totallygone

travel, at a tangent


Back to Unreality

So, I survived the tempests and the steep, treacherous roads of Koh Chang, along which the girls and I drove little Yamaha scooters to Bang Bao, a tiny fishing village on the island's south coast. A lovely day - we sat in one of the seafood restaurants sipping fruit juice and learning Thai from the phrase book - the essentials, like "do you understand?" (in Thailand, as in India, people will smile and say "yes" even when they don't understand you. Unlike dear ol' Blighty, where at best you'll get a blank look or someone's back. So, our drinks arrived, . Soft drinks tend to be sweetened to a nauseating degree and sometimes, as dear Janice found to her cost, salted too. Along with malaria, the risk of contracting diabetes is a major hazard here.) The method in this madness is to protect against dehydration - enemy #3 after heat and humidity. At 95F and 95% respectively, the sensation against the skin is akin to that of being hugged by a very heavy, sweaty lover when all you want to do is sleep. So we then found "without sugar" in Practical Thai, for future reference, and headed back to our beachside bungalows. Returning from the village in our sweet-sour state, the girls' scooter decided to part company with them on a particularly steep and dangerous bend. (Neither the Romans nor Hitler made it to Koh Chang, so there're no straight roads.) Although they sustained no major injuries, Janice left some of her knee on the road, but was good humoured enough to remark later that, unlike in the case of John F. Bobbit, there was no point in trying to run back and fetch it.


Zoe eventually arrived, having travelled three hours across the straits from one sunny, deserted island where she'd been enjoying Garboesque solitude sans clothes, to our rainy, comparatively busy one. However, the two of us managed a midnight skinny-dip in the lukewarm shallows - you can swim for a 1/2 mile and still touch sand - watching and listening to the storms circling the island. We left the island two days later for Bangkok, parting company with Janice and Alex at Trat, where they set off for Cambodia and the temples of Angkor Wat. They have something of a taste for luxury, so Cambodia may prove to be a bit of a challenge.


Bangkok, Reloaded!
After a 6-hour journey in a coach with arctic air-conditioning, we arrived in Bangkok and set about looking for a place to stay. I'd abandoned the Atlanta, feeling someone oppressed by the countless rules and regulations, and the fact that the founder was a German chemical engineer....

So, we headed to the Khao San Rd., Bangkok's "premier" destination for long-term travellers, backpackers, cheapskates, freeloaders and all sorts of human flotsam and jetsam. Imagine yourself runway modelling, along the centre of London's Carnaby St., or New York's Canal St., to the mixed and magnified sounds of Enya, Arrowsmith, Britney and Robbie, with a vast crowd of European, Australian and American youths swerving towards you uncontrolledly in an intoxicated scrum. The concrete "catwalk" is lined not with photographers but with a host of baying stallholders selling everything from pirate music to prosthetic penises, all at hugely inflated prices. That's the Khao San Road!


So, we found our way north, by word-of-mouth, to the aptly named Shanti Lodge - Zoe having heard that it was a cool place to stay. Indeed so - we were given a room with A/C, a fan, en-suite and access to good vegetarian food, Thai Massage, a travel agency and close access to the river. All for about GBP10 per night.

The following day we took the boat from our local pier to Wat Po, famous for its huge reclining Buddha and traditional Thai Massage courses. Scammers lie in wait along the approach to the temple, all with the same story. "Today is Buddha Holiday/visit of King to temple. Temple closed. I offer you cheap travel around city only 1000 baht per day." Lies, Lies, Lies. No holiday, no King. Bangkok, portal to the Matrix. Even the people here morph into something else as you study them; in the Central department store, Bangkok's version of John Lewis or maybe Sears, I stopped at a cosmetics counter to ask if they sold my favourite eau. The assistant was absurdly beautiful - an oriental Bond girl with exquisite skin, almond-shaped eyes and long glossy black hair in a geisha cut. "Over there, sir," he answered in a husky male voice. With total control, I suppressed my start and thanked him kindly, reminding myself that the ladyboys here are just one manifestation of Bangkok's hallucinogenic nature.



Technotronic
On her last night, Zoe and I headed for Bangkok's World Trade Center to see the long-awaited Matrix, Reloaded. Late for our movie, with just over hour to spare before its beginning, we spent it at Major Bowl, the bowling alley adjoining the multiplex.
One of the most paradoxical yet charming aspects of this city is the fact that, in spite of the peace-loving nature of its citizens, their love of stimulus is completely off the scale. Accordingly, Major Bowl resembles the set of Tron, a futuristic, hi-tech, world bathed in ultraviolet light and techno music. Everything is automated, from the bowling-shoe dispensers to the LCD displays keeping score on your table. Perfectly groomed attendants keep you fed and watered with a selecton of brightly-coloured, highly-flavoured cocktails and an eclectic mix of food, while the neon-coloured balls zoom up the aisles and back down to the feeders. An animated display above your spot gives tips on how to position the ball, so in spite of losing (Zoe has laser-guided targetting), I managed a strike and a decent score.


Wake up, Neo
So, still buzzing from the amphetamine rush of Major Bowl, we stepped from one realm of the Matrix into another - the WTC Cineplex. Eschewing honeymoon seats in favour of "regular" ones (think BA Club class seats; huge velvet recliners positioned for optimum audio-visual input), we stood for the national anthem and mini-feature on the Thai Royal Family, rocked and gasped our way through the Charlie's Angels preview (what a trip! - the preview alone more fun than most movies), and let the special effects and choreographed action scenes wash over us for a couple of hours. Superb. But why didn't someone wake Keanu up before turning the camera on him?


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