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<p><font size=3D2 color=3Dblack face=3DArial><span =
style=3D'font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:Arial;color:black'>From HR Block files:</span></font><font
color=3Dblack face=3DVerdana><span =
style=3D'font-family:Verdana;color:black'><o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p><font size=3D2 color=3Dblack face=3DArial><span =
style=3D'font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:Arial;color:black'>Dear Sirs:</span></font><font =
color=3Dblack
face=3DVerdana><span =
style=3D'font-family:Verdana;color:black'><o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p><font size=3D2 color=3Dblack face=3DArial><span =
style=3D'font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:Arial;color:black'>I am responding to your letter denying =
the
deduction for two of the three dependents I claimed on my 1994 Federal =
Tax
return. Thank you. I have questioned whether these are my children or =
not for
years. They are evil and expensive.</span></font><font color=3Dblack
face=3DVerdana><span =
style=3D'font-family:Verdana;color:black'><o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p><font size=3D2 color=3Dblack face=3DArial><span =
style=3D'font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:Arial;color:black'>It's only fair that since they are =
minors and
not my responsibility that the government (who evidently is taxing me =
more to
care for these waifs) knows something about them and what to expect =
over the
next year. You may apply next year to reassign them to me and reinstate =
the
deduction. This year they are yours!</span></font><font color=3Dblack
face=3DVerdana><span =
style=3D'font-family:Verdana;color:black'><o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p><font size=3D2 color=3Dblack face=3DArial><span =
style=3D'font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:Arial;color:black'>The oldest, Kristen, is now 17. She is
brilliant. Ask her! I suggest you put her to work in your office where =
she can
answer people's questions about their returns. While she has no formal
training, it has not seemed to hamper her knowledge of any other =
subject you
can name. Taxes should be a breeze;</span></font><font color=3Dblack
face=3DVerdana><span =
style=3D'font-family:Verdana;color:black'><o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p><font size=3D2 color=3Dblack face=3DArial><span =
style=3D'font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:Arial;color:black'>Next year she is going to college. I =
think it's
wonderful that you will now be responsible for that little expense. =
While you
mull that over, keep in mind that she has a truck. It doesn't run at =
the moment
so you have the immediate decision of appropriating some Department of =
Defense
funds to fix the vehicle or getting up early to drive her to =
school.</span></font><font
color=3Dblack face=3DVerdana><span =
style=3D'font-family:Verdana;color:black'><o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p><font size=3D2 color=3Dblack face=3DArial><span =
style=3D'font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:Arial;color:black'>Kristen also has a boyfriend. Oh joy. =
While she
possesses all of the wisdom of the universe, her alleged mother and I =
have felt
it best to occasionally remind her of the virtues of abstinence, and in =
the
face of overwhelming passion, safe sex. This is always uncomfortable =
and I am
quite relieved you will be handling this in the future. May I suggest =
that you
reinstate Joycelyn Elders who had a rather good handle on the =
problem.</span></font><font
color=3Dblack face=3DVerdana><span =
style=3D'font-family:Verdana;color:black'><o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p><font size=3D2 color=3Dblack face=3DArial><span =
style=3D'font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:Arial;color:black'>Patrick is 14. I've had my suspicions =
about this
one. His eyes are a little close together for normal people. He may be =
a tax
examiner himself one day if you do not incarcerate him first. In =
February, I
was awakened at three in the morning by a police officer who was =
bringing Pat
home. He and his friends were TP'ing houses. In the future would you =
like him
delivered to the local IRS office or to Ogden, UT? Kids at 14 will do =
almost
anything on a dare. His hair is purple. Permanent dye, temporary dye, =
what's
the big deal? Learn to deal with it. You'll have plenty of time as he =
is
sitting out a few days of school after instigating a food fight. I'll =
take care
