Pick it up there, how about it?

keep right!There is something that approximately one in five of you could do for the rest of us, something that seems quite easy, and why wouldn’t you want to do something easy that helped many other people?  It really would  entail no downside for you at all.  It’s simply a matter of keeping up with traffic, if you could please.  Or getting out of the way.  Thanks so much.

See, I began commuting on four-lane, non-Interstate highways recently.  These roads have traffic signals rather frequently along the way, and I find myself stopped behind lines of cars several times in my 20-mile trip to work.  The really surprising thing I have noticed is how many people continue to sit still when the light turns green.  Then, once they finally get going, they allow the cars in front of them to pull even farther away while they maintain a much slower speed, and yes, as you might have guessed, they usually occupy the left lane where they do not belong.

All these people would have to do is depress their gas pedals a fraction more, and they would be right there, a reasonable distance behind the car in front of them; instead, the car in front of them disappears in the distance while they cruise along right beside the car next to them in the right lane.  Meanwhile many cars are piling up behind them, and many of the drivers inside them are becoming quite annoyed.

So here is a test:  If you commonly have no one in front of you and lots of cars behind you, if you have cars running the same speed as you right next to you, I ask you, please, to re-examine your driving practices.  It could be that you would fare better in the right lane with the people going the same speed you’re going.  On the other hand, I’d be quite open to the idea of your going the same speed as the people in the left lane.  I’d say the choice is yours, and that it’s a pretty clear one.

Still, given all the leisure and long moments of inactivity I experience in the left lane, I have had ample time to cogitate as to the motives–or lack of them, actually–that might be spinning around in these people’s minds.  I imagine many of them are dim-witted, oblivious types who don’t even realize they are causing inconvenience for other people.  They just never look behind them so they don’t know they’re doing it.  Some are discussing matters of great import on their cell phones, complete with hand and facial gestures, and again, don’t notice the red faces and bulging veins of the people riding their bumpers.

I think fear motivates some who could be afraid to go any faster than they’re going, perhaps because they believe the local constabulary will extract them from a line of similarly flowing traffic and give them tickets. That’s the kind of thing I dismiss out of hand, myself, but I suppose it could happen.  Similarly, I believe some of these people imagine that they are going quite fast already and that they could even be in danger of slipping right off the road if they go even a little faster.  Again, I would think a notion like this might easily succumb to the imposition of even a modicum of empirical inquiry, but again, I do not perceive that we’re dealing with the thin upper end of the bell curve here.

I am afraid, however, that a significant portion of these people have rather more intent in mind than the rest–or than the rest of us would prefer.  These are the “traffic cops” in our midst who deem it their role to bring a calming effect to the madness they perceive reigning on our roadways.  The idea that people would exceed the speed limit, by five, sometimes even ten miles per hour, well, it is abhorrent to them, and it leaves them aghast.  They appear to be quite aware of their effect on the flow of traffic, and are quite satisfied with their role as impediment.

I’m afraid these people seem completely resistant to common sense or the pleas of their fellow travelers to change their ways.  Having known some of them personally, I am aware that they have just the sort of mental constitution that finds all of this rather entertaining.  They like to drive, but really, arriving at their destinations is secondary and constitutes the end of the fun rather than the beginning.

One would think, knowing what I know, that I would adopt a more tranquil aspect on the roadways.  I mean, dim-wittedness and malevolence are rather intractable characteristics, aren’t they?  Still, one hopes that one can have some effect in the world.  If I am able, through baleful stares and adroit maneuvering, to make some impression on these benighted fools, haven’t I accomplished a good thing, a boon to mankind stuck commuting on our idiotic roadways?

Well, perhaps, but perhaps I should consider the cost.  The last lines of The Great Gatsby, which also serve as Fitzgerald‘s epitaph, come to mind in this connection.

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