Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 . __ . . -*- N A M V E T -*- ____/ \_ . . ( * \ . . Managing Editor \ Quangtri . . ---------------- \_/\ \_ Hue . . G. Joseph Peck \_Ashau Phu Bai . . \_* \_ . . Editorial Assistant \ * ) . . ------------------- _/ Danang . . Pete Farias ( \_*Chu Lai . . \_ ------- \__ . . Distribution Manager \_ I Corps \ . . -------------------- \ ------- ! . . Jerry Hindle /\_____ ! . . / ! \ . . Section Editors ! !___ \ . . --------------- ! \/\____! . . AGENT ORANGE: Martin H. Kroll, Sr. ! ! . . IN-TOUCH: Ray "Frenchy" Moreau / Dak To ! . . INCARCERATED VETS: Joyce Flory / * / . . HOMELESSNESS: Lefty Frizzell ! \_ . . FEDERAL BENEFITS: Jim Hildwine ! Phu Cat\ . . GUEST CHAPLAIN: Michael Harris \ * * ) . . \ Pleiku ) . . -**- N A M V E T -**- \ \ . . / / . . "In the jungles of 'Nam, some of us ( -------- ! . . were scared and wary, but we pulled _\ II Corps ! . . one another along and were able / -------- \ . . to depend on each other. That has \ \ . . never changed. Today, free of the ! * / . . criticisms and misunderstandings _/ Nhatrang / . . many veterans have endured, _/ / . . NAM VET is a shining beacon, __/ ! . . a ray of hope, and a _ __/ \ ! . . reminder that the _____( )/ ! Camranh Bay . . lessons learned / !__ ! . . at such a high / \ / . . price shall not \ Bien Hoa \ / . . be forgotten - ! Chu Chi * \ __/ . . nor the errors \_ * --------- \ ___/ . . repeated!!!" ____ \ III Corps \ _/ . . / \_____) )_(_ --------- !__/ Duplication in . . ! ( ___/ any form permitted . . _____! \__ * ___/ for NONCOMMERCIAL . . ! Saigon/ purposes ONLY! . . \___ -------- / \/ . . \ IV Corps / For other use, contact: . . ) -------- / . . / ! G. Joseph Peck (413) 442-1660 . . / ____/ Managing Editor . . / Mekong/ . . ! Delta/ This newsletter is comprised of articles . . ! ____/ and items from individuals and other . . ! / sources. We are not responsible for the . . ! / content of this information nor are any of . . ! __/ NAM VETs contributors or Section Editors. . . \_/ gjp . . . Third Annual NamVet Page i Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 =================================================================== T A B L E O F C O N T E N T S 1. Happy Birthday NamVet!!! Happy Birthday NamVet!!! .................................. 1 2. Seared into permanent memory!!! Yahrzeit '88 .............................................. 2 Khe Sanh Remembered ....................................... 5 From YOUR Tour of Duty? ................................... 6 Homecoming III ............................................ 9 The Silent Warrior ........................................ 10 For these women, the battle continues ..................... 11 3. Editorials to remember Clouds, Rainbows... and Prisms ............................ 13 Break out the Clearasil ! ............................. 16 Veterans, speak out and be heard! ......................... 17 Silence and Empty Cells? .................................. 19 Life Goes On... ........................................... 20 4. The NamVet Chapel A Pastoral Response to the Troubled Vietnam Veteran ....... 22 The Electronic Chapel ..................................... 45 5. In a country far away... The Saudi Connection ...................................... 46 Purpose ................................................... 47 They haven't forgutten US!!! .............................. 48 MIA/POW Postage Stamp? .................................... 49 Fragile as a Flower ....................................... 50 6. Rememberin' Ol' Glory Deliverance ............................................... 52 How does burning a flag make things better? ............... 54 7. Puttin' it all together "In Touch" Unites Families, Friends and Strangers ......... 56 In-Touch: What is it??? ................................... 59 IN-TOUCH Registration/Request Form!!! ..................... 62 Service Organizations & BBS's ............................. 64 8. Don't Abandon 'em The Forgotten Warriors .................................... 70 Thanks, brothers and sisters! ............................. 73 A visit or note once in awhile? ........................... 76 Vietnam Desiderata ........................................ 77 Quotes from "The Wall" of Incarceration ................... 79 9. Hearts n' Minds Vet Feels A Monument's Embrace ............................ 82 War ....................................................... 86 10. Index of NamVet Articles Index to Articles in NamVet ............................... 87 Some Gave All... .......................................... 102 Third Annual NamVet Page ii Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 =================================================================== H a p p y B i r t h d a y N a m V e t ! ! ! =================================================================== HH HH AAA PPPPPP PPPPPP YY YY HH HH AA AA PP PP PP PP YY YY HH HH AA AA PP PP PP PP YY YY HH HH AA AA PP PP PP PP YY YY HHHHHHHH AAAAAAA PPPPPP PPPPPP YYYYYY HH HH AA AA PP PP YY NH HH AA AA PP PP YY HH HH AA AA PP PP YY Todd Looney * G. Joseph Peck * Jerry Hindle * Ray Moreau * Doc BBBBB IIII RRRRRR TTTTTTTT HH HH DDDDDDD AAA YY YY BB BB II RR RR TT HH HH DD DD AA AA YY YY BB BB II RR R TT HH HH DD DD AA AA YY YY BB BB II RR RR TT HH HH DD DD AA AA YY YY BBBBBB II RRRRR TT HHHHHHH DD DD AAAAAAA YYYYY BB BB II RR RR TT HH HH DD DD AA AA YY BB BB II RR RR TT HH HH DD DD AA AA YY BBBBBB IIII RR RR TT HH HH DDDDDDD AA AA YY Mike Dealey * Chuck Sterling * Don Griffith * Joan Renne * Bac Si NN NN AAAA MM MM VV VV EEEEEEE TTTTTTTT NNN NN AA AA MMM MMM VV VV EE TT NN N NN AA AA MM M M MM VV VV EE TT NN N NN AA AA MM M MM VV VV EE TT NN N NN AAAAAAAA MM MM VV VV EEEEE TT NN N NN AA AA MM MM VV VV EE TT NN NNN AA AA MM MM V V EE TT NN NN AA AA MM MM VVV EEEEEEE TT The International Newsletter for Vietnam Veterans ` ` ` ___________|_|_|_____________ : Putting unity : :=============================: : In our Veteran CommUNITY! : :_____________________________: Joy Hanson * Jim Hildwine * Pete Farias * Lefty Frizzell Craig Roberts * Glenn Toothman * Rick Stolz * Ralph Roberts Rev. Ed Brant * Mike Harris * Laura Palmer * Alex Humphrey Claude Witherspoon * Woody Carmack * Aaron Schmeidel * Bob Davis Rod Germain * Dottie Cruz * Mark Burfeind * Ed Howdershelt Jan Gerstner * Glen Kepler * Terry Hayes * Bob Richards Karen Winnett * Scott Summers * Mike Dacus * Joe Meadors >>>>>>> and all the rest of us!!! <<<<<<< Our *-THIRD-* Year " Service with Pride! " Third Annual NamVet Page 1 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 =================================================================== S e a r e d i n t o p e r m a n e n t m e m o r y ! ! ! =================================================================== Yahrzeit '88 Submitted Anonymously My heart aches, and a drowsy numbness pains My sense, as though of hemlock I had drunk, Or emptied some dull opiate to the drains One minute past, and Lethe-wards had sunk: - John Keats "Ode to a Nightingale" She put them up in a brass and stained oak frame. Against the white satin background they didn't appear so ominous, and didn't supply a hint as to the way in which they are awarded. A pretty color, like that on the robes of royalty; pure and deep with majestic allusion. On a weekly basis, she polished the frame, keeping the brass as bright as a ray of morning sunlight. The glass was so spotless that it was possible to see quite clearly ones own reflection. She picked a conspicuous spot for them, and fastened them to the wall in the hallway. And so they hung there, waiting. Waiting. But I didn't look at them. I didn't want to see the morbid days and endless nights that caused their arrival. I didn't want to face the face that won these prizes through violent means. But she kept polishing the brass and glass, commenting "They are precious metals" to those who asked about them. And they hung there on the wall, passed each time a step was taken in the hall. And so they hung there, waiting. Waiting. Each week she would clean them, and the evening sun would cast a reflected light ray to the end of the hall. Each week she would polish them with a tenderness as if they were children to be held. She never said a word about them, but it was easy to tell she was extremely curious about their origins. And so they hung there, waiting. Waiting. Any appeal to remove them was met with stern disapproval. She wanted something to remind her of what had happened, even if she didn't know exactly what that was. She never pried, but held me gently on the nights I would wake up soaked in sweat and tears. She never complained, and never wanted out; instead she would shed tears for my fears, and cry for my sorrows. And every week, she would clean and polish them, until like a beacon they shone. And so they hung there, waiting. Waiting. The sleepless nights faded into the past, the weeks melted into months, and the months passed into years. And each week she would polish them, not voicing a bit of curiosity. She understood the pain, because it was evident in her eyes each morning after a dream of return had come. Her soft touch and Third Annual NamVet Page 2 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 wavering voice exposed the silent melancholy her heart felt and she tried so hard to hide. And each week, she returned to them, polishing them brightly. And so they hung there, waiting. Waiting. The tenderness, style and beauty was taken from her in an instant she never realized. I never had a chance to explain to her the prize was one of immense sorrow. She would polish them as if they were the most important thing in our existence. She held them as tenderly as she had held me on the occasions that it was needed. She understood that the key to my welfare was locked in that frame of brass and oak, and the only way to release the demons was to face the face in the reflected glass. And so they hung there, waiting. Waiting. Her funeral was a complete shock. The realization of death I thought had died many years ago. Death was something benign, something that didn't affect me anymore. Yet here she was, the Joy, Beauty and Truth of my life, lying in grassy solitude. She was no longer there to polish the brass and oak frame, so the dust and tarnish collected, dimming the Light they reflected in the past. And so they hung there, waiting. Waiting. What the war couldn't accomplish, I thought pills could. G-d it's such a hard life! The pills: they can fix everything. If I take enough of them.... And like a memory hidden by time, the brass greened and the oak cracked. And so they hung there, waiting. Waiting. Waking up in the hospital, I was told death had been a breath away. My first reaction was anger for failing, then anger for trying, and finally settled into weeks of self imposed isolation, purging the pent up feelings in emotional self-abasement. The questions came faster than I could possibly answer, and I closed myself off even further. Ignoring all life around me. And so they hung there, waiting. Waiting. I got home with the feeling she had deserted me; leaving me in not so silent agony. The first thing I noticed was they were polished, bright as any day she had cleaned them. I asked who polished them, and everyone said they didn't know. I took them off the wall, excused myself and went into my private chambers. For the first time I was able to look at them since they were hung around my neck by the powers that warranted their action. For the first time I was able to look at the face that won them, and realize that it was a face of an ordinary man, and not a maniacal killer. I held them and finally the tears came. The tears that would begin to wash away the stench of guilt and sorrow of the years past. The tears that would finally release me from the unbearable torments of my dreams. As I moved to wipe the fallen tears from the polished glass, I looked and saw her face, as clearly as she was sitting there with me. She was Third Annual NamVet Page 3 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 smiling a smile of extreme serenity, and lipped the words "Welcome home. I love you." And just as suddenly, she was gone. I knew then who returned the lustre to them. And they no longer hung there, waiting. Waiting. I took the medals and wrapped them in a bedsheet and boxed them up. The box was taken to a family storage place, where they will be safe and cool. The brass and oak frame that she polished so persistently will be safe from corrosion and decay until I decide to take them out again. But for now, they have served their purpose. The Marines gave them to me for my conduct. My wife gave them to me for my sanity. And they no longer hang there, waiting. Waiting. 15 years ago I finished my SEA tour. 10 years ago my wife died, taking that beautiful smile and that full life with her. With this, the tenth anniversary of her death, I would like to let the world know that she was with me when all others had given up hope, and loved me when I didn't seem to love her back. So my continuing love for her I express poorly in these words: You were all of life to me. Yet when I thought that you had abandoned me in death, you still managed to pull me through life. You gave me back that burning desire for life I had lost. Even as you could support me in life, you saved me in death. I cannot offer anything other than the troth I pledged before, to reaffirm before G-d and man to love you for all eternity. # # # Semper fidelis Third Annual NamVet Page 4 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 Khe Sanh Remembered by: William "Bill" Plude Written at Khe Sanh, R.V.N. Nov '68 Pittsfield, MA How can it be that one Air Force Pilot lies rotting from malnutrition and torture in a prison camp deep in North Vietnam because he refused to be turned against the Flag for which his forefathers had died While another man in New York City mutilates the same Flag that the pilot is suffering for? How can it be that one U.S. Soldier lies sightless in an Army hospital from Communist-inflicted face wounds While another man in Los Angeles uses a Communist Flag to drape himself in defiance of the ideal that the soldier is now suffering for? How can it be that one Navy doctor begins his Thirteenth hour standing over an operating table in pursuit of a life almost lost while serving our country While another man of medicine in Georgia implores crowds of young men to refuse to serve our country? How can it be that one Marine lies in a coffin beneath the ground because he believed in duty to his country - While another man lies on a cot in Berkley giving blood for the enemies of our country? How can it be that one Chaplain shields a wounded man from an enemy bayonet with his own body and is himself killed - While another man of God in Milwaukee uses his cloth as a shield to preach hate, dissension, and lawlessness? How can it be that one Black holds the remains of his white comrade in his arms and cries pitifully in a dirty mud hole in Vietnam While another Black screams with hate against his white brother in the streets of Detroit? How can it be that young men start their fourth sleepless night making a supply route to their comrades at the beseiged combat base known as Khe Sanh - While two parents discuss the deterioration of the younger generation? My God How Can It Be? Permission to duplicate, with credit, herein granted. Third Annual NamVet Page 5 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 Remember from YOUR tour of Duty? Messages in VIETNAM_VETS International Echo To/From: Jim Hildwine Larry Magnello Mike Harris Lefty Frizzell From: Jim Hildwine To: All Do any of you remember any of the following during your tour with the Army: 1. Getting up at O Dark Thirty for that famous morning formation in the dark.. i.e 5:30 am... (For you older folks, they don'nt do it any more) 2. Saturday moring inspections? 3. Ye old CMMI Team? (Head Hunters!, caused many a down fall of Company Commanders as well as Motor Sgt's) 4. The crap before the annual IG.. Now called the AIG.. 5. Being paid ONCE a month, and for E-3's and below in the sixties it was less then $100.00 a month (Me was 99.37 before the deductions. 6. Your very frist day in "Basic Training"? Now who can forget that day? Remember your weapons serial number.. Try you will. 7. Remember these? There not used any more.. RA, US (god love em), ER's, and last but least NG (Where is Quale?) 8. Your very frist KP? 9. Any one out there remember your "Welcome" to the 90th Replacment Bn at Long Binh? Remember the lousy chow, got even worse when you got to you new out fit. 10. Remember being an FNG? or what FTA ment (For The Army!!!!) 11. Those famous words well spoken by your favorite NCO... Yea wanna RE-UP??? 12. Day one in Nam, with only 364 to go. What a Bummer! 13. The weather girls name on AFVN TV at night... You know the one with the mini skirt...? 14. Remember what a "Star Light Scope" was? 15. Anyone remember his buddy having a "Spider Monkey"? God they were the worst>>>>>>//. 16. Does anyone remember the famous "Morning Report"... They don't em any more. Took em 30 years to find they really did't need em. 17. When "Mess Halls" were Mess Halls, and not called Dining Facilities? 18. Speaking of Food and Mess Halls remeber the following: SOS, and corned beef, and all the eggs were cooked the same. Overdone!. 19. Remeber when you could write "Free" on you letter and send it any were in the world for nothing? 20. The feeling you had when you pulled a can of "Chopped Ham and Eggs" out of the warm up pot? (Gross) (Many of them were on M-60's to help feed the belt. 21, The taste of C-ration instant Coffee... Ugh.. make that double. 22. Going to Mail call and not getting mail? 23. Being out in the boonies just waiting and talking about going back to the land of Big Px's and round door knobs, and getting "Dear Johned"? 24. Your Very 1st Art 15? (some of us did'nt and some of us did) 25. Remember the Following: 20's were Red, Ten's were Blue, and Third Annual NamVet Page 6 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 one's were green. Ye old MPC..... the pennies, nickles, dimes etc were the real thing. 26. F&N Ginerale. Triple Ugh..... That stuff was just number 10,000. 27. The Steambath...? 28. When you found out "Slick" did'nt mean what you thought it ment. 29. The added addition to the "Body Count"? 30. Anyone remember Sgt Major of the Army "WoolRidge"... 31. Remember the famous three songs of our time in Nam. a. Leaving on a Jet Plane... You got that right. b. We gotta get out of this place... Thats for sure. c. Rain drops keep falling.... You get bet your sweet dupa on that one. 32. Getting to you new outfit, and the frist guy you meet in going home the next day, and is from your home town....! 33. The free steak dinner when you came home from Nam, and also you now had to pay taxes to Uncle sam again.? 34. Not shining your boots for one "WHOLE YEAR""""""""""""" 35. Being told when you got to Nam you had to take a drivers test? Now that is a joke.... Anyone remember those buses of theirs (RVN)? 36. Anyone remember "Silver Bullets" and the "No Sweat" Pill? 37. What "LBJ" really stood for (Long Binh Jail) Add your own to the list? Federal Benefits? Ask me!!! - Jim - From: Larry Magnello The Steel Valley BBS (1:237/500) To : Jim Hildwine Subj: Remember?:reply No.# (38) The tropical candybar that you could throw to the vietnamese and they would throw it back at you, but they would keep your empty tin cans from your sea rations... No. #(39) The FREEDOM BIRD that flew away when you landed and it dawned on you that you could not leave until you were booked on one. No.# (40) The monkeys that would jump from your head onto another head while you were smokingggg away.. No.$ (41) The first time you prayed because you were in the bush going to the bathroom squatting down and saying Oh God, please don't let me die in this position. From: Mike Harris + T.M.E. + Coos Bay, OR 503/269-1935 (1:152/18) + (8:7700/0) The NETWORK - G rated FAMILY oriented (1:129/34) To : All Subj: Jim's "Remember" list! #42 Remember the "Chicken Man" episodes? A bit of humor in a dark time. #43 Remember the Crown Royal "Tassel" being used to designate a shorttimer? #44 Remember the P-38 races? I think we got a can of peaches down to about 7 secs. Remember the callous on your thumb from opening so many cans? Third Annual NamVet Page 7 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 #45 Remember the brilliant one liners? "A Dong saved is a Dong earned!" #46 Remember the menagerie a flags on the bases, boats, tracks, etc. Oregon, California, Nebraska, Alabama, etc. Each owner a proud young man fighting for a cause. (I still have mine with shrapnel holes in it! Oregon) #47 Remember seeing your 1st "Red Snake" coming down out of darkness on the horizon. Then later seeing "Green Snakes" coming up at you from the ground? #48 Remember Camp Alpha in Saigon? Feeling like a migrant while waiting to be processed somewhere? #49 Remember NEVER "Popping a top" in Vietnam? Better wait and see it the guys after 7/69 had pop tops! Always had the opener close! #50 Remember searching for the Conex Box that you KNEW was full of beer after the club had closed? (I tried to steal on with a forklift in Dong Tam and got caught!) #51 Remember the sweat running down all parts of your body as you waited in line for your FREEDOM BIRD to take off? No air on and Remember not feeling totally at ease until you could not longer see the coast of Vietnam? What makes me think that this numerical order will get messed up? Come on guys and gals! Let's get some more on here so we can all.. REMEMBER!!! MIKE From: Lefty Frizzell The Exec Washroom "ANet<>VetNet<>Qlink<>RIME Multinet Gate" To : Mike Harris Subj: Jim's "Remember" list! In a message of Mike Harris (1:129/34) writes: MH>#48 Remember Camp Alpha in Saigon? Feeling like a migrant MH>while waiting to be processed somewhere? Remember the guy who stole your bags at Camp Alpha? And claimed that his bag had the name "FRIZZELL" on it in letters 6 inches tall? MH>#49 Remember NEVER "Popping a top" in Vietnam? Better wait MH>and see it the guys after 7/69 had pop tops! Always had the MH>opener close! Still have my church key. My daughter looks at it as if it were a civil war musket.. (Daddy, you mean they didnt even have pop tops back then??) MH>#50 Remember searching for the Conex Box that you KNEW was MH>full of beer after the club had closed? (I tried to steal on MH>with a forklift in Dong Tam and got caught!) MH>#51 Remember the sweat running down all parts of your body as MH>you waited in line for your FREEDOM BIRD to take off? No air MH>on and Remember not feeling totally at ease until you could MH>not longer see the coast of Vietnam? Lefty Third Annual NamVet Page 8 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 HOMECOMING III by G. Joseph Peck NamVet's Managing Editor VETLink #1 - Pittsfield, MA (413) 443-6313 Silvery waters and a big yellow moon I'll be home friend, home very soon. I have seen the wars Watched other men die . . . Held their pain-wracked bodies Their existence - GONE in a sigh. A tear, a hug, a long last look "Hold my hand... read me the Book" ... and LIFE slips away. Who did they cry for with their last look at Earth? Who will miss them - and what's it worth? What's it worth when men fight and die, Never wanting to - never really knowing why? What's it worth when the bombs fall, Not killing one - but killing all: Newborn children, sisters and brothers Happy families - fathers and mothers? ... and LIFE slips away. So loudly that you, too must hear Those battlefield cries ring in my ear: "Rivers of white. Rivers of red. How hard we fought - how freely we bled! We gave 'em all that we had We fought for the good - not for the bad; So that children could grow to be old, Never going hungry - never being cold, For Tomorrow - America - promises that are true For Love - for Freedom - and especially YOU!!!" ... and LIFE slips away. An American Soldier From one battlefield I am free. I watch ... and remember: " Eternal Vigilance . . . " . . . the PRICE of Liberty!" Third Annual NamVet Page 9 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 THE SILENT WARRIOR By: Karen A. Winnett S.I.R.E.N. IS CALLING - Sacramento, CA (916) 971-0589 The fire fights have ended and the big guns no longer roar but the Silent Warrior's fighting like he's never fought before! No point man walks before him and no man takes the rear, no comrade stands beside him though death is always near! He humps no hills or valleys and he sweats no jungle heat. He stalks no Vils or cities, yet has no road to retreat. His field pack long abandoned and his rifle gone to rust, The Silent Warrior battles, because, he has no choice, he must! It's a long range operation, the objective long and hard, to the Valley of the Shadow, where only Angels are. The Silent Warrior battles, where no soul should have to go, and no heart can ever reach him, for his battlefield's unknown! Don't look to the north or south, don't look west or east, look to home and know the truth, this is where the warrior bleeds! His campaigns rage in silence, and he battles here at home, his courage goes unnoticed and his valor, few have known! Behold the Silent Warrior, lost deep within his thoughts, his body frozen solid, never never to unlock! What enemy could do this, what hearts could be so cold, to do him such dishonor, a brother of our own! I look into unseeing eyes and I wonder where he is, and damn the souls who were taught to care, yet did a thing like this! Behold this valiant warrior, who never more shall speak, curled up in a fetal ball on antiseptic sheets! His arms and legs contracted, his body old and frail his honor stripped away and lost where love should not have failed! Look gently on this old one, who battles day and night, and let every warrior cry for him, until Valhalla's in his sights. For such are the forgotten, not dead yet not alive, doing battle on the Veterans wards beyond uncaring eyes! Behold the Silent Warrior, who's stillness screams with rage, who wars in fields of solitude, and there, til death, he stays! I have touched the Silent Warrior, and learned to know his pain, I have fed and I have bathed him, and cried when no one came! I have reached down to his anger and held his ruined hands, and I felt the battle raging, and I cursed, "God damn!" Behold the Silent Warrior, who battles until death, honor him and know his face, stand guard beside his bed. For such are the forgotten, some lost and some abused, victims of a friendly fire we never can undo. Yes, the Fire fights have ended, and the big guns no longer roar, but the Silent Warriors fighting like he never fought before! Go to him, and speak his name, and understand the truth, don't let him die behind the lines, the next warrior could be you! Third Annual NamVet Page 10 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 For these women, the battle continues By: Cal Orey Woman's World Investigates - April 17, 1990 Input by: G. Joseph Peck NAM VETs Managing Editor VETLink #1 - Pittsfield, MA (413) 443-6313 In the last 10 years, Lily Adams's life has been one medical crisis after another. She's suffered from skin disease, endured a life-threatening pregnancy and given birth to a son with serious intestinal problems. Maureen Nerli has also lived through medical nightmares. She speaks wistfully of the days when she was "as healthy as a horse." Now her life's a round of migraines, body rashes, dizziness and thyroid problems. Illness is Penny Burwell's constant companion too. She's been hit with bone disease, kidney stones and gynecological problems that resulted in a hysterectomy. Penny says her doctors think "I've come into contact with something that's done very bizarre things to my body." According to Lily, Maureen and Penny, Agent Orange is the cause of their problems. All three say they were exposed to the dangerous chemical when they served in Vietnam. From 1962 to 1971, 12 million gallons of Agent Orange were dumped on the tiny country. American troops sprayed it from the air and sea in an effort to strip away the enemy's jungle cover. Ironically, the chemical once used in an effort to save American lives may now be destroying them. One of the reasons Agent Orange is so dangerous is that it contains dioxin, a cancer-causing contaminant that has been linked to birth defects, infertility, miscarriage and disorders of the immune system. Because dioxin doesn't dissolve in water, Americans in Vietnam were inadvertently exposed to it in their drinking and bathing water and in the local food. Out of the more than 500 military women who have reported coming in contact with Agent Orange, 85 to 90 percent were nurses. "Many nurses told us they were stripping clothing off the dead and dying soldiers," says Paul Sutton, head of the New Jersey Agent Orange Commission. These soldiers had been out in the jungle, and their clothing was probably saturated with the deadly chemical spray. Marilyn Edgerton-Mallard was one of the Army nurses who tended these men. Today she is certain that her exposure to Agent Orange is the cause of her infertility. "I didn't think being around Agent Orange had affected me until many years later," Marilyn says. "I tried to get pregnant and couldn't." Eventually Marilyn underwent a hysterectomy, which she believes was necessary because of her exposure to the chemical. What does the government have to say about an issue that may affect thousands of women who served in Vietnam? Not much. Hard, scientific data is sketchy. The government paid the Centers for Disease Control $20 million to conduct an Agent Orange study but, like most research on this subject, it didn't include women. And, shockingly, women who served in Vietnam, in the Red Cross and USO, both civilian volunteer organizations, are being totally Third Annual NamVet Page 11 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 ignored. Maureen Nerli, who is a former USO worker, says, "Ever since I came home from Vietnam I have had one illness after another." Maureen is also distressed that although she served 18 months in Vietnam as a volunteer, her service isn't officially recognized by the government, which excludes her from VA health benefits. "The VA doesn't deal with us. They classify us as non-Vietnam veterans," she says. Therefore, USO and other civilian workers can't get compensation. (Army nurses can, but only if they are seriously disabled.) Vernon Houk, M.D., of the Environmental Health and Injury Control of the Centers for Disease Control explains, "It's possible to do a study of military women who served in Vietnam because we know who they are, but it is not possible to do a valid study of the non-military women because there is no master list." Maureen Nerli understands the frustration. "I have a friend who served in Vietnam with the Red Cross," she explained. "My friend called me a couple of months ago. She was hysterical. She said, "I'm so nervous and depressed. I can't have kids because I was sprayed with Agent Orange when I was in Vietnam. Does anybody care?" Lily Adams, 41, an Agent Orange activist from California, was an Army nurse in Vietnam. Says Lily, "We keep on saying to the government we don't want compensation - we want you to do research. The VA is saying that if it does the research and it proves there's a connection it's going to go bankrupt." The issue of compensation is thorny. In 1984, after years of litigation, a $180 million fund for Vietnam veterans was created by Agent Orange manufacturers to resolve the class-action suit filed against them. The fund excludes spouses an birth-defective children of vets - and, of course, it excludes all civilian volunteers such as Maureen. Since there's not enough money to cover all vets, disabled veterans and their dependents are angry. So is Karen Johnson, a vet who spent two years in Vietnam as an Army reporter. She's being compensated with a small monthly amount because she'd 60-percent disabled, but she is still irate over what she calls the government's "gobbledygook." She suffers from a chest ailment and is desperate to know more about Agent Orange. Will she get worse or die from long-term effects of the poison? Says Bart Stichman, attorney and litigating director for the Vietnam Veterans of America, "The VA would be compensating veterans if it believed there was a connection between Agent Orange and various disabilities. But it doesn't. So no vet with an Agent Orange-related illness is getting very much now." The government must step in to compensate vets, he says. So far, it has refused, but is reexamining its position. For the women who gave so generously of their time, energy and talents during the war, this realization is cruel. It's ironic that after serving their country faithfully, they don't know whom to turn to for answers about the mysterious Agent Orange. Until there is more medical data, the thousands of women who served in the U.S. during the Vietnam War will continue to fear the enemy within. In a very real sense, they have met the enemy - and it is their own government. Third Annual NamVet Page 12 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 =================================================================== E d i t o r i a l s t o r e m e m b e r =================================================================== Clouds, Rainbows... and Prisms by G. Joseph Peck NamVet's Managing Editor VETLink #1 - Pittsfield, MA (413) 443-6313 Well, the deadline is fast approaching when, no matter WHAT or HOW I feel about not receiving Todd's editorial, this Second Anniversary Issue of NamVet --MUST-- go to press. Step by painful step I'm coming to learn how many of YOU must have felt when it was time to be pulled from an AO and you knew some of your troops were still scrambling to reach rendezvous and exit point. Alone, in a sense, I prepare this issue KNOWING that m' brother TRIED... and just didn't quite make it. When Todd and I published the first NamVet on 11/11/87, I don't believe either of us realized the good that a simple ol' electronic newsletter could accomplish - both for ourselves and for our brother and sister veterans around the world. We've heard about it from fellow veterans, seen it written about in newspapers and magazines, and viewed the dogeared copies lying around in our Vet Centers and veteran organizations. We've also seen NamVet circulation rapidly grow from its tiny beginnings to what is now near-world-wide distribution. That tells US that we must be putting together at least some of the things you, our readers, want to read - that what we're trying to do for each of you fills a need. 