Subject: A poem

From: "Z. Zhang" <[email-masked]>
Date: Thu, 19 Aug 1993 01:05:53 CDT

This poem is intended for people that have read HXWZ Zeng Kan #24 - zk9308a.
It may not make much sense otherwise.

As always, comments/critics are very much welcome!

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Born in late 65, spent almost all my time in the crowded Shanghai and
went to Fudan at 84, I did not step through the path of those people
for whom this poem is dedicated to, nor did I know many friends that
belong to that catagoly. But I do remember reading into deep night
with the novel of Liang2Xue3Zuang1's <<Storm tonight>> in the dorm
of FudanFu4Zhong1.

Yet at the beginning I rendered these years with color of romantic
and herotic. It was with time and difficulty that I gradually realize
that this period is truly one of the darkest in the modern chinese
history, where the price of making even a minor individual progress
is often paid by tramping on the faces of a lot more others, not to
say what contribute to make those a few ugly "heros".

The consequence of such understanding made me to believe that we,
those favored by the fate, owe our sincere respetct to those took the
courage and pain to go through these ten years with a high cost. I
also hope that people like me should not take the luck that bring us
to this point for granted any longer.

Nevertheless we still witness daily those dog-fights all around various
chinese communities and networks, which truly disgust me. Not to say
the fact that the overseas students could then easily be broken into
two *-comers classes simply because of a stupid date! If one is not
patient enough, he/she is therefore easily to conclude that such a nation
is no longer have the right to reside her name in a dictionary.

But let's hold our hope tight and pray for it.

Best wishes for all.

- zheng @uiuc

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            深夜的访客

                -- 读<<中国知青梦>>. 并以此敬献给长我半辈, 荆棘
                   十年却收获荒芜的知青大哥大姐们.

        深夜  你叩门而入
        在你决然的归途中来此小坐
        你挟着一身的西北风而来
        发如野草  疾摇如你匆匆的行色
        而时间的刀锋利  竟把你
        一刀一刀削成这样  以至
        你站在那里  我便听见
        年轮咔嚓旋动的声音

        十年了  你一直是一纸
        断了线的风筝
        努力地找着线的另一端
        却在风雨雷电的夹击下
        越飘越远

        母亲为你亲手缝制的千层底鞋
        岁月嶙峋的手一层层无情的揭去
        一如你当年揭去某座神像诡异的面纱
        却听见发自自己胸膛的一声
        血淋淋的惊呼

        只剩下最后的薄薄的一层  用来归家
        而归家的路万里崎岖
        且每一寸皆是血与白骨的复合
        你却呵呵一笑  说
        归家的路  本是不用鞋就可走的
        我乃无言于你眉宇间的坦然

        天色将明  我披衣为你送行
        风正急  而我举杯的手微颤
        远方有一些光亮正急急的撞来  却都瘦瘦
        一如你已溶入隐隐鸟声的背影

        你已行远  而我尚未及挥手
        因我一袖的寒意
        早已凝结为铁  沉重如山

                        - 竹人  8/18/93  于香槟城

后记:

初构思时尚有另一段, 后被删去. 拿来作注倒无妨:

        ....
        来来请坐, 我说
        且饮一杯  也正好请教
        这一本厚厚的中国历史
        何以近来我总是读不懂

近代史不必说了, 红旗招招下的后半部现代史, 如何只是
"请愿 - 然后等待开恩"的循环复加 (包括六四), 实在不懂.

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张 峥 (Z.Zhang)
Center for Supercomputing Research and Development
University of Ill-Noise at Banana-Shampoo