenched behaviors. Once the veteran's counseling and recovery are underway therefore, it is important to involve the spouse or family in appropriate therapy. The abnormal behaviors need to be identified, their origins acknowledged, and appropriate replacement behaviors chosen, to serve as common goals within the family dynamics and seen as normal and desirable. Otherwise, the recovering veteran may recover his self-esteem and begin exercising his long-latent expressive powers at the risk of losing his marriage or family. Secondary alcoholism or other substance abuse, spouse or child abuse, criminal or economic issues need to be approached specifically, but never displacing the ongoing context of his veterans group support. There may be no more pervasive, insidious, destructive, misdiagnosed and misunderstood yet treatable a cause of unhappiness, death, family anguish and economic loss in America's young families today than PTSD. I hope that in reminding you of NamNews 3-01 Page 12 7 Jan 1989 its features -- Depression Isolation Rage Emotional incompetence Survival guilt Anxiety and phobias Sleep disorders Situational flashbacks Compulsive altruism ...in appreciating it as an expectable behavioral syndrome following a normal young adult's traumatic immersion in a sustained dehumanizing experience; ...in realizing that it is an eminently treatable disease once recognized and appropriately referred to a veterans outreach center... ...that YOU might be a factor in helping a disordered veteran and his family understand and recover from their all-too-American tragedy. REFERENCES: Goodwin, Jim, Psy.D. CONTINUING READJUSTMENT PROBLEMS AMONG VIETNAM VETERANS published by Disabled American Veterans National Headquarters P.O.Box 14301, Cincinnati, OH 45214 DeFazio, V.J. Dynamic Perspectives on the Nature and Effects of Combat Stress in C.R. Figley (Ed.) STRESS DISORDERS IN VIETNAM VETERANS: THEORY, RESEARCH AND TREATMENT New York: Brunner/Mazel 1978 Wilson, J.P. Conflict, Stress and Growth: The Effects of the Vietnam War on Psychosocial Development Among Vietnam Veterans IN C.R. Figley & S. Levantman (Eds.), STRANGERS AT HOME: VIET NAM VETERANS SINCE THE WAR, Praeger Press, 1980 Shatan, C.F. Stress Disorders among Vietnam Veterans: The Emotional Content of Combat Continues, in C.R. Figley (ref above) and, Shatan, C.F. The Grief of Soldiers: Vietnam Combat Veterans Self Help Movement. AMERICAN JOURNAL OF ORTHOPSYCHIATRY, 1973, 43(4): 640-653 Hearst N., Newman TB, Hulley SB. Delayed effect of the military draft on mortality; a randomized natural experiment. N.E.J.M. 1986,; 314: 620-4 Kolb LC The Post-traumatic stress disorders of combat; a subgroup with a conditioned emotional response. MILIT. MED. 1984; 149; 237-43 NamNews 3-01 Page 13 7 Jan 1989 ================================================================= MEMORIES ================================================================= THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS, RVN STYLE 'Twas the night before Christmas, and all thru the bunker, I was on watch, the rest were in slumber, but visions of sugar plums don't dance thru my head, I wear a steel pot so I won't end up dead. Yet the night's not a waste, we do have a goal, They're sending my squad out on patrol. We'll have a big party when we get to the sticks, If we can get past the sentry at gate number six. We'll find us a bamboo tree, and decorate it up, With hand grenades, and trip flares, and other fancy stuff. Then we'll make Christmas dinner from little green cans, With turkey load C-rations, then eat with our hands. But up in the sky, what's that I see? Jolly St. Nick in a Huey 1-B. He's banking in now, he's rolling in hot, It looks like our Christmas no longer is shot. But next to his skids, what's that I see? My God, it's M-60s, he thinks we're VC! Crawling from cover, I roll on my back, Now I know why Mama-san dyed my utilities black! L/Cpl W.C. Roberts Mike Co. 3rd Btn. 9th Marines December 24th, 1965 Da Nang, Vietnam NamNews 3-01 Page 14 7 Jan 1989 VIETNAM ERA SERVICE, A PERSONAL VIEW, #7 of a series - Chuck Sterling - Las Cruces, NM - NASW, Las Cruces, NM (Opus 305/101) This is the seventh of a series of essays documenting my experiences and recollections while in the U.S. Navy during the period from early 1967 until my release from active duty in mid 1969. The last two installments contained excerpts from most of the letters I wrote home while in the U.S. Navy Seabees before leaving for Vietnam. Those letters had surprisingly little reference to Vietnam, although I was well aware that Vietnam was probably, and later certainly, in the cards for me. On December 13, 1969, Mobile Construction Battalion Forty deployed from cold and wet Davisville, Rhode Island for warm and sunny Phu Bai, RVN. We stopped momentarily in Anchorage, Alaska; Yokota Air Force Base, Japan; and slightly longer in Da Nang, before climbing into C-130's for the sixty mile hop into Phu Bai. This article and the next contain excerpts from letters written to my parents while in Vietnam (except for a postcard sent from Yokota AFB). December 14, 1968 Dear Folks, Everything's O.K. Saturday morning here, Friday 3:00 P.M. where you are. Should be leaving Japan for Da Nang any minute. Love, Chuck December 15, 1968 Dear Folks, Welcome to Camp Campbell! Expect a merry Christmas (no snow) this year. There's been no action and we truly expect none. I'm a cook for tomorrow. How about that? By then the regular cooks should be here and I'll be able to work in communication. We flew in Midnight Saturday, about 9:00 A.M. your time, and I intend to sleep tonight. I'm overdue for a rest. Took a shower today (worthy of NamNews 3-01 Page 15 7 Jan 1989 note) and it do feel swell. Plan on taking one every day, whether I need it or not. As yet, there is nothing I can really write about. I've been running around with my head buried in the sand all day, so I don't know anything to write about. I'll write more in a few days. Love, Chuck December 16, 1968 Dear Folks, Monday morning, 12:15 A.M. (my third such day here). I'll probably lose count pretty soon, because the day to day routine sort of blends everything together. I have $171 coming this payday, which is more than I expect in the future. There's no place to spend it, anyway. This week we're going to build a new mortar pit. The one we have is O.K., and may have been excellent once, but now the