'Round about last May, some legal troubles came Todd's way that mandated he sell his computer and shut down the VietNam Veterans' Valhalla. In order to continue the "mission" of NamVet, it quickly became clear to me that the responsibility for carrying on should fall upon one of the founding fathers - me ... and, with a persistence and determination similar to that which sustained me during my 18-1/2 year arduous battle with the VA and other bureaucracies, I have tried to do the best job I could of producing what YOU have requested and/or submitted for all of us to read... I'd like to take THIS opportunity to thank each and every one of you - Section Editors, contributors, those who download the NAM VET, and those who share it - for all that producing NamVet has taught ME... about the ambush in Happy Valley; about the lonely widow with 3 children who lost her husband to Agent Orange; about the homeless and incarcerated veteran; about our Missing In Action - Prisoners Of War (MIA/POW); and, most importantly, about trying to walk where YOU have walked. I've found part of me in almost every one of you and, ya know, I don't feel so alone anymore! Like so many of you, before I entered the service I was pretty confident that Life was orderly and predictable and that my future would be more or less under MY control. I really and truly believed I WAS a good and worthwhile person and that MY efforts COULD make a difference. > Although I didn't get to the 'Nam, it seems like the military and American society did for me what it did for many of you when they discharged me with a "label" as the unit I was assigned to (69th Sig Bn) was split and went to 'Nam and to Germany. I often wonder how many of those I served with Third Annual NamVet Page 13 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 made it back - and I often, too, feel guilty 'cause I wasn't there WITH them to do the job I was trained to do. (I've found two of 'em who came back... one works for a national news network in New York City; the other, after experiencing all kinds of unexplainable illnesses and weight loss, went to California to spend what were possibly his last days in warmth and sunshine instead of the bitter cold of the Northern U.S.) After my military service, like so many of you, I tried to feel proud of my efforts for this country - but it was hollow and had no meaning when I KNEW, except for my pre-accident performance of my duties, that I had done really nothing to be proud of. I soon learned that if I wanted a decent job, I should NOT mention my military service. I'm a determined cuss, though: a veteran and damned proud of it! Needless to say, with my service-incurred disabilities which the VA refused to recognize coupled with the general public reaction I encountered, there wasn't much I could find other than apprentice-type or menial labor positions. Following the lead that so many of you have provided - or leaving footprints that others may easily follow, claims were presented to the VA only to be denied or seen as confirmation that an erroneous military diagnosis was correct. I couldn't afford private physicians, therapists or counselors and I either had to find a way to deal with it myself or let it overwhelm me. Yup... we've been under a very similar cloud. But then one day I saw a rainbow... and followed it. A newspaper reporter, writing about my struggles with the Small Business Administration, called me a "service-connected disabled Vietnam vet" ... and I began to look deeper into some problems that all - ESPECIALLY Vietnam veterans - might be having at that time (1976). The rainbow, with its multiple colors and differing shades of light it shed on things, pointed me towards Massachusetts a few years later and steered towards the 1983 CompuServe Identity of "Vetlink - The Point Man" and then to the 1987 creation of VETLink #1. Eight months later, after constant and continued involvement in the IVVEC and just about the time I was beginning to find HOPE again, a faraway candle flickered as Todd asked that I join with him in creating NamVet for all of us. For me - NamVet has really kept the lights near-bright and has constantly reminded me of the kinship we all share! And, speaking of "kinship," let's not forget Todd. He's had problems, like many of us, prior to his most recent difficulty. He's mentioned to me that he's not proud of what's happened, and I can understand that. I can also understand confidentiality and allegiance and loyalty and acceptance. Todd and every one of you have taught me in a much better way that I was ever shown prior to IVVEC and NamVet. There's a "cloud" in HIS life right now and sometimes I wonder whether or not my internal guidance system of "not abandoning a brother/sister - or leaving someone behind" might be more harmful than good for Todd. It is "I" who had the police check on his and Nancy's well-being when I received no answer from their telephone for four or five straight days; It is "I" who constantly hounded him and asked that he US Snail me his editorial until we found a way to get the Valhalla back off-the-ground; it is "I" who have constantly tried to pull him back into something he seemed to care very deeply about. Maybe I should have just let him go - but, to Third Annual NamVet Page 14 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 me, he's a brother veteran who's shared some very important and insightful things with us all, and I have a real problem with that. It is also "I" who believe that we who contribute to NamVet and the IVVEC can see the iris of the clouds, can restore hope for at least one when all the world once seems lost - through our words and efforts and prayers, can see another person's actions illuminated in the light of fraternal understanding and concern... And it is "I" who can see clouds and rainbows and prisms and KNOW that it is nature's way of saying: "Thank You, Vietnam Veterans - it DOES mean sumpin'!" 'Til our next issue Show a brother or sister veteran That YOU care!!! Ci'ao for Ni'ao -Joe- Third Annual NamVet Page 15 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 _ ______ _______ __ _ _______ /\\ H M H H\\ H HHHHHHH / \\ H H H \\ H H /====\\ H HHH HHH H \\ H H / \\ H_____H H______ H \\H H ______ ______ _ __ _ ______ _______ H H H /) /\\ H\\ H H M H H H H____// / \\ H \\ H H H H H H \\ /====\\ H \\ H H HHH HHH H_____H H \\ / \\ H \\H H_____M H______ . _ . _ . . -.- . - . - . -. - . - - - - . - - - - .- - . . . - - -. - . . . . . . . -. -. . . . U S . - -. - . . . . - . . - -. - . . . - - . . -. - . .. V I E T N A M V E T E R A N . _ - - . . . _ _ _ . _-_ . - - - . - - -_- -_-xxx _ -. . - .-. - . . . . - XXXXXxxXXXXXXXXXXXx -. - .- . - . . XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX-. .--. - .- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX -.- - -.- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX -. -. -. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXx .g -. -. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX .- j. .- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX . p .-. XXXXXXXX ]XXXXXXXXX ]XXXXXXXX .- - -. XXXXXX XXXXX XXXXXX -.- - -- XXXXXX XXXXXX XXXXXX -- - XXXXXXXXX X'`XXX XXXXXXX Y Y XXXXXXXXX XXXXX XXX XXXXXXX X X XXXXXXXX XXXXXXX XXX XXXXXX XXX XX X XXX XX XX XXXX XX XXX XX XX XX XXXX XXX]XXXXXXXXXXXX XXX[ XX XX XXX XXXXXXXXXX " I t ' s o n l y t e e n a g e a c n e ! " -Robert Nimmo- Third Annual NamVet Page 16 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 Veterans, Speak out and be heard! By: Martin H. Kroll, Sr. NamVet's Agent Orange Section Editor Fort Mountain BBS - Chatsworth, GA (404) 695-8703 As another Veteran's Day draws near there are many things on my mind. One of them is the fact that Veteran's Day this year is on a Saturday. I have always wondered why we have a Veteran's Day that allows Government workers and bank employees a paid holiday when most of the Veterans themselves end up having to work unless they are employed by a bank or the Government. It just doesn't seem fair does it? Oh well, this is just a small trifle compared to some of the other things that bother me. One of the "biggies" that stays on my mind is that I am thoroughly disgusted with the way the Government has handled the Agent Orange issue and shortchanged the Viet Nam Veterans. This is what has prompted me to write a letter to President George Bush seeking his assistance in helping Veterans that may have been exposed to Agent Orange. You see, although I feel that "radicalism" may have it's place in many circumstances, I don't think that this issue is ready for that approach. I read a statistic just the other day that pointed out the fact that one out of every six home mortgages in this country are backed by the Veterans Administration. Since you have to be a Veteran to get VA backing of a home loan, it is obvious just how large a portion of the population is comprised of Veterans. Theoretically, if you talk to just five non veterans we can reach the vast majority of our voting population. It is very plain that if all Veterans agree on just a few issues we can hit them where it really hurts them. Congress is again seeking a pay raise that will increase their pay from $85,000 per year to $127,000 per year. I think that this is obscene when you consider the way they have done their foot dragging on the Agent Orange issue. Then too, the amount of their requested pay raise is more than most Veterans even earn in a year's time. Congress found out the last time around that the people can speak in force and they proved that yes, the almighty Congress listens to the people, at least for the time being. Do you see what I am getting at? If all veterans united and spoke out on any one issue, then there would be sufficient numbers to force Congress and the Government to do what ever we reasonably requested. We can do that and it is imperative that we do. Veterans that were exposed to Agent Orange are running out of time. They are now middle aged and many are dying from cancer and afflicted with other ills due to their service in Viet Nam. They need medical care now while there is still a chance that something can be done to help them. After the fact settlements to survivors twenty years from now will not help the Veterans. Now if Congress was doing their jobs as they should I don't think many Veterans would have any objection to giving them a reasonable pay raise. After all, we are the ones that have that power and authority in the final analysis. It is a shame that Viet Nam Veterans have been treated the way they have when it comes to the Agent Orange issue. Third Annual NamVet Page 17 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 Now I have no idea if my letter to President Bush will get any results but I do know that united we can get what we want. I am asking each and every one of you reading this to join in and help the cause. Don't agree or disagree with me, just pitch in to help. You have my permission to publish this article and my letter to President Bush in any publication, as long as they are both published together and remain in the original unedited form. We should tell Congress that so long as they continue to drag their feet on the Agent Orange issue we will "JUST SAY NO" when it comes time to approve their pay raises and again when it comes time to go back to the voting polls. That's the ticket folks.....hit em where it really hurts! Here is what I am asking you to do. First, make several copies (at least 10) and have your friends and neighbors sign 2 of them. Second, send one copy to your Congressman and the other to the White House. This won't cost you much at all. This course of action should create a virtual flood of letters of support for immediate action on the Agent Orange issue. The trick is though, you have to DO IT NOW....Go ahead and start printing as soon as you are finished reading this article! Third, please attempt to get this article and my letter to President Bush published in your local newspaper or any newsletter or magazine that you can. This is very important! The more people that we can get this to, the more support we will get. If you are reading this in a newspaper or elsewhere, please tear this article out, sign it, and send it to your Congressman. While you are at it, photocopy several for your friends to do the same. We can do it folks! Don't do this for me, do it for yourselves and your brother and sister Veterans. After all, were it not for our Veterans you could very well now be living under communist or dictatorial rule. If it were not for our Veterans you could very well be living in poverty. It does no good to gripe about what our Government owes us when we fail to help ourselves. Let's make this a Veteran's Day to be remembered for years to come. Let's make this a Veteran's Day that started a flood of support that showed Congress and the Government just where we stand and that yes.....We do know how to hurt them in the worst way. We do not have to resort to violence or radicalism to get what is rightfully ours, but rather "we can and will" resort to the good old American way and work within the system. So in leaving you, I urge you one more time......DO IT NOW! Third Annual NamVet Page 18 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 Silence and Empty Cells? By: Joyce Flory NamVet's Incarcerated Veterans Section Editor Desert Dolphin BBS - Las Cruces, NM (505) 523-2811 Here's me, checking in with the latest update from "my guys", the incarcerated Vietnam Vets. I've had some disappointments over the last couple of months, with my form letters being returned from San Quentin Ca. , Delaware CCR, LaGrange Ky, and no response from 21 other prisons across the country. Hopefully I'll hear something from those 21 soon. Sadly, most of the returned envelopes said "No such person" or "No such organization", meaning the VVA unit there has been disbanded. On the brighter side, I have made contact with Rutledge Ga. and Jackson, Mich. The updated addresses should be in this issue of NamVet or the anniversary issue. I've also gotten a huge listing from Westville Ind. (140 names) but can not list them at this time, as the inmates haven't approved my use of their names. Never fear.. my letter to an inmate, along with the list is on it's way for approval and if that inmate doesn't answer, I'll send it all to the next one on the list, until I get a reply. I have found an ally at Terre Haute Ind. that is looking into gathering a list from there. Word from "my guys" in Colo., Mass., Va., and Penn. is that all is well and even looking up. Transfers to less secure facilities more privileges are abounding. I send the newsletter on disc to Va. and Penn., with the hopes of doing so for Mass. in the future and an inquiry into doing the same for Ga. and Mich. In closing let me add that the inmates STILL want pen-pals and are disappointed when I give them a ray of hope that's not followed up by you folks out there. As always, if there's an avenue you think I'm not following, please let me know via the Vietnam_Vet echo, 305/105, or 1825 Evelyn Las Cruces N.M. 88001. Later, Joyce Third Annual NamVet Page 19 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 Life Goes On By: Todd Looney NamVet's Chief, Emeritus Vietnam Veterans Valhalla - San Jose, CA (408) 737-2402 (Mail Only) I heard in some old country western song a long time ago a phrase that has stuck with me and seems to be appropriate during this month of Tet. Metaphorically it went something like, "Memories are like a rearview mirror, the farther you travel the smaller the image gets...". I probably bastardized the lyric horribly but the point I'm trying to make is that things happened a long time ago to all of us and even though the memories diminish with time, they are still there ... often with a haunting quality we'd rather not experience. Although I didn't serve in Vietnam during the infamous Tet invasion of 1968, I, like so many Vietnam veterans, have a "Tet" memory of my own to live with. Many of you know I was a POW for some time, but my Tet isn't about that. My Tet symbolized the frustrations we all felt in the Republic of Vietnam; trying to do our best with what little we had, but knowing deep down that we were there to do a job, and do it we must, and then go on with our lives the best we could. I had been in-country for about 6 months, maybe a little more, and was a medic for a long-range recon team of six guys, myself included. I had gotten close to all the members of my elite little team - a mistake in itself, but something that happened nonetheless. Our gunner (I'll call him Brandy for now) was a big Texan hailing from a small town called Wink or something like that. Anyway, Brandy carried an M-79 grenade launcher and was damned good with it. We were on a night patrol tallying movement on a redball (hard-packed clay trail through the jungle) when we ran into a little trouble. Normally during treks like that Brandy loaded buck shot into his weapon, but we had split into three teams of two men and spread out - Brandy and I were teamed together that night. Before we left he slipped the buck out and reloaded his M-79 with tear gas. I carried a couple grenades with me also so that in the event 'feces' hit the fan (grin) I could chuck them behind us to help us make our getaway. Brandy's job was to fire the gas at our pursuers and give us time to di-di out of there (di-di is Vietnamese for "get the heck out of Dodge". [You may be wondering why a medic would be carrying grenades, well, I found very early on in my first of four tours that scalpels make rotten weapons, and a syringe won't save your life when you're being jumped on. So, like all wizened combat vets, I carried an automatic rifle (a Colt Commando Assault Rifle CAR-15 given to me by a grateful marine under some bridge around Marble Mountain near Da Nang), a 45 automatic pistol, and yes, grenades whenever I could spare the room for them in my medical bag]. Anyway, as you probably might have guessed, it *did* hit the fan and we were forced to book out of there and regroup with the rest of our team at a predesignated spot near the mouth of a small stream running along the trail we had been watching. Brandy and I had to run full out about a thousand yards or so to our rendezvous position, the last leg through a rice paddy. Just as we got near the opposite bank of the muddy paddy, Brandy took a hit in the back that carried all the way through his body, exiting from his stomach. Luckily, the rest of our team heard the gun fire and Third Annual NamVet Page 20 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 started covering our escape from a knoll ahead of us. I dragged Brandy out of the water and shoved him behind a tree and started packing his belly and back with cotton dressing, finally with mud to staunch the bleeding (I figured that if I could just save his life they could cure the infection from the putrid mud back at Da Nang). Although the ensuing fire fight only lasted for a few minutes, it seemed like hours as I worked to save Brandy's life, him blabbing incoherently to me about home and his family the whole time. I think he told me his whole life story during those last five or six minutes. Just before he died in my arms, he looked up at me and smiled, then reached up and touched my neck with his finger tips. I think it was his way of saying, "Thanks bro, I love you ... goodbye". Although this happened a million years ago, I'll always carry with me the image of his face, the warmth of his touch, and the rush of emotion flooding through my body as he gasped his last breath and closed his eyes. What I'm leading to is that although the event of Brandy's death affected me with unbridled intensity, I was eventually forced to deal with it, put it behind me, and go on with my life. This process took ten long years, and only came about after I spent six months in a mental rehabilitation facility at our local Veterans Administration facility in Menlo Park, California. We all have to look our "Tet's" right in the face and deal with them sooner or later. If we don't, we end up derelict in our responsibilities to not only ourselves, but to our families, friends, and society in general. One of the best methods for me has been to utilize the International Vietnam Veterans EchoConference (IVVEC) as a support network. When I started the IVVEC several years ago, it was a selfish effort intended to link me up with other Vietnam veterans who could understand what I went through and help me to get through the rough times in my life back then. What it turned out to be, of course, was a support network for thousands of veterans around the world who just need to be heard now and then; they simply need to get things off their chests and be understood. Without help from many kind and generous people, Joe Peck to name one, this "stepping stone" to recovery would not exist. The NAM VET is our way of extending our sphere of influence even further than the realm of the computers and telephone lines it is generated upon (I found a printed copy on a San Jose Transit bus one afternoon last year!). No one can take responsibility for your recovery, that is an element of growth you will have to take control of yourself. But you are not alone. Take advantage of the IVVEC and the NAM VET and *use* them to your advantage! If you have input, we are all more than pleased to provide feedback if that is what you want. You can easily and inexpensively do this by dialing up on of the local IVVEC VetNet nodes in your local area (a loooooong list of nodes is available at the end of this issue of NAM VET), or compose an article for one of the enlightening sections of the NAM VET and ask your local sysop to e-mail it to one of the responsible editors listed on the title page. Either way, *you* must take some responsibility for your own recovery, and these are but two of the many healthy outlets at your disposal. We want to hear from you. Until next month, think happy thoughts and be happy. You have friends who care about you. Third Annual NamVet Page 21 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 =================================================================== T h e N a m V e t C h a p e l =================================================================== A PASTORAL RESPONSE TO THE TROUBLED VIETNAM VETERAN By: Melvin R. Jacob In: POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDERS: a handbook for clinicians (c) 1987 DAV National Headquarters Input by: G. Joseph Peck NamVet's Managing Editor VETLink #1 - Pittsfield, MA (413) 443-6313 PTSD OF THE VIETNAM VETERAN was first published by the Disabled American Veterans (DAV) in 1980 (Williams, 1980). This book gave affirmation to Vietnam veterans, especially the ones experiencing adjustment problems. It gave insight and help for the health care provider working with the troubled Vietnam veteran. I benefited from this book, and was especially pleased to learn that the DAV was planning a sequel and was broadening its observations and recommendations for treatment of the veteran and his or her family. Jim Goodwin, in his chapter on the etiology of combat-related PTSD, wrote of the life-sucking symptoms of this disorder: Many veterans find it extremely uncomfortable to feel love and compassion for others. To do this, they would have to thaw their numb reactions to the death and horror that surrounded them in Vietnam...., many of these veterans go through life with an impaired capacity to love and care for others. They have no feeling of direction or purpose in life. They are not sure why they even exist. (Goodwin, in Williams, 1980, p.14) Goodwin identified in this dilemma a symptom that psychological treatment alone has not addressed. Laufer (1985) described this issue quite clearly: "The problem can be seen as the difficulty in answering the question, 'Who am I?' after learning more than one wants about the question, 'What am I capable of?'" (p.51) The existential dilemma challenges their reason and purpose for human existence. I assert it also points to the Vietnam veteran's need for spiritual, pastoral care, a need that has largely been avoided in the literature on the treatment of PTSD. This article is an attempt to respond to this need. My purposes are fivefold: (1) to present pastoral problems with Vietnam veterans; (2) to reframe PTSD symptoms from a pastoral perspective; (3) to examine pastoral goals within the reality of PTSD symptoms; (4) to offer pastoral interventions for these goals; and (5) to theologically describe forms of positive change. My response to the pastoral care needs of the Vietnam veteran has developed within my ministry over the past six years. During this period, I have worked extensively with veterans (on both an in- and outpatient basis) who have sought treatment at the Augusta, Georgia, VA Medical Center. They have taught me much. My response to them has been formulated from a Judeo-Christian philosophy that presupposes that life, as a creation of God, has direction and purpose and that recognizes a redemptive hope within human brokenness and pain. My response acknowledges renewal in Third Annual NamVet Page 22 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 the human spirit above and beyond human ability to effect change. PASTORAL PROBLEMS The reality of Vietnam ate away at the spirit of many of its soldiers. The constant inconsistencies and incongruities, the gut-wretching absurdities, and the endless emptiness left their indelible marks on the hearts of American warriors. A 35-year-old veteran, diagnosed with PTSD, recently allowed me into the horror and fear inside him. He recalled a night his company was overrun by the Viet Cong. Graphically and painfully, he described the vigilance he maintained while picking up the pieces of a buddy "held together at his middle by a thin stretch of skin." This vigilance replaced grief, and fear was his constant companion. He walked in the valley of the shadow of death, but, unlike the psalmist, he concluded that, "God was not there on that hill." A religious or spiritual vacuum was created by the Vietnam war. Many soldiers sought to theologize their experiences (that is, bring spiritual significance to them), but found it futile; emptiness engulfed their attempts for theological meaning, which, itself, was challenged with demonic interpretations. Many looked to the chaplain for meaning and strength. (Some veterans readily affirm the importance of the chaplain and the relationship he gave; meaning and strength were caringly incarnated in his presence.) Others recall negative memories of the chaplain. Lifton (1978) described an "ironic rage" directed at both chaplains and psychiatrists ("shrinks") by Vietnam veterans. This rage flowed from the soldiers' perceptions that the chaplains' battlefield work was incongruent. Lifton elaborates these incongruities: (1) the chaplains blessed the troops, mission, guns, and killing; (2) they endorsed "phoniness" in advocating confession of meaningless transgressions - for example, use of drugs - while holding back accountability to the ultimate transgression: killing; (3) they promoted "false witness" by not acknowledging loss (in the intrinsic and extrinsic experience of war), but affirming and legitimizing the death and destruction; and (4) they sanctioned an "unholy alliance" between themselves and the military in perpetuating the ironies and incongruities of Vietnam. Lifton concluded: "It was one thing to be ordered by command into a situation they came to perceive as both absurd and evil, but it was quite another to have that process rationalized and justified by ultimate authorities of the spirit and mind - that is, by chaplains and psychiatrists." (p. 220) Other pastoral problems are present in the interventions with veterans diagnosed as having PTSD. These problems are summarized in the negative transference that accrued to the chaplain. The chaplain is often seen as God's representative. If God was viewed as not present in Vietnam, then the chaplain's legitimacy, his reason for existence, was in question. The chaplain is seen as the embodiment of what was felt as God's betrayal, and his post- war interventions may receive the brunt of the rage felt toward his role in Vietnam. The veteran is often unable to distinguish between the chaplain who was perceived as sanctioning the incongruities of Vietnam and the one who now offers purpose, hope, and renewal in the brokenness and pain of PTSD symptomatology. Arnold (1985) presents basic principles in the treatment of Third Annual NamVet Page 23 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 Vietnam veterans with PTSD, and lists an assortment of therapy interventions. He identifies "religious counseling" as one intervention, thus giving some legitimacy to the clergy's role in treatment (although he does not define what is meant by religious counseling). He warns against certain theological emphases and highlights possibilities with others: Religious or spiritual counseling has been very helpful to some veterans, but great sensitivity is required to arrange it. The clergy have an acknowledged legitimacy in the area of morality, but if the tenets of faith of a particular clergyman stress sin and punishment or portray expected human nature as being incredibly pure, veterans having serious problems with self-acceptance may reject the counseling which is offered. On the other hand, nonjudgemental guidance in dealing with combat experiences in moral terms may lead to the formulation of a new personal moral position which enhances productive living.