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Dear All,
I have two queries to make
1. I heard somewhere that in a family if there are two ladies who are pregnant 
they should not see each other? Is it true? If so why ?
2. Can a person who is pregnant tie the nathanar mudichu in the 
thirumangalyadharana in a marriage?
I look forward to answers on this .
Regards,
Srimathi Raghavan 


sadagopaniyengar <sadagopaniyengar@xxxx> wrote:

Srimate SrivanSatakopa Sri Vedanta Desika Yatindra Mahadesikaya nama:





Of Knotty Matters


The venerable Oxford dictionary defines a Knot as "intertwining of parts of one 
or more ropes , strings etc. to fasten them together". This simple definition, 
however, says little to reveal the true significance of a Knot, which deserves 
a few lines in its favour. This may appear to be a rather frivolous subject to 
write on, apparently the desperate effort of an empty mind starved of creative 
ideas and forced to clutch at mere straws. Nonetheless, the subject is as 
fascinating as any other, as can be seen from the following.



The most popular and joyous context in which the Knot figures is in regard to 
matrimony. Tying the Knot is an idiom signifying the act of entering into 
wedlock. We do not know the origins of this usage, for the British have no 
marital ceremony requiring the bride or the groom to tie a knot. When we come 
to think of it, this must have been another gift of our haloed Indian heritage 
to the English language, originating from the tying and knotting of the 
Mangalasutra around the bride's neck by the groom during Hindu marriages.

It is this act, of adorning the girl with a knotted yellow thread, the "ThAli", 
that is the high point of the entire marriage ritual, lasting for five whole 
days, in days of yore. Even in the currently abbreviated versions of the 
function, whatever has been given the go by, the "MAngalya dhAraNam" still 
remains the centre-piece of the proceedings, with friends and relatives 
showering "akshata" on the heads of the bride and groom (which mostly falls on 
the head of the VAdyAr), to the accompaniment of loud and joyous strains from 
wind and percussion instruments,meant to block out any inauspicious words or 
sounds. Music from the Nadaswaram and the Tavil reaches a crescendo, perhaps 
signifying the importance of the moment the knot is tied. It is the experience 
of many a parent or sibling that this tying of the knot prompts tears of joy, 
of distress at the impending separation, at the uncertainties the married state 
holds out, etc.and at the sheer momentous nature of the occasion. All the
frenzied efforts spread over several days and months, involving expenditure of 
stupendous and at times ruinous sums of money and effort, attain fruition at 
this fine moment, when the knot is tied. As if to emphasize the importance of 
the groom's sister in the future domestic scene, she too is given the 
opportunity of reinforcing the knot tied by the groom. Perhaps this is advance 
intimation to the bride that her "nAtthanAr" would have as much (if not 
greater) say in her life, as her husband.



However, all the hype that surrounds the tying of the knot would be subject to 
a heavy discount, when we learn that this practice of Tirumangalya dharanam 
doesn't appear to have the sanction of the Shruti. Search as you might, in the 
entire Yaju: Samhita or in the Mantra Prasna (which codifies the ritual-related 
mantras meant for various occasions, auspicious and otherwise), you are unable 
to find a single mantra for use during the occasion, which each bride and groom 
consider to be a historic milestone in their lives. We find Mantras for the 
first tender grasping of the Bride's hand by the Groom ("PANi grahaNam"), for 
the Bride setting eyes for the first time on the husband's home, for the 
gifting away of the apple of his eye by the bride's father to the stranger come 
to take her away forever ("KanyA dAnam") and for a myriad other matters 
concerning matrimony, but not the tying of the knot, which, one would assume 
from current perceptions, is the high point of the entire ceremony.



Unable to find references to the matrimonial Knot in the entire Vedic 
literature, we turn to the glorious Epic Srimad Ramayana, which describes in 
detail not one but four marriages, of Sri Rama and His three brothers. Even if 
the Vedas, in their high-flying mission of glorifying the Paramapurusha, have 
omitted to cover such mundane details as Mangalya dharanam, we hope to find 
some reference atleast in Ramayana, with its detailed coverage of men and 
matters of that time and age.



Poring over the Sita Kalyana episode with a magnifying glass, we are still 
unable to find even a stray reference to the practice of tying knots. The 
immortal words of Sri Janaka, in giving his distinguished daughter in marriage 
to none other than the Lord Himself, speak merely of PANigrahaNam, of Sri Rama 
grasping the tender palm of Sri Mythily in His own, to the accompaniment of the 
appropriate Veda mantra. Here is the beautiful sloka of Sri Valmiki, describing 
the culmination of the holy wedlock-



"iyam Sita mama sutA sahadharma charI tava

prateeccha cha EnAm bhadram tE pANim grihNeeshva pANinA"



"Take charge of this beautiful damsel by grasping Her hand, to lead Her on your 
righteous path. She would be a willing partner in all your lawful endeavours." 
Sri Janaka thus appears to signify this holding of hands to be the culmination 
of marriage procedure. 



Nor are we able to find any traces of the wedding knot in the other major epic, 
Sri Mahabharata. Having failed to find mention of the nuptial knot in the 
Shruti, we search for some reference to it atleast in the Dravida Vedam. And 
which Prabandam could we refer to but Kodai's Nacchiar Tirumozhi, which 
graphically describes the vivid dream of Vishnuchitta's worthy daughter, of 
entering into glorious wedlock with Sri Krishna, in all of ten pasurams 
collectively known as "VAraNamAyiram". Sri Andal speaks ecstasically about the 
Lord's impressive arrival, surrounded by and riding on a bevy of majestic 
elephants, of His tying the knot of Pratisara bandham on the Divine Bride's 
slender wrist, of His grasping Her palm tenderly amidst benediction by Vedic 
scholars, of the lAja hOmam that followed, etc. Various aspects of the wedding 
procedure are recounted with joy, but without a single reference to the Mangala 
Sutram or the three knots.