sandbags are falling apart, even underground. With a little luck, though, we'll never need to use it. There was a show at the Acey-Ducey Club a couple of nights ago. It was a Australian singing group that was pretty good. I managed to get hold of a darn good electric fan. There is one item that I have decided to buy while I'm here: a Teac tape deck. They're the best made, and I believe I'd be better off to buy it here than in the states. Love, Chuck December 18, 1968 Dear Folks, Well, today is the 18th, and everything is O.K. by me. I finally got off K.P. and into communications, where I'll keep on working. I stood a watch with Mike from 12:00 midnight until six this morning. Mike's the RM2 (Radioman, 2nd class) in MCB 40, so he's trying to break me in so I can stand watches alone. I'll go on at 6:00 tonight NamNews 3-01 Page 16 7 Jan 1989 until midnight, with him. That should be enough to get me started. I got two letters, dated the 4th and 9th, from you. If the mail is usually this fast, I won't mind a bit. Here's the latest address change: Sterling, C.B. EO3 B793553 MCB 40, H Co. FPO, S.F. 96601 I'd better get a little sleep. Bye for now. Love, Chuck December 25, 1968 Dear Folks, It's Christmas Day here. About 53 minutes ago it was Christmas eve. Right now, you are probably asking yourself why your son picks such ridiculous hours to write letters. Well, I'm on the midwatch again, and this is about the only time things are slow enough that I can find time to write. Your letter of the 12th just got here, so that's the one I'm answering, I guess. So far, nothing's happening here, and we expect it to stay that way. The Bees don't have too much trouble with Charlie. If we leave, he doesn't get any more roads or bridges, etc. Besides, we don't go hunting like the army or marines. We're a defensive unit, not offensive. The weather has been fairly good, although the air is quite damp. It's very warm during the day, but at night, with the help of a fan early in the evening, sleeping is quite pleasant. By morning, though, you find yourself under the blanket. We have a tape recorder down here so we can play Christmas Carols over the public address system Christmas Day. Well, I'm getting a little premature use out of it. Just listening to these Carols completely changes my frame of mind. That tape player is really going to be appreciated by the communications gang as long as we have it. By the way, Mom, we're at least sixty miles NamNews 3-01 Page 17 7 Jan 1989 away from Da Nang, and they haven't been getting much action anyway. We're north of them anyway, so they should worry about being so close to us, if anything. But, nobody worries, except a few men that choose to sleep in their mortar pits. Love, Chuck January 2, 1969 Dear Folks, Your letter of the 24th came yesterday with the picture in it. I sure had a scowl on my face. The "in country" on my address won't speed up delivery any, but it makes handling easier. Don't worry if you forget it, the letters will still get to me. We had a little scare last night. Some outgoing mortar rounds fell short and were walking up to our perimeter. We thought we were being hit, but we weren't. Have you seen any chickens running around without heads, lately? Well, that's how our officers looked last night. The JG's and insanes were coming all unglued at the seams. One Lt. Commander came into the command post with his .45 and belt across his shoulder, wearing helmet, flak jacket, and a pair of skivvies. He was *ready*, but shaking like a leaf. Anyway, nothing happened. We have an inspection Sunday morning. That means I have to dry out my sixteen and re-oil it afterwards. I don't have much else to say, except that I plan to get a camera so I can get some pictures of this place. I hope I don't have anything spectacular to take pictures of. Love, Chuck NamNews 3-01 Page 18 7 Jan 1989 January 18, 1969 Dear Folks, Seems like the only time I ever write a letter is on watch and tonight it happens to be the midwatch again. 1:10 A.M. to be exact. I've been up since noon, and even though I did get a couple hours sleep between 9:00 and 11:00, I'm pretty tired. With a little luck, I'll be in the sack by nine tomorrow morning, so I'll be able to sleep a bit before tackling the afternoon work at the electronics shop. Back to bed at 6:00, up at 11:15 for the midwatch. I just about use up all my strength resisting the temptation to flatten out the assistant commu- nication officer's face. We work 16 and 18 hours a day and does he say we're doing O.K. or compliment us on working hard. Nope. He complains about my uniform being unpressed, my shoes unshined, my hat unstarched, and my staying in the rack until noon (he knows I work until 6 A.M.). I've got it good, really. Mike, the RM2, our crew leader, catches most of the crap. Tomorrow I spend some money. Probably the only large sum I'll get rid of while I'm here. There's a guy at 32nd NCR at Gia Le that has a Teac 4010S tape deck about three months old. Original price about $250, I'm paying $200, and it's well worth it. Anyway, when I get off watch, I'm going over there and buy it. Guess I'll close now. Love, Chuck February 1, 1969 Dear Folks, I have a chance of getting out on return to the states. Nothing definite, but I'm looking into it. Tet started yesterday, but we've seen no action. Perhaps we'll continue to be lucky - here's hoping. Administrative inspection was today, and I'm told that we (communications) passed. I was in my rack after the midwatch, so they could have burned the shop and I wouldn't have known one way or the other. NamNews 3-01 Page 19 7 Jan 1989 Love, Chuck February 6, 1969 Dear Folks, Sorry I haven't written sooner, but I've been pretty busy, and besides, I've not much to say. As far as the Seabees are concerned, everything's calm. We've seen very little action (I've seen none), and we really don't expect any. Delta sector took a few mortars and maybe a rocket or two a couple nights ago, but nothing to get shook up over. They have to land a little closer than that before I head for the hole in the ground. I have my model airplane ready to fly tomorrow. I haven't bothered painting it, as I'll probably dive it into the ground anyway. A paint job won't make it fly any better, so I've just clear doped it. Maybe if it's still in one piece in another week, I'll paint it. I am the owner of a Teac 4010S tape deck. It's a good