[Date Prev][Date Next][Thread Prev][Thread Next][Date Index][Thread Index]
Fw: (late) Friday funny
> FWD: Bashing of Different Cultures
>
> It's stereotypical and obnoxious, but you might find
> some of it funny.
>
> TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING DUTCH
>
> 1. You can get arrested for growing plants, but not
> for smoking them.
> 2. You can make jokes about the Belgians and still
> drink their beer.
> 3. You can legally kill yourself. You can legally be
> killed
> 4. You're exactly like the Germans, except that
> nobody hates you.
> 5. You think you are a world power, but everyone else
> thinks Copenhagen is your capital.
> 6. You get to insult people and defend yourself by
> saying it's a national tradition.
> 7. You can put your finger in a dyke and it will save
> your country.
> 8. You live in the most densely populated country in
> Europe, and still you've never seen your neighbors.
> 9. If the economy is bad, blame the Germans. If a war
> is started blame the Germans. If you lose your keys,
> blame the Germans.
> 10. Bikes are public property. Locks are a challenge.
>
>
> TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING BELGIAN
>
> 1. You get to speak three languages, but none of them
> intelligibly.
> 2. If other countries want to fight a war, they will
> do it in your country.
> 3. You can brew drinks out of fruit, and still call
> it beer.
> 4. You are either like the Dutch, just less efficient
> like the French, just less romantic like the Germans
> 5. Decent fries. Real mayonnaise. Great chocolate.
> The best beer.
> 6. No one knows anything about you, except for the
> Dutch and French and they make fun of you.
> 7. More scandals in a week than any other country in
> a decade.
> 8. You can drive like a maniac on the road and nobody
> cares.
> 9. All your famous countrymen are either imaginary,
> or sex-offenders.
> 10. Face it. It's not really a country, is it?
>
> TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING FRENCH
>
> 1. When speaking fast you can make yourself sound
> gay.
> 2. Experience the joy of winning the World Cup for
> the
> first time.
> 3. You get to eat insect food like snails and frog's
> legs.
> 4. If there's a war you can surrender really early
> 5. You don't have to read the subtitles on those late
> night films on Channel 4.
> 6. You can test your own nuclear weapons in other
> people's countries.
> 7. You can be ugly and still become a famous film
> star.
> 8. Allow Germans to march up and down your most
> famous
> street humiliating your sense of national pride.
> 9. You don't have to bother with toilets, just sh..
> in
> the street.
> 10. People think you're a great lover even when
> you're
> not.
>
> TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING AMERICAN
>
> 1. You can have a woman president without electing
> her.
> 2. You can spell color wrong and get away with it.
> 3. You can call Budweiser beer.
> 4. You can be a crook and still be president.
> 5. If you've got enough money you can get elected to
> do anything.
> 6. If you can breathe you can get a gun.
> 7. It's cool to be really obese.
> 8. You can play golf in the most hideous clothes ever
> made and nobody seems to care.
> 9. Pitch up at the 11th hour for major World
> conflicts.
> 10. You get to play/watch glorified rounders called
> baseball.
>
> TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING NORWEGIAN
> 1. You get to pay the highest taxes in the world.
> 2. You can kill baby seals and eat Rudolf the
> Reindeer.
> 3. You live in total freezing darkness half the year
> and get 24 hour ozone-holeradiation the other half.
> 4. You can get capital punishment for smoking dope.
> 5. You can go skiing in your knickers.
> 6. You get to hate the Swedes and beat the Brazilians
> in football.
> 7. You have to be a woman to get anywhere.
> 8. You don't need to worry about land prices
> rocketing
> - its fairly spacious.
> 9. When abroad you can impress people you meet with
> stories about killing polarbears and shagging
> penguins
> - and they
> believe you.
> 10. You can actually get bored with blondes.
>
> TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING ENGLISH
>
> 1. Two World Wars and One World Cup.
> 2. Warm beer.
> 3. You get to play/watch glorified rounders called
> cricket.
> 4. You get to accept defeat very graciously in major
> sporting events.
> 5. Union jack underpants.
> 6. Water shortages guaranteed every single summer &
> flooding in Winter.
> 7. You can live in the past and imagine you are still
> a world power.
> 8. Bathing once a week - whether you need to or not.
> 9. Ditto changing underwear.
> 10. Beats being Welsh.
>
> TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING SCOTTISH
>
> 1. You ain't English!
> 2. You ain't English!
> 3. You ain't English!
> 4. You ain't English!
> 5. You ain't English!
> 6. You ain't English!
> 7. You ain't English!
> 8. You ain't English!
> 9. You ain't English!
> 10. You ain't English!
>
> TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING ITALIAN
> 1. In-depth knowledge of bizarre pasta shapes.
> 2. Unembarrassed to wear fur.
> 3. No need to worry about tax returns.
> 4. Glorious military history prior to 400 BC.
> 5. Can wear sunglasses inside.
> 6. Political stability.
> 7. Flexible working hours.
> 8. Live near the Pope.
> 9. Can spend hours braiding girlfriend's armpit hair.
> 10. Country run by Sicilian murderers.
>
> TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING SPANISH
>
> 1. Glorious history of killing South American tribes.