(p. 253) The possibilities for ameliorative pastoral work with troubled Vietnam veterans necessitate a look at how this intervention takes place. I believe the first step in this process is to consider the troubled veteran from a pastoral perspective. PASTORAL PERSPECTIVE Much has been written on the veteran and PTSD. The American Psychiatric Association's (APA) DIAGNOSTIC AND STATISTICAL MANUAL III (APA, 1980) provided the psychiatric diagnostic criteria. It describes the symptoms of this disorder as developing after a psychologically traumatic event that is outside the range of usual human experience. I seek to examine the behaviors and feelings from which this psychiatric diagnosis is derived. But, instead of using a psychological perspective, I will use a pastoral one that involves analyzing events, behaviors, and emotions from a theological or spiritual point of view and that embraces a holistic view of the person. The pastoral perspective recognizes the complexity and interrelationships existing among the components of the whole person - the emotional, social, mental, physical, and spiritual aspects of the person. The spiritual component provides a unique perspective from which to examine events, behavior, and emotions. Like the psychological perspective, the pastoral view has its own terminology to explain the observations. I use some of this terminology, rooted in Judeo-Christian thought, to describe the adjustment difficulties and internal struggles of the troubled Vietnam veteran. A veteran in his late thirties requested some private time with me. He had been hospitalized for two or three months, and I knew him very well, but his initiative for an appointment surprised me. In our meeting, he described that on a recent trip home he found something he thought he had lost. Pulling a bent and worn Bible from his pocket, he said, "Chaplain, this Bible was with me all the time I was in Vietnam... I survived and it was in my pocket." He described his attachment to it, although he never spoke of actually opening or reading from it. He continued, "I am struggling now... this Bible helped me before. I would like you to bless it the way it was blessed in Vietnam so it can help me now." I observed his fear; there was uncertainty in his eyes and hesitancy in his voice. His request seemed to involve more than Third Annual NamVet Page 24 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 "getting all the help you can get" - it appeared consistent with the teaching of his faith tradition about the Bible. He shared doubt and vulnerability. I listened to him and recalled how Thomas, in the New Testament, following the awesome mystery of Jesus' resurrection, was filled with fear and doubt. Thomas, like this veteran, asked for visible reassurance. He wanted to feel something tangible in his uncertainty. Jesus' response to Thomas spoke to his deepest fear and doubt. This illustration exemplifies the use of a pastoral perspective. In my work with Vietnam veterans, I have discovered seven categories that illustrate PTSD symptoms from a pastoral perspective. These are (1) distrust and fear, (2) rejection and betrayal, (3) futility, (4) alienation and estrangement, (5) loss and grief, (6) guilt and shame, and (7) isolation and withdrawal. After discussing the use of Biblical analogies, an important part of pastoral work, I will explore each of these categories in detail. BIBLICAL ANALOGIES Biblical analogies provide an historical perspective to PTSD symptomatology. I have found them useful as didactic presentations on PTSD and religious faith. Like the illustration of Thomas associated with the discussion of distrust and fear (below), Biblical analogies are applicable to the remaining six categories of PTSD symptoms. The Biblical character Joseph illustrates the experience of rejection and betrayal. His brothers, selling him into slavery, rejected him; Pharaoh's wife, lying about him, unjustly caused his imprisonment. THe Old Testament book of Ecclesiastes describes the emotions of futility, darkly depicted in the injustices and frustrations of many Vietnam veterans. Reflecting on the contradictions of life, with its injustices and frustrations, the writer concludes, "All is vanity." Alienation and estrangement are seen in the person of Moses. Born a Hebrew, but raised an Egyptian, he struggled to find moorings, his real self. Loss and grief are clearly evident in the Biblical character of Job, who lost all his children and property and was afflicted with a repulsive disease. The Biblical analogy of the disciple Peter, who went out and wept bitterly after his denial of Jesus, gives us an example of guilt and shame. The experiences of isolation and withdrawal are vividly portrayed in Adam and Eve, who sought to hide after their transgression against God. DISTRUST AND FEAR The association of distrust and fear links the consequences of failed trust with the fear of death and annihilation. Fear, cultured in a petri dish of broken trust and confidence, breeds greater distrust that deepens the fear. The cycle feeds on itself, creating larger distances between oneself and a world perceived as cold, callous, and uncaring. Vietnam is a saga of broken trust and confidence. Friend and foe looked much alike. Friendly villagers by day were Viet Cong sympathizers by night. A child's innocent smile made one cautious to the danger of the hidden explosive charge she carried. The children and elderly who responded warmly to the GIs likely were the offspring and parents of the enemy lurking nearby. Healthy distrust was learned, and fear was a bosom companion. Third Annual NamVet Page 25 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 The soldiers distrusted the governments for whom they were fighting. The government of South Vietnam had a legacy of instability and fraud; the black market flourished; vice was as abundant as a natural resource. The environment of the Vietnam war was different and foreign to the values and standards most young soldiers had been taught, and this difference fostered distrust and made an easy target for personal fears. The government that sent them to fight in such an environment over 6000 miles from home was also viewed with distrust and fear. The statements of U.S. political leaders simply did not mesh with the war's reality. Enemy body counts were valued over ground taken. Military tactics were compromised for political expediency. The soldier was caught in the middle, and catch-22 was the order of the day. Hearts could not absorb what eyes saw. War protests at home seemed to make no sense to the soldier in the field. Patriotism waned, and distrust gradually deepened. One veteran said to me: "If you can't trust your own government, who can you trust?" Possibly the most frightening source of distrust and fear was inside each soldier himself. Many experienced their own potential for violence - for the first time. The real fight for survival unleashed emotions and actions that remain horrifying to recall. Many want to hide their destructive past, but find it flares up under the stresses of daily living: an inconsiderate motorists fails to use his turn signal; a child slams the back door; a boss vents anxiety. Such stresses may precipitate violent, destructive outbursts. Tremendous amounts of emotional energy are spent to control the urge to destroy again. In one of my groups, a veteran yelled at me, "You don't know how close I came to knocking your head off!" I was surprised and threatened. He later was able to share his distrust of a particular facial expression that reminded him of someone he felt was untrustworthy. I sense a constant readiness or state of alertness in many veterans - their necks and shoulders are tense, their movements are sudden and jerky, their eyes dart about warily. Some keep their bodies in a defensive posture, constantly sitting with their backs to the wall (see Williams on "Peacetime Combat," this volume); it often seems to me that time bombs are ticking away inside these veterans. Some refuse to handle guns lest they lose their ability to control their violent impulses. The veterans frequently talk of the dehumanizing process in becoming a combat soldier. Basic training reinforces defensive action and erodes trust of caring emotions. A bright, articulate college graduate described this process to me. "They take who you are, or who you think you are. They knock you down and take you apart. Then they put you back together piece by piece... the way they want you to be. You are taught not to think but to react." Another veteran echoed these feelings. "You are taught to be an animal. Then you're expected suddenly to forget you're trained to function as an animal." A third veteran tearfully amplified this thought: "I know how to act like an animal. I don't know how to be human." Third Annual NamVet Page 26 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 Many veterans distrust their capacity to enter into significant relationships without eventually finding themselves exploding violently. On the battlefield, this distrust was exacerbated. Relationships with buddies who offered understanding and affirmation were shortlived. Each soldier had his own DEROS (date of expected return from overseas); ESPIRIT DE CORPS waned (see Goodwin, this volume). Combat took its toll with the wounded and killed. New faces too easily filled the gaps left by old, familiar ones and, because combat soldiers distrust anyone whose actions affect their own life or well-being, establishing relationships was even more difficult - and these were tested literally by fire - gunfire. A mortar crew member told me that he once lay awake all night because there was a new man on the crew: "I was nearly killed once by a new crew member who didn't know what to do." Only when the fear of death and survival are shared can real significance be given to a peer relationship. Until this mutual struggle for survival was shared, there could be little or no understanding, much less affirmation, given and received. Unit cohesiveness suffered; the structure of survival in Vietnam inhibited such understanding and affirmation. Trust diminished. With the endless leavings and arrivals, impermanence was inherent in every fighting unit. This distrust and the accompanying fear still spill out to institutions and their representatives who seek to help the troubled Vietnam veteran. Leventman (1978) gave the following description: "Bureaucratic formalism and inefficiency, inept and ill-informed policy-making, political and military gamesmanship, all capped by revelations of high-level executive misconduct, produced an unprecedented crisis of faith and confidence in American institutions." (p. 293) The Veterans Administration (VA) is often not distinguished from the government that sent men and women to war but failed to support them, so the VA as an institution is distrusted, too. Its employees are often not distinguished from the institution, and so they, too, are not trusted by the people they want to serve. Once veteran said: "The VA is like Vietnam. It's a survival trip. I have to fight and struggle every step of the way." Some veterans even suspect secret alliances between the care givers in the VA and the government that fostered their troubles. The institutionalized church has also been unfavorably regarded by veterans. Many accuse the church of hypocrisy; they believe the church has been phony and that it has no comprehension of the harsh realities they learned in war. And, as with the VA, these feelings have been transferred to individuals who represent the institution - ministers and chaplains. One veteran lashed out at me: "You are just a hypocrite... any chaplain is a hypocrite. You profess to be something you can't be." Such feelings present both an obstacle and a challenge to those who seek to alleviate this distrust and fear. Finally, distrust and fear are associated with God. One veteran angrily demanded: "Where was God when I need Him (in Vietnam)? Third Annual NamVet Page 27 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 Now that I don't need Him, why should I trust that He is here?" The presence of God and the conviction of faith are often viewed in direct relationship. As faith waxes and wanes, so does God's reality and the clarity that comes for questions of life. Ambiguity clouds God's presence and suffocates the conviction of faith; Vietnam was filled with ambiguity. Battlefield pleas to God became confused with distrust of sacred institutions (government and church) and the contorted maladies of the war. The symbols of faith - like the corner church - have done little to alleviate the distrust. Many veterans put God and faith on hold until a happy marriage between the war's reality and the message of the church could be realized. Many refused or feared the process of integrating Vietnam's reality into renewed faith. If old understandings of God failed them in Vietnam, then "...to hell with Him; I know how to survive by myself." I have heard this phrase often. Distrust and fear come in waves that burden a pastoral relationship. The negative transference creates an undertow that takes pastoral intervention out to sea; it eventually increases distrust and fear - and we see again the vicious cycle. To resist the undertow threatens conflict; to give in to9 it exacerbates the symptom. A veteran told me poignantly that if he did not distrust people he would have to trust them. "I'm just not ready to trust others." The next symptoms in the pastoral perspective - fears of rejection and betrayal - are discussed now, as they follow from the more general fear and distrust. REJECTION AND BETRAYAL The experiences of rejection and betrayal are closely linked. Rejection means not being accepted, in spite of efforts by significant individuals or a significant group. Betrayal expresses a more deeply felt experience of injustice. Rightness has been bypassed and ignored. Often, reactions to such injustices funnel into strong negative responses, spilling out into rage toward the perceived perpetrators or turning inward toward depression. Many Vietnam combat veterans have a litany of rejection experiences. This rejection arose on the battlefield when they were not allowed to advance against the enemy; they felt hands were tied by political powers who squelched their mission. They experienced rejection from the authority that sent them on a mission of war. Other veterans contort in rage when they call reports in ARMY TIMES about well-known public figures back home questioning their sacrifices or about blood drives for the enemy. They felt their sacrifices and deeds in a foreign country had been rejected. This thought was expressed by a veteran who said, "I didn't ask to go there. I was sent there! They (the American public) don't understand." Many feel their legitimacy and integrity have been disavowed. The welcome home was experienced as rejection. Many veterans recall vividly a cold reception, highlighted with an attitude of Third Annual NamVet Page 28 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 "we need to hurry and forget Vietnam." The nation's collective difficulty with the war and its ambiguous termination were frequently internalized as an invalidation of their struggle. "We did our job and we did it well, but, nobody accepted it (us)," is an often-heard statement. A sequel to the initial "welcome home" was the lingering adjustments to society again. Goodwin (1980) describes how the Vietnam experience differed from previous wars and subsequently predisposed the combatants to PTSD. These maladjustments to society raised the question of acceptability of the Vietnam veteran. "If so many of us are having problems with society either something is wrong with society or something is wrong with us," a veteran said to an adjustment group. A sense of rejection seemed to be the catalyst for his comment. Rejections deepens into a sense of betrayal. Conventional notions of good soldiering in Vietnam were sacrificed to political expediency; soldiers felt betrayed even by battlefield tactics. A block of land might be secured, but the unit would withdraw and engage in other nearby conflicts, only to be ordered to return to the initial block of land and retake it, often with the only results being maimed and crippled bodies and corpses. A clear sense of mission was clouded by battlefield realities. In addition, enemy tactics of booby trapping the villages and villagers and the surprise ambushes with quick retreats created an elusive foe. Guerilla warfare conflicted with Western mindset, which raised questions about the validity of the war. The Vietnam veteran searches for purpose with cries of betrayal and injustice. "Our country sent us to war, but would not support us," a veteran concluded. Rejection and betrayal accumulated and grew into a rage that many veterans still struggle to quell. Often closest family and friends are the recipients of this rage as the veteran breaks inanimate objects, puts his fists through walls, or even physically abuses another person. This rage breeds a new cycle of rejection and betrayal. Employers do not understand, are threatened, and unable to tolerate it, especially as it is frequently directed toward authority figures. Health caregivers are frightened by its lethal potential. All too often, the veteran is himself afraid and rejects others, lest they reject him first. This rage is exacerbated by other emotional experiences of the war, one of which was the seeming futility of the fighting. This sense of futility is now discussed. FUTILITY The Old Testament book of Ecclesiastes describes the emotions of many Vietnam veterans: life is filled with weariness; absurdity overcomes congruency. The wisdom (of the) writer of this book reflects deeply on how short and contradictory life is, with its seemingly endless injustices and frustrations. He concludes, "All is vanity. Life is useless." He could not understand the ways of God among life's contradictions and ambiguities. The soldier in Vietnam encountered continuous contradictions and ambiguities. Wilson (1977) identified eight existentially absurd Third Annual NamVet Page 29 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 situations in Vietnam that conflicted with the role for which the soldier was trained. These were: > The limited military operation > The lack of positive commitment from the South Vietnamese > The intricacies of guerrilla warfare > The black market operations > The limited tour of duty in a depersonalized war > Difficulty and helplessness in distinguishing the enemy > The seemingly meaningless death of friends > Faulty reentry from the war. Laufer (1985) advanced a conceptual approach to this war trauma, focusing on the disruptive formative experiences inflicted on the soldier: The young soldier, prior to his entry into the war, can be described as a cauldron of emotions, ideas, and themes waiting to be forged. War is a force which turns the emotional and moral world young men grow up in on its head. For example, the archetypical foundation of civil society, the injunction "Thou shall not kill," is waived in war. (p.46) Death, destruction, and survival were ironically intimate. Laufer (1985) called this "a premature encounter with mortality." With the failure to integrate the stress of war, many Vietnam veterans experienced a profound shattering of basic concepts of humanity. The endless supply of emptiness led them to conclude with the Biblical writer that "everything leads to weariness - a weariness too great for words." Marching along with futility, the soldier experienced separation and detachment from life's meaning. As one confided in me, "It's like walking in a bad dream that you can't wake up from..." This sense of alienation and estrangement from self and others is the next symptom we will consider. ALIENATION AND ESTRANGEMENT The sources of identity were confused for the young Vietnam combatant, whose average age was 19.5 years. He was easily separated from a sense of self by the threatening, violent waves of war. According to Erikson (1963), the average age of the American soldier in Vietnam corresponded to a crucial state in psychological maturity, Erikson's fifth stage of personality development, identity versus role confusion. In this age period, a person requires a basic sense of harmony, and congruency for healthy psychological maturity to occur. But Vietnam offered discord and incongruity, inhibiting ego synthesis, and fostering negative identity and role confusion. It was easy to cope with the absurdities by becoming numb to their emotional impact and warped in integrating them to one's own time, space, and person. The eyes and ears had seen and heard too much; the heart became separated from feeling. Erikson's conceptualization of personality development informs a pastoral understanding of alienation and estrangement. Alienation is a separation from groundedness, the loss of a sense of purpose. This separation fosters detachment from previous identity and Third Annual NamVet Page 30 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 community, and the person shifts from place to place and person to person, seemingly disintegrated and impermanent. "I feel so freakish," a veteran said to explain his peripatetic lifestyle. A gulf of estrangement lies between the individual and his sense of meaning and purpose - estrangement and alienation from self, others, and God. There is a strangeness that pervades interpersonal and intrapersonal activity, and no firm attachments to meaning to one course of action over another. The alienation and estrangement toward others are often fed by the veteran's fear of closeness. Wartime experiences of closeness - and loss - are painfully remembered. Personal confusion and unsure identity leave him cautious lest more hurt and pain be encountered. This estrangement fuels a suspicious attitude, which is often felt by others who steer clear, exacerbating the veteran's freakish, unnatural feeling, and intensifying his separateness. The veteran settles for less and for dullness. There is a tendency for continual lateral or backward movement - from job to job, school to school, drifting without progress toward goals or achieving significant closeness. A magic "cure," meaning removal of all symptoms, is sought to deal with interpersonal and intrapersonal problems. A "born-to-lose" attitude develops. The wives of many veterans complain of their cold (see Williams, "Women Partners," this volume), emotionally detached husbands, who seem unable to experience the joys of life, although some create transient joy through alcohol and a wide variety of street drugs (see Jelinek and Williams, this volume). Estrangement builds. Alienation and estrangement are exhibited in separation from God. A massive cavern of religious incongruity exists in the minds of many Vietnam veterans because the creations of God encountered in Vietnam so starkly contrasted with the presentation of God in churches and synagogues at home. Rites and rituals learned as a child appeared removed from the death, destruction, and survival in Vietnam. Limited and unstructured patterns of devotion and spiritual development have left the veteran open to the vicissitudes of thought and feeling remaining from the evils of war. The veteran tends to invent his own gods to fill his gaps of religious meaning. The personal creations of God have a blend of fundamental theology, cultural practices, and interpersonal and intrapersonal needs. They tend not to stand the test of time. These self-made creations are replaced as new insights, cultural change, altered and personal dynamics are presented. The unredemptive, ever- changing results of the personal creations lead to increased alienation from God. With a face filled with rage, a veteran cried out to me, "Chaplain, I went to Vietnam expecting some grace, but I found only more hell! Tell me what I should think of God? I dare you to tell me!" Out of a pastoral perspective, the chaplain observes alienation and estrangement as symptomatic of the troubled Vietnam veteran. Alienation and estrangement are often aligned with another symptom that is the focus of the next section - the reaction to loss and the consequent grief. Third Annual NamVet Page 31 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 LOSS AND GRIEF Loss occurs before grief. Loss is the behavioral or existential experience in which someone or something significant is taken away. Grief is the emotional response to the loss. The process of grief is the healing of the emotional hurt and pain that result with the loss. If the healing act is significantly hindered or blocked, the reaction to the loss may impair the life functioning of the person in grief. Losses come constantly with war. The Vietnam war was no exception. Human relationships in Vietnam were lost in several ways: (1) a tour of duty ended, (2) a change of orders meant a change of location and often of friends,(3) a wounded friend left for extended treatment, and (4) death brought finality to many. With flat affect, a veteran detailed the horrible ambush that wiped out all but a few of his company. He survived in the river by breathing through a water reed. Another veteran stoically shared a traumatic loss. His arms tensed and eyes winced as he pictured picking up the pieces of a dead friend. It is not uncommon for me to hear veterans say, "I've never been able to cry," and reveal that the healing process of grief has never begun. Other losses occurred in the Vietnam experience. The innocence lost will never be regained or even relived at a slower, more easily accepted pace. As one veteran powerfully put it: "I grew old too fast and too soon... Once you've killed, your life is forever changed." Constant fear and weariness were strange motivations to deadly, atrocious acts. No one can describe it all. The discovery of youth was lost in the horror of repeated deaths and the constant struggle for survival. The loss of faith and ideals accompanied the loss of innocence. The valor, the wounds, and the deaths appeared meaningless in the struggle of conflicting forces, most of which were not on the battlefield. Confidence in government declined in direct relationship to unproductive, repetitious policy. The sense of duty, honor, and prestige were lost in the cyclical patterns of deadly action. These losses inflicted pain and sorrow that could not be forgotten by many upon return home. Because crying on the battlefield had been an extreme liability and threat to survival, many never grieved. And, because survival instincts are so intense, some could not grieve at home. Feelings of loss are not alleviated just because one wants them to go away. As the losses increased, so did the need to grieve. But grieving was impossible in battle, so the reactions to losses became bottled up, impacted. With some, the grief is enormous: "I am afraid that if I start (to grieve) I don't think I can quit.... I will lose control and it (survival) will be all over." The fear of loss of control is associated with how grief was frequently handled on the battlefield - namely, through violent, deadly acts that created destruction. Such behavior, which helped release bottled emotions on the battlefield, was completely unacceptable at home, and the veteran feared others' reactions to Third Annual NamVet Page 32 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 his real grief. On the one hand, people might be "grossed out" by the blood and destruction of more war stories; on the other hand, they might see expressions of grief as weakness or unbecoming of a good soldier. These fears were provoked by a population that wanted to forget the unpopular war. The cliche "time heals all wounds" was wrongly thought to apply to the grief from Vietnam; veterans expended more and more energy to keep it inside. Alcohol and illegal drugs often became easy buffers for the pain. Escapes into the woods or away from responsibility did not leave the hurt behind, and created new, self-inflicted losses that increased the need for healthy grief. Impacted grief may often be confused with another symptom of the troubled Vietnam veteran: guilt and shame. GUILT AND SHAME Guilt describes the emotional pain that results from behavior that is judged to be wrong. This judgement is internalized and is often supported by external forces. Breaking a commandment may not create guilt, even though the external commandment is broken. Guilt begins when the person realizes his wrong, feels accused, and seeks relief from the emotional discomfort. Guilt, when left unattended, leads to lethargy and decreased responsiveness to the spirit in life. Shame takes the experience of guilt into a deeper level