one, much better than I'd find in the states for three times the money. The latest word is that we'll be coming home on time, late August or early September. Love, Chuck February 8, 1969 Dear Folks, I have a little time free, now, so I'll write a few lines and pass on whatever I can think of that's worthwhile. First and most important: I need an electric blanket. I slept under a borrowed one last night, and aside from being warm and cuddly, my rack was completely dry for the first time in two months. It got pretty cold last night, but I've been told that the dry rack bit works on hot, steamy summer days, too. We're back on a rotating watch bill again. That means instead on standing midwatches every night, I gain a watch a day. Today, it's the morn- ing watch, tomorrow the afternoon, etc. NamNews 3-01 Page 20 7 Jan 1989 I flew my model plane. Did I *ever* smash it up! Knocked the whole nose off, complete with engine. For some reason, there was no "up" control and I made the mistake of giving it a little "down" and couldn't correct for it. It practically stuck in the mud - anyway, it stopped mucho suddenly. Glued back together, plus more elevator, it didn't dive in, but came in fast enough to ram the landing gear up through the wing. I'm going to change the balance point a little... Overall, the weather has been dry, although the last three days have been a perpetual mist. So far, we've only had one *very* hard rain, and that turned the roads into so much mud that we needed four-wheel drive to drive Route One. Our next project? Pave it. My tapes finally came from special services, and they sound pretty good. I'll get several while the getting is good. You'll be getting quite a few large boxes of Japanese goodies before I come home, but not right away. Love, Chuck March 5, 1969 Dear Folks, Finally I write again. I'm looking forward to getting the blanket, as your last letter said you sent it. Whenever we have a warm day, my rack feels like a swimming pool. I finally got the model to fly right, but it's landed rough, nose dive style, so may times that the engine mount is falling apart. The amplifier for my tape deck sounded great, but I managed to ruin a couple of power transistors, so I'm waiting for parts. Love, Chuck March 11, 1969 Dear Folks, I have a few minutes to spare, so I'm writing a couple lines. NamNews 3-01 Page 21 7 Jan 1989 I don't remember if I mentioned this or not, but send my W-2 forms. Time is running out... All's well, here. No action whatsoever. I'm going to check into buying a car through the overseas exchange. I understand it's possible to get pretty good prices that way. Love, Chuck March 30, 1969 Dear Folks, The Easter card got here, along with another letter. It's a good thing I have somebody to let me know when these holidays are coming up, otherwise I'd miss them for sure. Pop, you really know how to hurt a guy. Here I went and spent a month and a half growing some semblance of a mustache and you call it "fuzzy". Jees, Pop, gimme a break, willya? By the way, I've since shaved it off as a lost cause and a distinct nuisance, and I haven't run out of razor blades, yet. You better save that picture, or I'll have to grow another one and take a picture. Love, Chuck April 3, 1969 Dear Folks, Sorry there's such a delay between letters, but it's hard to find any spare time, lately. I sold over half of the hi fi gear and ordered a couple of smaller units that will be shipped to your address in about six weeks. In another month or so, I'll put my tape recorder in the mail and hope it makes it. I checked into the overseas prices on these American cars, and I can't see where I'd gain anything by ordering one while here. The most I could save is a couple hundred dollars. I HAVE 363 DAYS LEFT IN THE NAV! or less, I hope. NamNews 3-01 Page 22 7 Jan 1989 I got some photos back from the Vietnamese over at the exchange and they would have been better if we'd processed them. I'll eventually send most of them, but I don't want to weight down my envelopes. I have about 60 photos, so this will take a while. Love, Chuck This represents about half the letters I wrote home from Phu Bai. The rest are in next month's article. During the first months of MCB Forty's tour at Phu Bai, we were relatively untouched by the war. The first rocket attack came at 6:35 a.m. on March 22, 1969, and changed the tone of my letters. NamNews 3-01 Page 23 7 Jan 1989 Silent Night, Holy Night 'Twas the Night Before Christmas and all through the A Shau Valley of South Vietnam Not a creature was stirring.. not even the enemy. The North Vietnamese had declared a truce. No one would die tonight. All through the valley there were watchtowers, bunkers, and small outposts manned by Americans, some celebrating their first Christmas away from home, in a War Zone. The loneliness was heavy but the silence was deafening. You could hear a pin drop and echo up one side and down the other of the valley. About Midnight... the hour Christ was born, far off in the distance, much too far to see, was heard, "Silent Night, holy night" - off in another direction miles away came "All is calm" - from another direction, "all is bright." Together they all finished the hymn. Then back to dead silence until morning. =============================== That's the way it was, Christmas 1968 in Vietnam. Merry Christmas, from Gus (Gustitus - Editor VVA 65 Newsletter) (Pittsfield, MA) (I wasn't there then, but maybe you were.) NamNews 3-01 Page 24 7 Jan 1989 KIDS OF VIETNAM VETS: The Silent Victims by Kevin Boyle "You've got six seconds to load the wounded. Get a move on!" My heartbeat can't drown out the chopper blades. As I maneuver the helicopter, I look below me. I see mangled bodies. Bleeding bodies. Some dead. Some wishing they were dead. I spy one guy with a gaping chest wound, He'll make it, I think. One suffers from shrapnel wounds. Another has only part of his face left. "Everyone on board?" I pull the power. "Keep your heads down! We're departing low-level southeast. How's your urgent!" The medic next to me panics. "Half this guy's face is gone! I can't top the bleeding. His blood pressure is dropping fast. We're losing him." I arrived in Vietnam in 1971. I served as an Army medical service corps helicopter pilot. Day and night, I evacuated the severely wounded. I remember the guys I picked up that should've died. Their arms and legs blown away. Their non stop