Leave alone the Divine Dicta, even the Hindu Law recognises only the Saptapati 
(the first seven steps the Bride and the Groom take together, signifying their 
embarking on a voyage of companionship and camaraderie) as conclusive proof of 
marriage, denying recognition to a ceremony in which the aforesaid procedure is 
incomplete.



It is abundantly clear from all the notable omissions as aforesaid, that Tying 
the Knot was never an approved component of the marriage procedure, leave alone 
being the highlight thereof, which it now is. At what point in social history 
this practice came into being, by whom it was introduced, the purpose of its 
adoption etc. are shrouded in mystery, with nobody able to furnish 
authoritative answers. One can therefore hazard a guess at best: the ThAli 
might have been introduced to provide an instant identification to a married 
woman, as a measure of affording her additional protection from the 
unholy-minded. It would also be a constant reminder to the lady of her married 
state and the necessity of adhering to attendant norms of conduct. Considering 
the special vulnerability of women, the Mangala Sutra was possibly designed as 
a protective fence, entitling ladies for special consideration and regard, 
prompting nothing but the best of thoughts in the minds of the onlooker. 
However,
notwithstanding its being unheard of during times of yore, Tying the Knot is 
very much an integral and indispensable part of the modern-day marriage, 
extending also to the joyous occasions of the husband completing sixty and 
eighty years of age, retaining forever the romance of the initial coming 
together of the Bride and the Groom.



In contrast, there is another type of marriage, much-coveted by all who are 
spiritually inclined, in which the association is considered consummated by the 
removal of a knot, and not by its being tied. What marriage could this be, 
which advocates the exactly opposite procedure to that prescribed for human 
alliances?



Prapatti or Sharanagati is celeberated as the holiest of weddings, between the 
individual soul (representing the Bride) and the Paramapurusha, who is the 
Eternal Groom. Shastras recognise only the Lord as the Purusha, all others 
being considered females ("pum nAmA BhagavAn Hari:" "stree prAyam itarat 
jagat"). The selfless surrender of the Jeevatma at the lotus feet of the Lord, 
assuring it of unending bliss in the constant company and kainkaryam of the 
Paramatma and His acolytes, marking the coming together of the Magnificent 
Master and His Eternal Slave, represents a marriage of souls, the 
Individual(Jeevatma) and the Universal (VisvAtma). Unlike human weddings, which 
come to an end when death or divorce removes the bonds of a lifetime in a 
trice, this wedding is forever, with no power on earth or heaven being able to 
part the bride and groom ("uravEl namakku ingozhikka ozhiyAdu"). An important 
feature of this wedding is that the moment the Bride plights her troth to the 
Glorious
Groom, the stifling Knots of Karma strangling her neck are untied gently by the 
latter, marking freedom from mundane shackles. The cruel Knots of Karma 
(forming a dog-collar for the Jeevatma, from which is suspended the millstone 
of mundane baggage) fly apart the minute the momentous marriage is consummated, 
leaving the bemused bride free forever of all bondage, eternally free to act as 
she would ("sa: svarAt bhavati"). 



Are knots only for women, is a question that may arise in the minds of lady 
readers. It would satisfy them to know that even men are not spared these 
knots, which form an integral part of the YagyOpavItam which all traivarnikAs 
are mandated to wear throughout their lives, irrespective of change in Ashramam 
from BrahmachAri to GrihastthA, persisting even when one chooses to renounce 
everything and become a SanyAsi. The upaveetam and the Brahma granthi (knot) 
thus act as an equaliser between women and their male counterparts. Just as the 
wedding knot imposes additional responsibilites of impeccable conduct and 
chastity on women, so too the Yagyopaveetam, with its holy knot, obliges the 
wearer to perform Sandhyavandanam thrice a day without fail and to imbibe the 
wisdom of Vedic lore, apart from performing sacrifices solely with universal 
welfare in mind.



As with anything relating to matters spiritual, this piece too would be 
incomplete without a reference to Swami Desikan, the author of the "SubhAshita 
Neevi", a scholarly work full of homilies, but discernible only to the 
initiated, remaining an unfastenable knot for others. The illuminous gems 
embedded in this work twinkle their eyes in derision at those lacking devotion, 
for their inability to unravel the masterly knots in each of the numerous and 
siginificant statements strewn throughout the masterpiece of the Acharya.

Speaking of untying knots, here is a piece of information which everybody might 
know, but is still worth repetition. A "Pavitram" made of "Darbham" (sacred 
grass) is to be worn on the ring-finger of the right hand as a prelude to the 
performance of any ritual, auspicous or otherwise. While the knotted Pavitram 
is to be worn throughout the ritual (except during Achamanam), at the end of 
the same, we should remember to untie the knot of the Pavitram which holds it 
in the shape of a ring. Failure to do so is irregular and requires atonement in 
the form of fasting. So before you cast off an used Pavitram, do remember to 
untie it.



Srimate Sri LakshmINrsimha divya paduka sevaka SrivanSatakopa Sri Narayana 
Yatindra Mahadesikaya nama:



Dasan, sadagopan



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