of emotional pain. Wrong behavior is exposed. A person feels as if fingers are accusingly and laughingly pointed at him. Shame takes guilt out into the open and, thus, increases its pain. The Vietnam veteran describes guilt and shame. His pain arises from passive and active behaviors, covert and overt transgressions. Like a heavy yoke carried on his shoulders, guilt burdens the veteran and diminishes creative energy and vitality. A veteran in his mid-30s described a life-altering event that had occurred 15 years earlier. He was driving in a truck convoy in Vietnam. His sergeant ordered him to change positions with the driver behind him. Within minutes after the exchange, his original truck was hit by a mortar and the driver immediately killed. "I've asked myself a thousand times, why wasn't that me?... I can't seem to get it out of my mind." Another veteran told me, "What I did in Vietnam went against everything I had been taught. I've been told by well-meaning types that war is different and I should feel different about it... The bottom line is I killed and I got to where I enjoyed it... I don't like that about me." The guilt arose from his actual behavior and how he reacted to it. He is perplexed that he could become such a person. Vietnam veterans describe different sources of their guilt. They note how they inflicted pain, suffering, and death not only to the enemy, but on those who were only thought to be the enemy, and this uncertainty brought on clear emotional pain and multiplied their guilt. A forward observer related to me the day he did his job perfectly and called for artillery on an enemy company. His successful operation destroyed the entire VC company and saved his own. "I know, chaplain, it makes no sense, but I feel guilty as Third Annual NamVet Page 33 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 hell. I know my action saved countless lives in my company. I know that I was following orders. But, something inside me tells me I did an abhorrent act." He later shared how he now has found community with a group that seeks to protect the dignity of all forms of life; but, "I still feel guilty," he concluded. The guilt that springs from overt behavior is also associated with inhumane, animalistic acts outside the line of fire. Some describe horrible escapes into drugs and alcohol. Some describe the misery of selfishness where you religiously apply the "first- take-care-of-yourself" attitude. The inevitable result was that self-indulgence did not satisfy, but it did produce twinges of guilt or a desire to increase the indulgence to avoid honesty with oneself. Guilt arose from other aspects of the Vietnam experience. When some die and others do not, the survivors often ask, "Why not me?" (see T. Williams, this volume). This painful emotion is called survivor guilt. Goodwin (1980) wrote: "It (survivor guilt) is not based on anything hypothetical. Rather, it is based on the harshest of realities, the actual death of comrades, and the struggle of the survivor to live. Often the survivor has had to compromise himself or the life of someone else in order to live." (p. 14) Associated with survivor guilt is its cold, cruel companion - namely, helplessness. A sense of powerlessness is remembered as one recalls his inability to change a bad situation. Powerless and impotent to alter past events, the veteran may turn his guilt inward into self-destructive behavior. Suicide has taken its toll. Many veterans vow never to be caught where they do not have a weapon with them. This emotion is carried by some into provoking antagonism from others and possibly losing their life to take their place beside fallen comrades. In contrast, other veterans react differently with survivor guilt: they remove all weapons from their homes. One recently told me, "I vowed never to hurt anybody again. I've done enough of that.... there's no way you'll find a weapon around me!" This contrast was sharply noted when another man described the difference between him and his brother, both combat veterans. "My brother has weapons inside his house and in his truck." He continued, "He loves guns. He talks about guns and studies about them. Me, I don't want to have anything to do with them. If I never see another one, that would be okay." A final sense of guilt from Vietnam is the feeling of not having done enough. This guilt may have diffuse origins. It may arise from a generalized self-blame for the lost war. It may arise from unrealistic beliefs of what one should have done when a friend was killed. It may arise from a clear failure to perform as trained in a traumatic fire-fight. A tormented, tensed veteran shared the horror of being overrun on a never-to-be-forgotten night. He told how a friend chose to go up a hill while he stayed below. His friend died. He said, "I should have made him stay with me." The burden of guilt weighs heavily, and is intensified for veterans who have had the appropriateness of their guilty feeling verified by others. The label "baby killers" has evoked Third Annual NamVet Page 34 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 especially bitter reactions. A veteran who killed a child to protect his squad from the child's hidden explosives expressed his vulnerability to this label. "I have to live with the knowledge of what I did. To be reminded of it does not help me either." He then defended himself as a caring person caught between two evils. The undeclared nature of the war and the low public support tended to increase the shame experienced by many of the Vietnam veterans. They sought validation of the pain, but experienced coldness, misunderstanding and accusation. For some, this shame became confused with anger at a society that would send them to war but not support them. These feelings of guilt and shame were often ignored. A good soldier supposedly does not look back. They sought to avoid their real selves. What sadly occurred was that many made this venture of escape a life-style. They found that they maintained control of themselves, including their guilt and shame, by isolating themselves from others. They withdrew to paradoxically maintain contact with themselves and others. The subject of isolation and withdrawal is now discussed from a pastoral perspective. ISOLATION AND WITHDRAWAL Isolation and withdrawal are often concomitant behaviors to the emotions of guilt and shame, and are frequent companions of the Vietnam veteran with PTSD. A struggling veteran paradoxically said, "Loneliness is my true companion." A common litany within my outpatient group is, "Society does not understand me... so I isolate myself." This statement is often followed by: "This group of fellow Vietnam veterans are the only people I feel comfortable around." The wounds of war escape the description of words. Some veterans feel that words cheapen the experience of combat and disgrace the sacrifices of battle. Only fellow combat veterans understand. There is a fraternity with closed initiation rites. The ritual of the fraternity includes the unspoken message, "You don't need to say a word. I understand." What often grows from this ritual is an increase in loneliness and isolation (see Hickman, this volume). The fraternal ritual is esteemed and remains sacred. When someone begins to break out of the patterns of withdrawal, suspicion is often cast on him, or a subdued questioning begins about the authenticity of his combat experiences. The scars of traumatic experiences in combat run deep, often leaving rough calluses that are insensitive to individual desires to escape the rituals of isolating behavior. The terms of isolation and withdrawal are viewed hear as uncreative behaviors. They are seen as means of avoidance and escape, rather than creative behaviors of joining and aligning. Isolation is living with the self to avoid contact with others. Withdrawal is the action of fleeing contact with others. The experience of combat redefined closeness for many veterans. Closeness that is based on intimacy and that embraces vulnerabilities is often feared. To share oneself is perceived as sharing the wounds of war that are, themselves, too frightening Third Annual NamVet Page 35 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 and painful for the veteran himself. Some veterans say that their attempts to share vulnerabilities from the war were met with abuse and mocking laughter. With such receptions, some veterans develop defenses patterned after combat training; they know how to survive alone: create a safe place and do not expose yourself. Many veterans spoke succinctly of the benefits of his isolation: "No one bugs me. I'm doing what I do well - surviving alone." Agoraphobic behavior and the fear of intimacy remove veterans from others, yet many cite discomfort with their lonely lifestyles. They want ot change, but are afraid. Some truly see themselves as strangers in their native land. They search for a home, a place that offers embrace. Countless veterans describe innumerable moves, validating their inability to find this place. "The woods" become a symbol of this nomadic, lonely life style. Isolation and withdrawal are more than just physical behaviors. They are also manifestations of emotional detachment. Intimacy, although desired, is seldom described. The mask of symptoms covers a real person, capable of giving and responding creatively to closeness and caring. Inevitably the mask (the symptoms) has become so much a part of the person that the veteran stays behind it. Intimacy is yearned for and avoided. Wives report detachment. Flashbacks, violent outbursts, and avoidant behavior create great stress on the marriage relationship. Families adjust by avoiding the father who is withdrawn and unpredictable. Wives feel bound to a person in a struggle they cannot fully comprehend. Children experience anger toward and resentment of a daddy they cannot talk to. Triangulation occurs with the family unit (see Williams, "Women Partners," this volume). There is the husband (father) behind the mask, and there is the husband (father) with PTSD symptoms. There is often the husband relating to veterans or the VA. There is the husband's (father's) allegiance to fellow veterans and ties to the VA. Many family members separate from the veteran who is permanently alienated from the person and his mask of symptoms. Other family members struggle with the burden of continued attachment; some are able to protect themselves and detach the symptoms from the person. A pastoral perspective looks for the person behind the symptoms. A pastoral perspective seeks to distinguish the "sins" from the "sinner." The symptoms are often interrelated and enmeshed in the life style and relationships of the veteran. These symptoms tend to wax and wane in intensity. Some may be more burdened with loss and grief, for instance, and less burdened with alienation and estrangement. The intensity and frequency of each symptom combine to define the set of symptoms (mask) that is unique to each veteran. A pastoral perspective seeks to gain entrance behind the mask of symptoms and offer healing and wholeness to the person. The next section describes the veteran's need for healing and wholeness from a pastoral perspective. PASTORAL POSSIBILITIES These seven distinct symptoms describe maladies of the human spirit. The chaplain offers good news - the pastoral possibilities for increased healing and wholeness, beginning with Third Annual NamVet Page 36 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 a deep understanding of the troubles and a commitment to care. (The term "pastoral possibilities" describes the goals of the chaplain's caring.) PASTORAL INTERVENTION Pastoral intervention refers to the work by a designated representative - for example, a chaplain - of a faith group. This work integrates the chaplain's training and skill, the faith tradition and, one hopes, compassion for people. Pastoral intervention with the Vietnam veteran involves working with individuals of assorted faith backgrounds. This diversity challenges the chaplain to creatively develop vehicles on which to carry his message of healing and wholeness. Such a message arises within God's creative, redemptive, and sanctifying acts. My work with the Vietnam veteran has taught me that traditional models of ministry - for example, organized Bible study - are rejected. I have also learned that these veterans do not want me to be their medical doctor, psychologist, or social worker. My unique contribution lies in my offering a faith perspective to their health care. My contribution offers spiritual, or theological, significance to the intervention, which listens to their deepest hurts, doubts, and yearnings. I look for blessings within the veterans struggles and am reminded of the story of Jacob's struggle. Jacob (Genesis 32:26) wrestled long and hard with an unknown assailant before a blessing emerged out of his struggle. It is also within the veteran's own perseverance against PTSD symptomology (assailants) that blessings emerge. My work with Vietnam veterans has taught me to redefine what a blessing is. I have learned to look for renewal of the spirit in small measures that, however small, are still significant and worthy of the struggle to persevere. This struggle would be easy to forsake. I look for the change in behaviors illustrating increased trust, acceptance, and hope. I look for mending within the brokenness. My pastoral intervention interfaces a faith perspective, a spiritual dynamic, to the struggle and hurt of the troubled veteran. This interface occurs in five areas of pastoral intervention: (1) pastoral visitation, (2) group process, (3) pastoral counseling, (4) worship and prayer activity, and (5) interdisciplinary treatment plan development. PASTORAL VISITATION Pastoral visitation involves a regular routine of availability in which I am identified as chaplain. This availability communicates an interest in the veteran and his treatment and welfare. I do not seek to structure the content of visitation; I do structure a routine for availability - for example, one morning and two afternoons a week. I am open to hear the fears and yearnings, joys and accomplishments that are presented. It is not infrequent for a veteran to say, "Chaplain, I just want to tell you... (a struggle, a success, etc.)." As the presence of Jesus graced the region of Galilee, the chaplain may communicate care and availability through his/her presence. GROUP PROCESS Group process refers to inter- and intrapersonal dynamics that result in the leadership of therapeutic groups with selected Vietnam veterans.. I have co-lead two weekly groups (an inpatient Third Annual NamVet Page 37 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 and outpatient group) with two psychologists. The inpatient group is called "redirection group," and the outpatient group is called "readjustment group." The inpatient group is time-limited with three months as the maximum length of participation. The outpatient group is on-going and has no time limit. Each group is limited to eight to ten participants. Members of the outpatient group remain active in the group with regular attendance. New members are added as old ones drop out. These groups are not structured in content except for occasional didactic sessions pertaining to PTSD and faith perspectives. (I have a three-hour didactic presentation of "PTSD and Religious Faith.") There is an emphasis on the here-and-now, away from system or compensation issues, and toward interpersonal and intrapersonal issues. I utilize the pastoral perspectives of PTSD to offer clarity for the troubled veteran. I am often asked, "So, what do I do now?" Such questions indicate trust and a readiness to hear of the pastoral possibilities within PTSD. PASTORAL COUNSELING Pastoral counseling refers to the process in which I utilize insights and principles derived from theology and the behavioral sciences to work with Vietnam veterans, couples, or families toward the achievement of healing and wholeness. Veterans request this intensive, in-depth pastoral intervention or they are referred by a psychiatrist or the interdisciplinary team. In my pastoral counseling, I seek to establish a deep relationship involving the therapeutic utilization of transference and countertransference issues. Pastoral counseling generally occurs once a week and lasts for forty-five to fifty minutes. The number of sessions varies according to the person, his treatment needs, and outpatient availability. The dynamics of pastoral counseling unfold deeply held maladies in the human spirit and allow for the reexperiencing of those maladies to foster healing and wholeness.. Early childhood and developmental issues frequently are enmeshed in the PTSD symptomatology. Dynamic exploration of those issues offers potential holistic healing for the veteran's deepest hurts and conflicts (Wallace, 1983). WORSHIP AND PRAYER In the specific acts of worship and prayer, I, as chaplain, provide religious leadership. This leadership may be prescribed (as in a public worship service or an invocation), or it may be extemporaneous (as in response to a prayer request). An appropriate liturgical format is taken for groups whose backgrounds are interdenominational. Worship and prayer provide a distinctive opportunity for the spoken proclamation of faith -- i.e., the sharing of the Gospel. This opportunity often comes only after a relationship is formed and trust is built. I have experienced that the spoken proclamation for the troubled veteran is best communicated in simple, down-to-earth fashion. Concrete images, illustrations, and stories with direct application to the veteran's struggle are most helpful. The symbols and rites of faith are best received when presented with sincerity without fanfare and adornment. The moments of worship and prayer are precious, deserving of clear, concise expressions of how the purpose and goals of faith fit into the maladies of troubles lives. Third Annual NamVet Page 38 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 INTERDISCIPLINARY TEAM The interdisciplinary team formulates the treatment plan of an individual veteran. This plan is devised to meet the needs of each veteran. My input is a chaplain's perspective on diagnosis and treatment.(3) Updates of the veteran's treatment involve notes of the chaplain's intervention and any revised assessments. I speak for the dignity of the person and humanity of treatment and assert there is a direct correlation between the success of treatment and the level of teamwork among the interdisciplinary staff. I have been fortunate to work with professionals who have been accepting of me and my place in the team. FORMS OF CHANGE From these areas of pastoral intervention, I have observed three unique forms of change that occur, and that have both theological and psychological significance. I categorize these changes as (1) rebuilding, (2) turning around, and (3) renewal. These categories are now described. REBUILDING (Creative Action) The biblical story of Joseph illustrates rebuilding. Joseph, who experienced betrayal, alienation, and loss, positively rebuilt his life over a period of time. He exhibited his worth and value as a person in spite of the hardship and injustices he had experienced. He maintained his honesty and integrity. He was valued, and he used this recognition to benefit others. Tom experienced heavy combat duty in his 12 months in Vietnam. He was barely 19 at the time. He married shortly after his return and had two children. He drank heavily and lost jobs. Within a few years, he was divorced. During the succeeding years, he continued to lose jobs, as many as three in one year. He withdrew from his family and became hypervigilant and agoraphobic. At the request of his family, he sought help. In his treatment, and for the first time, he exposed the deep fears and shared painful losses. He discovered mistakes of his own making. He claimed he felt a sense of acceptance as he exposed the brokenness and errors of his past. He began to examine the directions he took that were destructive to him. He benefited from examining his mistakes, analyzing what went wrong, and formulating alternate actions to rectify his mistakes. He took what was salvageable. The remaining pieces were seen as having creative potential. He developed plans to implement the resalvaging of his life; he reestablished contact with his ex- wife, and began a new relationship with her, his perception of God moved from a judging, vindictive view to an accepting, caring one. He saw God as blessing the salvageable pieces in his life. This type of pastoral intervention has specific ingredients. A rational approach was taken to enable the veteran to clearly identify and formulate the destructive elements in his life. Problem-solving techniques enabled him to examine the alternatives he had. Like Joseph, Tom did not give up on what was left from the injustice and failure. He began a slow, arduous process of recreation. He found initiative and strength that had been dormant, and he used them to build new alternatives. Recalling Tillich's polarities, we note that Tom moved from Third Annual NamVet Page 39 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 distrust with his ex-wife to increased trust. He experienced acceptance and stated "it felt good." He attached hope to the rebuilding of salvageable pieces and reestablished contact with his church. He reported mending within significant relationships.. He shared losses and uncovered grief for buddies who were horribly killed. He described a relief of guilt, a sense of absolution. (Haley <1978> described the need for absolution in the treatment of PTSD. She wrote "Absolution is necessary, but must evolve over time and within the protective shield and containment of the therapeutic alliance" .) His contact with significant others increased, alleviating a strong sense of isolation. The pastoral intervention modeled recreative possibilities for Tom. This intervention utilized a trusting relationship, developed slowly and carefully over time. It found opportunities that occurred through visitation, group process, and pastoral counseling to enable Tom to reframe the perception of his brokenness and despair, and centered on a view of a nonpunitive God who accepted him within his failures. Tom exposed the hurt and pain that lay beneath the mask of brokenness and failure as he began to rebuild his life. Creative action occurred. TURNING AROUND (Redemptive Action) Certain dynamics appear in the turning around experience. A person acknowledges personal responsibility for his life. He seeks to learn from his emotional pain. This pain may arise from personal failures or errors of judgment but, in any case, pain affects attitudes toward oneself and others; a sense of purpose in life declines, and the spirit for life and vitality ebbs. There is a temptation to blame others for our failures and pain, and there is the tendency to expect others to extricate us from our misery. The turning around experience brings fundamental changes in perception and attitude; the individual views the source of his pain as an issue he can control. He admits his failure and receives redemption for his misdeeds. Relief of conscience frees energy and refocuses his attention. New purpose arises with more energy released to find productive activity. An example of this redemptive action is taken from a group experience. The chaplain's role illustrates specific actions taken to enable the redemptive experience. Members in a weekly therapeutic group developed a sense of community with one another. They claimed their attachments and closeness and stated the value and trustworthiness of the group. One of the group members suddenly died, apparently of natural causes. He was a leader in the group. The group was shocked by his unexpected death. Some wanted to attach blame for his early death on Vietnam. Some wanted to focus attention on the VA's response (or lack of it) to his death. The pain of loss was collectively avoided. The group members wanted to use this death as further evidence of the evils of Vietnam and reasons for their distrust, alienation, and withdrawal from others outside the group. The member who died was seen as another victim who faced the inevitable fate of external forces arising from Third Annual NamVet Page 40 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 Vietnam to inflict death and destruction. In my pastoral intervention, I saw in his death an opportunity for a redemptive experience in the group. I believed our attachments had to be claimed and our loss needed to be grieved. Attention was focussed on how his loss felt. The realities of his death and loss from the group were not avoided. Feelings of loss gradually oozed out, and some emotional ventilation occurred. Some shared personal vulnerabilities and pain. The realities of his death and burial were experienced, but they did not bring added death to the group.. Some even spoke of losses from Vietnam for which they had never grieved. The death became the catalyst for a redemptive experience. This redemptive experience was evidenced with our own memorial service. I worked with the group to develop a format, based on Scriptural sources, for an appropriate service in our group setting.. Dislikes and fears toward formal religious activity were aired. Expressions of faith and hope came out. In their service, an opportunity was given for the group members to state their attachments.. Selected Scripture readings presented the finality and hope of death and life. The Christian message of resurrection was affirmed. Hope was verbalized. We figuratively buried our friend. His death brought a new beginning for the group to face fear and loss within themselves.. "I am sure glad we did this.... he wasn't just forgotten," typified the group's reaction. Some made linkages to losses and unresolved grief from Vietnam. "I never did this over there." RENEWAL (Sanctifying Action) The New Testament example of Paul gives a vivid portrayal of renewal in a person's life. Paul, known as Saul, was consumed with a passion to destroy that overwhelmed his outlook on life. He later expressed how the passion blinded him, creating alienation and despair in his life. His conversion experience created change; it renewed his perception of life. His passion to destroy changed. His eyes were opened to new meaning and reasons for existence, and what he was enabled to see brought him forgiveness, mending, and hope. His attitudes and purposes were renewed. Within his faith, he made positive change in his life. In the renewal experience, a person receives a gift external to his control. This gift has benefit to him. It is internalized to make ameliorative change. The gift gives credence and value for brokenness and pain in life. The person believes in the power of this spiritual experience. He has faith. Fowler (1981) explained faith as a response to transcendent value and power through cumulative tradition; it is the alignment of a person's heart or will with this transcendent value and power. Its effect is on the whole person. It is the substance of the things not seen, yet hoped for. Behavior is affected. Healing results. Renewal for Vietnam veterans varies with faith traditions. Sacramental faith groups believe such renewing power comes through such events as Baptism and Holy Communion. These rites provide a person with external power to engender change in and for life. The rite of confession and absolution offer to unlock the mystery of renewed life. Another tradition may attribute the public profession of faith with renewal powers.. This public action Third Annual NamVet Page 41 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 brings with it the support of the community of faith. Horowitz and Solomon (1978) recorded specific suggestions for renewal with the issue of guilt. They identified in the Vietnam veteran "a realistic shame and guilt that cannot be relieved simply by clear expression and rational working-through" (p. 279). Horowitz and Solomon identified the therapeutic power of a renewal process to deal with the issue of guilt. Their recommendations involve a three-step process: ^ Clarification of the guilt - for example, through the use of usual psychotherapeutic maneuvers for clear expression; ^ Atonement and penance, called "the classical maneuvers" - for example, rites in the Roman Catholic Church - for the reduction of guilt. "The maneuvers are classical because they work comparatively well" (p. 280). This concept includes confession, a period of emotional pain, self- accusation, and possibly self-destructive behavior (job loss and object loss). Clarification with the veteran of how much harm he must continue to inflict is important; and ^ Symbolic restitution, which involves actions that heal people or the environment and provide a route away from self- destructive patterns and towards life-affirming strategies. Faith traditions utilize sacred rites and rituals - for example, the Seder and Holy Communion - that empower participants to regenerate and renew themselves. Chaplains have these powerful resources to enable renewal. In my experience, veterans do not report cures, or elimination of symptoms from their renewal experiences, but they do report added purpose and resolve to positively live with these symptoms and courageously continue their struggles. Within the SPirit's gift of faith and pursuing power, the veteran confronts his struggle with the certainty that comes for a loved, sanctified child of God. CONCLUSION I recently viewed the Vietnam Veterans' Memorial in Washington, D.C. I had heard various reports of how the black wall with so many names affected the veterans of that war. My reactions to this memorial provide some closure to this chapter on the care of troubled Vietnam veterans. I observed mourning. Visitors were hushed, respectful, and appeared lost for words. I observed pain on faces in their recall of Vietnam's legacy. I observed ownership as people took time to find and touch the names of family members or acquaintances on the wall. I observed hope in the resolve that the sacrifices represented by those names were not in vain. (I claim my own feelings informed these observations.) The symbolism of the wall evokes strong reactions in its observers. It is stark and powerful, in a quiet, sunken place by itself, but in historical context as it points toward the Washington Monument and Lincoln Memorial. The length of the list of names is awesome. The reactions are reminders of the war's realistic and continual effect on its veterans whose symptoms evoke powerful responses, as does the wall. A pastoral perspective of this response is vital to alleviate the enormity of these symptoms. A pastoral response takes its place among the interventions of other health-care givers. Third Annual NamVet Page 42 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 This pastoral perspective is realistic about the brokenness that is encountered. The chaplain's presence may precipitate strong negative reactions from the veteran. It is important for the chaplain to understand the symptoms - distrust and fear, rejection and betrayal, futility, alienation and estrangement, loss and grief, guilt and shame, and isolation and withdrawal. In the development of a healing relationship with the veteran, the chaplain offers intervention to mend the brokenness and reduce the symptoms. This intervention may be recreative, redemptive, and renewing. These positive results are not exclusive, but overlap each other. They illustrate a hope that exists in the pastoral response with the troubled Vietnam veteran. NOTES 1. New treatment approaches for PTSD have solicited a holistic intervention to the symptoms of the disorder. Fleming (1985) wrote, "To adequately understand the Vietnam veteran, a more holistic, interdisciplinary approach is needed" (p.. 123). Fleming defines holistic to only include the social, political, historical, economic, and philosophical aspects of the person. Scrigner (1984) argues for a multidisciplinary approach to best meed the needs of the chronic PTSD patient. He stated, "A comprehensive, multidisciplinary approach should continue during all phases of treatment..." (p. 182). Scrigner's compilation of assorted disciplines affecting such an approach numbers two dozen, but fails to include a chaplain or anyone addressing the spiritual dimensions of the person. Indeed, there is a great gap in the literature on the chaplain's role in dealing with PTSD in the troubled Vietnam veteran. 