Amateur dialogue tends to fall into two categories: exposition, about which we've talked above, and "chit-chat," which is "realistic" (and boring!) speech that goes nowhere and, in terms of the story, means nothing.
Writing good dialogue is an art in itself. It is the primary rhetorical skill that a screenwriter needs to learn. One way to learn is to study good dialogue moments in movies. That is our purpose here.
(Note: to save space, I am not writing in correct spec script format below but rather in a format often used for published screenplays. I'm also leaving out all but essential action, so the focus will be on dialogue.)
Gripping dialogue usually is driven by conflict and sometimes this conflict is most important at the level of subtext. Subtext is the meaning "below the surface" of the literal meaning of what is being said. Thus, in this scene from When Harry Met Sally by Nora Ephron, the literal argument here really is about something deeper and, in fact, masks an attraction developing between Harry and Sally.
SALLY: What do you do with these women? Do you just get up out of bed and leave?
HARRY: Sure.
SALLY: Well, explain to me how you do it. What do you say?
HARRY: I say, I have an early meeting, an early haircut, an early squash game.
SALLY: You don't play squash.
HARRY: They don't know that. They just met me.
SALLY: That's disgusting.
HARRY: I know. I feel terrible.
SALLY: You know, I am so glad I never got involved with you. I just would have ended up being some woman you had to get up out of bed and leave at three o'clock in the morning and go clean your andirons. And you don't even have a fireplace. Not that I would know this.
HARRY: Why are you getting so upset? This is not about you.
SALLY: Yes, it is. You're an affront to all women. And I'm a woman.
HARRY: Hey, I don't feel great about this, but I don't hear anyone complaining.
SALLY: Of course not. You're out the door too fast.
HARRY: I think they have an okay time.
SALLY: How do you know?
HARRY: What do you mean, how do I know? I know.
SALLY: Because they ... ?
HARRY: Yes, because they ...
SALLY: How do you know they're really ...
HARRY: What are you saying, they fake orgasm?
SALLY: It's possible.
HARRY: Get outta here.
SALLY: Why? Most women, at one time or another, have faked it.
HARRY: Well, they haven't faked it with me.
SALLY: How do you know?
HARRY: Because I know.
SALLY: Oh right. That's right. I forgot. You're a man.
HARRY: What's that supposed to mean?
SALLY: Nothing. It's just that all men are sure it never happens to them, and most women at one time or another have done it, so you do the math.
HARRY: You don't think I can tell the difference?
SALLY: No.
HARRY: Get outta here.
Harry bites into his sandwich. Sally just stares at him. A seductive look comes onto her face.
SALLY: Oooh!...Oh! Oooh!
HARRY: Are you okay?
Sally, her eyes closed, ruffles here hair seductively.
SALLY: Oh, God!
Harry is beginning to figure out what Sally is doing.
SALLY: Oooh! Oh, God! [REF]
And so on, to the famous punch line, "I'll have what she's having."
Notice several things about this exchange. First, that it's like a tennis match, volleys back and forth, one person scores a point, another does. Notice that the focus of the conversation shifts, so that within this one scene there are several scenes, in terms of dramatic focus. Notice that Harry is given the characteristic response, "Get outta here," which becomes a kind of rhetorical, verbal print for his character. This is great character dialogue because it is engaging, both humorous in its own right and most importantly also part of the journey they are taking together in becoming attracted to one another.
Another important question to ask yourself in each scene is what does the character want? This, in fact, is what the actor playing a role will ask (all screenwriters should take an acting class!).
In this scene from Sling Blade by Billy Bob Thornton, the action is driven by the actor's goal. Near film's end, Karl has entered carrying the "sling blade" to set things right with the abusive Doyle, who is drinking beer and watching TV.
DOYLE: Where's ever'body else? You seen 'em? I thought I told you to get the hell moved out of here anyway.
KARL: How does a feller go about gettin' ahold of the police?
DOYLE: Pick up the fuckin' phone and call 'em, I guess.
KARL: What numbers do you punch?
DOYLE: I told you to get away from here, didn't I? I'm tryin' to relax and look at TV. What are you doin' with that piece of iron? I swear to God you're the weirdest son of a bitch I ever heard of.
KARL: I aim to kill you with it.
DOYLE: Yeah, okay. Well, to get the police you push 911. You'll need to tell 'em to send an ambulance, too. Or a hearse. You fuckin' idiot. You're gonna kill me. (laughs) [REF]
And then Karl does -- and immediately calls the police.
Since we, the audience, know what is on Karl's mind when he enters the room with the blade, the tension in the scene is in its slow, deliberate pace -- with the unsuspecting Doyle giving directions for his own murder.
Notice, too, the way "g's" are dropped ("gettin'") and the use of dialect spelling. If suitable for the character, this is a good device as long as it is not overdone. You always must remember that your goal is to present an easy read, not a difficult one. In fact, when characters have a foreign accent, it is better to state this in action ("Joseph speaks with a German accent") rather than try to emulate the accent in idiosyncratic spelling, which slows down the reading.
Here, in The Straight Story by John Roach & Mary Sweeney, is an excellent example of subtext. It's a very simple scene: before Alvin begins his incredible journey, riding a lawn mower to visit his distant brother, his daughter goes to the grocery store to buy him supplies. Notice how she transfers her feelings of grief and fear, not wanting her father to make the trip, to a grocery item. This scene is not about braunschweiger but about her anxiety over her father's trip. Rose takes items to the counter, where Brenda is the checkout girl.
BRENDA: (a statement) Havin' a party.
ROSE: Oh ... Jeez I love parties.
BRENDA: Yah, me too.
ROSE: So where's it at?
BRENDA: Where's what at?
ROSE: Your party.
BRENDA: I'm not havin' a party. I thought you're havin' a party.
ROSE: I am?
BRENDA: Well, yah ... look at all that braunschweiger.
ROSE: Yah it's a lot of braunschweiger. It's for my dad ... for his ... trip. My dad ... He ... is going to ... Wisconsin.
CHECKOUT GIRL: Oh Wisconsin! A real party state.
ROSE: I hate braunschweiger. [REF]
The most ordinary settings -- a checkout stand -- can serve as the arena for revealing emotional material. And such a scene doesn't take very much time at all when handled by a skilled screenwriter, so that every line works, that the focus is tight, and that idle chit-chat doesn't dilute the scene's energy. In the hands of an amateur, this scene could be disastrous, full of small talk that goes nowhere. Here the progression is logical, direct, concise and efficient, all moving toward the "punch line," in which the subtext is, "I hate that my dad is going on this trip."
The economy of dialogue in film is shown in an interesting way by comparing David Mamet's two versions of American Buffalo. In essence, Mamet just moved the play to film (just as he did with Oleanna and Glengary Glen Ross) but nonetheless the dialogue was pruned. In the exchange below, the dialogue cut from the film is enclosed in brackets; the dialogue sequence is cut by half:
BOB: Ruthie isn’t mad at you. [TEACH: She isn’t?] [BOB: No.] TEACH: How do you know? [BOB: I found out.] [TEACH: How?] BOB: I talked to her. TEACH: You talked to her. BOB: Yes. TEACH: I asked you you weren’t going to. BOB: Well, she asked me. [TEACH: What?] [BOB: That you were over here.] TEACH: What did you tell her? BOB: That you were here. [TEACH: Oh.]
MORE: phone play dialogue exercise
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