File = K.html
Last update = September 11, 1996
(Guillermina enters the kitchen. She is wondering what her next move will be. She turns to speak to the audience.) GUILLERMINA My father wanted me to be a ballerina. I had the wrong build. My mother wanted me to marry a millionaire. I have the wrong sense of values. I wanted to do something important in the world. To make a contribution. When that notion first occurred to me, I thought my father was on the right track, that I would be an artist of some kind, perhaps a jazz singer, perhaps a writer. Only I discovered my voice belongs in the shower, and my writing, well, not even relatives look forward to my letters. Of course, we have spell check today . . . Then I started dabbling in water colors and, later, painting. Police work never occurred to me until I started reading detective novels. *In the modern detective novel, women were everywhere! They were detectives, they were investigators and lawyers and prosecutors - women made pretty decent criminals, too. I'd always been athletic, in a non-competitive sort of way. I've kept in good shape. Physically, I knew I could handle police work. So I made a decision to become a policeman. Not a policewoman, an exception - a policeman, just like one of the guys. (Suddenly Eduarado enters the kitchen. They are both surprised to see one another.) [0430] EDUARDO Excuse me. I didn't mean to . . . (He starts out.) GUILLERMINA Lalo? Is something the matter? (Eduardo stops - considers talking to her.) EDUARDO No, nothing is wrong. I just didn't expect to find you here. GUILLERMINA To tell the truth, I needed to get away from Juan for a moment. EDUARDO You two had a fight? GUILLERMINA We are always fighting. (Thinking on her feet, Guillermina approaches Eduardo seductively.) GUILLERMINA All Juan cares about is his failure of a gallery. He is a difficult man to work for. EDUARDO I think he adores you. GUILLERMINA Oh, he pinches me. He winks at me. That's not what I mean. He doesn't appreciate me. He doesn't really know me. Juan doesn't understand artists. He only understands money - and he is even bad at that, or he'd have more. But you, Lalo, you understand me - because one artist always understands another. Don't you think so? (Guillermina is embracing him now, kissing him as she talks.) EDUARDO Guillermina - I am not a coward. GUILLERMINA Of course not. EDUARDO What you said before . . . GUILLERMINA What I said before . . . what did I say? EDUARDO When the review of the show came out. When Francisco wrote that I painted like a child in nursery school, but with less spontaneity. You said a real man would confront him. A real man would not let him get away with slander like that. GUILLERMINA What does Francisco know? He's just a critic. EDUARDO Tonight I took your advice. I showed him I'm a man. GUILLERMINA Of course you did . . . EDUARDO I am serious. I confronted him in there. Now he is on the floor, bleeding, moaning, perhaps dying . . . GUILLERMINA Lalo? What are you telling me? EDUARDO No one writes about Lalo like that! I think I killed him . . . GUILLERMINA (new and sincere concern) You're not serious? EDUARDO I am a man, Guillermina! (Guillermina starts away but Eduardo grabs her.) GUILLERMINA Eduardo, let me go! EDUARDO I showed you what kind of man I am! GUILLERMINA You're hurting me! EDUARDO I did it for you, Guillermina! GUILLERMINA Eduardo! (They struggle as Guillermina tries to get away. When she breaks free, Eduardo still stands between her and the door - she wants to move to the living room but he blocks the way.) EDUARDO Now you will come with me to Brazil. We will start our brilliant careers together. In Brazil, they appreciate true artists. We will find our audience there. GUILLERMINA No, Lalo, I am not going with you to Brazil. You're going to let me by - Francisco may be dying in there. EDUARDO I hope so. Critics are scum! GUILLERMINA Eduardo, listen to me - you must let me by. EDUARDO What does Francisco matter? GUILLERMINA He matters to me. EDUARDO A critic? GUILLERMINA More than a critic - my lover. (Eduardo is stunned by this - he's not sure whether to believe it or not, but as he comes to believe it, he slowly becomes enraged - and dangerous. Guillermina sees this and is frightened.) GUILLERMINA He's been my lover for several years. Please try to understand, Lalo . . . (Into this standoff, Carmen enters.) [0630] CARMEN Francisco is bleeding! He needs water! (Eduardo is distracted enough that Guillermina is able to flee out of the kitchen and hurry to the livingroom.) EDUARDO (after her) Guillermina! (But she is gone. Now Eduardo