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{Humourless Company} Warranty

This humourous item was posted on the net years ago somewhere, ending up in our "Life, The Universe & Everything" Notes conference (minus clues to origin) around 1992/3 and here in 1994.

Read on for what this company then suddenly said...


 

         {Humourless Company} Warranty card...

 

 

                          {Humourless Company}

                   AIRCRAFT-SPACE SYSTEMS-MISSILES

 

                        Important! Important!

 

Please fill out and mail this card within 10 days of purchase

 

Thank you for purchasing a {Humourless Company} military aircraft.  In

order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to

fill out the warranty registration card below.  Answering the survey

questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop

new products that best meet your needs and desires.

 

1. _Mr.  _Mrs.  _Ms.  _Miss  _Lt.  _Gen.  _Comrade  _Classified _Other

 

First Name____________________Initial____Last Name_________________________

 

Latitude________________________Longitude__________________________________

 

Altitude________________________Password, Code Name, Etc.__________________

 

2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?

 

  _*-14 Tomcat   _*-15 Eagle  _*-16 Falcon  _*-19A Stealth  _Classified

 

3. Date of purchase:  Month___________Day___________Year____________

 

4. Serial Number____________________

 

5. Please check where this product was purchased:

 

_Received as Gift/Aid Package

_Catalog Showroom

_Sleazy Arms Broker

_Mail Order

_Discount Store

_Government Surplus

_Classified

 

6. Please check how you became aware of the {Humourless Company} product you

have just purchased:

 

_Heard loud noise, looked up

_Store Display

_Espionage

_Recommended by friend/relative/ally

_Political lobbying by Manufacturer

_Was attacked by one

 

7.  Please check the three (3) factors which most influenced your

decision to purchase this {Humourless Company} product:

 

_Style/Appearance

_Kickback/Bribe

_Recommended by salesperson

_Speed/Maneuverability

_Comfort/Convenience

_{Humourless Company} Reputation

_Advanced Weapons Systems

_Price/Value

_Back-Room Politics

_Negative experience opposing one in combat

 

8. Please check the location(s) where this product will be used:

 

_North America

_Central/South America

_Aircraft Carrier

_Europe

_Middle East

_Africa

_Asia/Far East

_Misc. Third-World Countries

_Classified

 

9. Please check the products that you currently own, or intend to purchase

in the near future:

 

Product                 Own     Intend to purchase

Color TV

VCR

ICBM

Killer Satellite

CD Player

Air-to-Air Missiles

Space Shuttle

Home Computer

Nuclear Weapon

 

10. How would you describe yourself or your organization?  Check all

that apply:

 

_Communist/Socialist

_Terrorist

_Crazed (Islamic)

_Crazed (Other)

_Neutral

_Democratic

_Dictatorship

_Corrupt (Latin American)

_Corrupt (Other)

_Primitive/Tribal

 

11. How did you pay for your {Humourless Company} product?

 

_Cash

_Suitcases of Cocaine

_Oil Revenues

_Deficit Spending

_Personal Check

_Credit Card

_Ransom Money

_Traveler's Check

 

12. Occupation          You     Your Spouse

 

Homemaker

Sales/Marketing

Revolutionary

Clerical

Mercenary

Tyrant

Middle Management

Eccentric Billionaire

Defense Minister/General

Retired

Student

 

13. To help us understand our Customers' lifestyles, please indicate

the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy

participating on a regular basis:

 

Activity/Interest               You     Your Spouse

Golf

Boating/Sailing

Sabotage

Running/Jogging

Propaganda/Disinformation

Destabilizing/Overthrow

Default on Loans

Gardening

Crafts

Black Market/Smuggling

Collectibles/Collections

Watching Sports on TV

Wines

Interrogation/Torture

Household Pets

Crushing Rebellions

Espionage/Reconnaissance

Fashion Clothing

Border Disputes

Mutually Assured Destruction

 

Thanks for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire.  Your

answers will be used in market studies that will help {Humourless

Company} serve you better in the future -- as well as allowing you to

receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments,

extremist groups, and mysterious consortia.

 

Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes?  Please write to:

 

{HUMOURLESS COMPANY} CORPORATION

Marketing Department

Military Aerospace Division

P.O. Box 800

{City & Zip}


Humourless overreaction

(Similar to Roadkills-R-Us News Network's absurd troubles with Toys-R-Us.)

Message-ID: <s16b799e.059@mdc.com>

Date: Wed, 10 Apr 1996 09:00:02 -0500

From: Gary Hutti <ghutti@mdc.com>

To:   systimk@bridge.anglia.ac.uk

Subject: Misuse of MDC Company Name



Mr. Ian Kitching,



McDonnell Douglas Corporation is requesting you to immediately remove

the reference to the "McDonnell Douglas Warranty card"  web page  that

exists at location

"http://www.anglia.ac.uk/~systimk/humor/Mcd-Warranty.Txt".



This is a misuse of our company name and is not authorized by

McDonnell Douglas, and does not reflect the image of McDonnell Douglas.

Please send me your confirmation when the McDonnell Douglas

Warranty card reference has been removed. My address is

"ghutti@mdc.com".



Gary Hutti, Director

Corporate Information Systems

McDonnell Douglas Corporation


In fact the URL quoted was wrong (no such place).

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