So, I survived nearly five weeks of intensive teachings and daily meditation, and I know you're all dying to ask me, "Are you still the same?"Or even, "Have you had your head shaved and swapped urban queer gear for maroon and saffron robes?"
Sorry to disappoint y'all, but the answer to both questions is "No". No, I've not shaved my head (but I have gone for a rather short and rather fetching Mia Farrow (in Rosemary's Baby, not The Great Gatsby crop. For two reasons:
(1) Water here is not only poisonous, but it's also caustic.
(2) Monastic life ain't conducive to haircare, so I abandoned it altogether and had it cut very short.
And the second "No"? - No, I'm probably not the same. But then, everything changes, right?
So what happened? And why did I head off to a monastery for a month in the first place. Well..the best way of explaining it is with the story of....
Sooty the Shitzu
When my dear friend and good neighbour Olivia bought a Shitzu for her little boy a few months ago, my immediate response was, "what for?". By sheer coincidence I even had a "not just for Christmas" bumper sticker at the ready, and stuck it to her kitchen window while she was asleep. I gently reminded her that small animals are no substitute for a handbag, baby, or footstool, and tried to persuade her that it was generally a thoroughly selfish idea to deprive a dog of a decent home, either on the lap of a fat old lady or in a nice little animal home where it'd be cooed at by a dozen soft hearts.
Weeks later, Sooty had won me over, in spite of shitting everywhere (as predicted), salivating and snapping, as per his breed, and annihilating no less two pet budgies (that's another story altogether). It wasn't his flat-faced, bug-eyed, Chinese Dragon's toothy grin, or unmistakeable smell of mutt (even when freshly bathed). Rather, it was his TERRIFIC sense of humour. If you've never seen a dog laugh (at you), then you need to meet Sooty. This little dog (and I ain't kidding) is living proof of rebirth in animal realms. In fact, it's quite possible that Soots is a bodhisattva, literally an enlightened being, whose sole purpose in life is to guide others towards enlightenment. Even if it means having to shit on Olivia's carpet because there's no litter tray, or being left in the kitchen while everyone else is at the pub.
Anyhow. One morning, I was sitting with Olivia at her kitchen table, smoking and drinking coffee, when Sooty gave us a lesson in human behavior. He'd been served the deluxe McBreakfast - scrambled eggs with smoked salmon and tomatoes, and was busy chowing down when one of the tomatoes made a bid for freedom, tumbling from his little tray into an inaccessible corner. Sooty leapt up from his meal and spent nearly a quarter hour (an aeon in dog time) looking for this stray tomato. Finally he gave up, turned around, and looked me straight in the eye before returning to his lukewarm leftovers. So Olivia and I both laughed at how this tiny little hound had, in a few moments, demonstrated the way in which the vast majority of people (myself included) live their lives - letting the feast grow cold while searching for some stray morsel that's barely edible by the time it's been found.
So that's why I went to Buddhist Boot Camp - to find out why.
0 Responses to “Back, from Inner Space”