(continued from Part 7) ----------------------------------------------------------------------- After a man has become a "vivEki", he is beset with an emotion called 'nirvEdam'. This emotion is the next stepping-stone, the next 'pariankam' Desikan describes in the "parama-pada-sOpAnam". After attaining the power of wise discrimination, a "vivEki" becomes aware of what is really worth pursuing and what is undeserving of pursuit in life; what will serve his spiritual end and what will hamper it. While this knowledge is, no doubt, cause for great happiness and spiritual advancement, the 'vivEki' however cannot help a feeling of "utter regret" for the foolish ways of his past. He begins to recollect all the folly and profligacy of youth spent chasing the trivia of the world, in the mistaken belief that they were the true sources of enduring happiness. Such a man further reflects upon the petty ways in which he used to behave, the cheap earthly things he had hankered after and the herculean efforts ('asAdhya-sramam') he had exerted to attain them all. When he recollects the time and effort lost in chasing such unworthy things in the past, the "vivEki" cannot help a feeling of utter self-revulsion. It is this state of mind, filled as it is with intense self-revulsion, which is described by Desikan as 'nirvEdam'. In the 4000 Tamil verses of the "divya-prabhandham-s' we notice that several Azhwars had been inspired by the strong emotion of "nirvEdam" to expressions of utter regret for the many days of folly that had filled their past. Out of abject ignorance of Truth and of the Glory of the God, they wail again and again, they had pursued and embraced nothing but the falsehood of earthly life ('anartham'), . The most poignant of such "nirvEdam" verses have been sung by Tirumangai-AzhwAr in the opening decad of the "peria-tirumOzhi": "vAdinEn vAdi varundinEn manatthAl perun thuyar idummpayil pirandhu koodinEn koodi iLayavar thammodu avar tharum kalaviyE karuthi?" (tirumangai-AzhwAr "periya-tirumOzhi" 1.1) "aaviyE! amudE! ena ninainthu urugI avar-avar paNai mulai thuNaiyAyp pAvIyEn uNarAthu etthanai pagalum pazhuthupOy Ozhinthana nAttkkal?" (ibid. 1.2) Such 'pAsuram-s' of immense and heart-rending self-revulsion give one a fair idea of the nature of the 'nirvEdam'-emotion as it envelops the soul of the "vivEki" and the self-inflicted suffering he undergoes as a result in his sincere quest of God. None of us are 'AzhwArs' and will never get anywhere near being even a bit like them. But then we too, from time to time, in moments of personal travail or tragedy, do undergo and experience what may be called "dark nights of the soul", don't we? In those moments we become acutely aware how rapidly Time has slipped away from us... and we suddenly begin to see then how far behind we have fallen back in attaining the true and cherished purposes of our lives. In such sombre moments, like the English poet, Longfellow, we too ae moved to mutter sadly to ourselves in deep and utter "nirvEdam": "Art is long, Time is fleeting, Our hearts, though stout and brave, Still like muffled drums are beating Funeral marches to the grave." (to be continued) dAsan, Sudarshan __________________________________________________ Do you Yahoo!? Y! Web Hosting - Let the expert host your web site http://webhosting.yahoo.com/
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