bleeding. Those mangled, bloody people struggling for life transformed by youthful idealism into images of a scary world where safety and security are merely the subject matter of children's fairy tales. The experience shook me. And it shook me to the core. I remember the friends I made, some who made it back and some who didn't. In some ways, Vietnam still hangs in my memory like an orphaned child, afraid and overwhelmed in the big-city night. The part that wounds me the most is the nagging feeling that no one cared.. Not even God. The memories still haunt me. Even though years have passed, flashbacks live and die as vividly as yesterday. But something haunts me more than memories. My Vietnam experience not only shaped me, it shaped my family. I've realized my kids are victims of Nam as much as I am. And my family and I aren't the only ones scarred from the Vietnam War. If half of the 2.5 million Vietnam veterans are married and raising families, that tragic war deeply affected at least 2 to 3 million teenagers. Those teenagers suffer as today's silent victims of the Vietnam War. And some of those silent victims belong to your youth group. NamNews 3-01 Page 25 7 Jan 1989 Safe by Major Michael Davis O'Donnel If you are able Save for them a place Inside of you. And save one backword glance When you are leaving For places they can No longer go. Be not ashamed to say You loved them, Or may not have aways. Take what they have left And what they have taught you with Their dying and keep it with your own. And in that time When men decide and feel safe To call war insane, Take one moment to embrace Those gentle heros you left behind. Input by Friends BBS NamNews 3-01 Page 26 7 Jan 1989 A WAR OF FEELINGS I paid a price. So did all Vietnam vets. And now our families and our teenagers are part of that price. Many Vietnam vets' teenagers combat the same problems their parents do. Problems emerge from feelings expressed--or not expressed--at home. Doubting God--During my first month in Vietnam, questions cut right to the heart of me. I wondered, "Father, if you're a loving God--at least I thought you were--how can you allow these horrors?" I was angry and unsure if God really cared about me at all. At times I questioned whether I even believed him anymore. Vietnam challenged the way I saw God, the world, everything. Even though the Vietnam War ended years ago, I still question God. How can God allow horrible things to continue to happen? I still see cruelty in so many places. And my doubts don't help my teenagers' faith. Hiding Feelings--if you don't know teenagers who have Vietnam vets as parents, it's probably because they haven't told you. They probably don't express themselves much. And again, that's because of their parents' example. When I was in Vietnam, I coped by stuffing my feelings inside. I became so good at holding my feelings at a distance that they seemed to go away. And I don't mean feelings of fear, but also feelings of sadness too. During the war, I became almost cavalier about death and dying. After all, the possibility was present each day. We endured by filling our speech with bravado and cynical realism. But inside I felt a fear I had difficulty holding down. The fear I felt then was so intense, it coursed right through me at lightning speed. It felt so huge that I feared it'd devour me if I let it go. And if that happened, I wasn't sure how I could cope. Today I still feel detached. I feel separated from those around me. And I bear these hollow feelings for no apparent reason. So I get busy, bury my pain, and the feelings seem to go away. Exploding in anger--Some veterans like myself quietly simmer like an inactive volcano. Then suddenly anger erupts. And my family can't take cover in time for the startling explosion. The occasional blast of anger happens to me without warning. And it's scary to my kids, my wife--and me. Although I've worked hard to understand my anger, it still detonates at times. Our oldest son, Chris, receives most of my anger, and I know he's confused when my response far exceeds the situation at hand. NamNews 3-01 Page 27 7 Jan 1989 A WAR OF MEMORIES Few people really know or understand Vietnam vets. Each vet lived a unique story. Their stories vary, but threads of anger, sadness and loss run through all of them. Although movies paint raw, vivid shades of the war, they don't begin to explore the Vietnam veterans today. Life hasn't been the same for me and the veterans who survived the war. I called the veterans the "walking wounded." And I'm one of them. We the walking wounded, returned to school, perhaps married, raised a family and became members of the community. But we stuff some of the pain and trauma of the world inside ourselves. The problem is there are no visible wounds. Only wounds you can't see such as anger, mistrust and cynicism born of the war. Almost like lepers, many Vietnam Veterans have retreated to a quiet place out of the spotlight. Those who didn't serve in Vietnam question why that war devastated so many veterans. The United States fought in other wars, and those wars didn't produce such long-lasting ill effects. But the Vietnam War was different. In World War II and the Korean War, most soldiers were mid-to late 20-years old. Not so in Nam. Teenagers fought the was in Vietnam. The average soldiers' age: 19. "It's a very impressionable age," says Robert Lenham, executive director of Disabled American Veterans. And other Vietnam researchers agree. They say age 19 is when people most closely examine their values apart from their families. Most 19-year olds exude an attitude of immortality and a Jesus-like mixture of one part world wisdom and two parts idealistic innocence. Vietnam rocket fire shatter my world of idealism. I remember those long endless nights. I remember seeing my dead friend. And in the back of my mind, I constantly wondered if I would be dead next. The 19-year-olds' role in Vietnam "confused and disrupted this important time of firming up what they really believed in," says Allan Brett, former director of the Northern Colorado Veterans Outreach Center. Thus the Vietnam experience happened at the most vulnerable time for young soldiers. Without the relative safety of familiar surrounding friends and family, says Brett, many 19-year-olds "got stuck in a critical place in their development, and many are still there." That means may Vietnam veterans