> 2. The rest of Europe thinks Africa begins at the
> Pyrenees.
> 3. You get your beaches invaded by Germans, Danes,
> Brits, etc.
> 4. The rest of your country is already invaded by
> Moroccans.
> 5. Everybody else makes crap paella and claims it's
> the real thing.
> 6. Honesty.
> 7. Only sure way of bedding a woman is to dress up in
> stupid, tight clothes and risk your life in front of
> bulls.
> 8. You get to eat bull's testicles.
> 9. Gibraltar.
> 10. Supported Argentina in Falklands War.
>
> TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING GERMAN
>
> 1.
> 2.
> 3.
> 4.
> 5.
> 6.
> 7.
> 8.
> 9.
> 10.
> Ok, give them a second chance:
> 1. Oktoberfest.
> 2. Okotberfest-beer.
> 3. BMW.
> 4. VW.
> 5. Audi.
> 6. Mercedes.
> 7. On a highway you can travel at a speed that would
> bring you to jail in any other country of the world.
> 8. You do not have to learn German as a foreign
> language.
> 9. You think Sauerkraut is delicious.
> 10. Contrary to common belief laughing is not
> forbidden by law (yet).
>
> TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING INDIAN
> 1. Chicken Madras.
> 2. Lamb Passanda.
> 3. Onion Bhaji.
> 4. Bombay Potato.
> 5. Chicken Tikka Masala.
> 6. Rogan Josh.
> 7. Popadoms.
> 8. Chicken Dopiaza.
> 9. Kingfisher lager.
> 10. Aggravate everyone else by shaking your head when
> talking.
>
> TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING WELSH
> 1. You've got to be having a laugh, haven't you?
>
> TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING IRISH
>
> 1. Guinness.
> 2. 18 children because you can't use contraceptives.
> 3. You can get into a fight just by marching down
> someone's road.
> 4. Pubs never close.
> 5. Can use Papal edicts on contraception passed in
> second Vatican Council of 1968 to persuade your
> girlfriend that you
> can't have sex with a condom on.
> 6. No one can ever remember the night before.
> 7. Kill people you don't agree with.
> 8. Stew.
> 9. More Guinness.
> 10. Eating stew and drinking Guinness in an Irish pub
> at 3 in the morning after a bout of sectarian
> violence.
>
> TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING CANADIAN
>
> 1. It beats being an American.
> 2. Only country to successfully invade the US and
> burn
> its capital to the ground.
> 3. You can play ice hockey 12 months a year,
> outdoors.
> 4. Only country to successfully invade the US and
> burn
> its capital to the ground.
> 5. Where else can you travel 1000 miles over fresh
> water in a canoe?
> 6. A political leader can admit to smoking pot and
> his/her popularity ratings will rise.
> 7. Only country to successfully invade the US and
> burn
> its capital to the ground.
> 8. Kill Grizzly bears with huge shotguns and cover
> your house in their skins.
> 9. Own-an-Eskimo scheme.
> 10. Only country to successfully invade the US and
> burn its capital to the ground.
>
> TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING AUSTRALIAN
> 1. Know your great granddad was a murdering bar
> steward that no civilized nation on earth wanted.
> 2. Fosters Lager.
> 3. Dispossess Aborigines who have lived in your
> country for 40,000 years because you think it belongs
> to you.
> 4. Cricket captain not afraid to cry live on TV.
> 5. Tact and sensitivity.
> 6. Bondi Beach.
> 7. Other beaches.
> 8. Liberated attitude to homosexuals.
> 9. Drinking cold lager on the beach.
> 10. Having a bit of a swim and then drink some cold
> lager on the beach.
>
> TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING GREEK
>
> 1. You get to shout about your culture although the
> only real culture most Greeks have is what is growing
> between their
> toes.
> 2. The police are even more corrupt than the
> criminals
> they are supposed to be chasing.
> 3. You can blow your nose in the street by pinching
> it
> between the thumb and forefinger and trumpeting forth
> without
> everyone around wretching their stomach contents up
> at
> the sight.
> 4. Old women can sport mustaches.
> 5. Young women can sport mustaches.
> 6. Men can be hairier than the average grizzly bear
> and not get put in a zoo.
> 7. You get to call the bouzouki a musical instrument
> when the rest of the world sees it as an instrument
> of
> torture.
> 8. You are the only nation to have lost its marbles
> and still wants to let everyone else around the world
> know about it.
> 9. Ridiculous bureaucracy.
> 10. Nana Mouskouri and Demis Roussos.
>
> Can someone tell me the top 10 reasons for being
> LUXEMBOURGER?
>
>
>
>
A posting from the Archives & Archivists LISTSERV List!
To subscribe or unsubscribe, send e-mail to listserv@listserv.muohio.edu
In body of message: SUB ARCHIVES firstname lastname
*or*: UNSUB ARCHIVES
To post a message, send e-mail to archives@listserv.muohio.edu
Or to do *anything* (and enjoy doing it!), use the web interface at
http://listserv.muohio.edu/archives/archives.html
Problems? Send e-mail to Robert F Schmidt <rschmidt@lib.muohio.edu>