turns his growing rage on Carmen.) EDUARDO Who are you? CARMEN Please, I know you're upset about something, but if you let him die in there you'll be in even more trouble. Let me get some water for him. EDUARDO No water. (Carmen makes a motion to leave.) CARMEN Then if you don't mind . . . EDUARDO You're not going anywhere. Who are you? *CARMEN What does it matter? I could give you any name. How would you know if I'm telling the truth? EDUARDO You are not afraid of me? CARMEN No. If it's my time to go - well, there is nothing I can do about it. EDUARDO That is courageous. I like you. CARMEN Then will you let me get water? EDUARDO No. CARMEN Why did you attack him? I can't believe it's because you got a bad review. EDUARDO Guillermina said that a man is a coward who will not confront those who slander him. Francisco slandered me in his newspaper. This is my reply. CARMEN You did this to impress a woman? EDUARDO But now she told me she and Francisco are lovers. It doesn't surprise me. He has always liked her work. Guillermina says she is an amateur but she gets great reviews. CARMEN So all this was for nothing? EDUARDO No. I still proved something to myself. CARMEN That you can kill a man? EDUARDO That I can defend my honor. CARMEN If he dies, it will be worse for you. (Eduardo takes a deep breath, decides to come clean.) EDUARDO I can't pretend any longer. It is only theatrical blood. This is all a fake. I was trying to impress Guillermina. CARMEN You staged the whole thing? EDUARDO Now I am the fool. If Francisco is Guillermina's lover, then he knew all along. I waked right into his trap. Now he humiliates me twice over. I should kill him in reality! CARMEN Now wait a minute. You're too impulsive. EDUARDO He let me make a fool of myself! Last week I challenged him to a duel. He convinced me this would impress her more, staging something in the gallery, where she could see for herself how devoted to her I was. But this double-cross is worse than a bad review. CARMEN If you want to get even, get even using your brain, not your brawn. Beat him at his own game. Outsmart him. EDUARDO I don't have that kind of brain. CARMEN But I do. EDUARDO You'll help me? CARMEN Why not? EDUARDO I don't understand. CARMEN I have personal reasons. Let's just say that I don't like critics any more than you do. Especially ones who try to talk me into buying a piece of trash. [0830] EDUARDO I am most grateful. CARMEN I already have an idea. Come with me. (She leads him to the first area of the livingroom.) ----- (Juan and Ana enter.) [1200] JUAN I hope you've got a few bright ideas because I am drawing a complete blank. ANA I do, as a matter of fact. JUAN When you were late, I knew this would happen. ANA Mother knows about the charade. And it would've been nice if you'd told me about it before hand. JUAN What charade is that? ANA Don't play games with me. Francisco isn't really dead. He and Eduardo faked it so Eduardo can impress Guillermina. How can you be a part of this when we have such important work to do? JUAN You don't know the half of it, Ana - and I don't have the energy to explain it to you. So how are we going to solve our little problem here? ANA What are you keeping from me, Juan? JUAN Nothing that has anything to do with what's important here. This painting has to get out of here as soon as possible. ANA I'm perfectly aware of that. JUAN And how is that going to happen? ANA If I have to, I'll buy it myself. JUAN You'd take that risk? You know the police are tailing you. Customs will be all over you. You'll never get it out of the country. ANA If I have to, I'll figure something out between here and Customs - so you can relax, one way or another you'll have it out of here before you close. JUAN That's a relief. ANA Why do I always have to figure out everything? JUAN Wait a minute - who met Jorge Torres? Who got the story in the first place? ANA I'm sorry, you did. Just tell me what the hell is going on around here. JUAN Well, in a nutshell, Francisco is pulling the double-cross on the double-cross. Something like that. ANA I don't understand. You're not in on this? [1300] JUAN Francisco got me involved. I had no choice but to go along. ANA How? JUAN The whole thing happened so quickly. Francisco, who never speaks to me, suddenly phones to inform me of this little prank we're doing here. He didn't ask me to participate, he told me what was expected of me. The tyrant as usual. ANA You could have refused to go along. JUAN Francisco was on his way, no matter what I said. And I admit I was intrigued. I'm a sucker for the unexpected. Eduardo is so full