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Archives in Literature & early Friday Funny: Cows



Thank you for all your comments!  I got a good laugh.
 
To make amends for my Freudian strip, er, slip, I have raided the old Humor Vault.  I don't remember seeing these on the listserv but it could have been posted during one of the times I was signed off.  Read past the first one; that was the only one I'd seen before.  And a warning:  they are politically-incorrect.
 

Rebecca Fitzgerald, CA
Mt. St. Mary's Archives & Dept. of Special Collections
Mt. St. Mary's College & Seminary
Emmitsburg, MD 21727
301/447-5397
301/447-6868 (fax)
rfitzger@msmary.edu
http://www.msmary.edu/studentsandstaff/library/archives.htm


 

Read to the bottom…

 

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Subject: Cows

 

I've seen at least half a dozen sets of these cow jokes.  These are some of the better:


> > >
> > > CAPITALISM
> > >
> > > You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your
> > > herd multiplies, and
> > > the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the
> > > income.
> > >
> > > AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
> > >
> > > You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other
> > > to produce the milk of
> > > four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
> > >
> > > A FRENCH CORPORATION
> > >
> > > You have two cows. You go on strike because you want
> > > three cows.
> > >
> > > A JAPANESE CORPORATION
> > >
> > > You have no cows. You then create clever cow cartoon
> > > images called Cowkimon
> > > and market them World-Wide.
> > >
> > > A GERMAN CORPORATION
> > >
> > > You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live
> > > for 100 years, eat once
> > > a month, and milk themselves.
> > >
> > > A BRITISH CORPORATION
> > >
> > > You have two cows. Both are mad.
> > >
> > > AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
> > >
> > > You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
> > > You break for lunch.
> > >
> > > A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
> > >
> > > You have two cows. You count them and learn you have
> > > five cows.  You count
> > > them again and learn you have
> > > 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12
> > > cows. You stop counting
> > > cows and open another bottle of vodka.
> > >
> > > A SWISS CORPORATION
> > >
> > > You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You
> > > charge others for
> > > storing them.
> > >
> > > AN INDIAN CORPORATION
> > >
> > > You have two cows. You worship them.
> > >
> > > A CHINESE CORPORATION
> > >
> > > You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them.
> > > You claim full
> > > employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the
> > > newsman who reported
> > > the numbers.
> > >
> > > AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION
> > >
> > > You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda
> > > cute...
> > >
> > > ENRON CAPITALISM
> > >
> > > You have two cows. You sell three of them to your
> > > publicly listed company,
> > > using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law
> > > at the bank, then
> > > execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general
> > > offer so that you get
> > > all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five
> > > cows. The milk rights of
> > > the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a
> > >
Cayman Island company
> > > secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells
> > > the rights to all seven
> > > cows back to your listed company.  The annual report
> > > says the company owns
> > > eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow
> > > to buy a new president
> > > of the
United States, leaving you with nine cows! No
> > > balance sheet provided
> > > with the release. The public buys your bull.
> > >
> > > ARTHUR ANDERSON, LLC
> > >
> > > You have no cows. You shred all documents that Enron
> > > has any cows, take two
> > > cows from Enron for payment and attest that Enron has
> > > 9cows.