of filing your phone number with the vice principal.</span></font><font
color=3Dblack face=3DVerdana><span =
style=3D'font-family:Verdana;color:black'><o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p><font size=3D2 color=3Dblack face=3DArial><span =
style=3D'font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:Arial;color:black'>Oh yes, he and all of his friends have =
raging
hormones. This is the house of testosterone and it will be much more =
peaceful
when he lives in your home. DO NOT leave any of them unsupervised with =
girls,
explosives, inflammables, inflatables, vehicles, or telephones. (I'm =
sure that
you will find telephones a source of unimaginable amusement, and be =
sure to
lock out the 900 and 976 numbers!)</span></font><font color=3Dblack =
face=3DVerdana><span
style=3D'font-family:Verdana;color:black'><o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p><font size=3D2 color=3Dblack face=3DArial><span =
style=3D'font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:Arial;color:black'>Heather is an alien. She slid through a =
time
warp and appeared quite by magic one year. I'm sure this one is yours. =
She is
10 going on 21. She came from a bad trip in the sixties. She wears =
tie-dyed
clothes, beads, sandals, and hair that looks like Tiny Tim's. =
Fortunately you
will be raising my taxes to help offset the pinch of her remedial =
reading
courses.</span></font><font color=3Dblack face=3DVerdana><span =
style=3D'font-family:
Verdana;color:black'><o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p><font size=3D2 color=3Dblack face=3DArial><span =
style=3D'font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:Arial;color:black'>Hooked On Phonics is expensive so the =
schools
dropped it. Good news! You can buy it yourself for half the amount of =
the
deduction that you are denying! It's quite obvious that we were =
terrible
parents (ask the other two) so they have helped raise this one to a new =
level
of terror. She cannot speak English. Most people under twenty =
understand the
curious patois she fashioned out of valley girls/boys in the
hood/reggae/yuppie/political doublespeak. I don't. The school sends her =
to a
speech pathologist who has her roll her R's. It added a refreshing
Mexican/Irish touch to her voice. She wears hats backwards, pants baggy =
and
wants one of her ears pierced four more times. There is a fascination =
with
tattoos that worries me but I am sure that you can handle it. Bring a =
truck
when you come to get her, she sort of "nests" in her room and =
I think
that it would be easier to move the entire thing than find out what it =
is
really made of.</span></font><font color=3Dblack face=3DVerdana><span
style=3D'font-family:Verdana;color:black'><o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p><font size=3D2 color=3Dblack face=3DArial><span =
style=3D'font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:Arial;color:black'>You denied two of the three exemptions =
so it is
only fair you get to pick which two you will take. I prefer that you =
take the
youngest, I still go bankrupt with Kristen's college but then I am =
free! If you
take the two oldest then I still have time for counseling before =
Heather
becomes a teenager. If you take the two girls then I won't feel so bad =
about
putting Patrick in a military academy. Please let me know of your =
decision as
soon as possible as I have already increased the withholding on my W-4 =
to cover
the $395 in additional tax and make a down payment on an =
airplane.</span></font><font
color=3Dblack face=3DVerdana><span =
style=3D'font-family:Verdana;color:black'><o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p><font size=3D2 color=3Dblack face=3DArial><span =
style=3D'font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:Arial;color:black'>Yours Truly,<br>
Bob</span></font><font face=3DArial><span =
style=3D'font-family:Arial'><a
href=3D"http://www.voiceone.com/html/#top"><font size=3D2 =
color=3Daqua><span
style=3D'font-size:10.0pt;color:aqua;text-decoration:none;text-underline=
:none'><br>
</span></font></a></span></font><font face=3DVerdana><span =
style=3D'font-family:
Verdana'><o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p class=3DMsoNormal style=3D'margin-left:37.5pt'><font size=3D1 =
color=3Dblack
face=3D"MS Sans Serif"><span style=3D'font-size:8.0pt;font-family:"MS =
Sans Serif";
color:black'><![if =
!supportEmptyParas]> <![endif]></span></font><font
size=3D1 color=3Dblack face=3D"MS Sans Serif"><span =
style=3D'font-size:8.0pt;
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