of himself, I thought it would be fun to see him get deflated. ANA I still don't understand. JUAN Look, Eduardo confronts Francisco but Francisco convinces him to pull a charade instead, in order to impress Guillermina; and then Francisco gets me to play along in order to throw the whole thing back in Eduardo's face. Francisco is supposed to die here, see, and then tomorrow I get Eduardo to help me bury the body. And when we're out there, about to roll him into the grave, or maybe when Francisco is already in the hole, I don't know the details, but anyway, at the right time, Francisco rises up from the dead - and bam!, the whole prank is reversed and Lalo is the fool. ANA I don't think mother knows about that part. JUAN Not a chance. She only knows what Eduardo told her. ANA You're going to a lot of trouble to humiliate him. And this isn't helping us get the painting out of here. JUAN All of this was supposed to happen hours before your mother got here. How did I know you'd be so late? ANA Mother had business to take care of. JUAN So are you going to buy the painting or what? I'm getting real nervous about all this. I keep expecting the CIA to walk in here. ANA If they do, it proves our case. JUAN No, it means they obliterate us just like they got rid of Violeta Parra. Then nobody learns the truth. ANA Don't lose the faith, Juan. We'll make sure the world learns the truth. JUAN If only your mother had cooperated . . . ANA I think she's up to something with Eduardo - more than buying his paintings. I'm not even sure she's doing that, it's not like her to commit to something unseen. She said something about laughing last is best - I think she may be helping Eduardo get even, which means she still could be here in the house somewhere. JUAN She's that devious? ANA At devious, she's an amateur, believe me. Eduardo is cute and would make her feel younger than she is. JUAN I'd better tell Francisco what's going on. ANA Yes, I think that would be a good idea. If we get this charade settled, maybe there's still time to get back to business. JUAN Your mother hates that painting, she's never going to buy it. ANA Unfortunately, you may be right. There's another possibility. JUAN What's that? ANA I haven't worked out the details. [1430] JUAN So how do we end the charade? ANA What happens if Francisco just leaves? JUAN I don't think he will. He's depending on making a fool out of Eduardo at the grave tomorrow. That's the whole point of all this. ANA If we explain what the situation is now, maybe he can think of some other way to humiliate him. JUAN Possibly. Worth a try, I guess. ANA We don't really have many options here. JUAN And you think your mother and Eduardo are still in the house? ANA I wouldn't be surprised. They may be thinking that if you and Francisco assume they're gone, then it's safe, and you and Francisco can go about your business - and then maybe they can . . . JUAN They can . . .? ANA Oh hell, I don't know. I'm going to look for mother. JUAN You want me to tell Francisco what's going on? ANA Yes. Tell him that the stunt at the grave isn't going to work. Try to convince him to go home. I'll look for you later. [1500] (Ana goes upstairs, looking for Carmen.) (Juan enters the livingroom. ----- (Guillermina and Carmen enter). [1800] (Guillermina fetches papers for a bill of sale.) GUILLERMINA Let me get you the papers. (Carmen waits as she does.) GUILLERMINA I'm sorry it's been so crazy around here. Usually we're just your typical quiet art gallery. CARMEN I think you love tormenting poor Eduardo. GUILLERMINA Don't believe everything he tells you. He's an incurable romantic. If you'll sign here . . . (Carmen does.) GUILLERMINA We'll get Juan's signature and you're on your way. CARMEN Are you sleeping your way to fame? GUILLERMINA Pardon me? CARMEN You're having an affair with the art critic. I'm sure it helps your reviews. GUILLERMINA I only dabble in art. I don't care about reviews. CARMEN Of course you do. GUILLERMINA Not professionally. I have no "career" for them to affect. CARMEN Were you in on this, too? Or just the art critic? GUILLERMINA In on what? CARMEN The plan to humiliate Eduardo. I think that's about as low a stunt as a person can pull. He's very much in love with you. GUILLERMINA Eduardo is in love with being in love. If a woman answered him in kind, he wouldn't know what to do. He's not happy unless his heart is broken. It's the fuel that keeps him painting. CARMEN Artists are very strange people. GUILLERMINA You didn't know that already? (She leads the way back to the livingroom.) [1900] ----- End of the Kitchen script