(continued from Part 9) ---------------------------------------------------------------------- The journey up the "stairway" of 'paramapada' described by Desikan, we saw, has taken us so far from "vivekam" at the bottom to 'virakthi' where we presently are perched. At this stage of the journey a man, a "vivEki", is seen to be considerably detached than before from the clutches of earthly existence. He does not hanker for the sights and delights of the world. His goals are now, instead, firmly centred around the true purpose of life: "parama-padam". But at precisely this stage in life, when he seems to be firmly set on course, Man suddenly falls victim to a strange fear known as "bheethi", the next stepping-stone on Desikan's "parama-pada-sOpAnam". The "vivEki" is now suddenly overcome by a "holy terror" (to use a peculiar phrase of the Western philosopher, William James) because while he discovers earthly existence to be empty, equally void and futile seem the heavens too. He realizes the presence of an Almighty but is beset by fear and doubt: "Is there a place in "parama-padam", the "Abode of All Goodness", for someone like me -- a real bag of innumerable sins? There seems to be no way of atoning for my sins. Would God ever admit me into His presence? Can I ever stand before Him and look Him in the face without cringing? Would I be deserving of that highest state called "parama-padam"?" It is this echo of "bheeti" or "Holy Terror" that Tondaradipodi AzhwAr gives vent to in the "tirumAlai": "?unnai kAnUm mArgam onrUm ariyamAttA manisaril durisanAi mUrkkanEn vandhu ninrEn: mUrkkanEn mUrkkanEnE!" ('tirumAlai' -32) "Is there a path for an utter sinner like me to tread, O Ranga, and hope to attain You? Being the lowliest of beings on earth, I stand before You like a wretch! Oh wretched, wretched me!" And again: "meyyallAm pOgavittu, virikuzhalArir pattup poyy ellAm pOdhinthu kOnda pOzhakkanEn vandhu ninrEn; aiyanE! aranganE! wUn arUL ennUm Asai thannAl pOyyannEn vandhu ninrEn; pOyyanEn, pOyyanEnE!" (ibid.33) "Lord! My Ranga! I've been a vagabond all these years filled with nothing but vice and vileness! I wallowed in the arms of coiffured dames! Yet I stand before you now, abjectly, hoping for your Grace! I have lived in falsehood and depravity all these years! I stand before you now with no shame!" When "bheeti" takes hold of the "vivEki", he begins to see the vast chasm of 'samsAra' of expiation that he must wade through before he can reach "parama-padam". The very thought makes him shudder and give up all hope of ever crossing it. Even if he did succeed in crossing it, would God ever consider someone as irredeemable as him as a proper candidate for redemption in "parama-padam"? What then is the value of persisting in this journey if in the end he is unfit to finish it? These very same but complex feelings of deep 'bheethi' are very movingly echoed by Desikan in the Sanskrit work titled 'abhIti-stavam' a sample of which is given below (Verse #16): anUkshaNa samUthithE durita-vAridhow dUstarE yadi kvachana nishkritirbhavathi sApi dOshAvilA I thadItha-magathow mayi pratividhAna-mAdhIyathAm svabUddhi-parikalpitham kimapi rangadhUrya tvaya II Ranga! There seems no way I can wash my sins off. Nor atone for it! There must be some unusual and mysterious way to get it done. I don't know it. And none but You in this world knows. I beseech You, reveal it to me please... (to be continued) dAsan, Sudarshan __________________________________________________ Do you Yahoo!? Y! Web Hosting - Let the expert host your web site http://webhosting.yahoo.com/
Home Page
http://www.ibiblio.org/sripedia |
oppiliappan-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To subscribe to the list |