2. There was a shattering of faith in the capacity for remaking into good that which was bad. Hurt and pain increased; cynicism and suspicion blossomed; and brokenness of mind, body, and spirit seemed to be the order of the day. A sense of futility deepened. 3. In conjunction with Medical Records and the Chief of Chaplain Service, I have developed a Chaplain's Assessment Form. This form contains basic information on the veteran's religious history, an assessment of the veteran's malady, and specific recommendations for the chaplain's intervention. These recommendations are approved interventions - i..e., groups or pastoral counseling. This Assessment Form becomes a part of the veteran's chart and permanent record. REFERENCES American Psychiatric Association (1980). DIAGNOSTIC AND STATISTICAL MANUAL OF MENTAL DISORDERS (3rd ed.). Washington, D.C.: American Psychiatric Press. Arnold, A.L. (1985). Inpatient treatment of Vietnam veterans with PTSD. In S.M. Sonnenburg, A.S. Blank, & J.A. Talbott (Eds.), THE TRAUMA OF WAR: STRESS AND RECOVERY IN VIETNAM VETERANS. Washington, D.C.: American Psychiatric Press. Erikson, E.H. (1963). CHILDHOOD AND SOCIETY (2nd rev. ed.). New York: W.W. Norton. Fleming, R.H. (1985, May). Post Vietnam syndrome: Neurosis or Third Annual NamVet Page 43 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 sociosis? PSYCHIATRY, 48, 122-139. Fowler, J.W. (1981). STAGES OF FAITH: THE PSYCHOLOGY OF HUMAN DEVELOPMENT AND THE QUEST FOR MEANING. San Francisco: Harper and Row. Goodwin, J. (1980). The etiology of combat-related post-traumatic stress disorders. In T. Williams (Ed.), POST-TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDERS OF THE VIETNAM VETERAN AND HIS FAMILY (pp. 1-24). Cincinnati OH: Disabled American Veterans. Haley, S.A. (1978). Treatment implications of post-combat stress response syndromes for mental health professionals. In C.R. Figley (Ed.), STRESS DISORDERS AMONG VIETNAM VETERANS (pp. 254- 267). New York: Brunner/Mazel. Horowitz, M.J., & Solomon, G.F. (1978), STRESS DISORDERS AMONG VIETNAM VETERANS (pp. 268-280). New York: Brunner/Mazel. Ingram, T.L., Hurley, E.C., & Riley, M.T. (1985, March). Grief resolution therapy in a pastoral context. THE JOURNAL OF PASTORAL CARE, 39, 69-72. Laufer, R.S. (1985). War Trauma and human development: The Vietnam experience. In S.M. Sonnenburg, A.S. Blank & J.A. Talbott (Eds.), THE TRAUMA OF WAR: STRESS AND RECOVERY IN VIETNAM VETERANS. Washington, D.C.: American Psychiatric Press. Leventman, S. (1978). Epilogue: Social and historical perspectives on the Vietnam veteran. In C.R. Figley (Ed.), STRESS DISORDERS AMONG VIETNAM VETERANS (pp. 291-295). New York: Brunner/Mazel. Lifton, R.J. (1978). Advocacy and corruption in the healing profession. In C.R. Figley (Ed.), STRESS DISORDERS AMONG VIETNAM VETERANS. New York: Brunner/Mazel. Scrigner, C.B. (1984). POST-TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER: DIAGNOSIS, TREATMENT, AND LEGAL ISSUES. New York: Prager Special Studies. Tillich, P. (1963). SYSTEMATIC THEOLOGY (Vol 3). Chicago University of Chicago Press. Wilson, J.P. (1977). FORGOTTEN WARRIOR PROJECT. Washington, D.C.: Disabled American Veterans. 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II I "And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age" Matthew 28:20 Third Annual NamVet Page 45 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 =================================================================== I n a c o u n t r y f a r a w a y . . . =================================================================== The Saudi Connection By Ronnie Toth SOX! BBS - Hialeah, FL (305) 821-3317 October 14, 1990 SOX! BBS, via The Saudi Connection, allows you, the user, to send electronic mail to our servicemen and women in Saudi Arabia. Letters are entered here on SOX! and sent to the GateWay FidoNet BBS for conveying to CrossRoads BBS in California. CrossRoads BBS is not a 'Network' bbs. CrossRoads SysOp, Mark Niswonger, will then send all the traffic to his brother, a SysOp in Saudi Arabia. Return messages will retrace the above steps. Some of the mechanics: The American SysOp, (a civilian) in Saudi Arabia will print all the received mail and bring it to the Military Post Office. It is expected that no more than 2 - 3 days will elapse between him sending them out and the servicemen/women getting the letters. Several 'runs' have already been made in this area. Format: Messages can be addressed to a 'generic' serviceman/woman or to a specific serviceman/woman. Messages should also have the sender's mailing address listed at the end of the message. If the message/letter is to a specific serviceman/woman, then the serviceman/woman's address should be the first 3 or 4 lines of the body of text. If to a serviceman/woman-at-large, then any salutation is correct. Messages with racial slurs, (camel jockey comes to mind here) will not be forwarded. Messages can be considered 'Private' because of the manner in which this echo is arranged. It is set up as a 'Private' area, with access by the user and SysOp only. SysOps of other BBSes are also able to view messages on their BBSes. Obviously this cannot guarantee complete privacy. This service is offered by SOX! BBS as a Public Service to help support our military overseas. Sponsors and grants are always welcome to help offset phone expenses and other costs. Let us support our overseas military personnel! Ronnie Toth, SysOp SOX! BBS P.O. Box 5234 Hialeah, FL 33014 (305) 821-3317 FidoNet 1:135/71.0 Third Annual NamVet Page 46 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 "PURPOSE" By: Jim Zagrzebski VETS HOUSE RBBS - Madison, WI (608) 255-8386 Oh! See him watch, amidst our growing Glow, She, his Soul, his Point of Light, Him suffer, suffer, suffer to know His Father's Daughter must fight Alone, almost, a darkness generated Try and try, as with his Son, To shroud Her Divinity Created With confusion formed in education. Still! Her own Divine glimmer grows! Beauty's Point of Light Through all of darkness glows! Let it Be! She, too, builds the Might To see - You, Me, We - Our Veteran Fathers' Right: Our Daughters' Universal Points of Light. Light! A Veteran Father's Right is MIght! Our Whole New World She makes shine: Veterans' Daughters Points of Light Take the Glow to Divine. Not God nor Man dare reverse Her glowing, growing Point of Light! She creates Her Veteran Fathers' Universe! A Veteran Father Third Annual NamVet Page 47 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 W W M M W W M M M M W W \ / M M M M OOOO W W W --*-- M M M IIII O O W W W W / \ M M II O O W W W W M M II O O W W M M II O O II PPPPPP O O ..... II AA PP PP OOOO . '' '' .. IIII A A PP PP ..' '.. A A PPPPPPP ..' ''. A A PP ..' '. AAAAAA PP .' ''. A A PP .' '. A A .' .:::::.. '. .' .::::::::::. ' .' .::::::::::::::. '. .' __ .::::::::::::::::;:... '. .' _- -_ .:::::::::::::::::::::::. '. .' _-_ _ _ -_ ::::::::::::::::::::::::' '. .. _- -!!___!!!-_:::::::::::::::::::::::. .. .' ==_ _- _= .:::::::::::::::::::::::: ', . =-_= _= = :::::::::::::::::::::::: . .' =-_ =_- = ::::::::::::::::::::::: '. .' = - -_ =_:::::::::::::::::::::. '. .' -_ -_- .:::::::::::::::::::;;;. '. .' _-_ ..::::::::::::::::::::::::; '. . _ _ .:;:::::::::::::::::::::;, . ' _ .:::::::::::::::::::::::::. '. Y .'.....::::::::::::::::::::::::::;' '. N ::::::::::::::::::::::::' `''' ': O `::::::::::::::::::::::: \v/ \ / :'E `:::::::::::::::::::::: =========================== :' U `:::::::::::::::::::::. /^\ \ :'T `:::::::::::::::::::: .: A `:::::::::::::::::: .:'T `::::::::::::::::::. .;' R `:::::::::::::::::. .;' T `::::::::::::::::. .;' E `:::::::::gjp::: .:' O `:::::::::::::...........'' G N O T F O R " Bring them home --- NOW !!! " Third Annual NamVet Page 48 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 MIA/POW Postage Stamp? Input by: Joyce Flory NamVet's Incarcerated Veterans Section Editor Desert Dolphin BBS - Las Cruces, NM (505) 523-2811 (From) VietNam Veterans of America Chapter #294 American Veterans in Prison P.O. Box 466 Gardner, Massachusetts 01440 Dear Friend; Enclosed with this letter you will find a request form for thirty (30) names to be signed to it for the initiation for a postal stamp for our NOT FORGOTTEN servicemen. We would appreciate once you have filled the sheet to mail it to the Honorable Postmaster General, address on form. If more forms are needed, feel free to copy this form while still blank and or ask us to send you some more. Your help and patriotism is most appreciated and welcomed to our efforts. Thank you for your time and cooperation in making this one of America's most united joint efforts to bring back our MIA/POW and a nation wide awareness to Americans and our leaders in Washington, that we want our men and women to be returned to their families and their country. Respectfully (signature) James J Mickle State Committee for POW/MIA Massachusetts James Mickle George Herbert Albert Articolo RED BADGE OF COURAGE,INC. For The Return Of All MIAs/POWs 1023 5th Ave. So. St. James, MN (507)375-5435 POW-MIA POSTAGE STAMP The Honorable Anthony Frank,Postmaster Gen. United States Postal Service 475 L'Enfant Plaza, SW Washington, D.C. 20260 We respectfully request that you initiate a postage stamp which bears the logo of the National League of POW/MIA Families. The logo serves to create awareness and concern over the POW/MIA issue. The logo depicts a prisoner of war with a prison camp tower over his shoulder, barbed wire extends horizontally behind the prisoner in silhouette form. Below the logo are the words imprinted "YOU ARE NOT FORGOTTEN". _______________ _______________ _______________ _______________ _______________ _______________ Third Annual NamVet Page 49 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 FRAGILE AS A FLOWER by Bob Bunnell The Precedent BBS - Mukilteo, WA (206) 355-1295 The following is a copy of a piece that I wrote for a College English writing class several years ago. As it turned out, it was quite a release for me -- was not easy to write but eventually had (and still has) a very therapeutic effect. For that reason, I would like to share this with all out there that can, in their own way, relate to the type of circumstances, vet and non-vet alike. Thanks for letting me share this with you. FRAGILE AS A FLOWER The heat was like a heavy, muggy blanket, weighing me down and suffocating everything. The trees shimmered and danced in the glare of the tropical afternoon sun as sweat trickled into my eyes, burning them. The more I rubbed, the more they burned. Lead by Captain Joe, we had entered this large, flat valley nearly twelve hours earlier on routine patrol to locate the Viet Cong. The valley was a beautiful soft green, bordered on both sides by the darker green of hillside vegetation. The occasional cleared areas formed a patchwork of tall golden grass that swayed in the slight breeze as if swept by some invisible hand. Officially the valley was called the Dong Bo after the river that meandered its length. Later, we would come to know it by our own name: DEATH VALLEY. While on a brief rest in the cooler shade of the treeline, I allowed myself a momentary escape and marveled at a lively pink wildflower standing proudly upright against its emerald-green bedding. A whispered "Move out.." jolted me back to reality. As we began to move into the valley, I glanced over my shoulder for one last look at that small flower. It had been trampled. Captain Joe wasn't supposed to be on this operation. He had recently received orders for transfer back to "the world" for two years of postgraduate study at his alma mater. This period was to be followed by a three-year stabilized assignment as a geography instructor at West Point. "Five years with the wife and daughters!" he had shouted. His powder blue eyes sparkled, and the sun glistened off his closely cropped blond hair as he skipped around the camp waving the radio message. No, Captain Joe wasn't supposed to be here, but he had exercised his command position for one last go at it. Other patrols in this valley had been rather uneventful: either a sporadic sniper harassed us, or there was a brief hit-and-run fire fight. This time was different. We had been in contact off and on for nearly three hours, the intensity building. In addition to several slightly wounded patients, I had two critically wounded to treat. Now we were just trying order among our Vietnamese soldiers and get our wounded back to camp. We reached a huge barren clearing. We Americans had vehemently advised against entering this exposed area. The Vietnamese soldiers, now on the verge of panic, pushed out toward the center of the field, trying to escape the loud cracks and snapping thuds of the increasing gunfire. Third Annual NamVet Page 50 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 The clearing was the most direct route out of the valley and to safety, but it was also completely bare and flat. The only cover of any type were the occasional large ant mounds. It was a deceiving cover, though, since the Viet Cong forces were infiltrating around us throughout the tree line. "My God," I thought, " ... we're going to be surrounded." The cry, "Medic!" came more often now. When anyone attempted to rise off his stomach and rush forward, the tree lines to our right, behind us, and to our left erupted with heavy volumes of gunfire. During all of this action, I would catch glimpses of Captain Joe. His camouflaged flop hat shielded his eyes and the radio hand piece held tight to his ear, as he called base camp for help. The next moment he would be gone from sight, lying flat on his stomach as another hail of gunfire swept the area. Then he was back up to his knees again, surveying the scene, shouting orders, trying to pull off a miracle. "Stay down flat!" he had shouted to me. "I can't get no lower skipper. My buttons is in the way," I shouted back. Now there were five of us hugging one large ant mound. A Vietnamese sergeant on one side of me, and our Chinese interpreter on the other side, had just received grazing gunshot wounds to the head. "Medic!" Captain Joe shouted, flashing his warm smile. "I don't make house calls," I said. Then the round you never hear hit its mark. "I blew it," muttered Captain Joe as he slumped forward, his flop hat turning crimson above both temples. I crawled over and began to treat him. They say I dragged him for some time, reaching the safety of the far tree line at dark. I don't know. They say God doesn't listen to prayers of dying men. I don't know. I do know that on that hot afternoon I learned how fragile life can be, as fragile as a flower. Captain Joe wasn't supposed to be there. Derald R. Bunnell Copyright 1983 Date of action: 6 February, 1966 Location: Phu Quoc Island, Republic of Viet Nam Third Annual NamVet Page 51 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 =================================================================== R e m e m b e r i n ' O l ' G l o r y =================================================================== Deliverance Input by: Dale Malone Midas Touch BBS - Orlando, FL (407) 648-1133 You stand for principles that bring a lump to my throat I have travelled this globe in support of your pure motives I trod the sands of San Angelo Texas The wrinkle in time called Karamursel Turkey I sipped the solitude of Shemya Alaska The backward deep southerness of Biloxi Mississippi Isolated Misawa in the steppes of Northern Japan The screaming winds of remote Wakkanai on The tip of Hokkaido, where you can Almost throw a rock and hit Russian soil On the "hill" at Osan Korea In sleepy Guam where Agana was "excitement" In a tankers belly out of Kadena Okinawa Triple play in Saigon, at busy Tan San Nhut With choppers from the in-country R&R and 3rd Field Hospital Whomping day and night, and 100,000 candlepower flares Lighting the night, and "Patches" Spraying the wee morning hours with kerosene blended poisons Accompanied by the heart stopping blast of her twin propellers Less than 200 feet above my sweat sogged bed Singular lines of steel death from "Shadow" and "Spooky" Redistributing my pay in Bangkok's bars In Manila, watching the "students" storm the Embassy Flying with no tower controller into wonderful CCK, Taiwan Listening on the tactical freq's as brothers Play deadly tag with AAA and SAM's along the Ho Chi Minh Trail Sweltering in Udorn whilst the lumbering, heavily laden B-52's Spewed volumes of black smoke as they Trundled down the runway, bristling with ordinance In places I could hardly spell like Nakon Phanom With a "downtown" shared by bordering Laos The cool evenings of the Highlands of Pleiku Spectating at ping-pong while the swing Shift sights in and clears their weapons TDY's to Nha Trang, Dalat, Phu Cat, Vung Tau, Da Nang Long Binh, Bien Hoa, Cam Rahn Bay, other's, now forgotten But not the unforgettable Phu Bai where first I experienced The noxious greasy smoke of feces incinerators Centuries later, back in America, My rusted and time-worn armor put away I am confronted by those that Would desecrate your magnificence by burning you in protest Playing up to the toadies of the unsuspecting media Salty tears blur my vision, a crimson rage, gnawing at my heart Then your regal voice whispers to me: "Be at ease my stalwart, unknowingly, these Philistines Proffer me reverence, and deliver me from this Shocking disgrace with full honors as they Retire me by fire and bring surcease to my travails." I sit in mute, stunned surprise Third Annual NamVet Page 52 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 Affirming in my inner soul That the flag's spirit has indeed uttered the truth. Third Annual NamVet Page 53 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 How does burning a flag make things better? by Karen Winnett S.I.R.E.N. IS CALLING -SACRAMENTO, CA.-[CASAC] (916) 971-0589 Hi, I have a question I would like to ask. It is not hard and it is in response to your great hopes regarding your attendance at the Blasphemy forum. I think it should be okay for me to ask this question since I think I may qualify as being one of those "disenfranchised" people you are talking about making things better for. I am an American Vietnam Veteran, how did your burning my flag wrapped around a cross, another symbol of faith for many, help me? What did it do to make things better? I am a disABLED person, how did your burning my flag wrapped around a cross help me? What has it done to make this country better? I am living at poverty level fighting for my independence, how did your burning my flag wrapped around a cross make things better? I am a citizen who knows her country sometimes errs, who knows politicians often lie, who knows that our government is not perfect, who knows how to vote and speak out my beliefs without hurting others, how does your burning my flag wrapped around a cross do half as much as this? How do you stand before those of us who are blinded, deafened, paralyzed, amputated and less of mind and emotion as a result of duty, honour and faith in our country and our God and look into our hearts, souls and eyes and burn our flag wrapped around a cross and do it with any sense of pride or dignity, how does it make things better for us? How do you ponder the graves and walls of those to whom that flag meant so much and burn it wrapped around a cross with no shame? How do you burn this flag that is very symbol not only of all that is best in this country but also the very symbol of a country that allows you to protest and dissent without feeling like a hypocrite? How does it make things better? When you take up the American flag and wrap it around a cross and burn them, thereby slapping me in the face and denigrating my beliefs and put me down, how is that making things better? How will it make my life better? When you hurt someone at their very core, as burning a flag or cross does very much, to so many, how does that make things better? It doesn't, it only hurts and hurts many of us who are the very disenfranchised you speak of! Also, please tell me, in what way is ACTUP, REFUSE & RESIST, CPUSA and The Revolutionary Communist party going to make life better? By burning flags? By trying to destroy what good things do still exist in this country? Will these Communists help me they way they have helped people in the Soviet Peoples republic? Like they helped the people in Poland? Will they re educate us as they did in Nam and Cambodia? The way they help in South Third Annual NamVet Page 54 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 America? No thank you, I will die before walking willingly into such a trap. I am sorry, you may feel my brothers here in this echo are immature and that they are not as intelligent and informed as you are and that all of us here are stupid by your standards, but I at least know that I am in the company of men of honour, men who are there for each other, men who will unite and stand together for the sake of one, men who have paid the extreme and the ultimate price and laid down their lives on behalf of others and I love each and every one of them and what they stand for and the banner that stands as a symbol for them, the flag of the United States. How does your burning a flag wrapped around a cross help them? And recalling your own boasts about how you still read your field manual and being a "martial artist" and the many you have killed, you use the same emotion that you invoke in others, yet is immature for others? Well, hopefully, you will provide me with an intelligent answer to my question? I have one other question to ask as well, are you a communist? Keepin' the faith! Karen Third Annual NamVet Page 55 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 =================================================================== P u t t i n ' i t a l l t o g e t h e r =================================================================== "In Touch" Unites Families, Friends and Strangers Input by: Ray "Frenchy" Moreau NamVet's IN-TOUCH Section Editor Herndon Byte eXchange - Herndon, VA (703) 471-8010 "We deeply loved our son... but until we met and spoke with his friends and fellow veterans, we did not realize what an impact his short life had made." These words of Frances Rufty, mother of Joe Herne Rufty, were spoken when she and Joe's dad, Archie Rufty, participated with Joe's fellow veterans, Bob Evans and Ken Strafer, in placing a wreath near panel 14 West of the Vietnam Veterans Memorial. This panel bears the names of Joe and many of his fellow officers who were killed in an intense battle on January 29, 1970. Bob Evans remembers that day in 1970 only too well. He and Joe were 1st Lieutenants and platoon leaders who had met the previous Christmas Day. Bob liked Joe's warmth his sense of humor. "He helped us laugh when there was nothing to laugh about", Bob recalls. And when he (Joe) was hit, 37 men from Bob's platoon offered to risk their own lives to attempt to rescue Joe. "That's how much they thought of him. They were willing to die to try and save him." For years, Bob wanted to contact Joe's family. Thus, he became one of the first participants in the Friends "In Touch" locator program designed to help families, friends and fellow veterans of those lost in Vietnam to find each other. After "In Touch" located the Rufty family, Bob called them to share his memories of Joe. Bob says that he had mixed feelings about contacting the Rufty's. He was afraid that he might cause them more pain. But once he heard the receptiveness in Archie Rufty's voice, he was very glad he had called. Another connection that "In Touch": made for Bob and the Rufty's was that of Lt. Col. Ken Strafer who served with Joe in basic training, OCS, and Vietnam. In their first phone conversation, the Rufty's told Bob that Ken had written to them, but that they had lost contact with him. They believed that Ken was in the Army and could be in the Washington, DC area. After Ken was located, he invited Bob and the Rufty's to his retirement ceremony scheduled for June 28th. The Rufty's flew in from Las Vegas to attend Lt. Col. Strafer's retirement ceremony *and* to join their son's friends in placing a wreath at the Memorial. Other vets who served with Joe were also present for this tribute. As the wreath was placed, a group gathered to watch and listen, to smile and to cry -- family, friends, and strangers, united by a common bond of gratitude for a young man whose life and death continues to be remembered. Third Annual NamVet Page 56 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 This tribute to Joe Rufty was filmed by *Reunions*, a newly syndicated television program which will feature this "In Touch" story in one of its premiere episodes this Fall. *Reunions* is also working on another "In Touch" story about Layna McConkey, daughter of Army Capt. Wayne McConkey who was killed in Vietnam, September 17, 1970. Layna's mother died in July, 1989. When Layna was going through her mother's papers, she discovered tapes that her father had sent from Vietnam. On these tapes, Wayne McConkey spoke with fondness of some of his fellow veterans. Layna would like to find these veterans, and *Reunions* is going to help "In Touch" in this search. "In Touch" *IS* AN IDEA WHOSE TIME HAS COME. As expected, Al Santoli's moving article, "We Never Knew Our Fathers" which ran in Parade magazine on Memorial Day week-end, resulted in over 1,000 calls, letters, pleas for help, and offers of assistance. An especially nice benefit is the fact that all four of the young adults featured in the article, Tony Cordero, Michelle Mitchel, Sharrie Downing and Wende Ruffin, have been contacted by persons who knew their fathers. Danielle Sanville, another daughter for whom "In Touch" has made a connection, learned that her dad had printed her name and those of her mother and sister on his helmet. He said, "Here I am with the names of three girls on my helmet. The guys must think I'm quite a lover, and I am because I sure do love my girls." Danielle wrote us, "I sat on the floor and cried. To me, it was my dad's way of telling me he loved me. Only I didn't hear it for 22 years." The *Parade* article has also produced a positive response to Sons and Daughters In Touch, a network to facilitate support and communication among children of men who died in Vietnam. Hundreds of letters express gratitude to Tony Cordero who founded the network and initiated the *Parade* article. Lynn Welch Davis, daughter of SFC. Donald Walter Welch, killed in Duc Lap on August 23, 1968, Wrote: "All my life I grew up wondering if there were other children like me. None of my friends had lost their fathers, and I found it difficult to talk with them about my feelings. I had always prayed that someday I would find others like me, someone who could understand how I felt... When I read your story I broke into tears because at long last my prayers had been answered... I hardly know anything about my father and would like to find anyone who might have served with him... I have nowhere else to turn for help in my search." AN UNEXPECTED BONUS OF THE PUBLICITY ABOUT "IN TOUCH" AND SONS AND DAUGHTERS IN TOUCH HAS BEEN THE FORMATION OF ADDITIONAL NETWORKS. Siblings In Touch is being coordinated by Melinda Knapp and JoAnn Seyfried whose brothers died in Vietnam. A Vietnam Widows Research Project has been initiated by Peggy Borsey, Ph.D., whose husband died in Vietnam, and Jacki M. Beatty, MSN, RN, sister of a Vietnam Veteran. They want to hear from any Vietnam widows (whether or not they have remarried) and will, in turn, furnish their participants with printed summaries of their research. Third Annual NamVet Page 57 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 Also, sons and daughters of veterans lost in World War II and Korea have written that they, too, have longed for a support network as well as a means of finding persons who knew their fathers. The World War II Orphans network is being coordinated by Ann Bennet Mix, daughter of Sidney Bennet, KIA, April 19, 1945. "In Touch" has been likened to a tree with the locator program, Sons and Daughters In Touch, the Vietnam Widows Project, Siblings In Touch, and even sons and daughters of persons killed in Korea and World War II, being branches of the "In Touch" tree. If you are a leaf on one of these branches and would like to participate in any of these programs, please write to "In Touch" c/o FVVM 1224 M St. NW Washington D.C. 20005. Your letter will be forwarded to the appropriate coordinator. The tremendous response to "In Touch" would not have been as overwhelming had it not been for some special groups. Electronic Data Systems (EDS) has designed the data management system. Zenith Data Systems, Hewlett-Packard, Borland International, Quarterdeck Office Systems and Fastcomm Communications have contributed computer equipment and peripherals. EDS and Zenith employees have volunteered to help with publicity and data entry. These contributions really make the difference for "In Touch". Many people write or call to ask how they can help. We suggest that they spread the word to friends, churches, and local news media. This will do two things. First, the more participants in the locator program, the more "matches" we will have, that is, the more people who will locate those persons with whom they need to be "In Touch". Secondly, we need funding to operate this program. If you help us tell people about "In Touch", please emphasize that there is no charge to participate, but that so far "In Touch" has received no government or corporate funds. For this reason donations are needed. If you would like to help with "In Touch", please write or call. If you live in the Washington D.C. metro area, we need volunteers in the office. And wherever you live, you can help by spreading the word. Third Annual NamVet Page 58 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 In-Touch. What is it ??? Input by: Ray "Frenchy" Moreau NAM VETs IN-TOUCH Section Editor Herndon Byte eXchange - Herndon, VA (703) 471-8010 ================================================================= |+++++++++++++++++++++++++ IN TOUCH ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++| | There are some 43 million people in the United States whose | | lives were directly and irrevocably touched by the Vietnam | | War. | | | | Almost four million people served in Vietnam -- the longest, | | and perhaps most difficult, war in our history. More than a | | quarter of a million were seriously wounded. 