in their late 30s see the world through the perceptions of a 19-year-old, iced in time, etched in a memory that's reflected upon a broken mirror. They continue to struggle for independence, self-identity, self-worth and a strong need to be in control of their lives. Vets want to see the world as black and white and manageable. A world where good guys win and where right prevails. But the world isn't like that. And now vets are trying to parent while they are themselves are frozen at 19. NamNews 3-01 Page 28 7 Jan 1989 A WAR OF OPEN WOUNDS I, like other Vietnam vets, carry a tremendous burden. And so do our teenagers. Our families hurt, but few reach out for help. So how can you tell teenagers and their families endure unbearable pain but rarely let you know their wounds or scars? Look for these signs. Apathy--Since Vietnam vets tend to deny feelings, our kids often feel victimized. Teenagers in this situation, like their parents, feel out of control and often say, "Who cares?" Vietnam vets felt lied to, betrayed and then discarded after the war. And that attitude permeates our family lifestyle. Thus, kids feel betrayed in their friendships. They succumb more quickly to peer pressure. But the most devastating blow for teenagers in such families is that it's hard for some of them to take control, be responsible and feel good about themselves. Poor Communication--Vietnam vets simply refuse to talk about the war. You'll receive silent messages such as "I don't talk about that." But this denial attitude is a cover-up. This attitude of denial punctures family life. The silent battle-field kills the communication. Unfortunately, this causes teenagers to misinterpret the reasons WHY vets won't open up. Kids don't know that their parents refuse to talk about the war because of the pain. Instead, teenagers interpret those silent messages as lessons in how to communicate. And those messages are unhealthy. For example: You'll hear me express anger, but you'll rarely hear me express sadness, hurt or loss. I keep those feelings well-guarded. And I feel like I wear a heavy coat of armor over a broken heart that never heals. Psychologists call this feeling "post traumatic stress disorder." Most of my experience with post-traumatic stress disorder shows itself through the emotional numbness and detachment I sometimes feel with my family and friends. And some teenagers learn to model this behavior. Soon, all they feel is numbness too. Family Problems--Teenagers of Vietnam vets may live in a family that's closed, dysfunctional and in need of help. In serious family situations, kids might struggle with a parent who abuses alcohol and drugs. Some teenagers are victims of incest or physical and psychological abuse. These teenagers live in their own war. A war of fear. Since Vietnam vets each had a different experience in the war, their family stories widely vary. Some are heroic. Others are tragic. That's why it's important to not generalize the teenagers who live with a Vietnam vet. NamNews 3-01 Page 29 7 Jan 1989 ================================================================= GENERAL ARTICLES ================================================================= WHO CAN I TRUST? By: Dennis Kiefer Do you have someone who you can really trust? Someone that you know will never let you down? I hope this is the case. I personally know many people who would give anything to find a person like that. When we are born into this world there is planted into us the need to trust someone or something. As a baby, we blindly put our trust in our Mother. There is no fear or doubt because we totally trust her to take care of our every need. It takes a lot to destroy this faith, but if that Mother continually disillusions that son or daughter, their faith can be destroyed. As we grow and begin school, our faith turns to our teachers. Mom at home tells us to listen to our teachers and do what they tell us. This generally is the best advice, but not all teachers are to be trusted as some will lead us by bad example in attitude, actions or counsel. Growing up shifts our faith to our peers. We begin to share our hopes and fears with others and trust that their advice and help will give us direction to make the correct decisions in life. This confidence could either make us or break us. Many a successful person can point to a buddy that helped in his success. Equally as many failures can point to a buddy that gave direction or advice causing him to make the wrong decisions which affected his entire future. I am sure during your tour of duty in VIETNAM you began with faith in your fellow men as well as our country. I had a strong desire to please those around me. I also wanted my country to be proud of me. As with most of us, there were a lot of disappoint- ments that surfaced in my time in VIETNAM. I was disillusioned, and thoroughly disgusted at many of the things happening in Southeast Asia. After returning to the States, I had a rough time adjusting to the routine of life again. I can remember the excitement I felt as I boarded the plane to return home. But as I made contact with my old friends, something was different. They had changed or was it me that had changed. I didn't feel I could relate to them anymore. Suddenly I couldn't share my feelings with them. It seemed like no one could understand, they just hadn't been where I was, they hadn't experienced the things I had experienced. NamNews 3-01 Page 30 7 Jan 1989 I wanted someone I could go to who would understand me and bear my burdens with me. It seemed that was too much to hope for. No one had gone through the things I had gone through. No one had felt the grief and terror I had felt. My last six months in the military, I met a man who introduced me to someone that fulfilled all the expectations I had. His name is JESUS CHRIST. I found in him someone I could put my full trust in and would never let me down. I could give my fears and worries to him and feel the weight of them removed from me. As I read the 19th chapter of the book of St. John, I saw that this man JESUS had experienced so much more than me in the way of pain and suffering, both mentally and physically. Now my life is complete. The severe mental depression is gone and I can cope with life each day. I look forward every day with joy and expectation to the great things God has in store for me, without the flashbacks of a time many