Lighten Up, Francis. |
How Can You NOT Own A TV? by Nancy J. Z. Nicholas |
"My real name is Francis. But if any one of you homos calls me Francis...I'll kill you.""Lighten up, Francis."
- from the movie Stripes.
I don't think anything I have an opinion on will ever make a difference in anyone's life, excluding possibly my children, if I ever have any. Okay, maybe my cats. You know, telling them to go with the fish flavor this week, or maybe chicken. Or maybe suggesting which flea collar is better.
I don't think anything I have an opinion on will ever make a difference in anyone's life, excluding possibly my children, if I ever have any. Okay, maybe my cats. You know, telling them to go with the fish flavor this week, or maybe chicken. | Certainly, the general pubic at large is safe from anything that I think. I like it that way, and I think the general public would agree. But I also hold everyone else to the same standard. I certainly don't care what anyone else thinks, so please don't tell me. |
But everyone is always trying to tell you how to think. Or why their opinion is so important. I love when people send you stuff and then stick the initials from all their degrees on the envelope so you can understand why their opinion is so valid. So much more valid, say, than a poor schmuck who's a graduate of some state college where she probably majored in just one subject, and possibly minored in something, and only made the Dean's List once (hey- that's me!). |
I certainly wouldn't put ANY stock in anyone who doesn't even own a television. DOESN'T OWN A TELEVISION? Now that's unAmerican! How do they get through the day without even one person asking them if they caught this or that last night? It's an immediate conversation stopper: "Did you see Kramer last night?" "No, I don't own a television." It immediately implies someone is inferior. In my book, it's the guy without the TV, but somehow he comes out on top. What's with that?
Television is cool. Television is hip. I love it. I live for every moment I am in front of my television. I'd love for Mr. Nielsen to knock on my door and take me away from all my troubles.
Cool, I thought. Now we're talking. I brought up my best beer drinking stories: trip to Octoberfest in Munich, tailgating at college football games, St. Patrick's and New Year's parties, how a greasy lunch from McDonald's with a large Coke and an afternoon of Billy Crystal movies are the best cure for hangovers.
Well, that's OK. We're still in the game. I love Bud, Miller, Sam Adams, Pete's Wicked just like the best of them.
|
So, he told me he doesn't like to drink foreign beers. Well, that's OK. We're still in the game. I love Bud, Miller, Sam Adams, Pete's Wicked just like the best of them. |
Nancy J.Z. Nicholas, B.A., is an editor of a community paper in northern Westchester County, N.Y., where part of her duties is writing a weekly editorial telling people how they should think.
< >