58,175 are dead | | or missing. | | | | Each of those who returned recognizes the true cost of war. | | But so too do the families and friends, wives and lovers of | | those listed on the Wall. They too paid a tremendous price, | | not always recognized... many still do. | | | | Though twenty years have passed, it seems that is the period | | people have needed to get the distance necessary to begin to | | address the unresolved, deeply personal issues that have | | been haunting them since the war. Perhaps that is a measure | | of the pain. | | | | But, the "healing of a nation" that was intended by the | | building of the Memorial, has begun. | | | | In the office of the Friends of the Vietnam Veterans | | Memorial, we hear them on the other end of the phone on | | any given day, and far into the night, they call from all | | corners of the country. | | | | "If only I could find out..." | | "I need to find his family so I can keep my promise..." | | "I just want to talk to someone who was with him... " | | "Please, can you help...?" | | | | At the Wall, we find them every day. Veterans who have not | | spoken of their experiences even to their most intimate | | family members are now beginning, tentatively, to seek a | | responsive ear. | | | | Brothers and sisters, parents and even wives who were simply | | never allowed full expression of their grief because of the | | fierce pressures of the time, are now coming forward, | | looking for someone who can help with their healing. | | | | We hear from children, now 15 - 25 years old, who are | | searching for bits and pieces of information they can | | assemble to help fill that empty place in their lives that | | is the father they never knew well, if at all. And they want | | to talk to each other, to share their special needs and the | | unique experience of growing up with a father on the Wall. | | They understand each other all too well. | Third Annual NamVet Page 59 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 | | | Millions of Americans need to meet and talk because of the | | Wall, and only the Friends can help them. | | | | Initial discussions with many other national organizations | | whose work brings them into contact with Vietnam veterans | | and their loved ones have attested to the need for IN TOUCH | | and their willingness to help. | | | | Simply put, the Friends will draw on its special work at the | | Memorial, its acquired and available data bases and | | programs designed and integrated by Electronic Data Systems | | (EDS), and the commitment and concern of its volunteers to | | place people with a common association to a name on the Wall | | to be in voluntary communication with each other. | | | | From there, we will let human nature take its good course. | | And let the healing begin. | | | | The starting point for the data base will be the more than | | twenty thousand names of people who have requested name | | rubbings from our volunteers in Washington. Each will be | | contacted and given the opportunity to participate by being | | listed in the IN TOUCH central data base file. | | | | Confidentiality is the keyword to cooperation and IN TOUCH | | will respect the integrity of all lists and records. Lists | | will be unavailable for public use and will not be | | distributed for any commercial purpose. | | | | By its nature, IN TOUCH must reach far beyond the veterans | | community in order to be successful. With professional | | guidance, the Friends will develop a program of on-going | | articles and other coverage in major media markets, high- | | lighting the personal experiences of people as they are put | | "in touch." The International Vietnam Veterans Echo | | Conference via the Herndon Byte eXchange 1:109/316 node as | | the enter point for gathering and disseminating information | | will be used. Aside from bringing the program into public | | awareness, these articles and stories will serve as a val- | | uable tool for public education on a wealth of matters | | relating to the Vietnam era. | | | | As a preliminary test of the IN TOUCH project, the Friends | | has implemented a pilot project to test the design and | | demands of such a program. Several hundred requests with | | full background information have been entered into a system | | designed to match requestor data with the existing Memorial | | data. Even with such a small sample, limited data and a | | fairly unsophisticated cross-indexing system, matches have | | been made and IN TOUCH has produced its first real | | connections. The results have been as profoundly moving for | | the participants as expected. And as gratifying for the | | Friends. | | | | But it was clear that the information management system and | | the supporting hardware system would have to be more power- | | ful and more complex in order to handle thousands, perhaps | | hundreds of thousands, of requests. Confidentiality of the | Third Annual NamVet Page 60 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 | system and information must be paramount. | | | | With well over 2,000 Vietnam veterans, Electronic Data | | Systems (EDS) became involved and has been generous in its | | assistance with designing the data management systems which | | will be critical to a successful program. The Friends have | | reached a three-year working agreement with EDS which | | promises continuity and maximum potential for success in | | building an information bank that can truly help people in | | their search for others who knew a loved one. | | | | The Friends are delighted that Bob Hope has agreed to make | | a public service announcement which we can use on radio and | | television to help get the word out to the public on the | | availability of the service. | | | | The Friends are also pleased to note that Hewlett Packard, | | Zenith Data Systems, Borland International, FASTCOMM | | Communications Corporation and the First National Bank of | | Chicago have all contributed computer equipment, computer | | software, and office equipment to the project, so they are | | beginning to feel fully functional. | | | | The Friends hear from people who have long been living with | | the pain of loss and looking for a way to heal. For | | instance, the Friends recently received a letter from a | | woman who wrote: | | | | Dear Friends: | | For quite some time I have been searching for a | | way to know my brother. It seems hopeless at times. | | I was 12 when he was killed... I had waited for the | | day he would come back to us. He never did. A part | | of me will always be 12 and continue to wait. | | Thank you for giving me hope that there may be | | a way to find him and bring him home to my heart..." | | | | + + + | | | | The Friends of the Vietnam Veterans Memorial | | Electronic Data Systems | | Herndon Byte eXchange TCOMMnet BBS 1:109/316 | | | |+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++| Third Annual NamVet Page 61 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 IN-TOUCH Registration/Request Form Input by: Ray "Frenchy" Moreau NAM VETs IN-TOUCH Section Editor Herndon Byte eXchange - Herndon, VA (703) 471-8010 THIS FORM REQUIRES SIGNATURE FOR CONFIDENTIALITY RELEASE PLEASE READ BELOW ------------------------------------------------------------------ I wish to be IN TOUCH with (Please circle and/or comment) Family, Friends and/or Fellow Veterans of the following: __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ ----------- PERSON WHO DID NOT COME BACK FROM VIETNAM ------------ First Name_____________ Middle Name___________ Last Name__________ Relationship to You and/or Reason for Request (Answer as fully as possible)_____________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ ================================================================== -------- ADDITIONAL INFORMATION ABOUT HIM/HER - IF KNOWN --------- Rank_______ Birth Date ______________ Soc. Sec. # ________________ Tour Date of Birth _______________ Where Buried __________________ Branch of Service: AR__ NA__ AF__ MC__ CG__ RC__ CIV__ (Fill in his/her equivalent unit designations in the spaces below) Division ____________ Brigade ___________ Battalion ______________ Regiment ____________ Company ___________ Ship ___________________ Battles:__________________________________________________________ Locations:________________________________________________________ Nicknames:________________________________________________________ Hometown (while in Nam): ____________________ Home State: ________ ================================================================== ---------------------- INFORMATION ABOUT YOU --------------------- Title___ First Name ____________ Middle/Maiden Name _____________ Last Name ____________________ Address___________________________________________________________ City __________________________________ State ____ Zip: _____-____ Your Home Phone ( ) ____________ Work Phone: ( ) ____________ ---------------- IF YOU ARE A VIETNAM-ERA VETERAN ---------------- Tour date _______________________________ Rank __________________ Branch of Service: AR__ NA __ AF __ MC __ CG __ RC __ CIV __ Fill in your equivalent unit designations in the spaces below Division: __________ Brigade: ___________ Battalion: ___________ Regiment: __________ Company: ___________ Ship: ________________ Battles: _________________________________________________________ Locations: _______________________________________________________ Nicknames: _______________________________________________________ Hometown (when in VN) _______________________ Home State: ________ Comments: ________________________________________________________ Third Annual NamVet Page 62 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 CONFIDENTIALITY STATEMENT _____ I give permission to the Friends of the Vietnam Veterans Memorial to release my name, address, phone number and relationship to other participants in the IN TOUCH project seeking information on the individual above (strike out phone number if you do not want it released). OR _____ I would like to have the names, addresses, and phone numbers of persons who knew my friend or relative, but prefer NOT to have my name, address, and phone number released. I hereby release the Friends of the Vietnam Veterans Memorial from any and all liability that may arise from the operation of the IN TOUCH project. Signature ____________________________________ Date _____________ NOTE: Do not electronically transmit this form, instead mail to: Friends of the Vietnam Veterans Memorial 1350 Connecticut Ave., N.W. Suite 300 Washington, DC 20036 ----------------------------------------------------------------- Third Annual NamVet Page 63 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 Service Organizations & BBS's From: Armed Forces & Veterans Service Organizations Found on The United States Veterans BBS in Minn. Input by: Joyce Flory NamVet`s Incarcerated Veterans Section Editor Desert Dolphin BBS - Las Cruces, NM (505) 523-2811 Name Address Air Force Ass. 1501 Lee Highway Arlington, VA 22209-1198 (703)-247-5800 Air Force Sgt. Ass. PO Box 31050 Temple Hill,Md 20748 (303)-899-3500 Alliance of Women Vets PO Box 48817 Los Angeles, Ca 90048 (213)-931-6173 American Battleship Ass. PO Box 11247 San Diego,Ca 92111 American Defenders of PO Box 2052 Bataan & Corregidor Inc. New Bern, NC 25861-2052 (919)-637-4044 American Ex-Prisoners of 3201 E.Pioneer Parkway Suite 40 War Inc. Arlington,Tx 76010 (817)-649-2979 American GI Forum of the PO Box 7517 U.S. Albuquerque,NM 87104-7515 (505)-247-4910 American Gold Star 2128 Leroy Place NW Mothers Inc. Wash.DC 20008 (202)-265-0991 American Legion 700 N. Pennsylvania St. Indianapolis,In 46206 (317)-635-8411 American Military 69 Clinton St. Retirees Ass. Plattsburg,NY 12901 (518)-563-9479 American Red Cross 17th & D Sts. NW Washington, DC 20006 (202)-639-3586 American Vets Committee 1735 DeSales St.NW Suite 402 Washington,DC 20036 (202)-639-8886 American Vets of WWII, 4647 Forbes Blvd. Korea & Vietnam (AMVETS) Lanham, Md. 20706 (301)-459-9600 Third Annual NamVet Page 64 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 American War Mothers 2615 Woodley Place NW Washington, DC 20008 (202)-462-2791 Armed Forces Communica- 4400 Fair Lakes Court tion & Electronics Ass. Fairfax,Va 22033-3899 (703)-631-6125 Army & Navy Union,USA PO Box 7429 Station A Inc. Canton,O. 44705-7429 (216)-456-7312 Army Mutual Aid Ass. Fort Myer Arlington Va. 22211 (703)-522-3060 Ass. of the US Army 2425 Wilson Blvd. Arlington, VA 22201 (703)-841-4300 Blind Vets Ass. 1735 DeSales St.NW Suite 600 Washington, DC 20036 (202)-347-4010 Blue Star Mothers of Route 2,Box 335 America Iola, Wi 54945 (715)-445-3733 Catholic War Vets,USA 419 N. Lee St. Inc. Alexandria,Va 22314 (703)-549-3622 Coast Guard Combat Vets 6858 Lafayette Road Ass. Medina,O 44256 (216)-725-6527 Coast Guard SEA Vets 18 Golf Road Clarendon Mid-America Hills,Il 60514 (312)-323-2234 Combat Infantrymen's 43 Dunwell Ave. Ass. Asheville,NC 28806 (704)-253-5493 Combined National Vets 419 N. Lee St. Ass. of America Alexandria,Va 22314 (703)-549-3622 Congressional Medal of Intrepid Sea-Air-Space Honor Society of the USA Museum 12th Ave. at 46th St. New York, NY 10036 (212)-582-5355 Destroyer Escort Sailors PO Box 680085 Ass. Orlando, FL. 32868-0085 (305)-290-5594 Disabled American Vets PO Box 145550 Third Annual NamVet Page 65 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 Cincinnati, OH 42550-5550 (606)-441-7300 Fleet Reserve Ass. 1303 New Hampshire Ave.NW Washington, DC 20036 (202)-785-2786 Gold Star Wives of 1025 Jamaica Court America Ass. Aurora, CO 80010 (303)-364-0300 Italian American War Vets 115 Meridian Road of the US Inc. Youngstown, OH 44509 Jewish War Vets of the 1811 R St. NW US of A Washington, DC 20009 (202)-265-6280 Korean War Vets Ass. PO Box 12205 Baltimore, Md. 21281 (301)-327-2845 Legion of Valor of the 92 Oak Leaf Lane USA Inc. Chapel Hill, NC 27514-9440 (919)-933-0989 Marine Corps League 955 N.Monroe St. Arlington,Va 22201 (703)-524-1137 Mexican Border Vets Inc. 4248 Dryden Circle Sarasota,Fl 34241 (813)-371-2916 Military Chaplains Ass. PO Box 645 Riverdale,Md 20737-0645 (301)-699-3505 Military Order of the 5413-B Blacklick Rd. Purple Heart of USA Inc. Springfield,Va 22151 (703)-642-5360 Military Order of the 435 N.Lee St. World Wars Arlington,Va 22314 (703)-683-4911 NAM-POWs Inc. 5305 Boxwood Lane Austin,Tx 78723 (512)-926-2489 National Amputation 12-45 150th St. Foundation Inc. Whitestone, NY 11357 (212)-767-0596 National Ass. for Black 4185 N.Greenbay Ave. Vets Inc. Milwaukee,Wi 53209 (414)-562-8387 National Ass. For Unifor- 5535 Hempstead Way Third Annual NamVet Page 66 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 med Services Springfield,Va 22151-4094 (703)-750-1342 National Ass. of Atomic 708 S.Aorora PO Box 409 Vets Eldon,Mo 65026-0409 (314)-392-3361 National Ass. of PO Box 26031 Concerned Vets Washington, DC 20001 (202)-483-0342 National Ass. of Military 4023 25th Road N Widows Arlington,Va 22207 (703)-5274565 National Ass. of Radi- 78 El Camino Real ation Survivors Berkely,Ca 94705 (415)-654-0100 National Congress of 304 Park Ave. Puerto Rican Vets Inc. NY,NY 10010 (212)-260-3000 ext.362 National League of 1608 K St. NW Families of Prisoners & Washington, DC 20006 Missing in S.E. Asia (202)-223-6846 National Order of Battle- 923 E.Garfield Ave. field Commissions Milwaukee,Wi 53212 (414)-562-5890 National Vietnam Vets 1000 Thomas Jefferson St 6th floor Coalition Wash.DC 20007 (202)-338-6882 Naval Reserve Ass. 1619 King St. Alexandria,Va 22314-2793 (703)-548-5800 Naval League of the US 2300 Wilson Blvd. Arlington,Va 22201 (703)-528-1775 Navy Mutual Aid Ass. Arlington Annex Room G-070 Washington, DC 20370 (202)-694-1638 Non-Commissioned 10635 IH 35 N. Officers Ass. Austin,Tx 78233 (512)-653-6161 Paralyzed Vets of 801 18th St.NW America Washington, DC 20006 (202)-872-1300 Patrol Craft Sailors Ass. 3921 Maybreeze Rd. Marietta,Ga 30066 (404)-926-7430 Third Annual NamVet Page 67 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 Patrol Frigate Sailors 5272 Doris Dr. Ass. Arnold,Mo 63010 (314)-296-5401 Pearl Harbor Survivors 3215 Albert St. Ass. Inc. Orlando,Fl 32806 (305)-423-8344 Polish Legion of American 3024 N.Laramie St. Vets USA Chicago,Il 60641 P.T.Boats Inc. PO Box 109 Memphis,Tn 48101-0109 (901)-272-9980 Regular Vets Ass.of the 1309 Harrison Lane S/511 US Inc. Austin,Tx 78742 (512)-389-2288 Reserve Officers Ass.of 1 Constitution Ave. the US Inc. Washington, DC 20002 (202)-479-2200 Retired Army Nurse Ass. PO Box 39235 Serna Station San Antonio,Tx 78218-1235 Retired Chaplins Ass. 9328 Sonora Ave. Brentwood,Mo 63144 Society of Military 5535 Hempstead Way Widows Springfield,Va 22151-4094 (707)-750-1342 The Retired Enlisted Ass. PO Box 1218 Aurora,Co 80040-1218 (303)-364-8737 Uniformed Services 5909 Alta Monte NE Disabled Retirees Albuquerque,NM 87110 (505)-881-4568 United Spainish War Vets PO Box 1915 Washington, DC 20013 (202)-347-1898 USN Armed Guard,National 5712 Partridge Lane Raleigh,NC 27609 (919)-876-5537 Vets of Foreign Wars of 406 W.34th St. the US (VFW) Kansas City, Mo 64111 (816)-756-3390 Vets of WWI of the USA 941 N.Capitol St. Inc. Washington, DC 20421 (202)-275-1388 Vietnam Era Vets Ass. 242 Praire Ave. Third Annual NamVet Page 68 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 Providence,RI 02907 (401)-521-6710 Vietnam Vets of America 2001 S St. NW Inc. Washington, DC 20009 (202)-332-2700 Military Related BBS's Thanks to The United States Veterans BBS PC-8000 BBS (704)-456-4366 General purpose board run by Wildcat! USCG Headquarters BBS (202)-267-0925 Info for retired & active Coast Guard LZ-Birningham BBS (205)-870-7770 Vietnam specific BBS that specializes in bringing together those who served in Nam. Search by name or unit US Veterans BBS (612)-522-2026 Vet. specific BBS. In Minneapolis,Mn PC Pursuit availiable Silent Service BBS (202)-574-8423 For active duty,retired & vets with emphasis on sub service In Washington, DC PC Pursuit available Fighter Country III BBS (602)-486-1833 General purpose military-oriented By John Savage, retired US Air Force Vietnam Data Rescource (213)-373-6597 Data bank of info for & Electronic Library researchers & Vietnam In suburb of LA PC Pursuit available Third Annual NamVet Page 69 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 =================================================================== D o n ' t A b a n d o n ' e m =================================================================== Vietnam -- The Forgotten Warriors By Jack Jones Rochester, NY Democrat And Chronicle Input by: Terry Hayes Waterloo, New York Groveland - They tried to talk about the angry and shameful and confusing things inside them when they were 20 years old and first home from the jungles of Vietnam. But nobody wanted to listen then. In their forties now, they're talking and listening to each other in a barracks-style dormitory like those they shared behind barbed-wire perimeters at base camps in Southeast Asia, obeying orders to wage one of their nation's most divisive wars. But this time, instead of Army green they're wearing prison green - and they're behind a razor-wire perimeter at Groveland Correctional Facility. "I'm 43 and it's the first time I've been in prison and it's devastating," said Edward Spinner. "But for the first time in my life, I've got somebody to talk to about all this garbage I've been carrying around for the past 23 years. Most of us here in this room are over 40 and we're in prison for the first time - because of the amount of anger that built up inside us for so long over Vietnam." Spinner, serving a three-year sentence for a crime he would only describe as "a violent felony," is one of the 30 veterans participating in a unique and intensive residential therapy program at this medium security prison in Livingston County. The men live and sleep side-by-side, as they did in Vietnam, and spend most of their days and nights walking with each other through the nightmares and psychological minefields of the past. Unlike most felons, who embark early on a criminal career and wind up behind bars in their youth, "these men are not your career criminals," said prison counselor David Warne, who established and coordinates the Veterans Residential Therapeutic Program at Groveland. "These incarcerated veterans are truly the forgotten warriors of Vietnam," said Warne. "A lot of them just finally lost control after using drugs and alcohol for more than 20 years to block out the memories of the day their buddy's brains got blown all over their face. "They're offenders who did something wrong, and they've got to be punished for their crimes. But they also have special needs. They're also the same men who fought and bled in Southeast Asia. And finally, after 20 or 25 years, they're back together as a team, working with a common objective - to finally help each other work out the problems that put them here." Walking through the veterans' dormitory at Groveland is a walk down the corridors of memory to a military barracks in Vietnam on an inspection day. Rosaries and religious medallions hang like dogtags from chains that are draped across the ends of tightly made bunks. Framed snapshots of wives, girlfriends and children smile from the nightstands that also hold Father's Day cards, birthday greetings and other mementoes of "the world". Third Annual NamVet Page 70 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 Floors and walls are polished to a mirror-like shine in a dust-free dormitory that has the look and smell of a well-kept hospital ward. "You can definitely see they've had military training," said Robert Dickerson, a corrections officer and Vietnam veteran assigned to guard his former comrades. "They keep their living quarters cleaner than most people keep their kitchens. They seem to be better able than most of the prisoners to handle their own problems and take care of themselves." Dickerson, who served with the Marines in Vietnam in 1969 and 1970, said that being a veteran helps him communicate and keep order among the prisoners he's assigned to guard. "I guess I can kind of understand some of their problems and relate to them better," he said. "I know what they've been through." As a former New York City firefighter and a former marine Corps reconnaissance sergeant behind enemy lines in Vietnam from 1965 until he was wounded in 1969, Robert Gardner has been through more than most of the inmates. Gardner, 44, has been imprisoned at Groveland for 16 months on a three-year sentence stemming from charges of robbery and unlawful imprisonment - of some Vietnamese people. "The drugs finally got to me and I took over a leather store that some Vietnamese people run in Westchester (County)," he said. "It happened because of Vietnam and drugs." Like the other veterans, Gardner said he never had a chance to unburden himself of the memories of fighting and killing in Vietnam. And even though he returned to action and danger as a firefighter after being released from a Veterans Administration hospital, he turned to drugs to dull the unquiet memories of war. "There's no doubt in my mind, if we'd had something like this program so we could talk this stuff out when we came back from Vietnam. I wouldn't be here today." Gardner said. "I don't think many of us would." Even though he spent 18 months in VA hospitals - including nine months for depression and drugs - "the treatment we got was mostly just to be given more drugs and put back out on the street without counseling for any of the problems that put us there," he said. "You've got to keep in mind the way this country and the VA treated us when we came home." Since joining the residential therapy program at Groveland when it began last October, Gardner and other veterans say they've "come 180 degrees in the way we think about ourselves and what happened in Vietnam." "The camaraderie, working together, helping each other - it's almost like being back in the platoon," he said. "It's vets helping vets." "We saw a lot of violence, a lot of it needless violence," said Justo Rosa, who fought with the First Infantry in 1971 and 1972. "And most of us, we were just kids, 17, 18, 19 years old at the time." "We were trained to kill, and then we were sent back home but we were never untrained. When we came back, they made us feel ashamed of being a Vietnam veteran. If we hadn't been in Vietnam at such an early age, maybe all that anger and stress wouldn't have been with us. Maybe I wouldn't be here now at this time in my life for committing a violent felony." "Maybe I wouldn't be here either," said Thomas Sanford. "But Third Annual NamVet Page 71 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 because of this vets program, being here had helped me find a part of myself I thought was lost." And Warne said he and other officials inside and outside the prison are taking steps to help the veterans stay in touch with the "parts they thought were lost," after the men pay their debt to society and return to their communities. At Groveland, the former soldiers attend daily counseling sessions where they confront their lingering anger and aggression and issues of shame and guilt that have clouded their relationships, destroyed their marriages, alienated their children and disrupted their careers. Canandaigua Veterans Affairs psychologist Roger Lyman and VA nurse James Robinson, also a Vietnam veteran, have joined volunteer counselors from local chapters of Vietnam Veterans of America and the Veterans Outreach Center in Rochester who meet with the Groveland veterans once a week. "The residential aspects and the intensive counseling these guys are getting is something that's unique and progressive," said Lyman. "The residential aspect of the program makes an enormous amount of good sense. It's just a shame they had to go to prison to get it." Lyman, who heads the post-traumatic stress disorder treatment clinic for veterans at the Canandaigua VA, said he and other psychologists will provide follow-up counseling for the Groveland veterans after their release from prison. The imprisoned veterans said that getting out - and staying out - of prison is what their intensive program is about. "Being with a group of people like this, learning to trust again, it's a real important experience," said Jerry Bates, 42 of Elmira, an infantryman in Vietnam in 1968 and 1969. "It's the closest I've got to people since my friend from Watkins Glen stepped on a land mine and I watched him die in Vietnam. You just don't get close to people after something like that. And you never forget it. "But getting on with our lives outside this place is what we're all about in this group. There's no substitute for being free." Third Annual NamVet Page 72 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 Thanks, brothers and sisters! Editorial by: Joyce Flory NAM VETs Incarcerated Veterans Section Editor Desert Dolphin BBS - Las Cruces, NM (505) 523-2811 Hi folks; The following is a sample of what I'm getting from incarcerated vets. These guys DO want and need your support. Please start writing to them. Who knows, you may have served with them under a nickname. Copied by written permission from Vernon E. Miller: "Dear Joyce: A special greetings to you. And my own special thanks for your endeavors. This being in the form of your program, that of a Pen- pal program for incarcerated Viet Nam Vets. My name is Vernon E. Miller, but I prefer Vern. I am 43 years young, caucasian, but I pride myself on being very opened minded. My interests fall along the lines of outdoor activity, such as walks through the wild, camping, fishing, and the likes. Also, I've driven stock cars in the past and still enjoy auto racing. And though it does grieve me to say this, I am divorced. And I served 6 years in the US Army Military Police. I was in Viet Nam 1968-1969. Stationed in the Central highlands, Pleiku, to be exact. I am a Christian. I spend many hours in Bible studies. I also enjoy reading books on and about Viet Nam. In addition to this I also enjoy drawing, but, most of all, I have to say, I thrive on mail. I enjoy corresponding with others and learning about and from them. But, this is a problem. You see I get such few letters that when I do receive one, it is treasured. I have tried various Christian Pen-Pal outreaches, all with little success. I was given your address by fellow vets from our chapter of the VVA. I will be willing to write and receive mail from just about anyone. I have little problems in discussing Viet Nam related matters with any one. In fact I will go as far as to say I am able to talk about almost anything. So whomever should write me can feel completely at ease in discussing anything they wish. Well, in closing, I will say that it is my sincerest of wishes that an answer to this correspondence will not be long in coming. And that you have my heart felt wishes for success in your endeavors. As well as my prayers for God's blessing to be abundantly yours." I have answered this letter and sent the MIA\POW stamp petition, along with Ray Moreau's In Touch pamphlets and got word back that they were all greatly appreciated and that they would like a copy of the newsletter (on disc,which I'll do once I get it). Let's start supporting this effort by writing to some of the incarcerated!! The following list is one I've accumulated over the past 10 months. Please use it. Here's the latest addresses I have on Vietnam Vets that are incarcerated and would like pen-pals. Whitmarsh Bailey #56715 Jack Baack #57098 Chris S. Crespin #45523 Third Annual NamVet Page 73 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 Dennis E. Prentis #43497 PO Box R Buena Vista, Colo. 81211 Thomas Adams (don't write unless single female he tells me) Donald E. Head Dwight L. Lyons Mamie Harris EG 172282 RCI Box 98409 Columbus, Ga. 31907 George Hebert (not a Namvet, but good people) Ron Gohn T2-rm 273 Lance Koren Richard Ortiz Arthur Coy Tyrone Smith Kevin M. Pennell Robert Thompson Leslie Gomes Frank Komnenus PO Box 466 Gardner, Mass. 01440 Billy Borkman #125740 (0221) (not seeking penpal but will answer) V Burton #108483 (A-120) M Davenport #155165 (N-321) M Donati #150219 (D-71) J Grace #136189 (B-108) M Glennon #140901 (O-101) (Non-vet that likes to write) J Heidinger #102513 (O-421) C Ladison #138228 (O-330) G Magno #112810 (N-418) W Merriman #131789 (A-66) L Rainsford #126380 (B-108) A Shah #101250 (O-417) G Stovall Jr. #98899 (O-328) R Sutton #141041 (O-317) Nottoway Correctional PO Box 488 Burkeville, Va. 23922 Jamal R. Rashid #110781 Dorm D-2 Joseph Huggins #99433 " D-6 Preston Parker #118311 " D-5 William Moran #131271 " D-2 Le'roi Mason #104969 " D-5 David Bailey #153526 " D-2 Oliver Mayfield #106330 " HA-2 John Harris #133342 " HA Robert Hall #148001 " HA James Moody #160399 " D-4 William Simmons #106399 " D-4 Charlie Sherman #128403 " D-6 Carlton Heflin #170297 " D-5 Matthew Sanders #166545 " D-4 Micheal Kay #136567 " D-5 David Swink #157682 " D-6 Gordon Cawthron #135734 " D-6 Third Annual NamVet Page 74 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 Curtis Wright #125330 " HA Roger Baxter #157594 " D-2 Thomas Hawley #167124 " D-5 Luther C. Beasley #110375 " D-2 James River C.C.R. State Farm, Va. 23160 George W. Bud (?) AJ2110 Vernon E. Miller Sr. AJ1004 Darryl Houseman AJ1063 Drawer A Old Route 22 Cresson,Penn. 16630-0010 Third Annual NamVet Page 75 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 XXXXX XXXXX XXXXX XXXX XXXXX XXXXX XXXXX \ \ \ \ \XXXX XXXXX XXXXX.::::::::::::::.XXXXX INCARCERATED XXXX XXXXX XXXXX --------- XXXXX \ \ \ \ \ \ \XXXX XXXXX .XXXXX W W I I XXXXX. VETERANS \ \XXXX XXXXX ::XXXXX --------- XXXXX::. \ \ \ \ XXXX XXXXX :::XXXXX ------------- XXXXX:::. XXXX XXXXX ::::XXXXX K O R E A XXXXX:::: XXXX XXXXX ::::XXXXX ------------- XXXXX:::: XXXX XXXXX ::::XXXXX ------------- XXXXX:::: XXXX XXXXX ::::XXXXX V I E T N A M XXXXX:::: XXXX XXXXX ::::XXXXX ------------- XXXXX:::: XXXX XXXXX ::::XXXXX::::::::::::::::XXXXX:::: XXXX XXXXX ::::XXXXX::::::::::::::::XXXXX:::: XXXX XXXXX ::::XXXXX::' `::XXXXX:::: XXXX XXXXX ::::XXXXX:: ::XXXXX:::: XXXX XXXXX ::::XXXXX `..........''