years ago in Southeast Asia. NamNews 3-01 Page 31 7 Jan 1989 The following was written in response to a complaint on a local bulletin board concerning the excessive costs of supporting the Veteran programs. . ....I wish I had sufficient command of the English language to explain what's wrong with your comment concerning the amount of money being spent on veteran programs. Part of the problem may well be one of terminology. Think of that money, not as a budget for veteran programs but as a payment on incurred war debts. You see, during the several periods of hostilities (both real and imagined) our government made commitments to those it called upon to serve in the Armed Forces. Part of those commitments included medical care, compensation for disabling injuries, the opportunity to continue education, help in acquiring suitable housing, and for those who served with honor for at least 20 years, a pension plan. These "contracts" were awarded in the name of the American people by the president and the congress. It was felt that there should be compensation if those called upon to serve were to be placed in positions of peril not normally associated with citizenship. Some payments were also considered as a way of saying "Thank You" for helping to keep this country and our way of life secure against the threat of being overtaken by foreign powers. ....Unfortunately, not all who served were able to take advantage of those "benefits". Many died. Many more were severely wounded or lost parts of their bodies. Still others suffered from the shock of finding themselves in a world whose moral codes were different from the Sunday school ideals they had been taught to follow. ....Many people more skilled than I am at putting words down in a logical sequence have tried to explain these things over the years, In retrospect, perhaps they too have failed to get the message across....there is no adequate compensation for what we, the American people, have asked the veteran to do for us! To sit in the peaceful atmosphere of your living room or den and complain that the cost to you is too much, is to simply not understand. . . Donald A. Purvis Sergeant Major, US Army, Retired NamNews 3-01 Page 32 7 Jan 1989 A WAR THAT NEEDS A RESPONSE The church reached out to me after my Vietnam experience. Church members' love, attention and caring healed me. But the church hasn't been there for many vets and their families. And many youth leaders dismiss problems related to vets or don't realize the war has deeply touched their teenagers. But you can respond and make a significant impact. Here's how: . Plan a meeting on war--Examine your attitudes and feelings about war and have your kids do the same. Then ask them to jot down three feelings they'd have if they suddenly were drafted and sent to the Persian Gulf or Nicaragua. Discuss kids' attitudes about war. Is there such a thing as a "just war?" If you're opposed to war are you a conscientious objector? Studying war isn't new. Oxford College of Emory University now offers a course called, "The Vietnam Experience." The university developed the course because of kids' interest. . Invite a Vietnam Vet to speak--Ask a veteran to talk about his or her experiences. But be sensitive. Many vets still carry explosives; the memories and feelings buried inside them. Ask questions that you and the veteran have reviewed and approved before hand. After the talk, encourage the youth group to send a thank you note to your speaker, and to other Vietnam veterans who worship in your church, and tell them how much you appreciate them. . Set up a parent-teenager meeting--Focus on communication. Discuss the good and the awful of what it's like to grow up. Then talk about how family members can provide support and healing for each other. . Watch Vietnam movies--Together with a Vietnam vet, watch Vietnam moves such as "Good Morning Vietnam," "Platoon," "The Deer Hunter," and "Apocalypse Now." Or watch the TV show "Tour of Duty," together. Then ask the veteran to explain how accurately the show portrayed the Vietnam War. . Talk about victimization--Make a list of all the ways a teenager can be come a victim. For example, teenagers can be children of alcoholics, Vietnam veterans, drug abusers, sexual abusers or divorced parents. Teenagers can also be victims of crime or fights. Then discuss how to respond. . Find the kids of Vietnam vets--You can make a difference in kids' lives. Teach them to move away from being a victim and become responsible. Give their poor self-images a bright future. Turn negative peer pressure to positive influences. Then plan a meeting on being a kid of a Vietnam vet. Use bulletin boards at school to announce the meeting. Ask the local newspaper to spotlight an awareness article. NamNews 3-01 Page 33 7 Jan 1989 . Reach out to families of Vietnam vets--Create a positive support system within the veteran's family by simply caring and being a friend. NamNews 3-01 Page 34 7 Jan 1989 Women At War In the Continental Army during the Revolutionary War, courageous women used disguises and their wits to get the job done. Debro Sampson posed as Robert Shirtliffe in a Massachusetts regiment until her sex was discovered. Mary Ludwig (Molly Pitcher) fired her husband's cannon when he was wounded. The story of Lucy Brewer the "Female Marine" has aboard the USS Constitution has been passed down for generations. IN the Civil War, there were white and black heroines who were suppliers, nurses, saboteurs spies and soldiers. Dr. Mary Walker was a lieutenant in the Union Army. She was not only a Surgeon and Doctor but was also imprisoned as a spy. After she was awarded the Medal of Honor, it was rescinded. She refused to turn in her medal, and the honor was finally restored by Congress, but not until 1976. During the Spanish American War in 1898, 1,500 women nurses served under a civilian contract to meet emergency needs. This led to the Army Nurses Corps being formed in 1901, followed by the Navy Nurse Corps in 1908. In World War One, some 50,000 women served in our Armed Forces. Many were decorated and some were wounded. About 350,000 women were in the World War II effort, serving in all branches and in all overseas theaters. These Women performed a wide range of military jobs from stenographers and technicians to truck drivers and gunner,s mates. There were more than 200 casualties, including Army Nurses and