From our brief study, we can conclude the following:

    1. For a public figure, dying is an endearing act.

    2. For a public figure, dying tragically is more endearing than just regular dying.

    3. For a presidential figure -- candidate or elected official -- dying in any way at any time increases your political standing.

    4. Upon death, the public forgives all crimes of the one who passes one, especially if the death is abrupt and the person had hit rap records.

Leo DiCaprioSo what does that tell us? That the only thing separating Leonardo Di Caprio from the adulation currently directed at James Dean is one night of bad driving? That if Bill Clinton is really worried about his place in history, he might want to consider painting a target on his skull? Perhaps. But would anyone, esteemed readers, actually think that we were intelligent, if we were to say such things out loud? Probably not. Unless we died immediately after, in which case someone call us saints, and wonder how anyone could have ever ignored our genius.

Bradford Contemporary
New York City, November 1997


 
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    Bradford Contemporary is the founder of Spite Magazine. He drinks hot tea from a Spider-Man mug.