`XXXXX:::: XXXX XXXXX ::::XXXXX .:(O) . (O):. XXXXX:::' XXXX XXXXX ::' XXXXX .. XXXXX:: XXXX XXXXX .:' XXXXX . .. 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XXXX XXXXX / |`. : : . .__________ XXXX XXXXX / ~ ~ ||.` ` : || \ / XXXX XXXXX / WRITE OR VISIT AN INCARCERATED VETERAN SOON ! XXXX XXXXX / ~ || . .'. / / XXXX XXXXX/ ~ ~ ~|| ||/ / XXXX XXXXX ~ ~ ~ || || / XXXX XXXXX || || / XXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXX \_________XXXXX________|| XgjpX XXXX XXXXX XXXXX XXXXX XXXX Third Annual NamVet Page 76 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 Vietnam Desiderata Input by: Scott Summers The Fireside BBS - Houston, Texas (713)496-6319 Found a handwritten copy of this in a book at the library while I was doing some research. I've never seen it before - and thought you might enjoy it as well. VIETNAM DESIDERATA Go placidly amid the artillery fire and rocket explosions and remember what peace may be found in body count. As far as possible be on combative terms with all people. Speak your truth with firepower and listen for signs of VC and NVA ambushes. Avoid loud and aggressive AK-47 fire for it is a vexation to staying alive, and you may likely incur a sucking chest wound. If you compare your M-16 with the AK-47 you may become bitter or vain, for always there will be greater and lesser weapons than yours - namely the damn Soviet B-40 rocket. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans to kill more. Keep interested in your survival; however humble, it is the only way you will ever get laid again. Exercise caution in your business affairs for the jungle is full of booby-traps, mines, and devious eyes with vindictive and malicious inclinations toward you. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is, and to what Phantoms can do. Many people strive for a successful search and destroy mission, but Tac-Air can make it a reality. Especially, do not be inhibited about shouting "Medic!" Neither be cynical about war - remember, it has given our girl "Hanoi Jane" an opportunity to exercise her ambition to become a foreign film star. Be yourself - no matter what the Sergeant-Major wants you to be! Avoid altruistic behavior while in the bush and remember that when you've got 'em by the gonads their hearts and minds will become very cooperative to your ways. Nurture strength of spirit and firepower to shield you on those occasions when the defecation hits the cooling apparatus. Do not distress yourself with imaginings; Charlie wants to rip your ass apart with high-velocity projectiles and that's no Jive! Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness, but that ain't nothing compared to the fears born in the midst of the mud, and the blood, and the bullets. Take kindly the counsel of years (if you live that long) and gracefully surrender the things of youth, but not your claymores. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with, and protective of yourself; when in doubt you must pull the trigger. You are an American soldier of the universe - no less than John Wayne, or napalm, or white phosphorous. So, be at war with whatever the hell gets in your way. And remember, with all life's sham and drudgery and broken dreams, there are still awards and decorations. Press on in the face of political adversity - some protesters at home will never fathom the philosophical depth of it, but one reason you are in the Nam is to defend their continued rights to disagree with you. Therefore, step lively in your unselfish and noble purpose to defend the freedom of a struggling country. However cliche', freedom ain't free. Ours was bought, paid for, and reinsured by hard-fisted American patriots. Third Annual NamVet Page 77 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 Remember, take pride in America - She isn't without fault, but She holds the strongest and brightest torch of freedom the world has ever known! Third Annual NamVet Page 78 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 Quotes from those behind "THE WALL" of Incarceration: Submitted by: Dottie L. Cruz 5009 Arbor Ridge San Antonio, Texas 78228 Input by: G. Joseph Peck NAM VET's Managing Editor VETLink #1 - Pittsfield, MA (413) 443-6313 "In my case, I killed a man who was reaching for a pistol, with the intent to kill. I in turn, did what I have been "trained and conditioned" to do, in the Marine Corps and in Vietnam. I "reacted to his action", to neutralize his aggression." "For so long she thought all the values I taught her were a lie, for how could they be true, if the one who taught her killed a man. I think of myself as fairly articulate, but I could never explain the circumstances to her. How could I, even I don't understand. Not then, not now. No, I was not drunk, I've never been a drinker, nor was I on drugs. It just happened. One minute we were arguing, the next ... he was dead. I reacted to a situation like I was in the Bush." "...another Vietnam casualty, after the war! We are prayerful that God will forgive both the soul of this poor and troubled brother and also forgive America, which still does not realize that something is drastically wrong if approximately 60,000 of our Vietnam vets have committed suicide AFTER THE WAR, more than were killed in action! And it is my experienced and professional opinion that a greater number are in prison. That is a sure link, for suicide is a sin and a crime. A man who is trained to fight and kill the enemies of his Nation, and later is not respected for his service and sacrifice not even given a job... So it is a simple matter to see that combat trained and experienced veterans could use arms in rage and frustration (and after losing faith in the government that lied to him) and in confusion, opposite to all we ever learned (as how our country awarded, praised, and respected the WWII vets) to commit violence against others rather than himself. What I'm saying is... that for each of us who has committed suicide, 2 or 3 others, feeling the SAME hurt, confusion, and depression, committed an assault or murder against someone else (striking out instead of striking inward). And these became incarcerated vets, who the majority are STILL in prisons!" "To be honest with you, I've been in the woods all these years since I've returned from Nam and I think I'm still in them even though I had that group therapy at... for a short time. I don't like talking about Nam that much, at least about the war factors anyway. Heck it took me about 20 years to forget it so I don't want to remember all the killing, leeches, mosquitoes, or staying wet for months at a time, or being hungry or how dog tired I was each night only to have to go out on ambush patrol. I also don't want to remember the humiliation of our guys finally pulling out from Saigon and the sh** I heard from people back here or all the bar room fights I was in with guys who called our troops "yellow". It's over, Mam, and nothing can bring all those guys back to life or change the situation. The government didn't let us do our job or else there wouldn't be any North Vietnam today. Believe that!" "I know this is the longest letter I've ever written so I'm wound up and ready to go! Eight hours sleep in two days. It reminds me of other times. Tired and keyed up..." "Could I get you and a member of your chapter to write the warden Third Annual NamVet Page 79 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 a letter of support for us to get started? I think the more letters of support from outside will be that much more help..." "You see, Mr. H. is a Vietnam veteran incarcerated, but the institution simply does not recognize him, or the many other veterans incarcerated here. In other words, there is no existing program within this institution for incarcerated veterans. Mr. H. has done everything available to him to encourage this administration to move on this problem, but nothing will happen." "...I see now how really messed up the justice system is and how messed up and uncaring the state law makers are about veterans. It's the same with free veterans up here. The state gives and then takes away. At times I have to cry to myself that I fought and killed for a country that cared less than a damn about me. I, like many others, gave my all for a country and state... so many lives are messed up, so many families are messed up. By the grace of God, I keep trying to cry out to tell the outside world we need your help. We made a mistake and came to prison. Don't forget us in prison. Give us your all, as we gave you in Vietnam. A vet gets a bad break, but as a prison inmate and Vietnam vet, it's a tough road to travel." "...our criminal error is a very narrow perspective of what we are and have accomplished." "It still seems most people still don't feel Vietnam Veterans are entitled to anything but we know differently and the public is being shown now. In time things may improve or change." "Our incarceration is incidental to our Veteran's status. We served, entering into a "Legal Contract" with the U.S. Government. At no time were any of us told or was it put into writing that if we later became incarcerated that we would be denied our full- range of Veterans' Rights and Veterans' Benefits." "We are still sacrificing our lives from a war that began over twenty-five years ago." "The incarcerated veterans population has special needs and problems. We need to focus our attention on areas such as: specialized psychological and readjustment counseling before they reenter society; legislative changes in the way Vietnam Veterans are treated by our Judicial SYSTEM: WE NEED TO BRING ENTITLED Veterans benefits into the prisons; changes in Department of Correction's Policies affecting incarcerated veterans; Parole Board representation with special consideration for service; a State survey to determine how many veterans are incarcerated and what programs are needed for their readjustment back into the community." "It would be less costly to treat the problem. Many of us are walking time bombs. We are housed until we are released." "There are no REAL EXPERTS OUT THERE. Mostly everyone is a novice on incarcerated vet issues. Most don't even realize there IS an ISSUE!!" "The National Incarcerated Veterans Network" should be that voice that makes people listen and understand our plight. Most people see us as a bunch of criminals trying to get out of jail, and Vietnam is that vehicle to do so. This is far from the truth. The Vietnam vets are heroes just like the WWI, WWII, and Korean vets were. We were America's fighting force and we served our country with pride. Because of this alot (sic) of us have become ill through P.T.S.D. and Agent Orange. All we are asking is for our government to cure us and accept the responsibility for what happened to us during that war and let us get on with our lives. We need your voices out there to carry these messages to our Third Annual NamVet Page 80 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 government and to the rest of the public." "We the incarcerated veteran, call on you, the lawmakers of the most powerful state in the union, to set the standard for others to follow, in finally addressing one of the twentieth centuries greatest tragedies in veteran treatment. We do not ask that you open the gates to our dismal grey walls, but to listen to our cry to be productive, to hear our please to FINALLY BRING US HOME." Leaders from behind "THE WALL" of Incarceration: Craig R. McLaren #115624 President, VVA Chapter 190 Director, National Incarcerated Veterans Network Director, P.M.I.M. Incarcerated Veterans 100 Warrior Lane Bessemer, Alabama 35023 Joseph Drumgoole #CN861-60421 President, Trenton State Veterans Program Post Office Box 861 Trenton, New Jersey 08655 Edward R. Timmons #80-0-0238 Director, Vet Self Help Project Drawer B Stormville, New York 12582 Commer Glass #F9537 President, The Vets of Graterford, Inc. Post Office Box 244 Graterford, Pennsylvania 19425 Ronald G. Triplett #132615 Chairman, V.V.A. Chapter #31 2400 South Sheridan Road Muskegon, Michigan 49442 David Russell #180-039 Post Office Box 57 (MCC) Marion, Ohio 43302 James J. Mickel #W42340 Reporter, N.I.V.N., V.V.A. Chapter #294 Post Office Box 466 Gardner, Massachusetts 01440 Third Annual NamVet Page 81 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 =================================================================== H e a r t s n ' M i n d s =================================================================== Vet Feels A Monument's Embrace by: Jan S. Gerstner 1049 Milwaukee Street Delafield, WI 53018-1626 (414) 646-8965 <1200 N81N> Copyright 1983, Lake Country Reporter, Hartland, WI Reprinted and distributed with permission. =*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*= Bio of Jan Gerstner (Note: updated since publication) Jan Gerstner was in the USAF from 1968 through 1976. He served in Vietnam during 1970 and 1971, flying the C-7 Caribou for the 458th TAS, based at Cam Ranh Bay. In addition to the Caribou, he flew missions in fighter bombers and anything else into which he -in his own words- could con his way. Gerstner first visited the Vietnam Veterans Memorial in Washington D.C. on January 27, 1983. He is now employed as chief pilot for Milwaukee Jet of Milwaukee, Wisconsin and lives in Delafield, Wisconsin. As a pilot, Gerstner always keeps a log book and says he often writes down his experiences in detail. He writes for aviation magazines, and collected material for two programs that were broadcast by KTXT Public TV in Lubbock, Texas. Today, he is collecting material for a book about the CV-2/C-7 Caribou, as it was operated by the Army and the USAF. Gerstner, a native of Illinois, and his wife, Kay, have lived in Delafield since 1978. They have three children. =*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*= As I walk through the Smithsonian Mall, a cold but not bitter wind pulls at my clothes and nips at my cheeks. The weather seems almost reflective of my mood. The sky is mostly gray and overcast, but occasionally it breaks out in blue - it can't yet make up its mind. I've heard a lot about the Vietnam Memorial. It's an ugly scar on the ground, it's inadequate, it's stunning, it over/understates its message. I've been told over and over again how I am supposed to react to it. The press has built such an atmosphere about it that this pretty setting seems like the wrong place. The National Mall of Constitution Gardens should be bustling with press, people and protesters. Since my approach is from the east, it takes me past the Washington Monument. Now THERE is a monument to a hero! The "Father of Our Country." It seems funny to me that we refer to him as such, much in the way the old world countries referred to their kings as "sire," no doubt. This stone obelisk thrusts skyward and is visible for miles, a symbol known and seen around the world. Obviously, something important is here. Standing by it, one has a spectacular view of the Lincoln Memorial, beyond the Reflecting Pool. But though I know exactly where to look for the Vietnam Memorial, I cannot see it at all, even through the leaf-bare trees. Third Annual NamVet Page 82 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 SEEN FROM THE AIR My first view of it actually came from the air. "It's big," I was told, and so I expected it to be. "It's cut down into the ground, a giant `V'," I was told. And so it is. It lies in the northwest corner of the Gardens, dwarfed, really, because it is narrow and is cut into the ground, by both the Lincoln Memorial and the Washington Monument, and by the Reflecting Pool. From the cockpit of an aircraft snaking its way south along the Potomac, it looks not so much live a wide "V" as it does the hands of a clock, forever fixing some hour. On the ground now, less than 200 feet from it, I can finally see the Memorial from the sidewalk. With the memories of how so many other "war memorials" look, I walk still closer. But there are no gallant riders on gallant horses, with swords drawn as they fly into the fray amidst nude, busty women, heedless of the bullets and bomb bursts. Even at the very tip of the V's arms you will not find a great brass plaque proclaiming the names of the great leaders of THIS war. To receive the message of this memorial, you will have to go very close, close enough to read the half-inch high letters that cover each increasingly taller stone column as you walk to the apex of the "V." THE NAMES OF THE DEAD What you will read in the words formed of these letters is not an account of some heroic act, or of some great service to our country. Nor will you read the names of this war's noble architects, engineers and visionaries. You will read the names of the dead. Can there really be more than 57,000 names cut into these stones? I step slowly along the path, reading as fast as I can, and see only a line or two per column. There is no doubt. 57,000, plus. The "V" is formed at an angle of 125 degrees, I read in the guide. Each wall is 250 feet long, with 70 panels. There are 137 lines of five names on the largest panels, and but one line on the smallest. By each name there is as diamond, for dead, or a cross for missing in action. Cold statistics for cold stone. I told myself that my reason for coming here was to find some names; that doing so would be my test of this place. I know that the columns are arranged by year, and I am guided by a park service volunteer to the beginning of a year I want. Those names near the top of the taller columns are hard to read, being blurred by the reflection of the sky, and so, like others, I step up close to the stone and shade my eyes to read. I then find that I must stoop to read those near the bottom. I search the four columns twice and cannot find the first name. The park service volunteer helps me again. And there he is. I carried him from the rice paddies to Can Tho. Further down the west arm I now find another. Oh, Lord. I saw you go down near Dak Seang. Near his name, another. He died on a nameless, numbered hill. But the last time I saw him he was smiling. Not laughing, I don't think I ever saw him laugh. Just smiling. In the next short while, I found more than one more. With this mission completed, I began looking more at the other Third Annual NamVet Page 83 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 people here. There were tourists, just interested I suppose, and school classes, too. But there were also many who came to find a name, as I had. One fellow began to sob after finding so many names from his unit, and he left leaning on a friend's shoulder. Here and there were flowers left by a mother, a father, a wife, a child. THE SUBJECT OF OTHERS One man came with a list. The park service volunteer asked him if these were all members of his unit. No, he said. He was a teacher and wanted to look for the names of the boys who had passed through his classes, and died. I found myself the subject of others. I had knelt to read the names near the bottom of a column, my camera left dangling. But I saw reflected in the stone before me another man who also knelt, raised his camera and took a picture. Not of the stones alone, but of me before them. As I turned, he rejoined his friends, speaking a language I did not recognize. Many of the visitors who were near my own age wore some part of an old uniform. Often a camouflage jacket or shirt bearing a unit patch would be worn over clothes more suited to January in Washington, D.C. Boots were common. So were beards. A number of active duty military men and women came too. Many were too young to have served in Vietnam, but some of the older ones came in full uniform, with rank and medals showing. I knew most of those medals. I have them too. These men seemed not at all self-conscious under my gaze, or at the looks from others. Most of them were here to find a name. Turning around, I had a clear view of all but the base of the Washington Monument. It dominates the sky to the east, and I can see the Lincoln Memorial well, too, through the leafless trees. The Lincoln would be harder to see in summer, when the trees and bushes are green, but still visible. I doubt that from its steps you would see the low, dark stone of the Vietnam Memorial through the summer foliage. It is hard enough, even now. EMBRACING ARMS Perhaps this is, then, a wholly appropriate structure. A war which was so far from home, so remote to so many, has a memorial that requires one to come very close to it to receive its message, embracing you in its arms as you draw near. I asked myself one question: If this is a memorial to "my" war, why isn't my name here? The answer is simple: I survived. Why then, are these others named here? The answer is again simple: They did not survive. This is not a memorial to a war. It is a memorial to those who fought and died in it. It is a memory, a recognition of their struggles and deaths in a war that so many wish so much to forget that the human loss has been forgotten, too. I looked around some more. The earth is still bare around the monument, like that around a new grave, and a wooden plank walk has been laid over it to approach the stone. Perhaps this earth so near the names should be planted in rice. The memorial might appear very different had it been built with public funds. It might be oh-so-similar to the many other monu- ments to war and the dead that are much more prominent in the city. Yet one more thing strikes me when I compare this monument to those: the pigeons will not roost in this one. My final minutes at the memorial were punctuated by a familiar Third Annual NamVet Page 84 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 sound: the heavy beating of a helicopter's blades. I looked for it to the southeast, over the heads of an MIA information group and their flags. It was low in the trees, so I wasn't sure of it at first, but as it approached the Lincoln Memorial I saw it clearly. It was a military Huey Slick, banking off toward the south. A ship like that was probably the last ride in Vietnam for many of these names. It was nearing noon as I left. A few blocks away I would hear the chimes of a clock and think of the arms of that "V," marking another time. Goodbye my friends. Goodbye. Third Annual NamVet Page 85 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 WAR By: Karen A. Winnett S.I.R.E.N. IS CALLING - Sacramento, CA (916) 971-0589 The dreams all come more gently now and tears fall only rare, as faded names go marching past, as ghosts with war I shared. Silent soldiers, battle red, who hardly knew my name, walking wounded, walking dead just barely now remain. That nightmare army, dressed in columns rowed, with names long lost, yet they became my soul! The screams of triumph and the hushed songs of pain, on sleepless nights, caress me now, a soft and silent rain. I wander to a dreaming place where once I feared to know, and night by night, a warrior lives, one pain less to go. The stench of death on killing grounds a long time far away, the sweet smell of death in quiet arms, also far misplaced. Midnight whispers, where has time gone and is this really peace, the pain slips away and yet I cry for those lost in the sleep. With the rise of each new sun, I retreat back to the rear, and with the fall of each new moon, less and less, I fear. A young Marine, with old combat eyes, leads me to the light, though I lost him, within my helpless arms, I hear him, Semper Fi! So much forgotten, so much remains, but the dreams now slip away, and more and more, I look towards now, as the ghosts stand at parade. For we that fell and we that fought and we who dressed the wounds, the time has come to leave the fire , and return back to the womb. And somehow now, I start to grow and though tomorrow hides unknown the dreams come much more gently now and I think I am almost home! Third Annual NamVet Page 86 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 =================================================================== I n d e x o f N a m V e t A r t i c l e s =================================================================== Index to Articles in NamVet Prepared by: G. Joseph Peck NamVet's Managing Editor VETLink #1 - Pittsfield, MA (413) 443-6313 Title Author/Contributor --------------------------- --------------------- NAMVET 1-01 11 November 87 Wall Within Todd Looney VETLink #1 - Why? G. Joseph Peck Article Submissions Todd Looney Agent Orange Settlement - Commonly Asked Questions VA Pub. Peace With Honor Todd Looney High Commission Requested Westrn Un POW/MIA Hotline CDC Mortality Report US AF Health Study Serum Dioxin Part 1 Serum Dioxin Part 2 Vets Survey Results David Harrington/VVA Veteran Vets at The Valhalla! Todd Looney Attitudes Thom Patten/San Jose Vet Center Growing Up Don Griffith Stone Cold Matthew Murphy Dreams of the Past Capt Jim Lord USA Ret. Grapevine Cronicles Calvin College Homecoming III G. Joseph Peck Anatomy of a Warrior Carole J. Lund The Valhalla - WHY? Todd Looney Bui Doi G. Joseph Peck Hamburger Hill - A review POW/MIA Flag NAMVET 1-02 5 December 1987 Breathe slowly fire aim Todd Looney Incoming G. Joseph Peck Agent Orange Registry Form Amerasian Registry Jim Barker Ham & Limas Boonie Rat Young Bleeder Lynda M. Van Devanter Too Much Cat Mike Dealey Twenty Years Edward A. Howdershelt "Overlook" Christy Butler Up against the wall Mike Dealey And I waited Anonymous Growing Up Don Griffith The Wall Within Steve Mason What's the Answer? Outward Bound DAV Magazine A Vet Center near YOU? G. Joseph Peck NAMVET 2-01 4 January 1988 IVVEC & NAM VET Todd Looney Standin' in the Shadows" G. Joseph Peck Third Annual NamVet Page 87 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 Fed Vet Centers VVA Serv Manual Job Interviews US Vets Employment Growing Up II Don Griffith Going Apeshoot Mike Dealey The First Day Todd Looney Boonie Gourmet Cooking Todd Looney To the American Pilot Viet Vets & Justice System G. Joseph Peck A Different Battlefield G. Joseph Peck To the Women of War Vet Center/Springfield, MA Women Are Veterans TOO! Vet Center/Springfield, MA Pain and Fear Joan Arrington Craigwell & Ellen Hoffman Young NAMVET2-02 6 February 88 Comments About NAM VET Todd Looney And Fuller Slept G. Joseph Peck Letter to the Editor Chuck Sterling Vet Service Organizations The Dragon Slayer Todd Looney Military Locator Services Jim Horn/CompuServe Vet SIGOP PTSD... The Victims Elizabeth M. Norman/Am Jr of Nursing Viet Vets' Survial Kubey/Addlestone/O'dell/Snyder & Stichman What are Vet Centers? VA publication Dear Dad Lindy Harris Growing Up III Don Griffith Mommy, Did You Norma Boris Viet Era Service Part 1 Chuck Sterling Viet Vets Dying of Cancer William M. Welch AP Vietnam History Lessons Todd Looney Help for the Homeless Vets Arlene Levinson AP Where Are POWs Now? Banana Split Republic Stephan Ielpi Why Do We Feel So Guilty? Joan Renne NAMVET2-03 4 March 88 March Fourth G. Joseph Peck NAMVET/IVVEC Spreads Todd Looney IVVEC Messages Archived! Jerry Hindle BRAVO/Canada Newsletter Shawn Cake CDC Agt Orange Studies Women Vets Update San Jose Vet Center Vietnam era service II Chuck Sterling Everybody's Got A Jezebel Mike Dealey Growing Up IV Don Griffith Sermon From Mt Dong Quang Mike Dealey Memories of My Friends Joy Hanson Agent Orange Payments NY Times Viet Vet Cancer Study William M. Welch AP Hanoi Keeping War Alive Keith B. Richburg/Washington Post Comment on Propoganda Jim Horn Vietnam Has Too Much William Pfaff/Newsday Taurus Doodie Thom Patten/San Jose Vet Center CompuServe & "Tour of Duty" Boonie Gourmet Cooking Mike Dacus NAMVET2-04 2 April 88 Trung Doi! Todd Looney Family Ties G. Joseph Peck Veteran Affairs Committee Third Annual NamVet Page 88 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 PTSD Symptoms Scale Tom Fletcher Record Insurance dividends DAV Magazine Viet Vets Registry Larry Horn Alan Anonymous Why Isn't Billy Up There? Mike Dealey Growing Up Don Griffith The Wars' Last Battle Bess Robinson Vietnam Era Service III Chuck Sterling The Real Life Platoon John C. Shoemaker Bornagain Jim Merlini Merchant Marines Vet Status DAV Magazine Stress Disorder (AP) Daniel Q. Haney NAMVET2-05 7 May 88 Still On The Loose Todd Looney Homeless G. Joseph Peck Heroes Apply VA Claim for PTSD Natl Vet Law Center Geting Your Military Records Writing Your Resume Todd Looney Tribute to the Survivors Joan Renne True Friendship Jim Trotter Vietnam Era Service IV Chuck Sterling Where is he Now? Greg Lake A Little Man Lefty Frizzell A message to My Country Ed Howdershelt Agent Orange Update San Jose Vet Center VA Home Loan Costs Rising (AP) William M. Welch Veterans Health Care (AP) Combat Vets with PTSD Clinicians Research Digest VA Hospitals Gene Grabowsky AP Women Veterans' & The VA NAMVET2-06 4 June 88 