Female Pilots from the Women's Air force Service Pilots. More than 80 nurses were imprisoned in enemy camps, most for over three years. In addition several hundred Women were decorated for their heroic services and deeds. In 1948, the Women's Armed Services Integration Act gave omen a permanent place in the Armed Forces. Since that time, in Korea, in Vietnam, and in peacetime, they have served with commitment, dedication and sacrifice . Approximately 10,000 were in Vietnam with eight giving their lives for their country. Today more than 400,000 women are active duty, Reserve and Guard members of the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marine Corps and Coast Guard. It is estimated that there are about 1.2 million living Women Veterans. In today's Armed Forces, women are partners with men, comprising more than 10 percent of the total number. The Department of Defense recently affirmed that women represent an "irreplaceably valuable part of the U.S. Armed Forces. In late 1986, President Reagan signed a law authorizing construction of a memorial in the nation's capitol to recognize the contributions of women in the Armed Forces. Congresswoman Mary Rose Oakar of Ohio sponsored the legislation with strong support from the Department of Defense. Women in Military Service for America Memorial Foundation, Inc., is the nonprofit NamNews 3-01 Page 35 7 Jan 1989 organization charged by Congress with the responsibility for funding and moving the project forward. Memorial plans call for a complex which will include some of the following features: a theater-style auditorium with a movie about the historical contributions of women in the military, a registration room with names and photos of registered women service members available for computer review, and a reception area with commemorative souvenirs, books and displays. The location is the memorial gate area at the end of the entranceway to the Arlington National Cemetery in Virginia. The existing major structure in this area is the Hemicycle which is badly in need of repair. Construction of the Memorial will preserve and complete the Hemicycle, with restoration incorporated into the design. An open design competing process will be initiated to obtain the most appropriate design, one which will encompass the purpose and features of the Memorial. The registration room will be an essential feature of the Memorial. Historically, there have been difficulties in identifying those women who have served in the Armed Forces. The registration process will make it possible for every woman who is serving or who has ever served, to be identified and registered and thus have her permanent place in our history and heritage. The registration process involves completion of a short form of personal military history, with an accompanying payment of $25.00. The form includes such data as name, place and date of birth, pertinent service information, highest rank/rate and decoration, and career highlights. This information is being computerized into a permanent record which can be viewed by visitors. An important feature of this process will be the simultaneous display of submitted photos with service record. Registrations are now being accepted. Any woman, enlisted or officer, who has served or who is serving in the Armed Forces, may register or be registered. Donations may be made in memory or in honor of someone else. The Foundation will acknowledge those gifts if a name and address for aknowledgement is provided. Also anyone who would like to pay tribute to women in the military service may contribute to the Memorial Fund. Names of all contributors will be made part of the permanent record of the memorial. For more information, to register or make a contribution, write to: Women in Military Memorial P.O. Box 560 Washington, DC 20042-0560 Telephone 1-703-533-1155 NamNews 3-01 Page 36 7 Jan 1989 IVVECLST.007 ================================================================== OFFICIAL NODELIST - INTERNATIONAL VIETNAM VETERANS ECHO CONFERENCE ================================================================== 11 December 1988 As of the above date, these are the net/nodes currently receiving the IVVEC Echo. If you have any ADDITIONS, DELETIONS, or CHANGES to report, please Contact Woody Carmack at 1:153/130 (1-604-462-8753 Data) or leave a message in the IVVEC. We will acknowledge receipt of your note. ================================================================= NET/ MAX NODE BBS NAME City/State/Country Phone BAUD ================================================================ 632/350 Yarra Valley BBS Melbourne Austr AU 61-3-848-331 1200 114/113 Corwin's Keep Tempe AZ 1-602-894-1470 2400 114/13 Corwin's Keep Tempe AZ 1-602-894-1470 2400 153/123 DAETECH Burnaby BC 1-604-420-2641 9600 153/130 Vietnam Veterans In Canada 9600 HST 1-604-462-8753 Headquarters, Vietnam Veterans In Canada 153/501 Valley Hub Clearbrook BC 1-604-850-0021 2400 153/508 Ebenezer Christian BBS Mission BC 1-604-826-6607 9600 153/133 Hot Line Data Network Langley BC 1-604-533-0421 2400 220/20 Old Frog's Almanac Nanaimo BC 1-604-758-3072 2400 103/507 Philosopher's Log Anaheim CA 1-714-535-1258 9600 200/100 The Board Room Belmont Shores CA 1-213-498-6425 2400 161/502 Wildcat Benicia CA 1-707-746-5820 2400 161/66 Generic BBS Citrus Heights CA 1-916-722-3659 2400 203/66 Generic BBS Citrus Heights CA 1-916-722-3659 2400 161/1 Nerd's Nook Concord CA 1-415-672-2504 9600 202/401 jabberWOCky Escondido CA 1-619-743-9935 2400 161/34 Now and Zen OPUS Fair Oaks CA 1-916-962-1952 9600 161/56 Nat'l Family Forum Freemont, CA 1-415-651-4147 2400 NamNews 3-01 Page 37 7 Jan 1989 161/7 Mover Mouse BBS Fremont, CA 1-415-883-1644 2400 200/200 CSULB Long Beach, CA 1-213-494-8737 1200 161/39 Nightline Mather AFB, CA 1-916-362-1755 2400 161/509 Enterprize Pinole, CA 1-415-758-1650 2400 161/11 The Byte Boutique Sacramento CA 1-916-483-8032 2400 161/5 River City II OPUS Sacramento, CA 1-916-646-9678 9600 161/943 Eagle's Nest Sacramento, CA 1-916-334-2822 9600 10/215 Silver BBS San Diego, CA 1-619-226-4502 2400 125/31 Echo Coord San Francisco CA 1-415-621-5206 9600 143/27 Vietnam Veterans Valhalla San Jose CA 1-408-293-7894 2400 Todd Looney 24Hrs 365Days BinkleyTERM 2.0 CM Headquarters, Vietnam Veterans Valhalla 143/86 Cat's Tail BBS S T O P San Mateo CA 1-415-349-8245 2400 125/78 Living Sober BBS San Mateo, CA 1-415-342-2859 2400 125/12 