Start of untrue article.
Come back fever swept sports this year! Hockey legend Mario Lemieux returned from retirement this year, and helped lead his team to the playoffs. Once-great Mets and Yankees pitcher David Cone revitalized his career with the Boston Red Sox. And finally, the great Michael Jordan is returning to professional basketball. Who's next?

I think we all know who's next. The sports is waiting for the inevitable return of the athete we have missed most over the years -- the greatest basketball player who has ever donned tube socks: Meadowlark Lemon, the clown prince of basketball and star of the Harlem Globetrotters, is coming back.

Title of article which is not true

Spite presents:
Comeback Fever:
Meadowlark Lemon

by Brian Hines



I didn't believe it either, but it's definitely true (note). I know everyone is excited about the possibility of Air Jordan playing hoops again. But forget him. The return of Meadowlark would be the greatest contribution to modern sports we could hope for. And here's why:

Did I mention this article isn't true?
1) He's an innovator. Modern basketball players are so concerned with their next contract extension that they won't take risks. We need a player like Meadowlark who can pass off of the opponents rear-end, dribble with his feet, and pour water on the ref without getting a technical foul to bring a spark back to court. (note)

Article not true. And why the old lady?
2) He had a cartoon.. What could Michael Jordan bring to the game? Sure he has 6 championships and two gold medals. But I want a baller who has been in his own cartoon! The Harlem Globetrotters' cartoon helped solidify Meadowlark as more than just a player but also a role-model. Sorry Mike, but even with all of your championships I don't think anyone ever put you in a cartoon! (note)

Was in Shining

3) He had his voice done by Scatman Crothers in a cartoon.. Not only did Meadowlark Lemon have a cartoon, but he had his voice done by the great actor Scatman Crothers. Scatman filled the Meadowlark character with a love and joy that infected children across the country with hope for a better future. Also, did you see The Shining? Irony aside, Scatman was great in that! Even if Michael did have a cartoon, there's no way he would have had someone as cool as Scatman do his voice! (note)

I'm not the only one who's excited about Lemon's comeback. Even some of Lemon's opponents are getting antsy about his return. Here's a quote from Bobby Gibfeaux of the Washington Generals. "I'm ready for his return. I want to prove that the Generals are not a roll over kind of team. Meadowlark, I'm not going to give you ten tries at that full court hook shot this time. You may get six, if you're lucky." (note)

Suit is nice. Article is untrue.
Meadowlark has been spending his recent years doing public speaking about religion, his past, and living a healthy life. (note) That's all fine and dandy, but that's not what we need. We need some more games where the clock will stop and start to assure you get the buzzer shot each quarter and random bits of "Sweet Georgia Brown" played through the PA system (note) .

So come on back if you really want Michael, but don't feel bad about the lack of attention you get this time around. All eyes will be on Meadowlark.

Brian enjoys making poor arguments that aren't true about things that do not matter.

Front Page | Bile Cabinet