Where'd the Flowers Go? Todd Looney Can I still salute, sir? G. Joseph Peck Get Military Records Friends of Viet Vets Memorial Inc. Dept of Vets Affairs List Veterans Administration Educational Bene Extensions Keith Snyder/VVA Legal Services Veteran Homeowner VA Publication U.S. Vet Center Listing Ralph Roberts A Little Man, Part II Lefty Frizzell Yahrzeit Anonymous AF Report Starts Fire Vesta Kimble NY Times Veterans' Benefits View of The Candidates Ralph Roberts PTSD & Adjustments EM Carroll, DW Fox, DB Rueger, CP Donahoe, Jr NAMVET2-07 4 July 88 Tippin' Down the Tightrope Todd Looney Clipper G. Joseph Peck MIA-POW EchoConference Glenn Toothman A Gathering of Vets Glenn Toothman A Listing of VA & Govt Forms The Lady Jim Moore A Little Man Part III Lefty Frizzell Study May Boost Benefits AF times Agent Orange Survivors Canadian Viet Vets Report from Vietnam Tony Bizjak/San Francisco Chronicle Third Annual NamVet Page 89 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 Red, White, and Blue 6/88 American Legion Prisoner of War Medal Army Echoes Military Records Mark S. Camp US Archives Spec GS-7 Suicide Edwin Shneidman Texas Veterans Memorial Glenn Toothman Women Viet Vets Statue San Jose Vet Center Amerasian Registry Canadian Viet Vets NAMVET2-08 8 August 88 The Duality of Man Todd Looney Bert is Back! G. Joseph Peck Donators Beware Thom Patten Sweet Dreams Mike Dealey Forget Me Not, America Susy So Schaller Little Man Part IV Lefty Frizzell Mid-Life Crisis Rick Maze - AF Times Committee Approves GI Bill Armed Forces Reunion BBS A/O Study "DEAD WRONG" Armed Forces Reunion BBS R-E Vets Comp Act Now Law Armed Forces Reunion BBS First Woman War Casualty San Antonio Express News Serendipity Dale Malone Hanoi Jane Apologizes Armed Forces Reunion BBS & Todd Looney Missing U.S. Personnel Glenn Toothman Vet Employment PL 100-323 Congress Passes Vet Laws PL 100-322 Americans Still Captive Glenn Toothman Prisoners of Prejudice Dave McPeak/Soldier of Fortune The Relaxation Responses Herbert Benson, MD Aiding Women Vets Jacqueline Hanson VA's Officials Charged 7/88 DAV Magazine Problems with the VA (AP) Vietnam - US Relations Sudha Kamath IPS In Debt to the VA? Armed Forces Reunion BBS NAMVET2-09 5 September 1988 Here Goes Nothing Todd Looney Think about it G. Joseph Peck Readjustment Problems Jim Goodwin, Psy.D. Re-Evaluations Todd Looney GI Home Loan Pointers Todd Looney & VA Pamphlet 26-5 Vietnam Vet's Voice Laura Palmer Memories of a Warrior Mike Dacus Feeling Good Todd Looney Vets & VA Care (AP) Norman Black Laos Government Accounting (AP) Henry Gottlieb US Personnel With Evidence Todd Looney POW Families Can Sue (AP) Fayetteville, NC Not On This Wall Joan Renne NAMVET2-10 1 October 88 Getting Nearer! Todd Looney In Summation G. Joseph Peck COLA's for Veterans USSenator David Karnes Review Clears Committee House Veterans Affairs Committee VA Out of Service! (AP) Washington The Story of One POW Bill Herr, Jr. Chitty Chitty Bang Bang Mike Dealey Day In Uniform Mike Gordon When CPL T. E. Williams Third Annual NamVet Page 90 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 Creches help With Food Asia Section UNICEF NY Vietnam War, A History S/Sgt C E Sonnie Hensley USAF (Ret) NAMVET2-11 5 November 88 Incarcerated Viet Vets Todd Looney Hidden Cages G. Joseph Peck Agent Orange Research N J Agent Orange Cmsn CA Job Referral Service Jim Deputy Women Vet's Memorial Sandra Cohen VWMF Vietnam era service V Chuck Sterling Come for Me??? LeAnn Thieman HERO Hathy S. Deatherage I AM A POW Anonymous YES Eugene E. Grollmes Memories David H. Pucket, MSgt./Ret Bump In The Night Mike Dealey Isn't there ANYTHING Alan C. Harnack Reruns Joseph Miller Keep yer head down Hank Houghton S/Sgt Ret & G. Joseph Peck What if Anonymous Writing Incarcerated Vets Todd Looney Maggie's Drawers Mike Dealey The M.I.A. Question Andy Lightbody Vietnam Cooperates Washington Post POW Information Update Ann Mills Griffiths/Natl POW/MIA Comte VFW Criticizes Vietnam AP & Glenn Toothman NAMVET's FIRST ANNIVERSARY ISSUE 11 November 1988 Amerasian Registry Todd Looney KidsNews Editorial Claude F. Witherspoon DEROS Delayed G. Joseph Peck Peace With Honor? Todd Looney PERILOUS JOURNEY (AP) Sharon Cohen Towards Understanding Jim Goodwin, Psy.D. Anatomy Of A Warrior Carole J. Lund Why Isn't Billy Up There? Mike Dealey Young Bleeder Lynda Van Devanter Dear Dad Lindy Harris Family Ties G. Joseph Peck Forget Me Not, America Susy So Schaller Red-Headed Nurse Glenn Toothman A Vets Trip To The Wall Glenn Toothman Mommy, Did You? Norma Boris Sermon From Mt Dong Quang Mike Dealey And I waited Anonymous Yahrzeit Anonymous A Different Battlefield G. Joseph Peck Brother Rat's Gourmet Mike Dealey & Todd Looney Taurus Doodie Thom Patten A Walk Through The Years Sean Smith The Wall Within Steve Mason NAMVET2-12 3 December 88 That Time of Year Again Todd Looney Welcome Home Vet Group Todd Looney Thanksgiving from KidsNews Claude F. Witherspoon For Veterans ONLY! TV News Armed Forces Reunion BBS Vietnam era service VI Chuck Sterling Missing Men Kim Shortall Third Annual NamVet Page 91 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 Isn't there ANYTHING Alan C. Harnack Between The Lines Eugene E. Grollmes Washington & KidsNews Claude F. Witherspoon VETERANS DAY 1988 Herb Reith NAMVET3-01 7 January 89 The Peace of a New Year Todd Looney A New Year G. Joseph Peck Agent Orange Payments Due (AP) Interview a Vet Contest Lou Ann Merkle Life Insurance American Legion Magazine PTSD - A Presentation Dr. Jim Canfield Christmas Eve - RVN Style L/Cpl W. C. Roberts Vietnam era service VII Chuck Sterling Silent Night, Holy Night Raymond "Gus" Gustitus Kids of Vietnam Vets Kevin Boyle Safe Maj Michael Davis O'Donnel A War of Feelings A War of Memories A War of Open Wounds Who can I trust? Dennis Kiefer Supporting Viet Vets??? Donald A. Purvis, Sgt/Maj, USA, Ret A War Needing Response Women At War Women in Military Mem NAMVET3-02 4 February 89 The Treadmill Slowly Turns Todd Looney Short-timer G. Joseph Peck Stress and Viet Vets Richard P. Skodnek, M.D. Careful now Canadian Viet Vets Footprints in the Garden Tom Jacksine Affirmative Action: 98-77 G. Joseph Peck Arts of War Marc Leepson Did you know that... Canadian Viet Vets Where is my father? Newsweek Thunder & The 'Bush Vet Nina J. Easton NAMVET3-03 3 March 89 What's fair? G. Joseph Peck Marching Forth Todd Looney BOONIE RAT Song!!! Who Did It??? Where I've Been - I Janice Rogovin I Smelt A 'Nam Mike Dealey Wheeler and Me Ed Peterson Agent Orange Update Air Force Times Herbicide Exposure PA Dept of Health The VA System VA Publication Brief History of the VA VA Publication There Oughta Be A Law... Mainstream, Inc. Burial Benefits & The VA G. Joseph Peck MIA records AP OnLine Won't happen in America! Claude F. Witherspoon Vets battle stress AP OnLine Viet Nam pledges MIA help AP OnLine VetReach Program Todd Looney NAMVET3-04 4 April 89 Song of the Valhalla Todd Looney Don't Know Where I'm Going G. Joseph Peck Third Annual NamVet Page 92 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 The Job Connection US Dept of Labor Agent Orange A Priority AF Times Just Don't Fit Larry Heinemann Vietnam era service VIII Chuck Sterling An American Gary Rhyther A Place for Me Anonymous Stranger In Your Bed Susan Pennington Where I've Been - II Janice Rogovin NAMVET3-05 6 May 89 Stereotyping veterans??? Glenn Toothman This Account Past Due G. Joseph Peck May Showers Todd Looney Honor With Tears Jean Toler Reflections of a Viet Vet Spencer J. Campbell MSW USMC Day In Uniform Mike Gordon Rear Echelon Service? Mike Gordon Isn't there ANYTHING Alan C. Harnack Between the Lines Eugene E. Grollmes MISSING MEN Kim Shortall Stereotypical Thinking D. J. Lawrence VA's Viet Vets Study??? VA Publication Should we build a VETNET? G. Joseph Peck NAMVET3-06 10 June 89 And we did G. Joseph Peck Memorial Day - 1989 Don Purvis BEST YEARS OF OUR LIVES Cathy Stallings In Memory of Jesse Reney Stephens Forgotten Warriors Aphrodite Matsakia Korean Conflict Memorial Congressman Esteban E Torres Personal Responsibility John Russell Smith Sweet bippies! James P. Meade, Jr. Ph.D. VA Medical Care Emergency 6/89 DAV Magazine AO Claims to be reviewed NY Times Point man confronts G-men Thomas J. Brazaitis Ho Chang Rod Germain The Ultimate Snatch Mike Dealey Veterans Guide to Benefits Ralph Roberts/G. Joseph Peck Comments about The Wall Anonymous NAMVET3-07 1 July 89 Alive and Kicking Todd Looney A certain magic G. Joseph Peck Vets in Prison US Dept of Justice POW's - What's to be done? Tom Wieber Monk Sights POW's! Tom Wieber IVVEC Talks about our flag Messages from IVVEC Stars and Stripes Shaw-Barton Bush and the Flag (AP) The Berkshire Eagle The White Horse Rod Germain A light in the storm Tzipporah Benavraham Two Walls G. Joseph Peck Going Back Tom Condon A Chance to Understand Bob Janicki Q&A Re: Agent Orange Payment AO Pmt Program NAMVET3-08 12 August 89 Nearing Two Years! Todd Looney Third Annual NamVet Page 93 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 Teaching my children? G. Joseph Peck Dear Editor and Veterans... Joyce Flory POWs Abandoned?? Glenn Toothman Remember the vets Steven Bentley Our Country's Flag The American Legion DAV endorses Federal Action 8/89 DAV Magazine Higher Ante on Patriotism New Haven Register Vietnam Era Extension Joan Renne A Widow's Case VVA Legal Svcs Veterans Appeals Court 8/89 DAV Magazine Not To Be Forgotten Central ID Labratory A Trip Too Far M.A. Farber Last Patrol Ranch Glenn Toothman Twenty Years Michael Rodriguez Feeling of a Nam Vet Glenn Toothman Daniel and the Six Day War Tzipporah Benavraham The Sixties Lloyd Blankenship Veterans Patrol Together Glenn Toothman Eyes Glenn Toothman Viet Vet Develops Bob Richards & G. Joseph Peck NAMVET3-09 4 September 89 Energy??? G. Joseph Peck Twenty Two Years Later Martin H. Kroll, Sr. Two Kinds of American Hero Stephen T. Banko, III Scott Barnes & Bohica Dennis W. Bartow Imprisoned Vets' Benefits The VVA Veteran A Letter Home G. Joseph Peck Welcome Home Bobbie Bob Johnstone Claiming your VA Benefits 7/89 American Legion Magazine VA Eligibility Criteria G.V. (Sonny) Montgomery Your Veteran Data Record 7/89 American Legion Magazine Battlin' City Hall G. Joseph Peck Lefty does Pleiku!!! Lefty Frizzell The Wall... Sgt Robert A Chapin Vietnam Veteran S. M. Whiting Freedom Cadence PFC James A. Germain Where are the answers? Joe Lizotte Where's NAM VET going? G. Joseph Peck NAMVET3-10 7 October 89 News from the Valhalla Todd Looney Comin' together now!!! G. Joseph Peck Until the last... Glenn Toothman IN TOUCH Friends of the Viet Vets Memorial IN TOUCH Application! Friends of the Viet Vets Memorial Find that Veteran!!! Rod Germain Self Destruction Todd Looney The Silent Warrior Karen Winnett Brothers Landon Thorne Silent Shot A Viet Vets Wife Families on the Brink Aphrodite Matsakis One Vet's Path Stan Campbell America...WAKE UP! Claude F. Witherspoon Herbicide Usage In 'Nam Martin H. Kroll, Sr. Cancer and the Viet Vet Oklahoma Agent Orange Fndtn The VVA A/O victory VVA Veteran Here Kitty, Kitty... Lefty Frizzell I am a Veteran of Vietnam Sue Halpern Third Annual NamVet Page 94 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 Faces of Vietnam Kenneth Wolfe The Walk Charles M. Purcell Murphy's Laws of Combat Lt Col Jack Finch, USA (Ret.) Time Frame G. Joseph Peck Viet Nam War Museum Glenn Toothman & WNWM Newsletter Non-Competitive Jobs!!! Congressman Esteban E. Torres NAMVET3-11 4 November 89 Expanded Services Todd Looney In the sand... G. Joseph Peck MIA's: Non-Negotiable Issue Richard K. Kolb Christ Died for Forgiveness John Schuchardt New Laws Affecting VETERANS 8/89 American Legion Magazine The Road to Recovery J O Brende, MD E R Parsons, Ph.D. Trip to 'Nam - Continued John Zutz, David Cline, Greg Payton Rebuildin' the 'Nam Peace Developments Our Flag - Ivvec Message Bob Richards Our Flag - Ivvec Message Jerry Hindle Our Flag - Ivvec Message G. Joseph Peck Ramblin' On Martin H. Kroll, Sr. Fallen Angels... Walter Dean Myers NAMVET's SECOND ANNIVERSARY ISSUE 11 November 1988 Clouds, Rainbows, and Prisms G. Joseph Peck Veterans, speak out and be heard! Martin H. Kroll, Sr A Soldier Known But To God DVA/Jim Hildwine You Bet Your Sweet Bippy I am! J P Meade, Jr./G. Joseph Peck Two Kinds of American Hero Stephen T. Banko Dear Dad Lindy Harris Mommy, Did You Kill Anybody in the War? Norma Boris The Silent Shot - A Remembrance The Veteran/Kathleen Kelly Not On This Wall Joan Renne Ho Chang Rod Germain Yahrzeit '88 Anonymous Why Do We Feel So Guilty? Joan Renne The Other Forgotten Warriors Aphrodite Matsakia And I Waited Anonymous Two Walls G. Joseph Peck Stars and Stripes Shaw-Barton War Karen A. Winnett The "Old Glory" Story Jim Hildwine A Different Battlefield G. Joseph Peck Homecoming III G. Joseph Peck Veterans' Appeals Court Seeks Home Jim Hildwine Are You Listening, President Bush? Martin H. Kroll, Sr Let Me Tell You Janice Rogovin/G. Joseph Peck Viet Vets in the Justice System G. Joseph Peck Homeless G. Joseph Peck The Silent Warrior Karen A. Winnett Brother Rat's Gourmet Cooking Mike Dacus The Boonie Rat Song!!! Anonymous? Murphy's Laws of Combat Lt Col Jack Finch, USA (Ret.) Sermon from Mount Dong Quang Mike Dealey NAMVET3-12 December 5, 1989 Holiday Happenings G. Joseph Peck Letter to the President Martin H. Kroll Sr USS Boschwitz co-sponsors Reward Checkoff Mark Burfeind In-Touch Program Provides Human Dimension Jim Hildwine Third Annual NamVet Page 95 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 Quotes from "THE WALL" of Incarceration Dottie L. Cruz The Wall" of Incarceration Dottie L. Cruz How to help incarcerated brother/sister veteran Dottie L. Cruz Court of Veterans Appeals Form 1 Jim Hildwine Court of Veterans Appeals Form 4 Jim Hildwine COLA INCREASE FOR DISABLED VETERANS Esteban E. Torres MC Agent Orange Review G. Joseph Peck This I believe Robert A. Heinlein/Lefty Frizzell The Road to RecoveryII Brende MD & Parsons, PhD/Kathleen Kelly Different Vets' Healing Mission Seth Mydans/Kathleen Kelly In Country G. Joseph Peck IN-COUNTRY Reviewed by VVA Veteran Marc Leepson Married to a Vietnam Veteran Sheila Allred Democracy: a struggle, not a gift! Nguyen Huu Tho How does burning a flag make things better? Karen Winnett Fragile as a Flower Bub Bunnell 'Nam is a four-letter word! Mike Dealey NAMVET4-01 January 7, 1990 De ja vu???????? Glenn Toothman Coping With Christmas Todd Looney Veteran's Benefits Threatened Martin Kroll A product of my yesterdays G. Joseph Peck Khe Sanh: Vietnam's Most Controversial Battle Albert Hemingway A Message to My Country Ed Howdershelt VA Awaits Further AO Research Jim Hildwine Vietnam Vets - Road to Recovery Brende & Parsons/Kathleen Kelly Old Salt's Lament Ray Moreau Say Over, Mary! Jim Boyle I ain't here alone! Michael J. Martin/Glenn Toothman VA Pensions increase Jim Hildwine Veterans reminded of burial benefits Jim Hildwine Christmas and POW's Glenn Toothman MIA News Glenn Toothman MIA List - A through E Charles Harper Memorials Effect Is Deep! Arnold Isaacs/Ray Moreau Wall Omissions? Laura Palmer/Joyce Flory The Bell Toll's Rev. Ed Brant Vietnam Nurses Myra Macpherson Danger to a Generous and Healing Spirit! John Wheeler/Ray Moreau RAMSEY CLARK AND THE PANAMA INVASION Kathleen Kelly Service Organizations & BBS's Joyce Flory NAMVET4-02 February 13, 1990 Do the best ya can with what ya got! G. Joseph Peck An Urgent Search for a Veteran Mark Burfeind MIA's Listed: F through M Charles Harper MIA/KIA DataBases Now Available! Alex Humphrey Cracks in the Wall??? Joyce Flory Wall Street Wannabee Laura Palmer/Joyce Flory "In-Touch" ... Can it help? Ray Moreau "In-Touch" Project Summarized Ray Moreau Locating Military Personnel Rod Germain Working for the Incarcerated Veteran Joyce Flory PTSD Anger and Depression Rev. Ed Brant Sharp as Bayonets Linda Burchard/G. Joseph Peck IVVEC looks at "Born on the 4th" Vietnam_Vets Echo Dobson to Lead VA National Salute Jim Hildwine Questions answered by a VA Counselor Jim Hildwine Third Annual NamVet Page 96 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 Vietnam-Era GI Bill Benefits Ending Jim Hildwine VA Cites Small Business Gains Jim Hildwine VA in Retirement Home Partnership? Jim Hildwine Recovery Phases of PTSD Brende & Parsons/Kathleen Kelly Helping our Women Veterans Rose Sandecki Vietnam Helicopter Pilots! Ruth E. Thaler Puttin' away the Ghosts Linda Burchard/G. Joseph Peck Khe Sanh Remembered William "Bill" Plude BEGINNING OF TET John Prados TET! John Prados NAMVET4-03 March 7, 1990 Trail Through The Boonies G. Joseph Peck Fraud alert! Rick Stolz AL Candidate Turner goes to Central America Martin H. Kroll, Sr Why Go to Central America in the First Place? Martin H. Kroll, Sr One man's healing Balcom & Lee/Ray Moreau The war comes home - AGAIN! Rick Stolz Back Pay For Veterans Jim Hildwine Montgomery: "The Vet's Friend?" F.A. Wright/Rick Stolz VA Announces Scholarships! Jim Hildwine President Bush: Downpayments for VA loans! R Greene/Joyce Flory VA Medical Recruiting Campaign Jim Hildwine Who NOT to count on if you've been injured Rick Stolz VA Programs for Homeless Veterans Jim HIldwine Military Service - A Step Up? (AP)/G. Joseph Peck MIAs Still Alive Near HUE Rick Stolz MIA/POW List N through Z Charles Harper The Blackbird Syndrome? Paul Warren/Rick Stolz Bo Gritz and the POW issue Rick Stolz NY Vet helps in Nicaragua Election Process Bob Richards Nam in '90 Mike Harris Nicaraguan voters wanted end Linda Burchard/G. Joseph Peck Pen Pals for Incarcerated Veterans Joyce Flory Pastoral Response to troubled Vets Melvin Jacob/G. Joseph Peck "Imposter Vets" exploit! FA Wright/Rick Stolz Wife finds 'hero' husband wasn't (AP)/G. Joseph Peck A Veteran Speaks Against The War Bob Muller/Kathleen Kelly Vietnam Vets wife shares her pain Laura Palmer/Joyce Flory Vietnam Vets Conference Mike Harris NAMVET4-04 April 10, 1990 Conflict and growth!!! G. Joseph Peck Update from the Valhalla Todd Looney New MIA-POW Section Editor Says "Hello" Rick Stolz Distribution of NamVet Jerry Hindle A "start" for our Incarcerated Brothers/Sisters Joyce Flory Agent Orange Update Martin H. Kroll, Sr Vietnam Veterans to Benefit from VA Ruling Martin H. Kroll, Sr The DVA's Orange Colored Glasses Martin H. Kroll, Sr A Veterans' Clear Window Martin H. Kroll, Sr Agent Orange Grant Awarded Robert Knee Vietnam Era Glossary Vietnam Shared/G. Joseph Peck Remember? VIETNAM_VETS Echo/G. Joseph Peck DVA To Study Benefit Reforms Jim Hildwine VA CLAIMS PROCESSING STILL SHORTAGE-PLAGUED Jim Hildwine Back Pay for Veterans - Revisited VIETNAM_VETS Echo Questions of the VA Jim Hildwine VA Still Short! Ellen Rafshoon Third Annual NamVet Page 97 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 Call for Increased VA Budget Jim Hildwine Homecoming II Project Rick Stolz LIVE POWs reported! Rick Stolz MIA: San Dewayne Francisco Rick Stolz MIA: James Albert Champion Rick Stolz MIA: Michael Louis Laporte Rick Stolz MIA: Timothy Roy Bodden Rick Stolz Boat People in Hong Kong Kathleen Kelly Campaign Formed To End US Khmer Rouge Support Charles Scheiner Peace Brigades International in SE Asia Kathleen Kelly Vietnam -- The Forgotten Warriors Jack Jones/Terry Hayes Interview a Vet - Behind Bars Daniel Suvak/Kathleen Kelly Bridge To Nowhere Laura Palmer/Joyce Flory PTSD: Rev. Ed Brant Murphy's Laws of Combat Operations Lt.Col Jack Finch Taps The Alaskan Veteran Life Goes On Todd Looney Veteran Amputees? Bill Baughn USS Liberty Reunion Joe Meadors Vet does Army CV-2 / USAF C-7 Caribou Research Jan Gerstner Info on Cerebral Malaria??? Rick Stolz Help for Homeless Vets? Jim Vaughn Agent Orange Project for children of Vietnam Veterans Robert Knee Lake County, IL Mini-Wall Schedule Jim Gave NAMVET4-05 May 9, 1990 Time G. Joseph Peck Valhalla Update Todd Looney Only the beginning Joyce Flory AL Responds to AO Section Editor Martin H. Kroll, Sr Two American Legion's??? Martin H. Kroll, Sr Vet hopes VA decision helps Laura Palmer/Joyce Flory The Battle Rages On Cal Orey/G. Joseph Peck VA looks at choice meat in federal pork barrel Joyce Flory Derwinski Featured at Public Service Awards G. Joseph Peck VA Video Promotes Understanding of AIDS G Joseph Peck Ask the DVA Counselor G. Joseph Peck Project Transition Kathleen Cassedy MIA-POW News & Updates Rick Stolz MIA/POW Postage Stamp? Joyce Flory MIA: Richard Michael Allard Rick Stolz MIA: Daniel Vernor Borah, Jr. Rick Stolz MIA: Albert Pitt Rick Stolz MIA: Henry Muir Serex Rick Stolz MIA-POW Listings CO, CT, DC, DE, FL, GA Rick Stolz Vet Feels a Monument's Embrace Jan Gerstner Two Sons Lost To Vietnam Laura Palmer/G. Joseph Peck Marine Receives Bronze - 21 years late! Joyce Flory Units in 'Nam??? Rick Stolz Proper Perspective!! Oscar Wilkie Pastoral Response to troubled Vets Melvin Jacob/G. Joseph Peck Veterans for Peace and Nicaraguan Election Kathleen Kelly Shave my head? Live with Men? Where do I sign? Greg Kleven VA Expands PTSD Treatment Sites G. Joseph Peck Vet does Army CV-2 / USAF C-7 Caribou Research Jan Gerstner In-Touch: What is it??? Ray Moreau IN-TOUCH Registration/Request Form!!! Ray Moreau NAMVET4-06 June 17, 1990 Third Annual NamVet Page 98 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 TDY: Faith n' Footprints G. Joseph Peck Reflections in Memorium Todd Looney Agent Orange Update, June 1990 Martin H. Kroll, Sr REUNION UPDATE Glen Kepler Our POWs are Expendable Joyce Flory To Remember and Honor Terry Hayes The War Came Home with Them Pittman & Elder/Kathleen Kelly Vets Ambushed Terry Hayes The Wall, Your Wall, My Wall Chuck Hayes Mother Writes to Son Killed in Vietnam Joyce Flory Wife Sees Cruelty of Her Vietnam Apathy Linda Palmer/Joyce flory Public Apology Todd Looney A New Fight New Weapons Rev. Ed Brant Doctor Helps Vetswith Vietnam Pittman & Elder/Kathleen Kelly Study War Dreams of VN Combat Vets Harry A. Wilmer/Kathleen Kelly In-Touch: What is it??? Ray Moreau In Touch Application Form Ray Moreau NAMVET4-07 July 15, 1990 Agent Orange & Uranium - A parallel??? Martin H. Kroll, Sr Thoughts in Parallel Todd Looney Down for the count? G. Joseph Peck Herbert Eugene Smith - KIA Rick Stolz Alfons Aloyze Bankowski - KIA/BNR Rick Stolz Mark V. Dennis - KIA Rick Stolz Donald Lee Sparks - MIA/POW Rick Stolz Donald Elliot Westbrook - MIA Rick Stolz Hugh Michael Fanning - MIA Rick Stolz Evelyn Anderson - KIA Rick Stolz POW News Rick Stolz VietNow Ceases Support Lamont Gaston/Rick Stolz BEFORE "Normalization" - Remember Our MIAs!!! Terry Hayes "Truth Accountability Bill" Supported Frank Horton/Terry Hayes Frank J. Kiewlen - KIA Rick Stolz In Memoriam - USS Liberty Veterans Joe Meadors Millions "at once"? Maybe Esty Dinur US Dogs in Vietnam: Cancer-prone (AP)/Terry Hayes VA To Compensate for Soft-Tissue Sarcomas VA/Gjoseph Peck National Guard Units in Vietnam Craig Roberts Cute Trick, Uncle Sam!!! Frank Topping Do You Know Where The Vietnam Veteran Memorials Are? Ray Moreau All Roads Lead To Indochina Greg Kleven Congress Looks at 'Nam Ties Clifford Krauss/Kathleen Kelly Paralyzed Veterans of America Jack Michaels A matter of Conscience??? Zeke Davis Incarcerated Vets - Winning and Losing Joyce Flory Missing Memorial?? Dottie Cruz/Joyce Flory What is AVIP George Hebert/Joyce Flory Strong Tools for a Quiet Battle! Rev. Ed Brant Reunion Update Glen Kepler The Spirit of The Wall Mike Moschkin Deliverance Dale Malone In Memory of "Someone Else" John Anderson 1990 Veterans Benefits Handbook Available Ask the Veterans' Affairs Counselor G. Joseph Peck Veterans heal in 'The Hootch' program Laura Palmer/Joyce Flory How To Deal With Despair Joanna Rogers Macy Mistaken Diagnosis G. Joseph Peck Third Annual NamVet Page 99 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 NAMVET4-08 August 20, 1990 Another Frontier??? G. Joseph Peck All I Ever Needed to Know Todd Looney In-Touch: What is it??? Ray Moreau IN-TOUCH Registration/Request Form!!! Ray Moreau Agent Orange Update, August 1990 Martin H. Kroll, Sr American Legion Suing Over Agent Orange Study Keith Schneider Greater Rochester Vietnam Veterans Memorial Corp. Terry Hayes "Sunday in the Park" Terry Hayes Paralyzed Veterans of America Jack Michaels A Divided Life Joseph Cerquone/G. Joseph Peck NAMI - NY Veterans Network Joseph Benezra, MD To Be Crushed Underfoot Rev. Ed Brant NAMVET4-09 September 13, 1990 The Wheel Goes Around G.Joseph Peck Vaya Con Dios Todd Looney Thanks, brothers and sisters! Joyce Flory Lookin' for Bobby Joyce Flory Locating Missing War Buddies Joe Meadors Just Prayers Will Do! Joe Krickenbarger-Oliver Friends of Vietnam Vets Needs Your Help Ray Moreau In-Touch: What is it??? Ray Moreau IN-TOUCH Registration/Request Form!!! Ray Moreau It's Not Finished Yet Ed Henry Native Spiritual Councils, Inc. Joyce Flory VVA Pushes Incarcerated Bills Joyce Flory 12 Steps for A Vietnam Veteran Brad Meyers Helping Disabled Vets Don Sadler The Secret Agent Green Mountain Films IRAQ - Dismal Deja Vu Laura Palmer/Joyce Flory Supporting our Saudi Troops Joyce Flory The U.S. and Poison Gas Fred Reed/Joyce Flory Free Fax to Saudi Soldiers! Vito Milito Angry about Flag Abuse? David Crowder/Joyce Flory Common Reenlistment Codes Gjoseph Peck SPN Codes - All ya ever wanted to know! Gjoseph Peck Native American Veterans DAV Magazine A 'Nam Vets Daughter Jim Zagrzebski Vets aren't Fonda New Neighbor (AP)/Joyce Flory Look what they're doin' to our song! Brad Meyers NAMVET4-10 October 15, 1990 An Electronic Vet Center Becomes A Reality! G. Joseph Peck Here's Lookin' For Ya Joyce Flory In Search Of Ray Moreau Vaya Con Dios Todd Looney Duty, Honor, Country - MacArthur Style General Douglas MacArthur The POW/MIA Issue Joseph E. Andry, DAV Natl Commander A POW Returns Col. George E. "Bud" Day, USAF (Ret.) Return From Hell - The POWs Remember Philip C. Clarke In-Touch: What is it??? Ray Moreau IN-TOUCH Registration/Request Form!!! Ray Moreau American Legion Awarded AO Grant American Legion Vietnam Desiderata Scott Summers One Woman's Wait: Shades of Yesterday! American Legion Magazine Struggling with Stress Edward Edelson Deliverance Dale Malone Stress & Incarcerated Vets O Mayfield, Director/Joyce Flory Third Annual NamVet Page 100 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 Incarcerated Vets NEED services of the VA! PRESTON PARKER Incarcerated Pen Pals Joyce Flory A Brown Water Sailors Return! Mike Harris The Saudi Connection Ronnie Toth Send Free Desert Fax Messages Karen Jowers Vets eligible for waiver of VA Debts & Refunds VA Ask the Veterans' Affairs Counselor VA/G. Joseph Peck Vietnam Women's Memorial Design Competition DAV Vet Service Summary - USPO, Radio Shack, DAV G. Joseph Peck Radio Shack Hiring Practices Questioned G. Joseph Peck Non-Commissioned Officers Association Blake Palmer Vietnam Vets Christmas Tree VVA 65/G. Joseph Peck NAMVET4-11 November 10, 1990 A Veterans Day Proclamation U.S. President George Bush Sign it in blood! We did! G. Joseph Peck Bringin' NamVet to YOUR door! Jerry Hindle One Vets Feelings Rod Germain Old 'Nuff For The Real America? Scott Summers "All POWs are Dead!" says US Government! Terry Hayes Walkin' Point Mike Harris USS Liberty: 23 Years Later James M Ennes, Jr/Joe Meadors Reunion: USS Liberty Veterans Association Joe Meadors In-Touch Unites Families, Friends and Strangers Ray Moreau In-Touch: What is it??? Ray Moreau IN-TOUCH Registration/Request Form!!! Ray Moreau Innocence Mike Harris Inside the Chaplain's Heart Mike Harris WE WERE CHILDREN Josh Schwartzbach A well-earned rest! Martin H. Kroll, Sr Should You Be Concerned About Agent Orange? Martin H. Kroll, Sr More than ONE poison in Vietnam! Martin H. Kroll, Sr Zumwalt Suggests Link with 27 Diseases/Disorders! Clarence Smith National Women Veterans Recognition Week VA VWMP's Sister Search Vietnam Womens Memorial Project VWMP's Sister Search Form Vietnam Womens Memorial Project We're Not Alone Laura Palmer/Joyce Flory Silence and Empty Cells? Joyce Flory War just isn't a cool topic Mike Royko Reflecting Mike Harris The War No One Wants to Remember Lazaris Ask the Veterans' Affairs Counselor VA/G. Joseph Peck Vet Service Summary - USPO, Radio Shack, DAV G. Joseph Peck Radio Shack Responds to "Misunderstanding" G. Joseph Peck Third Annual NamVet Page 101 Volume 3, Number 1 November 12, 1990 Some Gave ALL ... Some Still Give!!! O O O SOME GAVE ALL ... ________O__________________________________O______________ ! O O ! ! pow mia pow mia - BRING THEM HOME NOW! - pow mia pow mia ! ! O O ! ! ~~~~~ ~ ~ O~ ~~~ ~~ ~~ ~~~~~~ ~~~~ O ~~ ~ ~~~~ ~~~ ~~ ! ! ~~~~ ~ ~~ O ~~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~ ~O~~~ ~~~ ~ ~~~~ ~~ ! ! ~ ~~ ~ ~~ ~ O~ ~~ ~~~ ~~~~ ~~~ ~~~ O ~~~ ~~~ ~~~~ ~~~ ~ ! ! ~~~ ~~ ~~ ~ O ~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~~ ~~ O ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~ ~ ! ! ~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~ O ~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~ O ~ ~~~ ~~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~ ! ! ~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~ O ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~ O ~ ~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~ ! ! ~ ~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~ O ~_~_~_~_~_ ~ O ~ ~~~~ ~ ~ ~~~ ~~ ~~ ! ! ~~~ ~ ~ ~~~ ~~ ~ O ) O ~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~~ ! ! ~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ /(O) / O \ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~~ ~ ~ ! ! ~ ~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~ / / O \~~~~ ~~ ~~~~~ ~~~ ~~ ~ ! ! ~~ ~ ~ ~~ ~~ / PRISONER / \~~ ~~ ~~ ~~~ ~ ~~~~~~ ! ! ~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~ / / MISSING \~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~~ ~ ~~ ! ! ~~~ ~ ~~ ~~ / OF /\ \~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~~ ~ ! ! ~ ~~~~ ~~ ~ / / \ IN \~ ~~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~~ ! ! ~~~ ~~~ ~ / WAR / ~~ \ \ ~~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ! ! ~ ~~ ~~ ~ / / ~ ~~ \ ACTION / ~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~ ! ! ~~ ~~ ~~~(__________/ ~~ ~~~ \ / ~~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ! ! ~~~~~ ~~ ~ ~~ ~~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~~~ \ / ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~~ ! ! ~~ ~~ ~~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~~ ~~ ~~~ \ / ~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~~~~~ ! ! ~~~ ~~~ ~~~~ ~~ ~~~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ \ /~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~ ~ ! ! ~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ! ~~ ~~~ ~~~~ ~~~ ~~ ~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~ ~ SOME STILL GIVE ! ~ ~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ! ~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~ ~ ~~~~ ~~~ ~~~~ ! ! mia pow mia pow - BRING THEM HOME NOW! - mia pow mia pow ! !__________________________________________________________! 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