The Grape Vine Santa Rosa, CA 1-707-546-4938 2400 125/7 Survival Forum Santa Rosa, CA 1-707-545-0746 2400 103/501 Mount Silverthorn Tustin, CA 1-714-544-3369 2400 104/28 Pinecliff BBS Boulder, CO 1-303-444-7073 2400 128/13 COSUG-Colorado's User Clrdo Spg CO 1-404-548-0726 2400 128/16 Firenet Leader Colorado Spring CO 1-303-591-9600 2400 104/739 The Phoenix Parker, CO 1-303-841-9570 2400 104/51 P2 B2 South Denver, CO 1-303-329-3337 2400 141/488 Alice's Restaurant Branford CT 1-203-488-1115 2400 141/250 Wilton Woods Wilton, CT 1-203=762-8481 9600 135/27 Bitsy's Place Miami Beach FL 1-305-865-0495 1200 135/35 The Way Out BBS Miami, FL 1-305-665-3283 1200 363/9 Wit's End Orlanda, FL 1-305-894-0807 1200 363/10 Midas Touch Orlando, FL 1-305-648-1133 1200 NamNews 3-01 Page 38 7 Jan 1989 366/38 Jolly Green Giant Shalimar, FL 1-904-651-3875 9600 18/43 Athens Echo Athens, GA 1-404-546-7857 9600 370/10 OnLine OPUS Athens, GA 1-404-548-0726 2400 370/5 Athens Forum Athens, GA 1-404-546-7857 9600 12/7 HPCUA Honolulu HI 1-808-422-8406 9600 12/1 Aura Net Honolulu, HI 1-808-533-0190 2400 115/761 ICS/TRIX 1 OPUS Chicago, IL 1-312-761-7887 2400 115/529 Elk Grove Repeater Elk Grove Vlg IL 1-312-529-1586 2400 115/20 North Shore BBS Evanston, IL 1-312-491-2611 2400 115/429 Chicago Business Evanston, IL 1-312-491-2611 2400 232/4 Runways End OPUS Peoria, IL 1-309-691-5416 9600 HST 11/202 The SouthSide BBS Indianapolis, IN 1-317-882-9330 1200 227/1 Michiana TechLine Mishawaka, IN 1-219-258-0286 9600 227/150 The SX Project Whiting IN 1-219-659-2711 2400 108/90 DATANET Information Syste Erlanger KY 1-606-727-3638 2400 108/50 The ZOO BBS Independence, KY 1-606-283-2040 2400 321/109 Pioneer Valley PCUG-1 Amherst, MA 1-413-256-1037 9600 321/201 Mountain Top Dalton, MA 1-413-684-2886 2400 321/202 Jones' Nose Great Barringto MA 1-413-243-0034 9600 321/203 VETLink #1 Pittsfield, MA 1-413-443-6313 2400 109/722 Ronnie's Roadies BBS Camp Springs MD 1-301-736-0135 1200 109/648 Falcon's Rock College Park, MD 1-301-345-7459 2400 13/29 Berkshire Board Essex, MD 1-301-574-1984 9600 13/33 Avi-Technic Lutherville, MD 1-301-252-0717 9600 13/30 The Futurists BBS Perry Hall, MD 1-301-529-0716 9600 261/628 Liberty Hall Reisterstown, MD 1-301-833-8933 2400 NamNews 3-01 Page 39 7 Jan 1989 261/628.1 Systemhouse Link Reisterstown, MD 1-301-833-8933 2400 109/717 The Tin Badge BBS Silver Spring, MD 1-301-589-2016 1200 1/214 Region 14 Echo Coor Minneapolis, MN 1-612-377-3398 2400 1/314 Software Dist Minneapolis, MN 1-612-377-3469 2400 282/1 Midwest Echo Star Minneapolis, MN 1-612-377-3469 9600 151/20 Metro Link Charlotte, NC 1-704-541-8626 2400 151/60 VMC-BBS Lewisville, NC 1-919-945-4850 2400 151/100 NC Central Raleigh, NC 1-919-851-8460 9600 151/1000 REDCON Raleigh, NC 1-919-859-3353 2400 14/662 Friend's BBS Omaha, NE 1-402-896-2669 2400 132/101 BBS Source Archive Nashua, NH 1-603-888-8179 2400 150/803 Jersey Vertex Moorestown, NJ 1-609-869-0139 2400 15/4 NASW New Mexico Las Cruces, NM 1-505-646-2868 2400 381/401 Border Connection Santa Fe NM 1-505-678-1318 2400 107/105 NY Transfer Staten Island, NY 1-718-442-1056 2400 108/105 Global Time Systems Cincinnati, OH 1-606-341-7910 2400 157/1 Auer Register Cleveland, OH 1-216-883-0578 2400 110/20 EDS Data Dayton, OH 1-513-455-2431 2400 157/501 The PC-Key BBS Girard OH 1-216-545-9205 2400 385/4 Info-Net Lawton, OK 1-405-357-6181 2400 385/6 Bink's Barn Lawton, OK 1-405-357-2473 2400 147/14 Dark Star TBBS Oklahoma City, OK 1-405-691-0863 9600 148/120 Genetic Research Vat Toronto ON 1-416-480-0551 2400 11/700 FCAU IBM Net Toronto, ON 1-416-427-0682 9600 221/156 Waterloo CBCS PUBLIC Waterloo, ON 1-519-746-5020 9600 221/157 Waterloo CBCS Echomail Waterloo, ON Unpublished 9600 NamNews 3-01 Page 40 7 Jan 1989 105/16 Net 105 EchoMail Hub Portland, OR 1-503-761-3003 2400 105/61 Shotgun OPUS Portland, OR 1-503-760-4521 2400 157/506 Beacon Hill OPUS Transfer, PA 1-412-962-9514 2400 362/1 The Mines of Moria Chattanooga, TN 1-615-344-9601 2400 362/501 Coconut Telegraph Chattanooga, TN 1-615-698-4858 2400 18/7 Flash Port Memphis TN 1-901-525-2710 2400 18/6 POSSM Mail Echogate Memphis, TN 1-901-353-4563 9600 HST Jerry Hindle 24Hrs 365 Days BinkleyTERM v2.0 All NAMVET News Letters online for FReq. MAIL ONLY 130/5 CUSSNET UTA Arlington, TX 1-817-273-3966 2400 136/200 The Chai Way II Austin, TX 1-214-358-3738 2400 124/210 Hardwired Dallas TX 1-214-437-4075 9600 124/214 *CHRYSALIS* Dallas TX 1-214-895-9054 2400 124/106 CHAI Way II Dallas, TX 1-214-250-3323 9600 124/110 Flying Dutchman Dallas, TX 1-214-642-3436 9600 124/117 NCC-1701 Node 1 Dallas, TX 1-214-240-8821 2400 124/117 NCC-1701 Dallas, TX 1-214-240-8821 2400 124/14 Chrysalis Dallas, TX 1-214-985-9054 2400 124/200 Dallas Outbound Dallas, TX 1-214-437-4075 2400 124/201 Hardweird Dallas, TX 1-204-931-2987 2400 19/5 Micro Application El Paso TX 1-915-594-9738 2400 106/386 Information Center Exchan Houston TX 1-713-872-4429 2400 106/108 Stormy Weather I Houston, TX 1-713-644-4345 9600 106/111 Shutterbug's OPUS Houston, TX 1-713-880-4329 2400 106/113 The Opus Network Houston, TX 1-713-780-4153 2400 106/114 The Fireside Houston, TX 1-713-496-6319 2400 106/357 TMBBS Houston, TX 1-713-497-5433 2400 NamNews 3-01 Page 41 7 Jan 1989 106/666 Anything Goes OPUS Houston, TX 1-713-997-2624 2400 106/132 Fast BBS OPUS Katy, TX 1-713-392-0093 2400 382/1 Crystal Palace Lake Travis, TX 1-512-339-8037 2400 382/14 Corona Del Mar Rockport, TX 1-512-729-7026 9600 381/201 Pro Link San Angelo, TX 1-915-944-2952 2400 387/401 Comp-U-Gen II San Antonio TX 1-512-496-9373 2400 387/601 NCOA International BBS San Antonio TX 1-512-653-0409 2400 387/800 NCOA International BBS San Antonio TX 1-800-365-6262 2400 109/604 ShanErin Alexandria, VA 1-703-941-8291 2400 109/639 The RENEX BBS Woodbridge, VA 1-703-494-8331 2400 343/111 Lessor Puget TB Edmonds, WA 1-206-742-8067 2400 343/9 Everett OPUS Everett, WA 1-206-355-1295 1200 138/4 PTC Net Mount Vernon, WA 1-206-757-5248 2400 1/217 Region 17 Echo Coord Puyallup, WA 1-206-848-5317 2400 138/101 Story Board Puyallup, WA 1-206-848-5317 9600 138/3 Puget Sound Gateway Puyallup, WA 1-206-848-9232 2400 138/49 The Cohort Puyallup, WA 1-206-848-2646 9600 138/35 US HDS Human Service Seattle, WA 1-206-442-8127 2400 138/52 Burrell's Ballpark Tacoma, WA 1-206-752-4672 2400 139/640 Fox Valley Tech Appleton, WI 1-414-735-2513 2400 154/200 PC-Express Greenfield, WI 1-414-327-5300 2400