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Re: Friday Funny: Disorder in the Court



On a related line - a court reporter called me one day at the surveying
equipment store. Someone had called a surveying instrument a "farometer" in
the court record, and she needed to know how to spell it. I had been in the
business for around 10 years and had never, ever heard the word or seen it
in any of our catalogs or trade journals. Neither had anyone else there. I
asked what it was used for. For measuring distance, she said logically
enough. I tried to tell the lady that there was no such word, that
instruments for measuring distance are called a variety of other names but
not this. No, she said, there must be such a word because it was used in
court, and because it was used in testimony she had to have the correct
spelling. I told her that she could spell it however she wanted and it would
make no difference, because there is no such word. No, there must be such a
word, etc., and I don't know how to spell it. I finally gave up and invented
the spelling above, after overcoming a powerful urge to spell the
non-existent word "pharoahmitre" or in some other gibberish fashion.

To what lengths does this nonsense go?

Best wishes,

Thomas Berry, Archivist/Web Editor
Historical Construction Equipment Association
16623 Liberty Hi Road
Bowling Green, Ohio 43402
Phone 419-352-5616
Fax 419-352-6086
tberry@hcea.net
http://www.hcea.net

---- Original Message -----
From: "Christy Johnson" <johnschr@WELLSFARGO.COM>
To: <ARCHIVES@LISTSERV.MUOHIO.EDU>
Sent: Friday, August 02, 2002 2:39 PM
Subject: Friday Funny: Disorder in the Court


>         >
>         > These are from a book called Disorder in the Court.
>         >
>         > These are things people actually said in court, word for word,
> taken
> down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying
> calm while these exchanges were taking place. Some of
>         > these are excellent - don't miss the last one.
>         >
>         >             ===
>         >
>         >             Q: What is your date of birth?
>         >
>         >             A: July fifteenth.
>         >
>         >             Q: What year?
>         >
>         >             A: Every year.
>         >
>         >             ===
>         >
>         >             Q: Are you sexually active?
>         >
>         >             A: No, I just lie there.
>         >
>         >                 ===
>         >
>         >             Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the
impact?
>         >
>         >             A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
>         >
>         >             ===
>         >             Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your
memory
> at
> all?
>         >
>         >             A: Yes.
>         >
>         >             Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
>         >
>         >             A: I forget.
>         >
>         >             Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of
something
> that you've forgotten?
>         >
>         >             ===
>         >
>         >             Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
>         >
>         >             A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember
> which.
>         >
>         >             Q: How long has he lived with you?
>         >
>         >             A: Forty-five years.
>         >
>         >             ===
>         >             Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you
> when
> he woke up that morning?
>         >
>         >             A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
>         >
>         >             Q: And why did that upset you?
>         >
>         >             A: My name is Susan.
>         >
>         >             ===
>         >
>         >             Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been
involved
> in
> voodoo or the occult?
>         >
>         >             A: We both do.
>         >
>         >             Q: Voodoo?
>         >
>         >             A: We do.
>         >
>         >             Q: You do?
>         >
>         >             A: Yes, voodoo.
>         >
>         >             ===
>         >
>         >             Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies
> in
> his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
>         >
>         >             ===
>         >
>         >             Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is
> he?
>         >
>         >             ===
>
>         >             Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
>         >
>         >             ===
>         >              Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was
August
> 8th?
>         >
>         >             A: Yes.
>         >             Q: And what were you doing at that time?
>         >
>         >             ===
>         >
>         >             Q: She had three children, right?
>         >
>         >             A: Yes.
>         >
>         >             Q: How many were boys?
>         >
>         >             A: None.
>         >             Q: Were there any girls?
>         >
>         >             ===
>         >
>         >             Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
>         >
>         >             A: By death.
>         >
>         >             Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
>         >
>         >             ===
>         >             Q: Can you describe the individual?
>         >
>         >             A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
>         >
>         >             Q: Was this a male, or a female?
>         >
>         >             ===
>         >             Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to
a
> deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
>         >             A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
>         >
>         >             ===
>         >             Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on
> dead
> people?
>         >
>         >             A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
>         >             ===
>         >             Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school
> did
> you go to?
>         >
>         >             A: Oral.
>         >             ===
>         >             Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the
body?
>         >
>         >             A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
>         >
>         >             Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
>         >
>         >             A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I
was
> doing an autopsy.
>         >
>         >             ===
>         >             Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample
>         >
>         >             ===
>         >             Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you
> check
> for a pulse?
>         >
>         >             A: No.
>         >             Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
>         >             A: No.
>         >
>         >             Q: Did you check for breathing?
>         >
>         >             A: No.
>         >
>         >             Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was
alive
> when
> you began the autopsy?
>         >
>         >             A: No.
>         >
>         >             Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
>         >
>         >             A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a
jar.
>         >
>         >             Q: But could the patient have still been alive,
> nevertheless?
>         >
>         >             A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive
> and
> practicing law somewhere.
>
> A posting from the Archives & Archivists LISTSERV List!
>
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>
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>

A posting from the Archives & Archivists LISTSERV List!

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      In body of message:  SUB ARCHIVES firstname lastname
                    *or*:  UNSUB ARCHIVES
To post a message, send e-mail to archives@listserv.muohio.edu

Or to do *anything* (and enjoy doing it!), use the web interface at
     http://listserv.muohio.edu/archives/archives.html

Problems?  Send e-mail to Robert F Schmidt <rschmidt@lib.muohio.edu>