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Apple: Reloaded

Agents Smith: Photo by Liam GladdyMy trip to the Apple Store to return the laptop I'd bought there three days earlier (to replace one bought the previous week from another retailer altogether) was every bit as stressful as I anticipated, but for unforeseen reasons.

In my hurry to escape the store, I'd left my extension cable there after having tested Replacement III for power leakage across the chassis.

So I returned to see if it'd been left in some corner of the 28,000 square-foot store, hoping against hope that I'd not have to pay for a new one to replace or get a refund on the unit. So, I asked one of the 'Creatives' at the Studio, where I'd left the cable, if he could have a look for it:
Blankly (not his name),"Uh, try the guy who served you? What was his name, do you remember?"
I replied that the guy's name was M***.
PlusBlank. "We've got about 20 guys called M****."
I could tell that my question offered no creative potential and was therefore pretty worthless, thanked the guy profusely and wandered off in search of someone more focused, less creative.

Suddenly, I encountered someone who was a true delight - so delightful that I reckon he's an iGuy, sent to the present day from 22nd Century Apple. Cute, of an indeterminate age, cuddly as a hobbit (but without hairy toes), quick to smile, eager to please, and approachably sweet without being saccharine. He gave me advice that read like Chicken Soup for the Stored-Out Soul: "Just keep trying people until you get the right answer".

Astrid Proll, terroristSo I did that, and eventually ended up back at the counter where I'd left the cord, talking with a different Creative. With an expression of breezy nonchalance similar to those sported by Astrid Proll and her crew, this one sized me up, sauntered coolly to a drawer and passed me one. Just like that.

Then I packed it into the box with my laptop and went downstairs, where they swapped my computer for a new one. That was the easy bit. As I waited at the counter for my new MacBook Pro, M*** appeared, as if by magic. Of course, wearing matching black outfits as they do, Apple Store staff seem to appear by a process of self-replication, like that scene in The Matrix where Smith suddenly becomes A Lot of Smiths. Only it's like, A Lot of M***s.

So, depending on what I'm wearing, I feel voltage of varying degrees coursing through my fingertips. The only surefire way of guaranteeing minimal transmission is by standing on the chair when I'm using my laptop. Really - I've tested this.

Barefoot at my desk, first thing in the morning, I'm shocked into a state of wakefulness. The best thing, I'm sure, is to buy insulated clothing. A wetsuit, perhaps.


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1 Responses to “Apple: Reloaded”

  1. # Blogger Steve Copley

    Ouch...

    My MBP gives me a little tingle, but only if I've got my external drive, but not the power supply attached. I thought it was the little hairs on my arms getting caught in the edge of the case, but after a bit of Googling, I realise that everyone gets this...

    One of the fun things about owning a Mac (but not one I had anticipated when I bought it!)  

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